Chapter Fifteen: Certain Confessions
"Hogwarts?" Harry responded, looking up quickly to notice Hermione was still wearing the same clothes she had put on three mornings earlier. "What for?"
Lupin's objection was a little more sensible, given the time of day. "Why now? What did you find?"
"Because I've gotten an owl back from Madame Pince saying that the book I found referenced is in the Restricted section there and the Black library doesn't have a copy," Hermione answered excitedly, with obviously false energy, at least, obvious to Harry.
And apparently Lupin as well, who said before Harry had a chance to respond. "Not tonight. Dobby! Winky!"
Two soft pops heralded the arrival of the elves. "Yes?" they questioned simultaneously.
Lupin's voice was soft with command and assurance. "Seal the house. Hermione is not to leave until she has had at least eight hours of sleep and a hot breakfast at the table with everyone else."
"REMUS!" Hermione's eyes snapped open from their half asleep state. "I'm not a child. You can't do that!" Despite her exhaustion, her anger was palpable, and Harry muttered a curse under his breath.
"Miss Herminny is right, Master Lupin. You cannot give that order." Dobby looked like he was seriously contemplating hurting himself for being unable to obey the order as he said this.
Remus' eyes grew large as first Hermione and then Dobby threw his orders back at him, especially as Hermione had never called him anything but Professor before, and accorded to him the respect that relationship implied. Winky chimed in at this point. "Only Harry Potter can give that order, as he is being Master of the House."
Four sets of eyes, one human, one werewolf, and two elven, focused on Harry expectantly. Summoning up that Gryffindor courage, he spoke. "Hermione, don't make me give that order. Please get a full night's sleep in a bed before you go racing off to Hogwarts. This is not really that important."
The last was most definitely the wrong thing to say, as Harry realized, worriedly, as, instead of calming, Hermione's eyes grew brighter and more fiery with anger before she spoke, her voice tightly controlled. "No. I'll go on my own if you won't come with me." She began to draw her wand, but Harry was far faster.
"Dobby."
While overly enthusiastic, Dobby was an intelligent elf, and Hermione's attempt to Apparate out of the lounge left her twenty feet further into the fairly large room as she bounced off the wards. "HARRY JAMES POTTER!" she snarled, wheeling towards him, a non-verbal spell sending a flock of angry birds towards the dark haired wizard to act out her anger. "Undo this right now!"
Not even bothering with his wand, Harry calmly erected a shield about himself that the birds bounced off, vanishing in puffs of smoke. "No."
"Let. Me. Leave. Now." she growled through gritted teeth, holding her wand straight out at him.
Harry sighed as Lupin started to move between the two young persons. "Remus, no." As the former professor stopped in mid-stride at the command in Harry's tone, the young man waved his hand and tore Hermione's wand lightly from her grip.
Giving him a last glare that made him glad looks could not kill, Hermione spun away, and both Harry and Lupin could hear her stamping angrily up the stairs, as the young witch knew, despite her anger, that it would be pointless for her to ever try to get out past the wards, especially without her wand.
* * * * *
Harry was glaring at Hermione's locked door less than five minutes later. He raised his hand and knocked loudly, prompting only the shouted response of "Go away, Harry!"
"Hermione, I just want to talk about it."
"No. Go away. I'm not speaking with you or Remus or the house elves ever again."
Harry leaned forward, resting his forehead against the wood. "You're being unreasonable, Hermione. You'll never get out of the house if you refuse to speak to all of us."
"You wouldn't dare keep me locked up in his mausoleum forever, Harry Potter."
Harry sighed again. She was right about that, though he was sorely tempted to reply 'Try me' as he made a note to get the house elves to improve the atmosphere of the place. "I'm not the one who locked the door, Hermione. Let me in the room so we can talk about this."
"There is nothing to talk about."
"Do you want your wand back?" Harry asked, growing tired of shouting and trying a different tactic. Silence was the only response, so he continued. "Then open the door and we'll talk."
"No. I'm not talking to you. Set my wand outside the door when you're through embarrassing me, though, so I can have it back."
Harry slumped tiredly against the door frame. "Either open the door now or I will, Hermione. We have to talk."
Harry heard a derisive snort from the other side of the door. "You can't break my locking charm, Harry, no matter how good you are with wandless magic. It's a modification of the passwords use at the school."
It was Harry's turn to snort. "Door before me, open." The lock clicked open audibly.
"Harry Potter!" Hermione shrieked as he entered. "How…" Her brain apparently made the connection. Harry's house. Harry's wizarding house. There was no way to lock him out of anywhere. "I could have been indecent! What would you have done then?!"
Harry responded with a truthful grin, which certainly did not calm her. "Gotten an eyeful." He tossed her wand in a gentle arc towards the bed and watched as the young witch snatched it from the air.
"Fine, you've given me my wand back. Now get out of my room," she snarled.
Harry leaned back against the door, feeling it shut behind him with a click. "No. We're going to talk."
"No, we most certainly are not." Hermione's wand was pointed at Harry again.
"Don't make me take that away from you again, Hermione," he sighed. "I just want to talk."
She lowered the wand, but kept it pointed in his direction. "Get out," she hissed. "We're not talking until you let me go, perhaps not even then. I never thought my best friend would betray me like you did. You're as bad as Wormtail."
The blow was very low, and very below the belt, and Hermione was informed of such when a vase nearby exploded, with nothing left for even a repairing charm to work on. "You, Hermione Granger, are not leaving this house until you have slept properly and you have told me what is so damn important about this Death Exchange research."
"We're not talking, Harry, and that's final. If you would be so kind as to leave, I will get some sleep."
Refraining to point out that she was talking to him right then, Harry remained leaning against the door as she turned her back on him. "Fine then," he responded after a moment. "We won't talk. I'll talk, and you listen." When she failed to respond, he continued. "You've spent the last three days in the library, Hermione, barely even eating the food Winky brought you. She came to me and Lupin in tears, thinking you did not like her bringing you the food. Once we reassured her she was doing nothing wrong, and that she should bring you food even if you ate none of it, she wanted us to do something, because she could not make you take care of yourself, Hermione. But every time me and Lupin would come near, you looked like you would kill us if we interrupted you in any way."
He took a breath, and when there was still silence from Hermione, he took a step closer to the bed, moving away from the door. "Hermione, you're my best friend. I'm not going to lose you like I lost Ron. I can't lose anyone else."
Finally, this got a response. "You think it's your fault Ron died, don't you? That's why you won't tell me what happened." She turned around, her eyes blazing. "We went into this prepared to make sacrifices to defeat Voldemort, to defeat the greatest evil of all time." Harry thought he saw something else in her eyes besides anger. "You may have to lose us all, Harry. The Death Eaters will never give up trying to get Voldemort back. With their old positions gone, he is their only chance. And it was too easy to get me back last time, they'll have learned from it. They aren't stupid." Her eyes focused intently on Harry for the first time in three days. "You can't do it. You can't let them have Voldemort back, whatever it takes."
"They're not taking you from me, Hermione." This time. "Those bastards have cost me too much in the last…" thirty-five… "seventeen years."
Her anger was focused on Harry now. "Damnit, Harry! Don't you see why that's why we have to have the book now? We have to know everything, there has to be a way to stop them." Her voice got soft. "Or you'll have to let them kill me. I'm the bait, Harry." Tears started down her face, her words the barest whisper. "I gave so much, prepared so hard, this time, I can't do it. I don't want to die." She got louder again. "But you have to. You cannot let Voldemort come back."
That was when everything made sense to Harry. Hermione, fearless, brave, Gryffindor Hermione, was scared. Levelheaded, willing to go to the last limb, loyal Hufflepuff Hermione, did not want to give any more. Intelligent, clever, booksmart, know-it-all, Ravenclaw Hermione did not have any idea what to do. "Do you think I'm not scared too, Hermione? I'm scared every time I go out there, scared witless at the thought of this not being over, even though we're supposed to have won."
He turned his face up towards the ceiling and shouted. "I won, do you hear? I won, damnit!" His voice dropped and he fell into sitting on the bed. "Why won't they just leave us alone?"
Hermione barked a bitter laugh. "Us, Harry? There is no us, this is all about you, just like always. The only reason I'm involved is because… because of you and your saving people thing." The words were a slap to Harry and he barely heard her as she continued. "You and the Order weren't the only ones who learned from fifth year. I'm sorry, Harry, it's the truth. They know you'll do anything, risk anything, for those people you consider to be your friends. I'm just lucky to be the one they picked this week instead of Sirius." He was looking at her unseeingly and her smile was bitter. "At least I actually am in danger."
Not for my friends, Hermione. Just for the people I love. They didn't win last time either, and this time, I'll find a way to keep you alive and with me. Finally, he spoke. "Yes, you really are in danger, Hermione. That's why Lupin and I want you to sleep before you leave, so that when all three of us go to Hogwarts in the morning, we'll best be able to defend ourselves." He smiled at her, reaching out and brushing some hair away that had fallen in her face. "You really are a great dueler when you're not half asleep, 'Mione."
She threw herself at him and wrapped him in one of her patented hugs, crushing the life from him it felt like, and Harry was acutely aware of the warm softness of her body as she cried into his neck. "Oh, Harry, I'm just so scared. I want this to be over."
Harry gingerly returned the hug. "It will be soon, Hermione. Dumbledore and the rest of the Order are getting ready to take on the rest of the Death Eaters in Durmstrang, I'm sure of it."
Hermione nodded, her face still buried in Harry's shoulder. He had a lot of memories of this, from the last year and a half. The loss of her parents had hit her hard, as had the deaths of their friends. Additionally, of course, he had all the memories twice, which made things even more interesting for him, and Harry was sure he would never forget any of these times. One day, he vowed, he would hold Hermione like this and she would be happy, instead of soaking his shirt with tears. If he could make her happy, which this conversation was slowly convincing him was probably not possible, if she was so scared of being around him, so tired of being a target, that she could not take it any more.
He sighed softly, and she finally pulled away from him. "Harry," she questioned after a moment of studying him, "why are you so tired? You've not been in the library for three days like I have." Her voice contained only the barest hint of accusation still, but it did sound like she was no longer as mad at him.
"The nightmares came back, without you around," he muttered, blushing and slowly turning bright red underneath his black hair, as if he were ashamed to admit it. He turned his eyes to her, smiling wanly. "One reason I can't lose you, or I'll never sleep soundly again."
Hermione giggled. "Oh, Harry, honestly. They will pass. Time heals our wounds."
It never healed losing you, Hermione. It never could. Harry smiled though. "Of course it does, Hermione. And I'm sorry about not understanding why you were so anxious about this. Am I forgiven?"
The young witch nodded. "Of course, Harry. Do you forgive me for not telling you, and just being mad?"
Harry nodded. "I do, 'Mione. I do." He hugged her tightly. "Shall we both get some sleep?"
Hermione nodded. "Just stay here, Harry. It'll be easier that way." She turned and flicked her hand against an alarm clock by the bed. "That'll make sure we wake up in time to fool Lupin."
Harry chuckled, and lay his head down on the pillows of the bed, pulling Hermione down with him. "Somehow, I doubt we're fooling him, but I think we've got him confused enough."
Hermione chuckled again. "That's good enough for me right now." She laid her head on Harry's shoulder and closed her eyes. "Goodnight, Harry."
"Goodnight, Hermione."