4. A Shoulder to Cry
Even though the sunshine was coming in through Hermione's fourth floor office's window, filling the room with warmth and light, she didn't feel like that at all. Not even the fact that she was wearing a warm light green jumper made her feel warm. She was anxious.
Not only because she'd promised Harry but for her own peace of mind, Hermione wanted to talk with Steven as soon as possible and get it over with. She needed to know exactly what Steven had in mind. She just couldn't keep guessing his feelings and wondering what was going to happen next.
Hermione had been sitting in her burgundy leather chair all morning not being able to concentrate in her work. She definitely needed to fix her situation, otherwise her work would begin to show the little attention she'd been paying to it lately.
With a resolution she was far from feeling, she stood up, walked out of her office, and went straight to the lab. She knew she'd find Steven there. As she turned into the hallway that leaded to the lab, she saw Steven's broad figure through the glass partitions that surrounded the room.
She entered the lab and as discretely as she could, walked pass Steven and slipped a piece of parchment on top of the counter where he was measuring some potion ingredients. The note said "I need to talk to you, meet me in my office." Hermione hadn't signed her name. Perhaps what bothered her the most out of this whole situation was doing things behind everyone else. Having to hide, to talk under their breath, to dissimulate.
Ten minutes later, Hermione was back in her office. Steven walked in without even knocking. He went straight to her, who was standing in the middle of the room, and started kissing her. For a minute, Hermione forgot about her intentions and kissed him back, but then a small voice in the back of her head reminded her what she needed to do. Reluctantly, Hermione pushed him away, but Steven was not ready to back away and tried to resume the kissing.
"Steven!" said Hermione sounding firm and resolute. She was surprised to hear the hard tone of her voice. Steven let go of her and took a step back. "We need to talk."
He smiled as if she had said let's go to bed, and tried to bring Hermione back to his arms. However, Hermione had made up her mind, so she pushed him away a little stronger this time.
"I said we need to talk."
Feeling a little frustrated Steven walked away. "What do we need to talk about?" he said, thinking they were wasting precious time.
"We need to talk about... about us, and about Rita." Hermione began to feel a little nervous. She couldn't help feel somewhat afraid of what he'd say to her.
"About Rita? Why do you want to talk about her?" asked Steven thinking that most probably Hermione had meant to say something else.
Hermione started to pace around the room. "I need to know... where are we going with this, what's happening between us?"
Steven passed a hand though his blonde hair and looked at Hermione as if she would be talking to him in a foreign language he could not understand.
"I don't feel good about this Steven. This is not right, we have to do something about it."
"What you don't feel good about?"
"Us, Steven! Us... seeing each other while you're with Rita." said Hermione. She stopped pacing, stood across the room and looked at him studying his expression.
Trying to diminish the matter, Steven walked towards Hermione and tried to grab her hand, but she walked away. Having him touching her was not going to help her keep focused on the discussion. She had already started, and now she couldn't stop until she'd get where she wanted to go.
"You don't need to worry about it. Just forget about her."
"I can't", said Hermione. How could she forget that there was someone else? Hermione's temper began to rise. How could he look so calm about the whole thing, as if it didn't matter?
"Hermione," said Steven with his sweetest voice, "I know you like me, and I also like you, a lot. So, why worry about Rita?" said Steven as he got close to her and started rubbing her upper arm.
"What are you trying to say?" Hermione could not believe it. Was he actually suggesting that?
"What Rita doesn't know, it's not going to hurt her." The look of Steven's face was more offending than his words. How could he possibly think that she'd say yes to a proposition like that? Who did he think she was? A feeling of rage was growing inside of her. If she wouldn't be in her office where someone could hear, she would've started yelling at him.
Feeling his hand, that was still in her arm, was as filthy as his words, Hermione pulled away. "I can't believe this! How dare you...?" Hermione's face was growing red, but this time out of anger.
"C'mon, I know you want it."
He definitely didn't know Hermione. She admitted she had been weak and surrendered to him a couple of times, but that didn't mean she was willing to keep this for long. Not like this, not in this condition. She felt so angry not only with him, but also with herself, for having responded to his kisses, to his touch.
But Steven wasn't ready to give up. He again tried to bring Hermione close to him, but as soon as he took a step towards her, she walked away. Hermione wanted to make as much a distance between them as possible. Even breathing the same air as him was offensive. She walked around her desk and stood behind the leather chair as if to barricade herself.
"I'm not going to do this. Not anymore", Hermione said, speaking more to herself than to Steven. Then looking up at him she added, "Please, just go. I don't ever want to be near you again."
"You're just upset right now, but when you calm down you'll see that what I'm offering you is good, for all of us. No commitment, no compromise. You're not going to be able to stay away Hermione, I know it."
He is quite sure of himself, Hermione thought. "You don't know me, Steven. You don't know me at all"
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Hermione left earlier than usual from St. Mungo's that afternoon, feeling that she could no longer be there. She wondered the streets of London for a couple of hours without even paying attention to where she was going. A mixture of thoughts and feelings were going around in her head making her feel dizzy. She felt she needed to get away from it all.
About an hour after the sun had gone down, Hermione finally went home. She hadn't felt more alone in her whole life than how she felt at that time. In a way, she was glad that Ginny was gone. She didn't feel like being questioned about anything at that time.
Feeling as if she were in a dream, or better said in a nightmare, she walked into her room and went straight to the bathroom. Without stopping to remove her clothes, Hermione walked in the shower and let the cold water run freely over her body. She felt dirty, and wanted to wash away the mark Steven's touch had left in her skin.
How could she've been so stupid? How come she didn't see it coming? What else did she expected? She couldn't believe how easily she had surrendered to Steven. She had been so blind, but she recognized that in a way her heart had opted for not seeing clearly. She had hoped that Steven would fall madly in love with her and leave everything, and especially everyone, for her. She had hoped for it so hard that she'd come to a point where she thought it to be true. Now she knew she had only been fooling herself. How could she not see through him? It had always been so obvious what he was like.
All of Hermione's emotions started leaking through her eyes. She had fought so hard not to cry, but she couldn't take it anymore. She needed to do it otherwise she'd go mad. After almost half an hour, her sobs began to stop and her breathing began to normalize. With shaking hands, she turned off the water and grabbed a towel. After changing into a set of gray sweatpants and a pink short sleeve tee, she went to the kitchen and drank some water.
Now she felt she needed to talk to someone. "If only Ginny were here," thought Hermione. Being Ginny a girl, she'd be able to understand what Hermione was going through, but Ginny wasn't going to be home for a couple of days and Hermione needed someone right then.
Who else she could go to? Luna was also gone, Ron... Hermione knew perfectly well that if she were to tell Ron what had happened, he'd get all angry and start yelling death threats. Harry... well, Hermione knew he'd also get upset, but he was more likely to comfort her. Besides Harry already knew what was going on and even when Hermione did not wanted to hear I-told-you-so she needed the company.
Hermione looked at the clock placed in the wall right across the kitchen door and wondered if Harry'd be home. It was almost eleven o'clock and it was Friday night. After all, Harry did have a life. He could very easily be out with some friends, or even in a date.
Feeling a little depressed at the thought, Hermione walked to the living room's fireplace and took the little pot that rested aside. Holding the pot in her hands, she kneeled down in the carpeted floor. Already feeling like this was going to be useless, Hermione grabbed a handful of floo powder and threw it in the fireplace. Then sticking her head through the green flames said Number 12 Grimmauld Place.
After her head span around for a few seconds, Harry's kitchen came into focus. It was empty. In fact, she couldn't hear any sounds, as if the house was empty. Hermione felt very sad thinking that he was out having fun while she felt the most miserable person there is. Again, her eyes began to fill with tears that burned her eyes. Without realizing it she said Harry's name.
Then the kitchen door sprang opened and Harry's head came into view. After Harry saw Hermione's head in the fireplace, he quickly walked in and stood in front of his fireplace. He was barefoot and was wearing his red and gold pajama bottoms with a white t-shirt.
As soon as Harry saw Hermione's puffy, red eyes he said, "I'll be right there", and almost immediately apparated in Hermione's flat. Hermione was still in the floor by the fireplace. Harry almost run towards her and kneeled at her side.
"Hermione! What's wrong?" For all response, Hermione threw herself into Harry's arms and let run free the tears that had accumulated in her eyes. Harry pulled Hermione closer to him while surrounding her with his arms. For a couple of minutes, neither of them spoke. Harry let Hermione cry knowing that would help her to calm down. He hated to see her cry.
Harry's presence alone helped Hermione to calm down. Being in his arms, she felt comforted and content. Finally, Harry pushed her softly away from him.
"What happened? Is it... Steven?" asked Harry thinking that he was pretty sure what the answer was going to be.
Hermione didn't respond. She looked down at her hands, which were shaking nervously. Harry felt a rush of fury taking over him. He was so angry he felt he needed to break something, if possible, Steven's neck. But he made the greatest effort to push his feelings aside so that he could try to put together the broken person he had in front of him.
With both his hands, Harry cupped Hermione's face and pulled her up to face him. "I hate him for doing this to you", said Harry trying hard not to let all of his anger show up in his voice. Then, with his softest voice, Harry said, "You talked to him, didn't you? What did he tell you?"
As best as she could, Hermione told Harry everything Steven had said. She'd had a little trouble repeating some of his words to Harry, but wanted to get it all out as if saying those words would erase them from her memory. Harry stood up and walked away. Hermione could see he was upset, but was thankful to see that he was trying to control himself.
Harry came back to her and pull her to her feet to then lead her to a couch. He sat next to her and turned his body so that he was facing Hermione. "You can't let him do this to you. You don't deserve this." Hermione couldn't look at his face. She was afraid she'd see blame in his green eyes. After all, she had put herself in this situation.
"It's my fault," said Hermione in a whisper. "It's all my fault."
"It's not!" Harry grabbed her upper arms and said to her, "Don't blame yourself Hermione. You didn't ask for this."
"Yes, I did", responded Hermione sobbing. "I could've stopped him, but I didn't. I let it get this far. I was even looking forward for more. I didn't..." She couldn't finished her sentence. She was crying again and couldn't stop sobbing.
"No, Hermione. No one's guilty for falling in love. He's the one that should've stayed away from you. He's the only one responsible." Then softening his voice a little more he added, " You're not to blame yourself."
"Am I that hard to love? Is it that difficult to love me?" said Hermione desperately.
"Of course not, baby. Don't ever think that." Harry move his hands from her arms to her face and with his thumb caressed the side of her cheek. "You're the most lovable person I know. You're the greatest witch and the most beautiful woman I know."
Harry leaned closer to her and softly began kissing away the tears from her wet cheeks. He didn't like to see her like this. He would give anything to keep her from being hurt. Without thinking about what he was doing, Harry kept kissing Hermione's cheeks, but as he got closer to her, his lips also got closer to her mouth. Before either of them could realize what was happening, Harry's lips were on hers.
He started kissing them in such a gentle way, enjoying the softness of her lips. Then the kiss turned a little more intense as she opened her mouth inviting him in. Harry's hands moved form her face down to her neck, then to her shoulders slightly pulling her towards him, whereas one of Hermione's hands had found her way to Harry's raven hair and the other rested in his broad chest. For a couple of minutes, both of them forgot about everything else and enjoyed the closeness of their bodies and the flavor of their mouths.
Then Harry's inner voice told him to stop. He pulled away as if hit by lighting and quickly stood up.
"I better go."
Hermione quickly grabbed Harry's hand. "Please, don't go Harry."
"I can't do this, Hermione." Harry didn't want to take advantage of Hermione's vulnerable state, but she was not willing to let him go.
"Please, don't leave me alone. I can't bear being alone tonight", said Hermione as she stood up and placed her hands in Harry's chest. "Stay here tonight, please."
Harry couldn't say no. He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. Hermione buried her head in his chest while breathing in as much of his scent as she could.