In the Tower
Chapter Twelve: Ambivalence
Summary: Sirius, Remus and Peter lock James and Lily in a tower over Christmas Break. They don't have anything, except themselves, a little bit of food, lots of French Almond Coffee, and the passion within themselves. And right now, they're just letting it free. Sirius and Remus are big parts in the story; they have chapters about themselves as well.
Disclaimer: I own the piece of gum I'm chewing right now, and a few books that I shouldn't even know about for my age group. Found them around the house. ;-)
Author's Note: Whahaha! I made her change! It's James POV. Next chapter is my favorite!
Previously: She bit her lip, and looked at the bathroom. It was dingy, to say in the least, but the stone shimmered like it was underwater, and it glinted and waved like the sun was on it. It was beautiful, really. And the shower was marble, like they had in Ancient Rome, the really natural kind. "Okay, why am I talking to myself about tile?" She shook her head leaned farther into the door. "I am an idiot."
She grunted and pulled herself away from the door and sat on the floor, crawling on her hands and knees to reach the cloak. She opened it and picked out a cranberry muffin and shoved it whole in her mouth, her cheeks puffing out and barely letting her chew it. She suddenly spat it out. "Cranberry sucks."
There are things ye maybe canna tell me, he had said. I willna ask ye, or force ye. But when ye do tell me something, let it be the truth. There is nothing between us now but respect, and respect has room for secrets, I think -but not lies. <- Voyager, Jamie Fraser.
James grumbled as he stomped up the stairs to the tower. He opened it and flew back.
"Great," he mumbled, pushing himself up and dusting himself off before slamming the door shut and going down the stairs again to get a blanket since Lily took the cloak. "Snow, again." He wrapped the thick red blanket over his shoulders that tottered up the stairs to the tower again, straining to open the door and get through the snow threatening to come in. He forced his way through the howling wind and the snow that settled itself in his hair, making it wet and, dare he say it, neat.
He sat in the over hang again and pulled his legs toward his body so the blanket covered all of his except his face. He rubbed his face into the blanket and tried to stop from making his teeth chatter, but it was no use. James took a hand and rubbed it over his face and his eyes, making the sleep come out. He flicked them to the side and watched the sky. "I hate the snow," he mumbled as he watched the snow twirl about him, amused. He strained his ears and heard student's screaming. Well, a girl actually, for the voice was really high, and she was trying to sing… though to him it sounded like a cow being eaten by a T-Rex with crickets chirping around them and a whale howling. Uh, yeah, it was bad.
Lily and James have been locked in the tower for eleven days. Well, Lily has, and James ten. But, every day he and Lily have, fought, screamed at each other, played a game, or made out. And eat muffins. That's what they do every day.
And James, well James has actually had enough of it. He doesn't want to be stuck in a room with Lily any more. She's too… she's too much of a clinger or a mood swinger. He himself has never had to put up with that many moods in one day. Let alone ten days. James grumbled and ducked his head so he was covered in all of the blanket, and the warmth of it radiated around him, making, sadly, the snow melt in his hair and make it flat, but other than the water running down his neck, James was quite warm.
Lily confused him, to put it bluntly. And James, like any other male Homo sapiens he knew of, they didn't like to be confused. Especially on the most confusing thing in the world, women. He sighed and watched as his hot breath fogged up his glasses, and rubbed his arms, self-consciously.
He was confusing himself, his confusing side of his confusing self decided. He had love Lily Evans since, hell, as long as he could remember. At first, he had the urge to hug her, like a friend, when Professor Critan yelled at her when she accidentally spilled monkey hair in Potions in the middle of second year. He shook it off and cringed at the thought of, "Girl cooties."
Secondly, he had the urge to peck her on the cheek in third year when she smiled really big when she turned fourteen, on precisely, November 25th, 1975. All her friends were screaming at her excitedly and she was screaming right back at them, thanking them loudly for her presents. He wanted to hand her the moon and kiss her on the cheek and whisper, smoothly, "happy birthday."
Thirdly, James had the urge during fourth year to kiss her, long and hard. Now that was in fourth year, and he felt that pull, as he was lost in space because the other two chasers were not passing the ball to him. He had parked his broom and was idling it one hundred feet above the Gryffindor stands. He looked down the same time Lily looked up from the rather thick book she had sitting in her lap. Their eyes connected for a long, long moment. Then he was knocked out by a bludger. James shrugged; it was a moment passed.
Fourthly, is that a word? Anyway, fourthly, he wanted to date her since the start of fifth year. He was very desperate for her. He tried anything for her. And she retaliated with harsh criticism and comments. Like the end of that year, fifth. He shuddered. She called him a "toerag!" It's such a harsh comment to him.
And, last but not least, he had wanted to um… love her, since the very, very beginning of sixth year, when he saw her step onto the train with her short mini-skirt, and it rode up her thigh as she stepped on. He remember, laughing, that Sirius whaled him upside the head after he stood there for ten minutes, drool slowly pooling at his feet. He was desperate. And since he couldn't get her loving, he got other girls loving.
Yeah, that's about it. He had his five reasons. Shouldn't that be enough? He ached for her with every part of his soul. Well, he had anyway. He had officially labeled Lily Evans as a lost cause the day that he was locked in the bloody tower. But, hey he was here with her.
That should be enough for him, to put her back on his radar. With his perverted comments and suggestive movements. But he acted human enough, didn't he? Human enough to make her hug him. Enough to make her sleep in the bed with him, enough for her to kiss him.
James huddled closer to the wall and wrapped the blanket around him more, closing his eyes. He fell asleep in the cold hearing the wind and students screaming in happiness, and Lily groaning against the bathroom door. He didn't know how he could hear that.
Lily opened her eyes blearily. She went to sleep thinking on the floor of the bathroom, hearing the door slam open, closed, than James coming down the stairs, stomping back up, opening the door and then closing. She grunted and looked at the bathroom, and started thinking along the same lines as she had earlier, with the ancient roman thing. She shook her head and slowly got up, stretching until she heard her back pop, then slumped over to the sink. She splashed her face with cold water and shook it off her face like a dog.
She opened the door and pepped her head around looking left and right. James took the warmer blanket off the bed, but other than that, no trace of him. Meaning, he ate all the muffins she dropped on his head. She put her head back in and locked the door, just in case. She then took a shower, which I have no need to describe to you.
She dressed back into the clothes she was wearing earlier, for she didn't have any clothes except the ones that she was wearing when Remus locked her in. No house elves would touch any students for their clothing when they were sleeping. It wasn't in the law of the house elves at Hogwarts. Meaning, that, no she would never get any clean clothes. Unless she went to sleep naked, which she very much was against. She shared a bed with James bloody Potter!
She rung her hair out and put it in a loose pony tail, before stepping out of the bathroom and flinging herself into the middle of the bed. She breathed deep and smelt James's scent, and pushed her head closer into his pillow. She went to sleep again.
Really now! They're sleeping so much it makes you wonder what they did the night before! In truth, nothing at all. They went to sleep; Lily had a dream, well memory, of second year, and James? James had a very nice dream about Prongs running through the Forbidden Forest and saw a little mountain and a gorge. He jumped over the gorge and landed gracefully. He woke up panting, as if he had run that.
Lily woke up, two hours later, with herself covered under the blankets, her head on the pillow and the one blanket pulled up to her neck. She smiled sleepily; James had obviously covered her. Well, actually, when she slept, she crept under the covers herself and pulled the blankets up to her neck. But we're not going to tell her that. James, to her, still hadn't come down.
She wanted his company, which scared her a lot, in reality. She hated James Potter with an enormous passion up to three days ago, when she kissed him. At least, she thought it was three days ago. She wasn't counting the days until the other's got back anymore. It had been eight days three days ago, making it a total that she had been in the sodding tower for eleven days, ten of those spent with James.
She didn't want to like him. But the more time she spent with him, the more time he consulted her, the more she fell for the Potter charms. Lily hoped that she wasn't another one of those girls that Potter picked up, banged, and then threw away. Not after she did actually like him. And not after he had pined after her since openly pronouncing it in the beginning of fifth year.
Lily bit her lip as she felt tears threaten. What the hell was this? She had cried in this tower with James more than she had in all her Hogwarts years. She had more mood changes in one day, let alone eleven, with James than she had ever had in her life, even during her menstrual.
James made her so confused. She couldn't think straight around him. She had to not be able to hear him, see him, hell, even smell him! But when he was gone, her light head was gone and replaced with her usual mind and she groaned each time it was over. She lost her common sense when he was close to her, these past few days.
She grumbled and her head fell back onto the pillow with a muffled thump. She rubbed her head lazily and scratched it before staring up at the ceiling. It was as normal as the rest of the ceilings she stared at when she was bored and had nothing to do. It was stone, and they fit together perfectly. They looked old, ready to crumble in and kill anyone at any second, but the magic that radiated around the school and inside the walls itself made it withstand.
"Oh god," she whispered to herself, turning over so her face was in the pillow again, "I'm thinking about stone and marble again. This is totally weird." She stood slowly and walked to the little table that was set up. It had a little bottle of pumpkin juice set up in a thermos to keep it the perfect temperature, and a larger thermos that contained the perfect tomato soup, made with milk. The perfect soup, really.
She sat down on the chair and gulped the soup down greedily, ignoring the heat as it swept down her throat. She felt it rest heavily in her stomach. She looked at her watch. It stopped ticking as soon as she did. She shook it hard. It ticked again. It was ten minutes past noon, and James would be coming down soon, she figured. It was lunchtime and he didn't have breakfast. "Five," she started counting, "four, three, two, one."
The tower door slammed open and James stumbled down the stairs, the blanket dragging behind him. "I knew you were coming," Lily said lightly, holding out the thermoses to him. He took them without a word to her. "James," she said to him, begging, swiveling around in her chair to give him a hard look, "talk to me, please!"
"I have no reason to talk to you," he said swallowing the hot liquid. Lily's eyes widened at the statement. He had never had any reason to talk to her! In fact, he talked to her when he had no reason at all! Lily shook her head at those thoughts; they meant the same thing, with a different wording.
"You always have an excuse to talk to me," she said pointedly, resting her chin on the back of the chair.
"Excuses are excuses. They only mean to make up for something," he said, shrugging his shoulders and gulping down the rest of the tomato soup.
"There's no more food now, Potter." She said, using his surname to refer to him for the first time in a long time. He looked at her and rolled his eyes, indifferently.
"It refills itself, Evans. Are you a witch or not? You should know that the house elves can do their own little magic to do that." He screwed the cap on and tossed the thermoses at her. She caught them clumsily, they fell faster and harder than she had suspected. They filled themselves again and the soup was creamy and just the right temperature.
"Oh," she said, "I knew that." He grunted in response and stood, before laying the blanket neatly on the bed. He looked at it and sighed in remorse, then he stole a glance at Lily. She was staring hard in his direction, but he didn't know if she was actually staring at him or staring past him.
She blinked rapidly as the door to the bathroom shut and the water started running. She sighed and drank some more. She opened the pumpkin juice thermos and gulped it down. She sputtered and spat it out two seconds later, licking her lips and staring down the front of her shirt where the brown liquid was steaming against her skin and fabric. She grinned at it and looked inside the thermos. "Hot chocolate!" She squealed happily, and blew in the thermos before gulping it down now, feeling the marshmallows slid down her throat.
The water stopped, and Lily called out, "James, we have hot chocolate!" The water started abruptly again, and she frowned. He was being rather, odd. He had never acted like this around her, actually being that cold.
Well, actually he had. During first year, she remembered trying to be quite nice to him. She wanted friends in her new school. He had been rude to her, called her mean names, and when worst had come to worst, ignore her. She had cried a few times after he had done that, until she learned that if you don't want to be ignored, than it was best to ignore.
But when Lily had tried that, the worst to her had happened. He pranked her. Once, when she was eating, well picking, at her bacon in the Great Hall, as soon as she drank her pumpkin juice she was lifted straight into the air. She screamed, and kicked, but no one even noticed that a little girl was crying and shouting above his or her heads. When she had cried, it acted like rain, so that it wouldn't hit anyone or anything and no one would be able to feel it. She only got down because when all of the students and teachers had left, Professor Dumbledore let her down, soothing her with calm words.
Needless to say, as soon as she saw James Potter next, and his new cronies, they were laughing their heads off at her tear stained face as she burst into her class she was late to that morning. Lily pranked them back. In fact, she persuaded Peeves to give her all his water balloons. He had thousands. She dropped them, one after one, on James's head, and then charmed his head to look like a fish. He was a fish out of water, basically. And the charm wouldn't go off for the next eighty-nine hours. Prank war consumed Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry after that.
Lily snapped out of her reminiscing when James quietly opened the door and then, noticing her in a daze, slammed it shut. "Lil'," He said to her, sitting down on the bed. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but the rest of her face was indifferent. "You're a detriment to me." He was wearing a shirt, actually, and a ripped pair of jeans. Honestly, how many clothes did James get to bring?
Lily scoffed at him, "When have I ever injured you?"
"Uh, let me think." He said, sitting on the bed, then falling back on it. "The time in first year when you accidentally hit me in the head with your bag when I was sitting next to at breakfast one day. Do you remember that? The bag must have been full of bricks!" Lily rolled her eyes at him. He went on with it.
"And second year," he said giving her a long look, "you hit me when I tried to hold you when you were crying after Professor Slughorn yelled at you when you dropped the monkey hairs. If I remember correctly, which I know I do, you elbowed me in the gut when my hand tapped your shoulder." Lily laughed at him.
"I was sad! And you had never liked me, so I wasn't expecting your sympathy at that moment."
"Yeah, well. It still hurt," he said to her, indignantly. "Third year!" He said with a grand voice and a sweep of his arm, making Lily giggle, "was more painful. That's when I realized just how beautiful girlies really were. I must have asked out every girl in third year, except the Slytherins, of course, and they all went out with me. Except, you, you punched me in the jaw and kicked me in the shin when I asked you out, if I remember correctly." Lily smiled innocently at him. "Should I remind you, this happened each time I asked, every two hundred and forty-seven times?"
"James, I was thirteen. I was not interested in dating. I was interested in my books, in my studies, and in the wizarding world. Boys did not come into play until the middle of fourth year."
"I wasn't done, Lillian."
"My name isn't Lillian." She said, rolling her eyes. "My name is Lily. Just Lily."
"Right, `Just Lily', the next time you hurt me was in fourth year." She grinned toothily at him, like a toddler with a big lollipop right in front of their face. "I remember I was watching you one time, during Quidditch, and you were staring at me, locking eyes and all. And then you smiled, and then grinned. And then I got knocked out with a bludger. I heard you laughing at me as I fell." She gave him a face that clearly said, `So that was all my fault?'
"In some way that was your fault, Lil! If I wasn't transfixed at staring at you, I would have noticed that the bludger was coming."
"You also failed to notice that when we were having our staring contest, they threw the quaffle at you. It bounced off your head and Hufflepuff got it." He frowned and scratched his head. "I am totally serious!"
"I know that, I just don't remember that part."
"Of course you don't. You were staring at me."
"How modest."
"I know, aren't I the greatest?"
"Of course you are, Lillian." She gave him a look, and he corrected himself. "Lily."
"Can I kiss you?" Lily asked, after a moment of silence.
"I don't want you to," James said, pulling himself up and resting against the backboard of the bed.
"I said can I, not may I." He grinned lopsided at her.
"It all depends on what I have to say though, so it doesn't matter what is grammatically correct. As long as I say you can't, you can't. As long as I say you may, you may."
Lily grinned, hopped up, and strutted over to James. She then leaned over and pecked him on the mouth. "I didn't say you could," he said to her.
"Yes you did. You said, and I quote, `As long as I say you may, you may.' You said I may, so I did."
He rolled his eyes at her. "You're too technical."
"But you like me for it?" Lily said, sitting next to him, hopefully.
"I don't know," he said, teasingly. She gave him her `look', which is a hopeful, pleading, puppy dog, and sad look. The teachers always gave her a second chance when she used it. James himself has seen the look enough times to almost be immune. I heavily emphasize almost. "Maybe I do," he said exasperated.
"Oh good!" She said, preppily, clapping her hands. He rolled his eyes at her mood swing. Guess she isn't the only one who has mood swings.
"Back to what I was saying before," he said, lying back down. She curled up next to him. "Fifth year was the emotional and ego blowing insults. Like, the one right after the D.A.D.A. testing."
"You were not being very nice to Severus!" She retorted lightly. He poked her in the side, and she giggled and covered her mouth, her cheeks warming. `God,' he thought to himself, `when did she start becoming a giggly girl?' "And I'm sure there's more that you wish to tell me I did against you?"
"Of course!" He said, punching her in the side. She curled away from it, with a sharp intake of breath. She then pushed her toe into his leg, and heard him whimper. "That was painful."
"So's being punched in the side. Why'd you punch me?"
"Getting back for all the time's that you've kicked, punched, slapped, kneed or elbowed me in the past six years." He grunted and wheezed out a breath but pulled an arm tight around Lily's shoulders and pulled her against him. She squealed in surprise and protest but he paid it no mind. "Sixth year was a lovely year, to say so in the least. Just like third year! I was bruised every day of the school year, and most times since I asked you out more than once a day, I had a bruise for every day of the year, including leap years. It's funny," he said to himself more than her, thoughtfully, "that even though I had a girlfriend every day of the year ever since third year, I've asked you out.
"And I don't know why, either. You were the only girl I really ever knew that said `no' to me. Even your best friends went out with Sirius and me more than once." He stopped because she had cut in.
"They went out with you each about twelve times. And you know that I was going to say no to you, because you got everything you wanted. I needed to show you that you couldn't always get what you want. And boys are not supposed to hit girls, its etiquette. You're not a right boy in the mind are you?" She asked him, craning her neck to look up at him, as he was smirking and nodding his head. "Anyway, go on."
"Thank you, your highness. As I was saying, you confused me! You still confuse me. And I… I like you for it. You intrigue me."
"You still haven't told me why I'm such a detriment to you." She said, running her fingers over his shirt.
"Well I don't remember all the reasons now," he said, throatily, as she continued running her fingers over his stomach. Actually, now, it was her hand, rubbing his stomach rhythmically. "Stop it!" He finally told her, catching her hand and holding it.
"Stop what?"
"Stop… stop, just stop, okay!"
"Okay James," she said, looking up at him with her big green eyes.
"And stop staring at me."
"Okay James," she said, without looking away. He couldn't resist it, and he figured that was exactly what she had planned on him doing. He leaned down, slowly, and she stretched out against him, trying to get herself closer. He, then, very slowly and softly, kissed her.
-->