A/N: And we're off to chapter two! Hope you all like it.
- Katie
Chapter Two:
I'm in over my head
You got under skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)
Too Lost in You, Sugababes
The bustling of the girls woke her up the next morning instead of her alarm clock. Lily opened her eyes and stretched, flexing all of her toes and yawning. She waited for a while, since the morning was the part of her day she dreaded most, even more than breakfast, where Potter would always come along and ruin her day even more. She sat up and pressed her fingers against her temples, then swung her legs over the bed, wrenching open the four-poster.
The sunlight streaming through the window overwhelmed her eyes. She squinted and rubbed them, reaching towards her hair and taking her bobby pins out. Lily never took them out, although she wasn't exactly sure why. She supposed that she wanted to look perfect and poised even when she went to sleep, just like she was in the morning.
Lily kept her eyes downwards determinedly, hoping that the person she had been dreading would ignore her that day. Sometimes, when Lily was lucky, she wouldn't say anything. But not that day.
"Oh, look who just got up from her beauty sleep. You probably should get more of it, you know. You look awful."
Lily sighed and tried to look indifferent as she turned around to look at the girl who was sitting on the windowsill, filing her nails. She had long, straight brown hair and dark brown eyes with a creamy complexion. Since it was the weekend, she didn't have her Hogwarts uniform on, which would always have several buttons of her top undone to expose a lot of her chest and a shortened skirt that revealed more than any of the other girls. Instead she was wearing a tight sweater and bellbottoms with tall shoes, which made Heather Foster, look taller and more intimidating than the other girls. Her sneering expression made it clear what she felt about Lily: absolute loathing.
Heather, like numerous other girls, had dated Potter. She had dated all of the bachelors of Hogwarts except for Black, which was rather surprising since it seemed that Sirius Black was on a mission to date all of the girls in the school and break their hearts a week later. Lily supposed that in these rare moments, Black was an honorable man. When it came to best friends' girlfriends-they were off-limits, period.
Heather and Potter had dated for a while. The day he broke up with her made Heather hate Lily even more. Before, she just thought Lily was grotesque and a geek. Now she seemed to want to prevent Lily from any sort of happiness that she might have. And why? Because when James Potter broke up with her, his exact words were: "Sorry, Heather, but I'm in love with Lily Evans."
He definitely didn't gain any points with her then.
Lily sighed. Heather wasn't the first girl that had ended up hating Lily because Potter had fancied her.
"Thanks, Heather." Lily said. "I'll keep that in mind."
Heather narrowed her eyes with one hand on her hip, since she always leaned forward on one leg to make herself look scarier, Lily supposed. She then threw her head back and laughed, throwing her thick, shiny hair to the side as she did so. Rachel Eve and Courtney Jenson were on Heather's bed, probably in a midst of a conversation when Lily woke up, but immediately stopped talking once Heather did this and started laughing also, as if on cue.
Lily felt her face grow hotter just as the bathroom door opened. Lannie Williamson, the other girl that shared a dorm with Lily came out already dressed, her golden blonde hair swept up in her usual ponytail that would always swish side to side when she was walking down the halls. Her hair came abruptly to a halt as she stopped in the doorway, pushing her bangs out of her aqua-green eyes, which moved from Heather, to Lily, to Rachel and Courtney, then back to Lily.
"Heather, your laughter is pretty annoying, you know." Lannie said finally, raising an eyebrow. Heather stopped shrieking and straightened her face to look at her, frowning. Most people liked Lannie and therefore Heather would not only gain her as an enemy, but all of her friends too, so she couldn't afford to be mean to her. But then again, Heather didn't let anyone insult her.
"Williamson, mind your own business." Heather hissed.
Lannie grinned, although Lily didn't know exactly why. How could she find Heather not intimidating? She must be different, Lily thought. She watched as Lannie laughed quietly to herself.
"Alright." Lannie said, still beaming. And then, to Lily's utter surprise and everyone else's in the room, Lannie then said, "Hey Lily, want to go down to breakfast with me?"
Lily stared at her and Heather snorted loudly, Rachel and Courtney guffawing at her side. It was common knowledge to everyone at Hogwarts that Lily didn't have any friends. Everyone just knew.
It was the perfect opportunity, too. If Lily wanted to-she wouldn't be an outcast anymore, she'd have friends. Because if she became friends with Lannie, Lannie's friends would eventually become her friends also. But instead of agreeing to go with her, Lily said softly, "No, it's alright."
They both heard distinctly Heather whisper, "I knew it." Lily frowned, pretending she hadn't heard.
Lannie, however, merely shrugged. She swept her hair out of her eyes again and said nonchalantly, "Alright. See you later, then. Bye Heather. Oh, and I guess I'll see you two later too." She grinned at Rachel and Courtney, and then waved to Heather just as she left.
"Let's go." Heather snarled, marching out of the dorm after Lannie. Her cronies got up as soon as she did, following her out.
Lily frowned and closed the door behind them, sitting on her bed for a while and contemplating. She sighed and pressed her forehead against her palms. She was glad they were out.
"Have you even tried doing anything I told you to?"
James looked dully at Remus. "Yes. How many times do I have to tell you?"
Remus raised his eyebrows knowingly. James hated it when he did that; it made it seem like Remus knew a lot more about him than James himself. Then again, that was probably right. Remus had that annoying talent that he could just see through people.
Damn him. But at the same time, James wouldn't have made any progress with Lily. If you call that progress, James thought bitterly.
Remus cleared his throat and then said patiently, "Alright, then. What did you do?"
"I told her that I'd be calling her Lily from now on." James said, stabbing moodily at his eggs and deforming them. "And she didn't even seem to be impressed."
Sirius, who so far had been quiet due to the fact that his mouth was full of bacon, suddenly gave his friends an incredulous look. "You're not calling her Evans anymore? Why not?"
"Remus told me that she'd feel closer to me if I started calling her by her first name." James said, sighing as if he highly doubted it. "But she still hates me."
Remus seemed to be struggling to have a comforting look on, but it turned out more to be annoyed. "It's only been one day, Prongs."
"So? It's been only six years for me, hasn't it, Moony?"
"And a half." Peter interjected. James glared at him, and he grinned sheepishly.
Sirius raised his eyebrow at Remus. "Do you honestly believe that Lily Evans-Lily Evans-is going to suddenly fall in love with James because he calls her Lily now?"
"No," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Of course not. But we are taking one step at a time, aren't we?"
"Hm," Peter said, looking thoughtful.
"What is it?" James asked dully, hoping that at least one person would tell him that Lily was probably going to fall in love with him that very day. Peter usually was the one who'd cheer James up-but that was probably because he was James's most easygoing friend who'd go along with anything.
But whatever. James was looking for anything right now to comfort him.
Peter squinted while contemplating the options. The other three boys looked at him attentively as they waited for an answer. Finally, Peter said, "These eggs aren't that great, you know."
Sirius rolled his eyes and looked at James, who was looking even sulkier now for some reason. "What's wrong, Prongs?"
"It's just," James sighed. "Lily doesn't like eggs either."
"No, I like eggs, it's just that this morning-"
"Evans doesn't like eggs?" Sirius interrupted, as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. Then once he noticed just what he had said, he doubled back; practically screaming, "Hang on! How the hell do you know that?"
There was an awkward silence in the Great Hall as several people swiveled in their seats to look at them. Remus blushed furiously as he always did at the sudden rush of attention that his friends seemed to attract towards him too and pulled out his book, burying his face in it. James gave Sirius an exasperated look for being so loud while Peter smiled.
"Because he watches her every move," Peter said smugly, once the talking in the Hall had resumed and people weren't staring at them as much anymore. He then lowered his eyes, mumbling, "And I do like eggs…"
James looked at Sirius, who was scrunching his nose up in disgust, and turned slightly red. "I do not," he said hotly.
"Oh look, he's blushing." Sirius said disgustedly. He pretended to gag right there in his seat, clutching his throat as if something invisible was blocking his windpipe.
"Oh, shut-" James suddenly stopped, feeling his lungs contract to a considerably smaller size as that familiar lump formed in his throat again. "Oh, god."
Remus lowered his book with an inquiring look as both James and Sirius turned in their seats. Peter was busying himself with some cereal, not paying much attention anymore.
Sirius narrowed his eyes at James once noticing what he was talking about. "You-" Sirius started, poking him in the chest. "Are disgusting."
For Lily Evans had just entered the Hall and was going towards the Gryffindor table, passing them without a word as she determinedly looked forward. Once she was gone James exhaled loudly, as if he was holding his breath the entire time. Sirius smacked him over the head.
"OW! Sirius, what the hell?" James hissed, rubbing his head where Sirius had hit him.
"Settle down," Remus said tiredly once Sirius held his hand up again, ready to strike.
"No, thanks, Mum." Sirius said sarcastically, swerving his palm towards James, who this time, ducked. Damn those Quidditch reflexes.
"Should I go talk to her?" James asked, looking desperate. Remus raised an eyebrow.
"Are you going to stay here if I say no?"
"No."
Remus sighed. "Then go."
James grinned and jumped of his seat, winking at Remus. "Just telling you, it'll be on your conscious if it turns out wrong."
Remus rolled his eyes, not saying anything, and returned to his book. James ducked another hit that was directed towards him from Sirius, and then took off to talk to Lily.
***
Damn, here he comes, Lily thought. Potter was walking towards her in full speed, ruffling his hair and coming down to sit next to her. Lily inwardly groaned and continued to sip her orange juice; looking at the pages of the Daily Prophet she got every morning and didn't say anything. Of course, this never discouraged him enough.
"Hello, Lily."
He was trying to make it clear that he wasn't backing down on abandoning entirely the surname calling. Lily couldn't help herself and looked at him, narrowing her eyes. He was wearing that usual cocky grin although it faltered slightly once she made eye contact, and he was sporting a striped shirt and slacks. He reached towards his hair again and ruffled it, which just irritated her further.
Lily sighed. "Potter, I am not calling you by your first name."
"Ah, but Lily, why not? Why not, Lily?"
"Because it's weird." Lily said, giving him a hard look to see if he'd back down. He didn't.
"No, it's not. We're practically going out anyway."
Lily spat in her cup as she heard this. Sputtering, she looked at him incredulously and said, "What?"
Potter looked sheepish. "Well, we are-"
"Not!" Lily said loudly. "We are-we just-No! We aren't."
"Aw, come on Lily-"
"Potter," Lily said slowly, trying to be patient. "I really need you to go away now. And stop calling me Lily."
Oh, great. That weird stare of his. Potter's hazel eyes were firmly locked onto hers determinedly. Lily hated it when he did this because he'd stop talking for a moment and devote all of his energies to this. She rolled her eyes and turned around, not wanting to look at him. She was already upset because of Heather, and she really didn't want him to make her feel any worse.
Finally, he said, "It's your name."
"And I don't want you saying it," Lily snapped. "So, stop."
Potter opened his mouth, then abruptly closed it. Lily turned around to see what he was looking at and saw that Remus was shaking his head slowly. Well, at least he's quiet, Lily thought dully.
She looked at Potter tiredly. "Are you going to say anything else?"
"No."
"Good." Lily said briskly, standing up and stretching her arms. She took her bag and left the Hall, noticing that several people were looking at her strangely. She sighed, that's how it always was anyway. Potter would always annoy her and she'd start yelling because of her short temper. Everyone at Hogwarts thought she was a mean bitch, which was partially true. After all, she was mean to Potter, wasn't she?
I don't want to be, though, Lily thought. She honestly wished that she were nice to everyone so everyone would be nice to her in return, but Potter would take all of her chances. Because of him, so many people at her school thought she'd yell at them too. She supposed that was why Dumbledore made her Head Girl-he knew that she wasn't afraid to be hard on anybody.
She wished she were.
Lily had no idea why Potter was made Head Boy, though. He was soft on everyone-except for the Slytherins, of course. Before however, he was the meanest boy ever. He was even worse than he was now. Potter and Black would jinx anyone they'd like just for the hell of it and had fun too-good thing they changed somewhat.
Now he only bothers me. How great.
Lily was now turning a corner so she'd be able to go to the library and do some reading, when she heard something behind one of the tapestries that decorated the corridor. She knew that there was a secret staircase behind it, but hardly anybody used it regularly. Scowling, Lily took a hold of the tapestry and pulled it back.
"Get out." Lily scolded. The couple in front of her froze, still clutching onto each other, widening their eyes and blushing. The boy had stringy blonde hair and was in Lily's year and the girl was a fifth year with dark brown hair. "Stebbins, detention. And I'll make sure that this one isn't with you in it."
The boy named Stebbins opened his mouth to retort but the girl gently grabbed his arm and whispered audibly, "It's alright. Let's just go."
Lily stood her ground as they both stomped past her, muttering to one another. She distinctly heard Stebbins go, "Dumbledore was right in making her Head. She's no fun."
She pretended that she hadn't heard him, hands at her hips, and watched the couple round the corner. Once they were gone she huffed loudly and continued her way.
I am fun, Lily thought angrily. But even as she thought about it, she knew it was no use. She wasn't social like the people in her year-she never did anything she really wanted to. She must've been the only person who'd never been to one of the Marauders' parties, which caused her to be even more annoyed.
They were the kings of everything. Whatever they thought was okay, was okay. Whatever they thought was stupid, was stupid. Jealousy bubbled inside of her more. If Potter would just leave her alone, then no body would care about her and would let her be. They wouldn't be afraid to talk to her either, because Lily wouldn't be mean to Potter. Perhaps even boys would approach her, instead of avoid her at all costs. Because why would anyone want Lily Evans, who was not only a loser, but a loser that Potter liked?
And since Lily was going at it, she might as well blame other people for the way she was too. If her mother weren't so hard on her, maybe Lily would be more easygoing and fun. If her mother didn't constantly want Lily to be flawless, perfect, exceedingly smart, maybe Lily wouldn't try so hard. But then again, if Lily wasn't a witch and if her older sister, Petunia, went to college and got out of high school with all A's instead of all C's, maybe her mother wouldn't expect so much. Maybe she wouldn't be like that.
Maybe they all wouldn't be like that.
If her father cared and helped her mother more often, maybe Lily would be able to go and talk to him about Potter. Maybe he'd give her good, fatherly advice. Then again, if Lily's parents were different, she wouldn't be like she was now, and Potter would probably hate her instead of like her. Because life had these twisted little ways it could surprise you.
If only, though, right?
***
James sat moodily outside in the courtyard, as rain fell down and splattered them slightly from under the balcony. His friends were next to him and their teeth were chattering as they shivered.
"Why are we here, again?" James heard Sirius ask, and he knew that his friend was glowering at him from behind. James was sitting on the bench and didn't bother to look back. From the side he could see that Remus merely shook his head and glanced at Peter, who was shuddering uncontrollably and was clutching himself on his arms to keep warm.
They had been outside for at least fifteen minutes, and James hadn't moved or spoken at all during that time. James felt Sirius thump loudly onto the grass as he sunk down onto the ground and rolled his eyes as he heard Sirius blowing air out of his mouth every few seconds.
James liked the rain, even if it depressed him slightly at times like these. Apparently, however, his friends didn't. They had started to sneeze and were grumbling to themselves, but hadn't said much yet.
Finally, when Sirius had cleared his throat loudly and was pretending to be coughing as if he had emphysema, James turned around and glared. "Sirius, do you mind?"
Sirius's pale skin was red at the cheeks because of the chilly September weather and he was narrowing his eyes and frowning. James rolled his eyes as Sirius said loudly, "Well, Merlin, Prongs, it's fucking cold out here."
"Then go inside!" James snapped, motioning towards the courtyard door where the fifth year Potter fan club were trying to look discreet as they sneaked a few glances towards him. James frowned and turned around again, tucking his arms in.
Behind them, the boys did not leave. James knew they wouldn't, they were far too loyal to leave him to sulk in the cold rain by himself when he desperately needed some consolation. Damn my heart for ever liking her, James thought angrily.
"Prongs," Remus said, always the reasonable one. "It's probably ten degrees out here."
"And my ass is probably freezing off."
Peter chuckled, although since he was shaking it turned out to be more of a whimper at Sirius's comment.
James glared at the rain. "I'm not leaving," he said stubbornly, and the boys knew that he was right. It would take some convincing to get him out of there.
"Alright, why don't we think of something, then." Remus said, digging his hands into his pockets and walking forward so that he was in front of James. James watched as his friend looked at the courtyard splattered with mud and rain, then sighed. He looked at Sirius and Peter, then arched an eyebrow. "Any ideas?"
Peter, who apparently was so desperate to get inside that he was actually suggesting something, said, "Er…why don't you-make her a card? With a poem inside?"
Sirius snorted. "Prongs made her so many of those that she could probably make a nice fire out of them."
"She probably has." Peter said, and both of them laughed. Remus and James narrowed their eyes, and they abruptly stopped.
"Well, let's consider what James wants." Remus said, as if they were all in some kind of business meeting and James was the customer.
"Well, all of us want that," Sirius said impatiently.
Peter turned red and Remus rolled his eyes, pressing his hands against his temples. "Sirius, is that all you ever think about?"
"Are you telling me you don't want it?" Sirius demanded of James, who blushed slightly and didn't say anything. "I thought so," Sirius said knowingly, then smirked at Remus.
"Okay, then." Remus sighed. "Anything else?"
They were all quiet for a moment, apparently thinking. Finally, Peter said hopefully, as if he they were all in a class and were asked a difficult question by Remus, the teacher, "He wants to impress her?"
Remus looked thoughtful for a moment. "True."
"Well, of course he wants to." Sirius said, letting his mouth drop in a brain dead impression.
They were quiet again, and James rolled his eyes. They weren't helping at all.
"I got it!" Sirius said suddenly, making Peter jump in fright and James look at him in alarm. He was wearing a triumphant expression on, like he had just won the lottery. He beckoned them closer and they all leaned in. "It's great. Now listen up…."
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