Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. And that's the truth. Pbbbbttttt.
A/N: Holy Heck! Hello? Anyone remember me? Where do I begin? First, let me begin by apologizing for the extremely long delay. The last two months have stressful, to say the least. But, I seem to be settling into my new position at my company now, so that's allowed me to get back to the story.
Next, I want to send out a HUGE thank you to spoonjosh for mentioning this story on the call-in for the July Harmony podcast. It's sad: I work for one of the largest independent resellers of iPods in the US, and I didn't even know about the Portkey podcast until someone mentioned it in a review. See? That's what happens when you're an author... you get the 'head buried in the sand' syndrome. THANK YOU, SPOONJOSH!!!
A very special thanks goes out to my beta, MapleMountain. He very patiently allowed me to rant and rave about everything I'd been stressing out about over these last two months, then calmly offered sage bits of wisdom to keep me on course.
I jokingly say this chapter was going to be titled "Chapter 29: Uber-update." When I sent my beta the first draft (which was maybe 5 pages unfinished), it weighed in at 42 pages. He wisely suggested I split it up. Even his daughter, who DOESN'T get sneak peeks, said I needed to split it up. So, here you go, 24 pages today with an 18 page head start Chapter 30.
For everyone eager for the resolution, I wanted to assure you the end is in sight. (Of course, I think I said that four chapters ago also...) I was going to tell you that NEXT chapter would end with them back at King's Cross Station, but that will now be Chapter 31 instead of 30. But I will make the promise: King's Cross at 31!!
As always, similarities to Book 6 are entirely intentional... as are the differences. And yes, that trademark symbol is in there on purpose. It just looked too funny seeing it again and again on the company's website to not put it in.
Chapter 29. Married... With Children, Part 1: "Straightening" Some Things Out.
"Harry, Metis is a male."
The beating of wings drew their attention back to Hedwig's cage. Metis, who'd obviously passed the mouse over to Hedwig when Harry and Hermione weren't looking, was now trying to get back out. Hedwig's cage was certainly not designed for two.
Once Metis was back out, he briefly looked at Harry and Hermione, then flew out the window.
Hermione got the distinct impression that Harry was trying to ignore the implications of what they'd just discovered. It really wasn't that big a deal of what happened, she felt.
"What was that charm you just used?" he asked.
Hermione sighed internally. He would ask that. Technically, officially, boys weren't supposed to know about reproductive magic charms until they were of age. It wasn't that girls were expected to be the ones responsible for being... responsible. It was just one of the idiosyncrasies of the wizarding world that it was felt boys couldn't be trusted with that kind of information.
It was the same reasoning that powered the girls' dormitories staircases: girls could go into the boys' dormitories, but boys couldn't get into the girls'.
At least, not unless they were escorted by a girl, one step at a time, Hermione added. Not now, she then reminded herself. Having been known to break a school rule or two (or three dozen) on Harry's behalf, she decided to just tell him.
"That, Harry, was the Paternus Charm... certainly not the Patronus Charm. As you might suspect, it reveals the parents of a child," she said in as clinical a voice as she could manage.
"The glows were the proof that the charm was working," Hermione explained. "Actually, I wasn't entirely sure that it would work, you see. The charm is designed to be used on human beings. However, I didn't see any reason why it wouldn't work on any living creature that reproduced sexually."
Harry just turned and looked incredulously at Hermione; she stopped her rambling. Okay, so maybe she was a little more affected by this than she thought she was. She calmed herself. She now knew she was wrong: it was a big deal. At first it was just a scientific fact... Hedwig and Metis were the biological parents of a new life.
But now it was starting to sink in. Even now part of her didn't want to believe it. But DNA never lied (even if wizards didn't know that was what was being "illuminated" by the magical glow). Her owl... and Harry's owl...
"I performed the charm on the egg," Hermione said, again regaining her clinical voice. "If they were human, the colors would be more prominent, but since they're much smaller..." Hermione again reined in her babbling with another look from Harry.
After staring at the spot where the second snowy owl... Metis... he... had been standing, Harry then seemed to snap out of it. "Great!" he huffed, agitated, then promptly walked out of the room and downstairs.
Hermione turned to looked back at Hedwig once more. The mother-to-be seemed to calm down considerably (unlike her owner) and was eagerly eyeing the first mouse that Crookshanks had brought in, which was now sitting on the bottom of the cage (thanks to Harry's levitation). She'd already finished off the one Metis delivered.
She didn't know why, but Hermione wanted to give Hedwig some privacy, so she shut Harry's door as she left his room. She then quickly walked down to her room to check on Crookshanks, who'd fled from Harry's room like a bat out of hell after he'd startled him. Finding her furry companion under her bed, and clearly in no mood to be bothered, she left him there, closing her own door behind her.
Hermione found Harry standing in the far corner of the dining room reading the newspaper she'd dropped. She could tell he still didn't seem too eager to talk, so she let him be for the moment. She wouldn't let him go on like this forever, however.
"Well, now I guess we know what they were doing," he said sarcastically, indicating the newspaper article. "And isn't this that witch from the Auror Department?" Hermione nodded. "Yeah, that figures," he said.
An uneasy tension hung in the air as they heard the front door open and Dan and Emma walked back in. They hadn't heard the car pull into the drive. Neither said anything.
"... must've left the coupons on my dresser," they heard Emma say as she walked upstairs and went into her bedroom. Dan walked into the kitchen and jerked in surprise when he saw Harry and Hermione there. He hadn't been expecting them since they hadn't said anything when he walked in the door. Since they were standing on opposite sides of the room, he hadn't been able to see them when he was in the living room.
Dan had just begun to notice the odd expressions on their faces when he heard Emma come back out of her bedroom.
"Those two must still be asleep," she said as she descended the stairs. She then stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "I should probably go wake them up before we leave again. They have to leave soon."
Dan grinned as he turned around to face the living room where Emma was. "Oh, nag, nag, nag," he said in an entirely teasing voice. "Just leave them be. I'm sure they can get up on their own."
Emma smirked as she started to walk towards her husband, thinking the two teenagers were still upstairs, asleep. She chuckled.
"If I'm the nag then you're my handsome stallion. Giddy-up! As soon the kiddies are away, even the neighbors will hear when I ri-"
"AHEM! AHEM! HEM HEM!" Dan cleared his throat violently as his face went white, then bright red.
"Good morning, Mum!" Hermione called from where she was standing.
"Good morning, Mrs. Granger!" Harry called. This was one time he felt it might be better to stick with the formalities.
A very red-faced Emma walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She steadfastly avoided looking at any of the three people in the room. Since she had no knowledge of how Harry would react to what had just been said, she directed her voice in his direction, while still looking out the window over the sink.
"I see you're up early this morning."
Hermione couldn't help it, and let slip a chuckle; Harry glared at her.
"Actually, I woke up when you left a little while ago," Hermione explained.
"Yes, well, we didn't even make it across the river before your mother realized she'd left the coupon in her room," Dan explained.
Emma sighed after taking another drink. Evidently the water was helping calm her embarrassment. "I'd set it beneath my purse last night so I wouldn't forget it. I then neglected to look under my purse when I picked it up this morning."
Once her blush had died, she then turned to look at Harry (she still didn't want to face her daughter). "So, are you two ready to go to Ginny's party?" Both nodded.
"How are we getting there?" Harry asked, finally getting around to wondering. "Ottery St. Catchpole has got to be four or five hours away from here by car."
Emma finally turned to look at her on the other side of the room. "After I finished wrapping my present, I called Tonks to ask her. She said that we'll have to take the Knight Bus. If it wasn't so far away, they could meet us away from the wards and we could Apparate there," Hermione said.
Harry's eyebrows rose in interest. "Really?"
Dan interrupted. "Apparate? That's the one that's like beaming, right? Like teleportation?" he asked excitedly.
Hermione smiled. Explaining magic to her parents was always easier when there was an analogy they could understand. "It is, except that there's no magical infrastructure, no transporter room, or Floo Network, necessary to operate it. Apparation is powered by your own magic."
"And the Floo Network?" Emma now asked. Harry smiled. Dan and Emma never did ask too much about using the Floo when they visited the Ministry. They just trusted their daughter and dove head-in (well, technically they stepped in). Besides, even now he was learning something.
"Just think of the Floo Network like the Underground: an established network with stops only at certain locations, i.e. fireplaces," Hermione explained. "Speaking of which, that reminds me. Our fireplace has been temporarily been hooked up to the network, for communication only. So if you see either of us with our heads stuck into a roaring green fire, you don't need to come over and rescue us."
"Good to know," Emma pointed out seriously. She still hadn't forgotten her initial fear when Hermione transfigured her clothes the previous week, having forgotten to mention their exemption from the ban on underage wizardry.
With no one having anything to say at the moment, a silence filled the room. Hermione noticed Harry look back down at his feet. Dan and Emma nodded at each other, silently telling each other they were ready to head back out to resume their shopping.
As they started to leave the kitchen, Hermione thought to herself that she knew she would have to tell them about Metis and Hedwig at some point. And since she didn't know how long she and Harry would be gone today, she didn't want them discovering it on their own, the way she did... the hard way.
Hermione rolled her eyes at herself. STOP using that WORD!
She gave Harry a meaningful stare, then looked up in the direction of his bedroom, asking him if they should tell her parents about the new development. She watched as he took a deep breath, then nodded in a rather dutiful way. He certainly didn't seem enthusiastic about this. Then again, neither was she... about telling her parents. Her feelings about the actual situation itself were still mixed.
Harry and Hermione started to follow Dan and Emma into the living room. Hermione grabbed the newspaper that Harry had set down, since there was obviously some correlation between the two. Right as the adults were about to open the front door, Hermione took a deep breath herself.
"Mum, Dad?" she said. When her parents turned around, she put her arm around Harry in a 'we're in it together' sort of way, like she'd seen on television many times before. She could feel Harry tense up. Honestly, she didn't blame him.
After delaying it as long as she could possibly manage (about half a second), she just finally said it. She didn't know why she used the words she did. Maybe it was because she'd put her arm around him.
"Harry and I are going to be grandparents!"
In retrospect, Hermione would realize about five seconds later that the combination of putting her arm around Harry and using those exact words was probably not the wisest thing she'd ever done. After all, that sort of combination was usually used for a nearly identical announcement... one not so "grand." In the meantime...
"WHAT?!" Emma shouted in shock as Dan dropped the car keys he was carrying, shock on his face as well. "Oh, Hermione... I thought you said you weren't going to rush into..." she trailed off, then blinked several times.
The words must have sunk into Dan's mind as well. "Grandparents?" he asked. Both of them now looked completely baffled.
"You know what happens when you assume, right?" Hermione asked, having let go of Harry at her mother's shriek. Both of her parents nodded.
"Well, it seems that there was more than met the eye about someone in this house." After speaking, she gently tapped with her index finger the newspaper she was holding.
Because the entire universe had seemed to stop with Hermione's sudden announcement, both Dan and Emma's attentions were drawn to the sound of her finger tapping. As the two of them stared blankly at the newspaper, they finally remembered the article contained within.
After another few moments, Dan and Emma finally looked at each other, then looked up and to their right in the direction of Harry and Hermione's rooms.
"Hedwig?" Emma asked quietly; Harry nodded.
"And Metis?" Dan finished; Hermione nodded.
Finally, after yet another few moments of silence in which Dan and Emma both looked back and forth between Harry and Hermione, an odd smile then appeared on Emma's face.
Hermione didn't know what to expect, but she wasn't expecting that.
"Oh, okay then," she said simply. Hermione blinked in surprise.
"What? Are we supposed to be angry?" Emma defended her lack of an outburst. "They're owls. It's what they do: eat, sleep, mess, and make more owls. Honestly, dear! Have a little more faith in your old mum. After all, it isn't like you're the one who got pregnant!" she said with a grin, as her initial panic was still fresh in her mind (and the adrenaline still flowing through her veins).
"We'll talk about it more later tonight when we all get back," Emma said as she turned back to the door and Dan bent down to pick up the keys. Eager to show that he was a valuable member of the household not deserving eviction (even though technically it was Hermione's owl that did the... the doing), Harry moved over to open the front door for them as they walked out. Hermione stayed firmly rooted where she was, evidently still surprised about her parents' reactions.
Harry watched as Dan and Emma walked down the sidewalk towards their car, amazed that, considering what had happened, things had gone so well with them. He blinked and snapped out of his haze when he noticed Emma slap Dan on the arm.
"Why didn't you tell me they were standing there in the kitchen?" Harry heard her scold Dan as she grabbed the car keys out of his hand.
"How was I supposed to know you were going to just shout out about us having-?" Dan's voice was cut off as Harry quickly closed the door (and locked the deadbolt for some unknown reason), not wanting to hear anymore.
He finally spoke after leaning against the front door for several seconds. "So, the Knight Bus, huh?"
"Uh-huh," Hermione confirmed; Harry groaned. "Tonks said she and Remus would've Apparated us there, except that it was too far away for them. Side-Along-Apparation takes a lot of energy. Most witches and wizards who can Apparate can also take a passenger with them, but distance is limited."
"Ron lives too far away," Harry half complained-half joked, vehemently vexed about revisiting the violently violet vehicle.
"Actually, it's not so much the distance as it is the distance relative to the mass. For example, Tonks did volunteer Remus to stop by and pick up our presents before we left. At least those'll arrive un-battered and un-bruised. As for us..." Hermione trailed off with a small smile.
"If the presents are lighter, why not just put a Lightening Charm on us?" Harry asked hopefully.
"Mass, Harry, not weight."
"What's the difference?"
Hermione looked as thought she was about to explain, but just smiled instead. "Another time, perhaps. Remember I told you about spell analysis in Arithmancy? There's actually a neat little formula that calculates the mass-to-distance ratio. I could show it to you sometime, if you're interested."
Harry didn't miss a beat. "Another time, perhaps," he said, then finally smiled, genuinely smiled, for the first time today. Hermione decided not to tempt fate and just leave him be for the moment. She knew he was still bothered by the egg-stenuating circumstances (Hermione thought it was funny), but if she could get the occasional smile to hatch out of his shell, then she wouldn't henpeck too much.
Harry nodded, thinking about how much he loved taking the Knight Bus. "What time are we leaving?"
"About 9:30," Hermione replied.
Harry nodded, then looked at the clock. "That's about an hour, enough time for us to shower and eat breakfast. Which do you want to do first?"
Hermione tried, mostly successfully, to not dwell on the idea of "us" taking a shower, and then just nodded vaguely (in agreement with Harry's assessment that there was enough time left). "I'll shower first. What do you want for breakfast? I'll start it while you're in there."
"Honestly? We're going to a Weasley party, so I think just cereal. We'd probably explode otherwise once we got there."
Hermione agreed. "And that's to say nothing about losing it on the way there. Remember that lady from Christmas last year?"
Harry smiled again. Hermione then headed upstairs as he sat down at the kitchen table. Once he heard the shower running, he gently banged his head against the table as he cursed himself for letting Hermione see him like that this morning.
True, it was something that happened all on its own every day. But still, one of the dreams (which he noticed were increasing in frequency, but at least not in intensity, yet) he'd had not long before waking had done nothing to lessen his embarrassment. If anything...
Finally, Harry heard Hermione coming downstairs. She noted without comment the red mark on his forehead that had formed from it resting on the table the entire time.
* * *
Harry returned downstairs some twenty minutes later to find Hermione waiting for him so she could start breakfast. He could not help but smile slightly when he noticed she'd already put out a bowl of breakfast cereal for him. It was his favorite: corn flakes with raisins.
"Thanks," he said kindly, then dug in. He looked up at her and smirked when he noticed the corn flakes were completely soggy... exactly how he liked them best. She must've poured the milk while he was still in the shower.
"You're not the only who can pay attention to how people like to eat their food," Hermione explained with a mysterious smile, then looked away as she poured the milk over hers, ensuring hers were still crunchy, exactly how she liked hers best.
"An owl arrived for you while you were in the shower," Hermione told Harry. She handed him the small slip of parchment. Harry opened it to find only a small note in Ron's (what he called) handwriting that read, "Bring your broom!"
After reading the note, Harry finally asked how they would catch the Knight Bus.
"I called Tonks while you were in the shower. Remus will come and pick up our presents, then we can just go out and catch it out on the street. Tonks will already be on the bus and Remus will just Apparate to the Burrow from down the street where the wards end," Hermione explained. Harry started to ask something, but she beat him to it.
"Muggles can't see the Knight Bus, so if we're under your cloak, no one would see anything more than a wand and maybe a few fingers floating in midair. And anyone who did see that, and was more than a few feet away, wouldn't even know what they were seeing."
Harry thought about it and nodded. "How did you get to the Burrow for the Quidditch World Cup?"
Happy that he was even talking to her, Hermione was all too eager to explain. "Same thing. Someone gave me an Invisibility Cloak and I caught the bus right out front."
Harry looked surprised. "Who gave you the cloak?"
"You'll never believe me if I told you!" Hermione replied, amused at the memory.
"I promise!"
She thought about it for a second, then told him. "It arrived in a box via Royal Mail!"
"You're joking!" Harry replied.
"I told you!" she replied. "Honestly! A cloak was delivered by Muggle overnight delivery." Seeing that Harry still found it hard to believe, Hermione decided to just put him out of his misery and tell him without any more games... even though she greatly enjoyed them.
"My house wasn't hooked up to the Floo Network. Since it involved pulling quite a few strings getting Privet temporarily hooked up, and since it was felt I could travel without requiring a large Dursley greeting committee," Hermione said with a smirk, "Mr. Weasley decided to just have me take the Knight Bus on my own.
"So he borrowed a cloak from someone in the Order, packed it in a box, and then took it down to the Muggle Relations Department to have them ship it to me," she continued, then smiled. "To be entirely honest, I think he went through all of that just so he could use the Muggle postal service."
Harry thought back to the letter Mrs. Weasley had sent him the summer of the Quidditch World Cup, completely covered in stamps. He could just imagine Mr. Weasley excitedly standing in some long queue at a downtown London Post Office™, surrounded by irritated, grumbling Muggles, waiting to purchase some stamps.
He grinned. "Okay, now I believe you."
"Well, for when it absolutely, positively has to be there," she said with a smile, even though she knew that was Federal Express, not Royal Mail.
"Don't you think that was a little risky, sending a cloak through the mail?" Harry asked.
"Well, I did say Mr. Weasley did it, not the Ministry, didn't I?" she pointed out. "He has been known to get a little carried away, hasn't he, when it comes to Muggle things?"
Harry thought about it and agreed. He could go the rest of his life never seeing another Ford Anglia, and he would be just fine with that.
* * *
After being invited into the house a few minutes before 9:30, Remus picked up the presents he was going to ferry to the party. When Harry brought down his Firebolt, his former professor's eyes widened in admiration.
"I've never been on a Firebolt before, Harry. You don't mind if I take this for a little test flight at the Burrow, do you?" Remus asked hopefully.
Thinking his friend was just joking and asking like everyone else in the world seemed to, Harry just laughed. "Knock yourself out!" he said. After shrinking everything down to place in his pockets, Remus then left, heading for King George's Park, looking for a secluded place from where he could Disapparate.
After a minute or so of adjusting, Harry and Hermione were standing out on the sidewalk of Broomhill Road, huddled very close together under his Invisibility Cloak. They certainly no longer were eleven years old. And both of them were secretly very glad about that. Since she'd done it before, Hermione carefully arranged the cloak so she could stick her wand out without revealing themselves.
A moment later, the Knight Bus practically exploded out from nowhere, and stopped right in front of them. The door opened and down the few steps strode the conductor, Stan Shunpike, pimply as ever.
"Welcome to the Knigh..." he started then trailed off, seeing no one. "'S'no one 'ere! Oy, Ern! You sure 'ere's no Ogden's in'at tea'a yours?" Stan shouted to the driver as he turned around.
"Wait!" Harry called. "We're here!"
Stan turned around. "'Oo's 'ere?"
"We're here!" Hermione said, annoyed. "We're invisible!"
"'Choo invisible for? 'Fraid summuns gonna see ya er sumfink like 'at?" the purple-clad twenty-something asked, looking around beadily.
"We're in the middle of a Muggle neighborhood," Hermione explained exasperatedly.
Stan looked around. "Oh, are we?" he asked, surprised. "Didn' notice. 'Sides, 'em Muggles never notice nuffink!"
"They'd notice if we disappeared out of thin air," Hermione's bodiless voice retorted from somewhere on the curb.
"Right," Stan said as thought he'd never considered that. "Well, come on, come on!"
Harry and Hermione climbed onto the triple-decker bus as best they could while still under the cloak. Once aboard, they removed the cloak. Stan's eyes lit up upon seeing Harry, while Hermione stuffed the cloak into the book bag she brought... for the sole purpose of hiding the cloak (Harry jokingly made sure the bag was empty before they left the house).
"Blimey, Ern! I's 'Arry Potter!" he shouted. The normal murmur of the routine conversations immediately died. Almost all of the passengers, on all three decks clamored to turn around or look over the railing to catch a glimpse of the Chosen One.
"Thanks," Harry said, annoyed. He felt Hermione put her hand on the side of his arm. To everyone else, it looked like she was just trying to move up off the stairs and stand next to him on the deck. But Harry knew better. He looked at everyone, put on a fake, polite smile, then nodded a hello. He then politely stared at everyone sufficiently long enough for them to get the hint they were allowed to return to their own business.
"Where can I take ya today, Mr. Potter?" Stan asked proudly. Harry turned around to face front so people wouldn't hear their destination.
"Ottery St. Catchpole, the Burrow," Harry replied.
"That'll be fifteen Sickles each, please."
Hermione started to reach for the money she brought for bus fare when she heard Harry mumble an "It's okay." He then pulled out two Galleons and handed them to Stan. "For both," he said quietly.
While Stan gave him their tickets (and kept the change per Harry), Hermione fought back a scowl when she noticed several younger witches on the bus admiring the backside of Harry's jeans. She groaned internally when she recognized several of them.
"Pop'lar destination," Stan replied as Harry handed Hermione her ticket to the Burrow. Harry found out exactly what he meant when he turned around again.
"Hi, Harry!" came the simultaneous, enthusiastic greetings from Parvati and Padma Patil, three seats back. They'd both been hidden behind copies of Witch Weekly when he did his meet-and-greet.
"Oh, hello," Harry said in surprise. "You going to Ginny's party too?" Both nodded.
"I fink 'ere's seats still on'a secon' deck," Stan said to them as they headed down the aisle.
"Bye, Harry!" the twins chorused. They both giggled and again inspected his jeans as he walked past. Hermione fought the urge to roll her eyes. She knew everyone was used to seeing Harry in Muggle clothes... Dudley's clothes. So for him to be wearing something that actually fit him (very well, Hermione knew), it was not surprising that his female classmates would eagerly take notice, herself included. Parvati and Padma then smiled a simple, silent, polite hello to Hermione as she made her way by. They then returned to their magazines.
"Gimme a shout when ya foun'a seat!" Stan called to them as they climbed the stairs from the ground deck to the first deck.
The first deck was also full; Harry received another "Hi, Harry," and Hermione a polite wave, from Lavender Brown all the way in the back. Trudging up to the second deck, they found a few open seats near the back. Since the bus was waiting for them (that's what a four Sickle tip earned a passenger), Harry was tempted to just tell Stan now to go ahead. Any one of his trips on the Knight Bus however was more than enough to remind him otherwise. He would not say a word until they were safely seated.
Finally they were seated; Hermione on the semi-padded back bench seat facing forward and Harry across from her in one of the hard wooden side seats, facing back. There was just barely enough room between Hermione and the older witch next to her for Harry to fit if he'd wanted to. It would have been a little obvious however if he'd sat there instead of in the empty seat across from her.
"Okay, Stan!" Harry called up to the front of the bus below, then turned back. He looked back just in time to see Hermione looking over his shoulder.
"Neville!" she called out in greeting.
Harry really should have known better. He started to let go of the handrail in order to turn around to see his friend when the bus took off with a BANG!
Harry was thrown forward (from his point of view, to the back of the bus) and onto Hermione. As luck would have it, since he was directly across from her, they came together in almost a perfect match: his knees crashed into hers. That launched his upper body forward. He started to throw his arms forward to stop himself, but it turned out they were not needed.
Their final position would have been quite eyebrow-raising in other circumstances: forehead against forehead, nose against nose, lips against lips. Harry's outstretched arms were now planted against the wall on either side of her head, almost as if he was playfully trapping her. Yes, it would have been downright romantic in another place and time, if it wasn't for the fact that his motion had been stopped not by his hands, but by the dull THUD of the literal head-on collision of skulls.
The pain made Harry's arms give out, causing him to fall face-first into Hermione's lap. He immediately rolled off to her side and weakly sat down next to her, wedging himself next to the other witch. Each of them was clutching their forehead. The two teens were in too much pain to have even noticed how he'd landed, and all of the witnesses on the top deck were too sickened by the sound of flesh-covered bone striking flesh-covered bone to pay any attention to that.
"That'll leave a mark," Hermione finally ground out a minute later. The two of them looked up to see Neville sitting in Harry's original seat across from them. Since the bus was currently speeding north along the M1 (in the opposite direction of the Burrow; there was no point in trying to make rhyme or reason of the route the Knight Bus took to go anywhere), it was relatively safe to move around for a few moments. The older witch had gone up to take Neville's original seat.
"You two all right?" Neville asked once they'd finally taken their hands off their foreheads.
"I don't suppose you have an aspirin?" Hermione asked jokingly (since she knew she wasn't allowed to take one).
"No, sorry," Neville replied, genuinely trying to help. The two of them managed a smile when they heard a frightened squeak come from one of the breathing holes cut into the gift-wrapped present Neville was holding.
* * *
The drive back from the annual back-to-school lingerie sale at a lovely little boutique in Camden Town was unusually quiet. It was a sale for parents, to celebrate their children going back to school. It was very popular... for those who knew. This particular boutique was not part of a national franchise, so only their loyal customers knew about the buy-one-get-one-free sale. Fortunately Emma had been a loyal customer there since she was thirteen.
Since it was not part of a large corporate conglomerate, the business was literally a two-woman show, owned and operated by a mother and daughter. This allowed them to offer "old-fashioned" customer service. It was what they were best well known for. They still offered personalized attention for when mothers brought their daughters in for their very first fittings. Emma's mother brought her here; Emma brought Hermione here. Hermione however had refused to go back once she figured out what was in the "Other Room," and why her mum went in there.
The "Other Room" was the other half of what made that store so popular. While they specialized in "old fashioned" customer serviced, they strived to stay in the forefront of intimate apparel. Emma remembered the first time her mother brought her here. She remembered the first time she brought Hermione here (the third time was the last). And she remembered the first time she brought Dan here, too.
On the car ride back home, Dan and Emma were usually giggling about their purchases. They would usually be contemplating using their purchases in the time between the afternoon of September 1 and Christmas holiday. Today was different however. This summer was different. This time, they could not ignore the last three weeks.
As she drove over the Thames, Emma finally spoke. "Would it be presumptuous of me if I said I wanted to ask the Dursleys if we could become Harry's guardians?"
"Yes," Dan replied with a small smile.
"Do you think they would object?" she then asked.
"No," he responded.
"What do you think about it?"
"I'd say no," Dan replied honestly, even though he had to admit to himself it wasn't a half-bad idea.
"What?! Why?" Emma asked, whining.
Dan smiled. "Because I don't think your daughter would approve." Once stopped at a red light, Emma looked over and stared at Dan, waiting for an explanation.
"If we did, wouldn't that, legally, make him her brother?" Dan pointed out.
"Oh. Yeah," Emma said, smirking. "I knew there was a reason I keep you around. Well, that and..." she trailed off, glancing down at the fancy, pink paper bag on the floor between Dan's feet.
"Yes, well, let's not finish that sentence, shall we?" Dan suggested with his own smirk. "At least not until we send them off on the train. For all we know, Hermione and Harry could be in the back seat under his Invisibility Cloak."
"True," Emma admitted.
Once back home, Emma headed upstairs to safely stow away her purchases... somewhere where her daughter wouldn't accidentally come across them when helping with the laundry. It was the same place she kept the embarrassing baby photos.
On her way to her own room, Emma suddenly found herself stopped in front of Harry's bedroom door. She could not resist, and quietly opened the door. Upon walking into the room, Emma noticed Hedwig sitting on the bottom of her cage, instead of on the perch where she usually sat. She appeared to be napping.
Sitting on Harry's dresser next to the cage was Metis, evidently on guard, looking out the window. His head immediately swiveled around; his eyes were fixed intently upon Emma. Knowing that wizarding Post Owls were smarter than normal owls, Emma held out her hands as if to indicate she meant no harm.
Cautiously, she approached the cage. Once close enough to get a good look inside the cage, Hedwig opened her eyes. Emma smiled to herself. She too found it hard to sleep sometimes when she carried Hermione.
"Hello, girl," Emma whispered to Hedwig. "Did your babies surprise my babies this morning?" she asked playfully, one mother to another.
Hedwig shuffled slightly, allowing the egg to become partially visible from beneath her feathered body.
Emma gasped. "So beautiful," she whispered in awe as tears began to form in her eyes. She then looked up at Metis who was watching the two of them carefully.
"Now, you take good care of them, okay?" she whispered to the smaller, almost pure-white male owl. She then slowly reached out towards Metis and patted the top of his head. He reached up and nipped at her fingers in what Emma assumed to be a promise.
As she withdrew her hand, Emma noticed Metis turn his head to look behind her. Turning her own head slightly, she noticed Dan standing in the doorway, watching. Knowing that three was already a crowd, she retreated to the door. As she turned, she noticed a sheet of parchment partially tucked under one of the sheets of Harry's unmade bed.
Picking it up, Emma saw that it was a school handout.
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Personal Health for All Third-Year Witches
Madam Poppy Pomfrey, R.H. & Professors Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout
The upper portion contained a brief synopsis on female anatomy and biology. The middle section contained dosing instructions for "cyclic female relief potions" as well as instructions for intimate cleansing charms.
Emma marveled as she looked at the document. A few words reminiscent of Latin followed by a series of schematic arrows which, after watching her daughter practice her wandwork (with a chopstick), she knew to be instructions for wand motions.
Then there was the bottom section, titled "Intimate Relations." Here, there was the standard (according to the handout) contraception charm, good until the sun rose. Also listed were charms for preventing infections of any kind that could be passed from one person to another.
She also saw that there was a note in this section reminding the reader that all of these charms were effectively one-time-use only. Young witches were encouraged to talk with their parents, significant other, and personal healer about long-term potions that were also available for "committed" relationships. These were important, the handout reminded, because charms were only as effective as the witch was diligent in casting them.
The upside of the potion, should it be needed, was that it was brewed specially for each couple: it required a small bit of the witch and wizard in question, such as a hair. When properly administered by a healer on a full moon, it was one hundred percent effective for exactly nine full lunar months.
Other benefits of the potion (depending on one's point of view) was that it could not be made for anyone not of age without the witch's parents' permission (again, the whole witch vs. wizard mentality). The potion also encouraged fidelity; since it was made from bits of the witch and wizard, any extraneous intimate relations would incur a nasty, and painful, reaction that, while non-public, would make anyone wish they were merely a "sneak."
And then listed in the "So Things Didn't Go Quite According to Plan" section were two last charms, a "morning-after" charm ("MUST be used prior to the next sunset") and a paternity charm ("for when you just don't know, or he won't admit it"). Emma would have been quite shocked if she hadn't already known that witches and wizards tended to name or title things a little more colorfully that Muggles did.
Finally, at the bottom, there was a reminder that it was considered "inappropriate" to discuss this information with male classmates, unless deemed absolutely necessary (i.e. it was being used).
As she looked over the handout, Emma saw that Hermione had made extensively annotations on the parchment. She noted, with not a small amount of satisfaction (as much as any mother with a daughter old enough to deal with these issues could), that her notes were limited to only in the first two sections. In the last two sections, there was only a small, handwritten star next to the comment about discussing long-term potions with parents.
In their talk on Harry's first day there, Hermione had said she was in no rush to jump into a physical relationship. While in no way did Emma not believe her daughter, it was one thing to hear a child say that to a parent. It was another thing entirely to know that she said it to herself, in this note-to-self sort of way. Emma also realized that, based on her timeline of her feelings, Hermione had made this decision before she set her sights on Harry. She trusted that was a good sign.
After examining the sheet of parchment for a moment, Emma placed it back exactly as she had found it. She knew her daughter would not intentionally leave something like this lying around. She could only imagine what had happened in this room while they were gone.
Once satisfied with putting it back to exactly where she found it, Emma walked over to Dan, turned around, and backed into him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her as he placed his chin on her shoulder.
"So what do you think about this new development?" Dan asked quietly as he watched as Metis resumed his watch out the window.
"I think it's a blessing in disguise," Emma replied after taking a deep breath and holding it for several seconds. "I think this will help bring them even closer together, regardless of when the two of them figure it out for themselves."
"Mm-hmm," Dan agreed lazily, content to just stand there with his wife in his arms, looking at new life. "You know, I had a little talk with Harry the morning of the first when we went to Gringotts. I mentioned to him how I knew it wasn't my place to have 'the talk' with him. But at the same time, I promised myself that if the two of them did get together, we would have that discussion."
Dan chuckled slightly. "While I don't think either of them is anywhere near that point yet, I think this little episode will have more of an impact on them about the risks of pregnancy than any talk you or I might ever have with them."
Emma chuckled as well. "Yes, I do suspect this might have a sobering effect on them, when that time comes... decades from now, I hope," she added cheekily. She then paused for a moment. "Why were you discussing 'the talk' with Harry?"
"Oh," Dan said dismissively, "nothing that bears repeating at this point. Just boy problems," he explained. Whenever Emma and Hermione had a mother-daughter moment about a subject that Dan was literally ill-equipped to truly understand, she would explain it was "nothing that bore repeating, just girl problems." Dan knew that Emma would not withhold something critical from him. As such, Emma understood what Dan meant, even if she didn't know what he meant.
Deciding they'd taken enough of the lovebirds' time, Dan and Emma left the room, closing the door behind them. Once out in the hall, Dan noticed the pink bag on the floor.
"You know," he said casually, "the, um, kiddies will be gone for several hours... and it's a very long time until the afternoon of September 1."
Emma grinned wickedly. "My thoughts exactly."
* * *
Nearly half an hour after embarking, the Knight Bus finally arrived at the Burrow after a few quick stops in Nottingham, Aberdeen, and even Hogsmeade. Having traveled nearly 550 miles north (by road, which the bus stuck to... mostly) and then back, and then the 175 miles southwest from London to the Weasley farm, the birthday guests were the only ones remaining on the bus when it came to a very abrupt halt. Fortunately, everyone was holding onto something this time.
The partygoers eagerly unloaded themselves, glad to be on solid ground. Lavender, Parvati, and Padma all bolted for the house to go find Ginny. Harry and Hermione found Remus and Tonks waiting for them, along with one other person they assumed to be Neville's minder.
"Were you on the bus?" Harry asked Tonks; she nodded. "I didn't see you."
"Did you look for me?" she asked knowingly. Harry shook his head. "I told you, you wouldn't see us unless you actually looked for us," she said, grinning.
Remus stepped forward. "Love the broom, Harry," he said happily as he handed Harry back his Firebolt as well as his and Hermione's presents.
Harry was stunned. "You actually rode my Firebolt? You play Quidditch? I thought you were just joking," he said disbelievingly.
"Hey, I was a young man once," Remus defended.
"You're still a young man," Tonks interrupted meaningfully.
Remus smiled and bowed his head slightly in a placating manner, as if he'd heard that before, and was no longer going to argue the point.
"I was also friends with your father. Sirius and I may not have been on the team, but we knew our way around the pitch just fine."
Harry still seemed skeptical. "Don't believe me? Just ask Ron. I gave him a good chase around their yard. Just don't listen to him if he tells you I almost slid off the front when I stopped suddenly," the werewolf added sheepishly.
The three teens slowly walked up the dirt drive towards the house while their three minders fell back a short way to be unobtrusive.
"Um, Harry?" Neville asked anxiously. "What do I, um, say if Ginny asks how I knew what to buy her?"
"You tell her the truth, Neville," Hermione promptly answered. "You're not likely to gain a girl's favor by lying to her, even if it's about the little things. Especially if it's about the little things."
Even thought Neville had asked him, Harry was very glad Hermione had answered instead. He really didn't know what Neville should have said. Of course, he would never have suggested Neville lie to her; he just didn't know what to suggest that he should say to Ginny.
Once Hermione had said what she had, Harry realized his confusion seemed quite silly, really. There were really only three things Neville could say: the truth, a lie, or absolutely nothing at all (which almost never worked anyway when asked a direct question). When unsure of what to say, simplifying the situation down to how to answer, rather than what, often made the decision much easier. The truth, a lie, or nothing.
Once they were close enough to hear the noise of the pre-party preparations, Harry had to admit: it was good to be back at the Burrow again.
Taking in the sights, he noticed that the fields around the house had a decidedly overgrown appearance, looking exactly as though the house had been vacant for an extended time. He grinned as he heard in the distance the chatter of gnomes in the tall grass. Near the house, all of the grass had been cut down in anticipation for the party.
Something about it though felt missing. As they reached the picnic tables that had been set up in the back yard, Harry finally realized what. It didn't smell like it had been mown, which he felt was a real pity.
Most magical spells were created by a small, dedicated group of Arithmancers, working in obscurity at some undisclosed location. Arithmancers took great pride in their work, and hence strove to make their spells as efficient as possible. It was because of that, that the standard garden trimming spell, equally useful for mowing large lawns or pruning a single branch, automatically sealed the cut ends, promoting rapid healing for the plant.
When blades of grass were severed in this way, rather than physically cut with a blade, chlorophyll was not spilt, hence no wonderful fresh-cut-grass smell. Sure, if grass was cut with an ordinary cutting charm, such as Diffindo, one would get the full sensory experience, but using that spell would be like mowing the yard with a pair of scissors.
Little did the wizarding public know, but all regulation Quidditch pitches were mown with magically-driven bladed mowers. No magic spell had ever been able to efficiently replicate the alternating patterns of light and dark green achieved by mowing the grass in different directions, at least not without the caster having to walk up and down the field dozens of times, flattening the grass down with a repelling charm. It was the look prized universally by baseball, football, Quidditch, and Quodpot fans alike.
A bladed mower was the tightly guarded secret of professional pitch groundskeepers the world-round. Not even Harry or Hermione knew; it certainly was not written in any book. It was no accident that no one ever saw Madam Hooch sitting in the pitch stands while everyone was in lessons, using her wand to direct around the field the strangest looking contraption. Only the Muggle-born students would have been able to guess what it was... not because of what the device looked like, but because of how the grass looked after it passed by.
The smell of the field was the one element almost always missing in a home Quidditch pitch (even the Malfoys'). It was what made Quidditch smell like Quidditch... until the game started at least. Then, Quidditch smelled like butterbeer, stale ale, and stale spectators.
It was almost ten o'clock. When all the guests (except one) had arrived, Ginny Weasley's fifteenth birthday party started out with a bang. Literally, courtesy of Fred and George (with a little encouraging from Mrs. Weasley).
And from that point on, things pretty much went downhill, as far as Harry was concerned. As this was a girls' birthday party, a good majority of the guests were female. Besides the other girls from the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the Patils, Lavender, Hermione, and Luna (who had owled ahead to say she would be late), there were also about a half-dozen or so soon-to-be fourth- and fifth-year girls Harry only vaguely recognized.
In fact, the only non-adult males there were Harry, Neville, and Dean Thomas (Ginny's and his breakup had been amicable). Predictably, the girls soon started to gravitate together. With so many potential witnesses around who might notice his more-than-platonic feelings for his housemate, and combined with everything that had happened this morning in his bedroom, Harry decided it would be best to limit his exposure to Hermione at the party.
The end result was that he made every effort to pay as little attention to her as possible.
And so, when the boys quickly bored and a pick-up game of Quidditch was suggested, Harry eagerly agreed. Now he knew why Ron suggested he bring a broom to Ginny's party. Because he tried to not keep track of where she was (lest anyone see him looking), Harry did not notice that Hermione had not gone off with the rest of the girls to go do whatever it was they were doing, and was now sitting alone on the side of the house, watching him play in the distance.
Fortunately, Remus and Tonks soon came and joined her, keeping her company as they discussed a wide variety of topics.
Harry, for his part, quickly realized that this quick game of Quidditch would not be all that he hoped it would. As soon as they met, Harry was vaguely aware that Ron seemed a little distant. There wasn't anything he could put a finger on; it was just a gut instinct. As soon as the game began however, Harry knew something was up.
The moment Ron was in the air, he was constantly looking towards the hill that was in the direction of town. So unfocused was he that he let several goals in. After several complaints which were followed by profuse apologies, the boys decided to call it quits. Harry got the distinct feeling that Fred and George knew what was wrong (since they weren't cutting into him too deeply), but the knowing smirks on their faces didn't really tell him much.
About an hour into the party, everyone came back together to give Ginny her presents. A large number of the presents consisted of various WonderWitch products, and even one Patented Daydream Charm (much to the consternation of Mrs. Weasley). Fortunately, there were no love potions. Ginny soon came to Hermione's gift, the note-taking quill. As soon as Hermione explained it, she seemed genuinely appreciative. "I'm almost as bad a speller as Ron is," she joked.
Next Ginny opened Harry's present. Because he was specifically watching for it, as soon as she saw the broomstick servicing kit, Harry saw the look of surprise that clearly indicated she was not expecting that. She then could not help but glance in Hermione's direction, who was on the other side of the room from Harry.
Ginny then put on a warm smile and thanked him for a wonderful gift, saying she couldn't wait to use it, just as soon as she got her own broom. Harry said he thought it would be useful because she'd been thinking about buying a new broom when they'd all gone shopping back in Diagon Alley.
Finally, the last person left was Neville. He'd done everything he could to be last, not because he hoped to "save the best for last," but rather because if Ginny didn't like it, he hoped everyone would easily forget about him and his present as soon as they then went on to have cake. That's what he hoped at least.
Unnoticed by anyone while Ginny was opening her other presents, Neville had been gently rocking his box to get the Pygmy Puff to fall asleep, so as to not tip off Ginny by squeaking while she unwrapped it.
Ginny stared curiously at the air holes in the side of the box, not knowing what to make of them as she unwrapped the present. As soon as the paper was removed, Harry saw when Fred and George immediately recognized one of their own traveling boxes. In the back of the room, the twins immediately put their heads together and started whispering. A few moments later, they came back up with appraising looks on their faces as they stared at Neville.
When Ginny recognized the triple 'W' on the box, she smiled as she went to remove the lid. "It's a good thing I know where to find my dear, twin brothers, just in case this explo..." she trailed off as her eyes landed on what was inside. Her eyes immediately went as big as saucers. A beaming smile slowly began to appear on her face.
"Oh!" she said in a squeak as she gently reached into the box and gingerly removed the sleeping purple puff. She held it in both hands and brought it up only a few inches away from her face.
"Oh, Neville. How did you know?" Ginny asked in a whisper, obviously in love with the tiny creature that had just woken up and was now wiggling around in her hand.
"Um, Harry told me," Neville said hesitantly.
"Harry told you?" Ginny asked, lifting her eyes and turning to look directly at Neville.
"Um, yeah," he replied, becoming embarrassed. "I, um, asked him if there was anything you wanted, and he told me this."
Ginny gave Neville a thoughtful sort of look. "It's exactly what I wanted. Thank you!" She then carefully returned the Pygmy Puff to its box.
"By the way, everyone," she now addressed the guests. "The thirtieth was Neville's sixteenth birthday. Harry wanted to share their parties on the thirty-first, but Neville was visiting his family then. Anyway, at his party, we all gave Harry a birthday snog, so I think the three of us still owe Neville here a..." she said as she looked around. "Oh, Luna's still not here yet... and where did Hermione go?
"Oh well, I guess you'll have to settle for just me, then. Happy birthday, Neville!" Ginny said as she moved forward, took Neville's face in her hands, and gave him what Harry assumed to be the same kiss Luna and Hermione had given him: a birthday snog because she was supposed to.
When Ginny pulled away a second later, everyone in the room gave a cheer (even Dean), just as everyone had at Harry's party. When Neville, dazed and smiling, stumbled slightly, Ron had to catch him. This elicited a few giggles from the other girls in the room.
Ron, on the other hand, was decidedly not in a giggling mood. Harry felt though that it had nothing to do with his sister snogging Neville, as he had been getting increasingly moody as the party progressed.
Even an extra large slice of birthday cake (no screaming or "bleeding" charms this time), had done little to improve Ron's mood. Harry was still trying to limit his direct interaction with Hermione as much as possible, so he and Ron had somehow managed to drift off to the side of the party to be alone as everyone else mingled, ate cake, and generally enjoyed themselves.
Everyone else, that is, except Hermione.
She couldn't prove it, but she got the distinct impression Harry was trying to avoid her. As Hermione rejoined the party (she and Molly were retrieving the cake and pumpkin juice while Neville was getting the best birthday present ever), she saw Harry suddenly turn and look away from her.
She knew they really hadn't had a chance to talk about what had happened this morning... either of the two surprises. She was willing to give him his space if he felt he needed it, but if he was going to ignore her (and hence the subject altogether), then that just wasn't going to stand.
Nearly an hour later (and not so much as a single word spoken between Harry and Hermione), the birthday party was showing signs of beginning to break up. Harry, Ron, and Neville were off on the side of the room chatting about Quidditch. Facing the front door, Harry noticed when Luna came rushing in, looking rather flushed as though she'd run all the way over.
Even as she gave Ginny a brief hug, whispered what appeared to be a breathless apology, and then went over to greet Molly, Harry did not miss Luna looking glancing over in his (and Ron's) direction three times.
As Ron and Neville-their backs to the front door-continued to debate the Chudley Cannon's latest choice for Keeper versus that of Puddlemore United's, Harry observed with interest as the still red-faced Luna walked into the kitchen drawing her wand, then returned a moment later looking completely refreshed with her wand now tucked behind her ear.
If he hadn't been discreetly watching her, Harry might not have noticed as Luna slowly and casually made her was around the room and, unfortunately, earning a few odd glances from the other party guests who only knew her as "Loony."
Finally the blonde Ravenclaw made it around the room and was now standing only a few feet behind Ron.
"Hello, Harry," Luna greeted serenely. Harry was pretty sure Ron gained an inch or two in height as the slouch that had weighted him down for most of the day suddenly disappeared. "Hello, Neville," she continued. Once Ron's eyebrows had receded from his hairline, he struggled valiantly to wipe away the grin that almost flashed across his face at the sound of her voice.
"Hello, Ronald," Luna finally finished.
"Eh... erm... He-hello, L-Luna," Ron stuttered as he turned around to face her. His ears were already on their way to bright red. Harry caught Neville's eye, and the two of them quietly made an exit, unnoticed by the other two.
Finally with a few minutes alone with his fellow dorm mate, Harry led Neville into the kitchen where Remus had set the present Harry had gotten for him.
"Sorry it took so long, Neville," Harry apologized. "I bought it back in July, but it seems to be all right still. I'm sure it will need feeding soon, though."
"Feeding?" Neville asked dubiously. Hesitantly opening the present, he looked immensely pleased when he saw what it was. "A Venus Fly Trap! Thanks!"
"You like it? Brilliant! At the time, I wasn't able to get anything magical, but I thought this was pretty wicked as far a Muggle plants went," Harry explained.
"No, really, it's great!" Neville exclaimed; he wouldn't have been able to lie about it if he'd even wanted to. Harry watched as his friend removed the protective plastic top to get a closer look. As Neville carefully inspected the open traps, Harry realized something.
"Oh! I left the instructions at home!" he apologized. "It came with care and feeding instructions. I took them off the side of the pot when I found out I would be plant-sitting for a while, but I must have left them on my desk."
"Don't worry about it, Harry," Neville assured him. "If there's one thing I have, it's books on plants," he said with a small smile.
"Oh yeah, speaking of home, I forgot to ask," Neville suddenly changed subjects. "You didn't get a new owl, did you?" he asked. Harry never did get around to addressing Neville's original concern about Hedwig from his letter Monday.
"Erm, no, actually," Harry replied awkwardly. "It, uh... he... wasn't actually my owl."
"Neville?" floated into the kitchen Ginny's voice from the living room. The owner was only a second behind it. "There you two are! Mum wants me to make sure you tell me about any special instructions I need to know about Arnold."
"Arnold?" Harry and Neville asked in unison.
A happy, very proud smile appeared on the redhead's face. "Arnold. That's what I named my Pygmy Puff."
"Oh, okay," Neville replied with a slight chuckle. "Well, they really-"
"No, in the living room with everyone else," Ginny interrupted him. Neville appeared confused. "Mum wants to make sure she's there when you tell me how to take care of it, just in case I forget." She then smiled and rolled her eyes as if it were the most absurd thing she'd ever heard.
Ginny and Neville then walked back into the dwindling party (Dean had left by now, as had all of the girls Harry didn't really know). As he walked back into the room, Harry could see all of those remaining still enjoying themselves. Walking up to his friend and his unique conversation partner, he could see that Ron's early momentary excitement was long gone.
This time, however, instead of being rather grumpy, Ron this time looked positively disappointed. Harry felt it best to not intrude, though he was able to hear a brief bit of their discussion as he walked by.
"...Sweden tomorrow? We just got back here yesterday, and I, uh, was thinking..." Harry heard Ron say to Luna, his voice rather dejected. Moving right along, he continued to walk around the room until he approached Lupin and Tonks. While the two of the talked, Tonks moved slightly to reveal Hermione standing behind them. Harry suddenly stopped in his tracks. He'd tried as hard as he could to push the owl incident out of his mind, but the moment he saw her, it all came rushing back abruptly.
Before Harry had a chance to decide what to do, Hermione saw him. She politely excused herself to Lupin and Tonks, then walked purposefully towards Harry.
"Could I borrow you for a moment?" Hermione asked him in a sweet voice that indicated he was in trouble. Once she dragged him over to an isolated corner of the room, she then proceeded to give him a piece of her mind, albeit quietly.
"Where have you been all day?" she asked firmly. "You haven't spoken a single word to me since we got here, and you've been avoiding me the entire time!"
It was a total bluff on her part; she couldn't prove he'd been avoiding her. But proof wasn't necessary: she felt as though he'd been avoiding her, and when it came to hurt feelings, how the offense was perceived was more important that how it was intended.
Harry didn't even bother trying to reply. She was right. He had been avoiding her; she knew that he had been avoiding her. Even if she hadn't said anything to Neville about lying to a girl you fancied, Harry knew he couldn't lie to her. He never could. At least, not to her... not successfully.
Sure, he'd tried to lie to her before (inconsequential things like doing his homework, flossing, solving the golden egg in fourth year...), but it never really worked out. He always seemed to feel guilty about it, or he couldn't quite look her in the eye, or she just plain saw right through him. He was just glad that little brain freeze he'd had when started to explain why it wouldn't be weird if Hermione was his girlfriend (versus Ginny) happened before he realized he fancied her.
Caught, Harry did the only thing he could. He let out a genuinely regretful sigh. "I'm sorry. You're right." Hermione moved the two of them further into the corner.
"Is it about Metis and Hedwig?" she asked, trying to not let her annoyance get the better of her. She tried to remind herself that because of his wonderful upbringing, Harry was not the best person in the world at discussing the things that were bothering him.
"Harry," Hermione whispered, "you're reacting to all of this as if you had gotten me pregnant."
The way he saw it, it was as bad as if he had gotten her pregnant. Fortunately the entire notion of having sex with Hermione (for the sole purpose of procreation) had not even factored into his discomfort, so that at least made things a little less complicated. Harry became annoyed that she seemed so nonplussed about the whole thing.
"Hermione," Harry replied, louder than he intended, "Our owls had SEX!"
Exactly like in the Muggle movies, Ginny's birthday party came to a complete halt as every single person in the room stopped whatever they were doing and turned to look at them. If a phonograph had been playing, the needle surely would have been scratched across the record.
Harry and Hermione turned their heads to look at everyone else in the room.
No one moved.
No one even blinked.
After about five seconds of complete silence, Hermione finally let out a nervous chuckle.
"Well, as most of you know," Hermione stammered, "I got an O.W.L. owl this year. As you may know, they use snowy owls, and they let me keep mine." She stopped for a moment to glance hesitantly at Harry.
"Well, I, um, we, um, we all assumed it was a female. The letter didn't say of course. So, we, um, thinking that she was a she, we, uh, didn't give it any thought whenever my owl and... and, um, Harry's owl were alone together. Anyway, it turns out my owl was male all along. And they, the two of them, well, they, um, figured it out."
Harry could not remember ever seeing Hermione so flustered. As he looked around the room, he could see eyebrows beginning to rise in surprise as everyone began to figure it all out. He now spoke up. "And so now... now there will be another owl coming along soon."
Most everyone in the room wore expressions that looked to be the result of not knowing whether to laugh, congratulate them, or just remain silent. In the end, everyone decided to remain silent, although Ron and Ginny and Fred and George seemed to be leaning towards laughing, even though they didn't. Ron and Ginny, because they'd had the most exposure to Metis (possibly even because of a certain photograph they were holding as blackmail against a certain other photograph). Fred and George, well, because they were Fred and George.
As everyone else continued to decide how to react, Hermione decided to excuse herself for a moment.
"If no one minds, I need to borrow, the um, the father of the bride here for a few moments." Without waiting for a reply, she then quickly led Harry outside. Once they were a good twenty yards away from the house, and felt sufficiently protected by the large tree they were standing next to (even though they were between it and the house, and not vice versa), Hermione put her hand on Harry's arm.
"What's the matter, Harry?" she asked encouragingly.
"I don't know. It's just... it seems like everything has gone wrong today," he replied with an air of defeat.
She glanced towards the house to make sure no one had followed them. She did see Remus standing in the open doorway, watching them, though at this distance, she knew he could not hear them if they whispered.
"Is it because 'our owls had sex' or because I saw you with an erection?" Harry winced and automatically moved his hands to cover himself up, even though the awkwardness of the moment guaranteed there was no need to hide anything.
"Erm, both," he finally admitted. As much as he wished the earth would just open up and swallow him right there, a certain part of him knew that it was just better to bring everything up and out into the open. Figuratively, at least.
"Harry, look. You remember what my mum said. It's what they do: eat, sleep, and make more owls. It's in their nature."
"But you said that they were magical creatures," Harry replied defensively, "that all of their natural instincts had been bred out of them. They weren't wild owls."
"They are magical creatures, Harry. They might not be wild owls, but they're still owls. And I said they had most of their instincts bred out of them. If they'd had all of their instincts bred out of them, then they'd have died out long ago."
Harry stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say. "What do we do now?" he asked wearily.
"We don't do anything, Harry," Hermione informed him. "Metis and Hedwig are perfectly capable of handling this on their own. It's in their nature," she reminded him. Seeing that he seemed to be a little less wound up, Hermione knew there was one more subject that needed handling.
Oh, HONESTLY! Hermione chastised herself.
"Now, as for the other matter..." she started. Harry immediately began to get embarrassed.
"Look, Hermione, I'm sorry for what happened," he interrupted. "You weren't supp... I didn't mean... I should've..." he spluttered, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say, even though he really didn't know what he wanted to say.
Harry just finally decided to say the truth. "I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I'm just sorry for... it. I'd just woken up, I really needed to use the bathroom, and I got distracted by Hedwig, and, well, I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you'd think less of me for, you know, for that. You see, in the morning, when a guy wakes up..."
All right, now Hermione was on the verge of getting embarrassed... not because of what he was trying to say, but rather she knew she would get embarrassed watching him get embarrassed.
"Harry, it's all right," she assured him, hoping he'd stop. "You don't need to explain. I know all about that."
"You do?" he asked, mortified, almost as if it were worse that she knew about the things his body did without his control.
"Remember, Harry, Ginny has six older brothers," Hermione reminded him. "And as you well know, they aren't exactly morning people. Meaning, they aren't exactly aware of their surroundings when they walk down the hall after waking up. Ginny would pay real Galleons to not know about that.
"And of course," she continued on, "Ginny's so traumatized by it that she insists on telling me all about it, about how horrifying it was for her. Misery loves company, I suppose. Trust me, Harry, it's okay. It was an accident. It's not a big deal," she assured him.
Despite her efforts, Harry didn't seem to want to let himself off the hook. "It is a big deal," he countered. If it were any other person, she might have wondered if he was being boastful or trying to insinuate something.
No one would ever doubt the fact that Hermione had a quick wit. She was always ready with a clever comeback, however as the really good ones were often "off color," she usually kept them under lock and key. Odd that something that would seem un-Hermione-like was in fact very Hermione-like... when she was truly herself, away from school.
The snappy response that immediately popped into her mind suddenly gave her a brilliant idea. Harry seemed unable to get past this, to accept that it really wasn't the major crisis he seemed to think it was. She decided then that what she needed to do was to make a joke of it. If she could get him to laugh at the situation, at himself, she knew he would be able to laugh it off. Honestly, how can anyone take anything seriously that they are laughing at?
And so, probably for the first time in her life, to someone other than her parents, Hermione unleashed her quick wit on Harry, not one-half second after he assured her it was a big deal.
"Well, I certainly wouldn't say that it was a small deal. But, I have no basis for comparison, so I'll just have to take your word for it," she said with a defiant look on her, almost as if she was daring him to respond.
It took him a second or so to process what she just said. Once he figured it out too, she could see him cringe.
"Oh, God, Hermione, please don't say things like that. You're not making this any easier."
"What, am I supposed to make it harder?" she asked, the faintest hint of a smile beginning to appear on her face.
"Please..." Harry begged with a strangled voice.
"Oh, come on, Harry. Relax. Don't let it go to your head. I'm just trying to get a rise out of you." It was only for a fraction of a second, but Hermione saw the tiniest of twitches in his mouth that suggested she was beginning to succeed. She now had that sort of upside-down smile people had when they were trying not to laugh.
"Hermione," Harry tried to admonish, though she could hear that his voice was definitely lighter, losing its anguish.
"All right, fine," she assured him. "I promise to never bring it up again." She knew she had finally succeeded, and the two of them began to laugh together. As his laughs began to subside, Harry shot her a mock glare.
"You're absolutely awful, you know that, right?"
"Yeah, but you love me for it," she said, repeating his comment from back in the Leaky Cauldron ten days earlier.
"Yeah, I do," he sighed as he wiped the tears from laughing away from his eyes.
"So, are we all right now?" she asked. "About everything?"
Harry looked at her for a moment. "Yeah," he assured her. "You promise you won't tell anyone about my morning greeting?" he asked, still looking a little awkward, though he did have a slight smile.
"Yeah, as long as you promise not to tell anyone about my unorthodox way of complementing your cooking," Hermione replied.
"Awww," Harry whined. "I'm sure Ron would love to hear about that," he said with a mischievous grin. "Heck, I bet he'd love to hear that."
"And I'm sure Ginny and Lavender and every other girl in school would love to hear about you saluting me." She then grinned devilishly in return. "Heck, I bet they'd love to see that too."
"Touché, Granger, touché."
"Ready to face the music?" Hermione asked him.
"As ready as I'll ever be," he said as the two of them started back for the house. "Oh, and Hermione?" Harry added as he began to walk slightly faster.
"Yeah?"
He turned back to glance at her once he was about a full step ahead of her. "About promising to 'not bring it up again'?"
"Mm-hmm?"
"Don't make promises I can't keep," he said as he started to run for the house, laughing the entire way. Hermione was tempted to respond back, but seeing as he'd managed to make a joke at himself, she decided to give him the last laugh. She just smiled a large, satisfied smile and trotted back to the house, adding a skip or two along the way.
A/N: And finally, even though my story has been sitting idle lately, others' have not. For anyone who had been following my friend Petronilla's story Secrets From the Future, I wanted to let them know several new chapters have been posted. She took an extended holiday a while back, and when she returned, she reposted the story, which somehow seemed to break the old links and chapter notifications. Her latest Chapter 17 will be posted as soon as I finish editing it!
Also, I once mentioned that my beta inspired me to start writing. Well, I am overwhelmed to say that I seemed to have done the same for someone else. I am now also betaing a second story called Healing, by Cpt_Slog. After sixth year (HBP), Ginny seems to have taken the break up well. Harry seems to be at his wit's end, fruitlessly chasing the Horcruxes. Ron is his usual sensitive, tactful self. And something threatens to tear Hermione away from everything and everyone important to her. Rated NC-17 for sex in later chapters (that we haven't gotten to yet)... but it is not a "sex story."
Please leave them a kind word if you enjoy their stories. While I wasn't able to do much writing in my own "vacation," I was able to do some editing for them. That, and my beta, helped keep me sane! ;-)