Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N: For those who were desperate to read the next chapter - this is it! I hope it's what you wanted! LOL There won't be much dialogue, just Hermione's thoughts and such. Secrets will be revealed (partially).
This chapter was inspired by George Michael's song 'Jesus to a child'. If you remember the lyrics, you'll know what I mean.
Warning: Very soppy! Beware!
CHAPTER SEVEN
Heaven sent and heaven stole
Hermione woke up the next morning with the first rays of sunlight creeping in through a gap in the curtains. After a moment of confusion she realized that she was still in the Room of Requirement, where she had fallen asleep last night. She ran her hand over the crumpled cushions next to her to discover that she was alone. She groaned silently and rolled on her back. She wished Harry had stayed with her until she woke up. She'd love to wake up next to him, to feel his warm musky skin against hers. These thoughts led her to the last night's events. Last night was magical. She and Harry talked and shared their secrets and dreams until late at night and she must have fallen asleep in the middle of conversation. She smiled. She should get out of bed and find Harry.
When she got dressed, she went down to the Great Hall, where the students chatted merrily over the tasty breakfast. She overlooked the Gryffindor table, but to her surprise he wasn't there. He must be practicing for the Quidditch match, she thought. She tried to finish breakfast as fast as she could, so that she could go look for him. She didn't see him for a few hours only, but she was already missing him. She was about to leave, when Professor McGonagall entered the Great Hall and walked briskly towards Hermione.
"Professor Dumbledore wants to see you," she informed her in a stern voice.
Argh, Hermione thought, why did he want to talk to her just when she was planning to track down her boyfriend and give him a nice kiss he deserved. But she followed Professor McGonagall anyway. When they came alongside of the stone gargoyle, Professor McGonagall said the password and they entered the Headmaster's office. Hermione had been here on more than one occasion and every time the objects in his office fascinated her, like Fawkes and moving portraits of former headmasters. But now she wasn't paying much attention to that, as she intended to get it done and over with, whatever Headmaster wanted to talk to her about, and then she would run outside, to the Quidditch field.
"Good morning, Miss Granger," Dumbledore greeted her and smiled warmly, his eyes slightly twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles.
"Good morning," she replied politely.
"You must be looking for Mr. Potter," he said, offering her a seat.
"H-how did you know?" she stuttered, her face reddening. He couldn't read minds, could he?
"He is not here, Miss Granger," he said then, the look in his eyes suddenly turning graver.
"What do you mean? He left Hogwarts?" Hermione asked incredulously.
"I'm afraid, he did. He's now at another place where he can find safety I could not provide for him. He was in great danger, staying here."
She turned white as a sheet. He didn't tell her! He knew and didn't tell her! Just hours ago they talked and he didn't say a word! Now he left her in uncertainty. What would happen to him? Would he even come back? Trying to fight the tears that were making their way into her eyes, Hermione clenched her fists.
"Now, miss Granger. There's no need to worry. Mr. Potter will be safe there," Professor McGonagall said in an encouraging voice.
She felt tears sting her eyes. "When is he coming back?"
Professor McGonagall averted her eyes and Hermione felt pain inside, her heart shattering to pieces. She couldn't breathe, she needed some air. Before the Headmaster and the Deputy Head could say anything, Hermione sprang to her feet and darted out of the office. She ran without seeing where she was heading, her eyes clouded with tears and with a throbbing pain in her heart. She was already in the entrance hall of the castle, when she bumped into Ginny, who was returning from the Quidditch field with Dean. They were laughing about something, but their smiles faded quickly as they saw Hermione's state. Her eyes were fixed in a stare, as if she was far away in her thoughts and she had a pained look on her tear-stained face. A few other students who were in the hall at the moment stopped to look at her. But Hermione didn't see anyone. She just stood there, frozen, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Oh my God, Hermione, what happened?" Ginny asked, alarmed.
"Ginny…" Hermione's voice trailed off when she finally focused on her friend.
"Tell me what happened," Ginny gently asked her, taking her by the shoulders.
"Harry," Hermione's mouth quavered as she said his name, "he's gone! They are going to kill him!" She exclaimed before breaking down in sobs.
Ginny, wide-eyed with fear, pulled Hermione in a tight hug. She motioned for Dean to leave and stared hard at the curious passers-by. Everyone left and only two of them stayed, Hermione clutching Ginny for support and Ginny not knowing what to say or do, to make the pain go away. She ran her fingers through Hermione's bushy hair, soothing her like a child.
"Shh, Hermione, don't cry," she whispered. She didn't dare add that everything would be all right. She knew it wasn't true. So she just kept holding her, until the sobs subsided.
Hermione detached herself from Ginny and wiped her eyes. She still looked like she was in a trance.
"Why didn't he tell me?" she spoke hoarsely.
"You wouldn't let him go," Ginny reasoned.
"You're damn right I wouldn't!" Hermione snapped. "This is plain suicide! What was he thinking?"
Ginny shrugged. "I guess we'll hear it from him when he comes back."
* * *
Days went by and Hermione dreamed of him almost every night. In her dreams he was with her, safe and sound. He smiled at her, he loved her. It was as if he had never left. In her dreams she was living an illusion of happiness that was never meant to be. That's why waking up every morning made her heart ache beyond description. She had to leave him behind in her sweet dreams and go on living in this harsh reality, which was a foul copy of the world, because it didn't have him in it. She thought about him every wakeful moment. Was he all right? What if he was injured or even worse? The very thought of it frightened her. That's when she would force her eyes to close and she would seek refuge in her unreal, yet so reviving dreams.
Her friends were devastated too and even boys were teary-eyed. Before, Ron, Harry, Neville, Seamus and Dean used to chat in their dorm before going to bed, but now that Harry was gone that didn't happen anymore. Low-spirited, the boys retreated to their beds and barely exchanged a word. More than his friends, Ron felt incomplete. Harry was his best friend. They were the famous trio. As a duo he and Hermione didn't function well. In reality Ron was left alone, because Hermione was hiding in the world of her own. Ron still hoped against all odds that the old saying 'out of sight, out of mind' would work with her. Apparently it didn't. By the looks of it, Harry Potter was everything she ever thought about. He was starting to really worry about her. She still ate, went to classes and did the rest of the usual things, but she did it automatically, like a robot.
"You need to relax, Hermione. There's more to life than books and rules."
"You mean I'm boring?!" she frowned.
"No, Hermione. You are not boring, but you don't enjoy life. There will be a day when you'll regret it."
How could she enjoy life now? How??? All her hopes were shattered to pieces the day he left. Harry was absolutely right. Now she regretted wasting all those precious moments on studying. Instead she should have thrown out her books and go have some fun with Harry. It was too late now. She blew it.
Meanwhile, she was oblivious to everything that happened around her. When Professor McGonagall brought her to the hospital wing one day, she wasn't even aware of it. Nothing mattered anymore. But the staff was worried and was not willing to abet her self-destruction. Her cadaverous complexion frightened Professor McGonagall. She helped Madam Pomfrey put Hermione in one of the beds where she lay like a rock-hewn figurine.
"Do something, Poppy," Professor McGonagall begged, overlooking the gaunt figure on the bed.
"There is no remedy against it, I'm afraid," Madam Pomfrey answered. "But I'll do everything I can."
"Thank you," whispered the Deputy Head and left the infirmary.
"Now then, child," Madam Pomfrey urged Hermione. "Drink this potion. It will make you feel better."
Hermione obeyed and downed the vial.
"Now lie down and have some sleep."
Hermione lay down and closed her eyes. The nurse looked at her one more time and tiptoed out of the ward. But Hermione wasn't asleep. When the nurse was out of earshot, she brought her hand to the locket she was wearing on a chain and touched its carved surface. She pulled it out of her hospital gown, gazing at the bright gold adorned with dust-like bits of diamonds. She smiled. Harry never gave her any gifts, except this one, he never wrote her love letters or took her on a proper date, but it didn't matter to her. He was the only thing she wanted and it sufficed as long as he was around. She pressed the latch and the locket opened with a click. A soothing melody of tiny bells rang in her ears. She closed her eyes and pictured Harry's face, his messy black hair, his lopsided grin… She would give anything to have him with her again, to tell her that he was all right and it was finally over.
Hermione wept away the night, never letting go of the precious locket.
In the morning she left the hospital wing, without permission of Madam Pomfrey. She had no intention of staying there. She wasn't sick. And she couldn't just sit and wait for Harry, doing nothing. Life went on. Her friends, undoubtedly guided by best intentions, left her alone and didn't try to engage her in any sort of conversation. That gave her plenty of time to think.
She still couldn't believe that Harry could leave like that to fight Voldemort on his own. He was brave, but he certainly wasn't stupid. Last year at the Department of Mysteries there were six of them and they also got help from the Order. They'd be long dead otherwise. What made Harry think that he could challenge the Dark Lord alone? It just didn't make sense. There must be some reason for him to do that. And he hadn't told her anything before he left. No hints whatsoever.
"You came," he said softly.
"Harry?" she stroked his face, "What happened?"
"I received some bad news," he answered, covering her hand with his.
Suddenly Hermione roused herself and there was once again an intelligent look on her face which her friends hadn't seen in days. What did Harry possibly mean by that? What kind of bad news did he receive? Why didn't she ask him? How could she be so stupid?!
She darted off to the top floor of the castle. The headmaster was away from Hogwarts, but Professor McGonagall was still there and she absolutely had to tell her everything. Hermione stopped at her office and knocked at the door.
"Come in," Professor McGonagall called.
Hermione opened the door and entered the room. The old professor was sitting behind her desk, a heap of papers rising before her. When she saw Hermione, she became slightly nervous.
"Miss Granger?" she blinked.
"Professor McGonagall, I need to talk to you about Harry," Hermione puffed.
Professor put aside the essay she was marking and looked at Hermione over the top of her glasses.
"All right," she nodded. "Please, take a seat."
Hermione sat down and looked at her expectantly. Professor McGonagall averted her eyes and sighed.
"There is something you need to know, Hermione," she said quietly, addressing the girl by her first name.
"You know why Harry left, don't you?" Hermione enquired.
Professor McGonagall didn't reply. Instead she unlocked the drawer of her desk and took out a quarto of parchment covered in a sloppy scrawl. Hermione glanced at it curiously and recognized Harry's handwriting.
"I found it on my desk the morning after he had left. Please, read it."
Hermione took it hastily and read the message.
Dear Professor McGonagall,
What I am about to do will seem to you irrational at best, and perhaps very dangerous and stupid. But I have no choice. I have to leave Hogwarts now, before it's too late. I've been having those dreams again and I know that Voldemort is getting impatient. He is ready to fight. He wants to kill me. No matter how many protective charms have been put on the castle, he'll try to get in here and finish what he had started fifteen years ago. He is furious and if he'll fail again, he will kill Hermione. He showed me and I believed him. I know that he is very serious about it. He will hurt her, because it will hurt me. As long as I'm at Hogwarts, her life is in danger. I'm doing this to protect her. It's me he really wants, not her. If he wants to fight, he'll have to fight me. I'm just making it easier for him, by being in his full view. I'm not a coward. And Hermione has nothing to do with this. She doesn't know, for I couldn't bring myself to tell her. And I believe she mustn't know. I trust that you will keep it a secret from her.
Sincerely yours,
Harry Potter
When Hermione finished reading the letter, she looked at the professor.
"What does this mean?" she asked.
"He didn't have courage to tell you himself. And he didn't warn us either. He knew we wouldn't let him go," Professor McGonagall replied.
"Why didn't you show this to me earlier?" Hermione was getting angry.
Professor McGonagall shrugged. "You were very upset. And besides, Harry didn't want you to know."
"Where is he now?" Hermione persisted.
"That's the problem," she sighed and got up from her chair, wringing her hands. "We knew that he would go to Grimmauld place. Professor Dumbledore and I arranged for him to be picked up by the members of the Order. They were supposed to meet him there and bring him to some place where he would be safe. Of course, they wouldn't have let him go fight Voldemort or anything. They would just keep him safe somewhere. As long as you are here, he wouldn't come back."
"But?"
"But our plan didn't work out. He was at Grimmauld place, but he left quickly. And no one knows where he's gone. The Aurors scoured every inch of London, but he just vanished."
"It's all because of me," Hermione whispered, her head in her hands. "He's too noble to hide at Hogwarts and put my life at stake."
"And he loves you too much to do that," Professor McGonagall added.
Hermione smiled, "Yes, he loves me."
Professor patted her hand comfortingly. "As soon as we hear something from him, we will let you know. Let's just hope it won't be long."
"Yeah," Hermione sighed, feeling another torrent of tears coming up.
She got up from the chair and handed back Harry's letter to Professor McGonagall.
"I'll be going now then. Do tell me, if you hear something."
Professor nodded and Hermione left her office with her heart breaking. Now that she knew the real reason why Harry had left, she felt even worse. All she could think of was that Harry had been forced to sneak away at night to protect her.
She never said a word to her friends. She didn't want them to know that he left Hogwarts because of her. At supper she poked her chicken wing that was now cold and unappetizing. Harry's letter had a bigger impact on her than she expected. She felt so guilty. Voldemort threatened to kill her and he had to leave. It's all her fault. Harry will be killed because of her. That day in the hospital wing she should never have kissed him. Voldemort would never have found out that Harry loved her more than just a friend. And he would still be here, safe and happy.
She reached for a goblet of pumpkin juice and because her hand was shaking, she knocked it down. The juice spilt on the table and Hermione hastened to remove it with a spell. She rummaged in her pocket in search of her wand and took something out. She peered at it closely. It was a white sateen handkerchief. She blinked. She never had one of those. Then she noticed two small letters in the corner, embroidered in gold. H.P. it read. And the memories washed over her. She was crying one day after a minor argument between them and he gave her his handkerchief. She wouldn't stop crying and he started kissing her face, as if he wanted to kiss away the pain inside her. Yes, it was one of the beautiful memories that she would cherish forever. She felt her eyes cloud with tears, only this time she didn't have Harry to dry them up.
"Hermione, are you all right?" Ron asked cautiously.
She didn't answer. Instead she buried her face in her hands and gave vent to the tears. Ron awkwardly ran his hand over her hair. His eyes blazed with fury. Seeing Hermione so woebegone broke his heart. When Harry returns, he will personally teach him a lesson. He would beat him up unconscious, and even Madam Pomfrey wouldn't be able to fix him! Surely, he thought he was being a hero again! Ron didn't dare to think what would happen, if Harry didn't return.
Hermione was still crying, her shoulders shaking.
"Come on, Hermione. Please stop crying."
That elicited even more tears from her. All things around her were remindful of the time they had spent together. The images would play in her head, torturing her, but she was unable to stop them. She used to feel his strong arms around her, when she needed to be comforted, and now she desperately craved for his warmth. She hated the wrench she felt without him. Why? Why did it have to happen to them? How was she supposed to fill in the void inside her?
"Really Hermione, you should stop crying and eat something. No need starving yourself to death," Ginny tried to persuade her.
She looked at Hermione, or rather at a ghost of Hermione she used to know. Every time she saw her pasty pale skin and black-circled eyes, it hurt her to the bone.
"I'm not hungry," Hermione said, her voice dull.
With that she grabbed her bag and left the Great Hall. She didn't go to her room, but took a turn on the left and exited the castle through the heavy oaken doors. At a quick pace, she covered the school grounds and made it towards the lake. Once there, she fell to her knees onto the cold grass. Tears that were running down her cheeks, threatened to turn into icicles in the biting frost, but she didn't care. She looked up into the starless sky.
"Harry, my love," she whispered, "wherever you are, please be strong! Just think about me and you'll be all right. Think about us. You have to come back, because I'm waiting here for you. I'll always be waiting, no matter how long it takes."
She didn't get a reply from the dark night sky, but she imagined that somewhere out there Harry was looking at the sky too and maybe he was able to hear her.
When she returned to the Gryffindor Common Room, she saw Ron and Ginny sitting by the fire. At the sight of her both of them jumped up with expression of relief on their faces.
"Where have you been? We were so worried!" Ron exclaimed.
"Outside, at the lake. I just wanted a whiff of fresh air."
Ron wanted to say something, but decided against it. She looked so frail and dejected.
"You shouldn't have been waiting for me. Go to bed now. I'm all right," she said and went towards the stairs. Ginny and Ron followed her with their eyes.
In the dorm, Hermione undressed calmly and climbed in her bed. She tossed and turned for a while until sleep claimed her.
She saw a dark room with stone floor and stone walls. The torches barely shed any light and it gave the room an eerie glow. The room wasn't empty. There was something on the floor. What she thought to be a lump of rags turned out to be a limp human body. The scanty light caught on it and she saw a strand of familiar black hair under the cloak. Harry! He was lying there so still, not moving and not breathing. Hermione jerked in her sleep. That's when she saw a tall hooded figure approach Harry. He leaned over him. Hermione couldn't see this man's face. He leaned in closer and his robes opened, revealing the Dark Mark on his forearm - a skull with a serpent in its mouth. The man pulled out a wand from his pocket and wheezed 'CRUCIO!' Harry flinched, his face so pale, as if life was draining out of him. The man threw his head back and laughed hoarsely, his laughter resounding against the cold, damp walls.
Hermione abruptly woke up and sat up on her bed. She was panting frantically. Tears trickled down her face as she put a hand to her mouth to suppress a cry.
"Harry!" she whispered through the tears. "Please come back! Please come back alive! I need you so much! Don't leave me alone!"
She curled on the bed and broke into silent sobs. Like she had done so many nights in the row, Hermione finally cried herself to sleep.