A/N: Well, I suspect that we've all heard the interview by now. I've been feeling all kinds of different emotions in the last few days-hurt being the foremost one. My feelings for JKR have also been 'round and 'round the bend, and I think what it settles down to is that she is only human and not the godlike figure we all made her out to be. I guess the fact of the matter is, I saw H/Hr in canon, whether or not it was intentional. This is my ship. HMS Harmony. HMS More Fanciable Than Ever (as I've taken to calling it). Full stop. If I "reread" that's still what I will see. And fandom has given me so much over the last year I've been a part of it-I'm grateful to Jo for that, if nothing else. And though I suffered quite a bit of writer's block after the interview, I'm recovering and going full steam ahead with this fic.
To my fellow shippers: I know it's been a tough week for us. But I'm proud to say that I ship H/Hr. I hope you all are too.
***
She woke up, feeling hands shaking her shoulders. She blinked into the dingy darkness of her room in the Leaky Cauldron, surprised to find Ron staring down at her.
"Hey," he said. "Harry told me to wake you."
Hermione blinked for a moment, confusion marring her brain. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep with Harry's arms wrapped around her, contentment settling down upon her limbs for the first time in days.
"Where's Harry?"
Ron stood up, giving a long stretch. "Dunno. Said he wanted to talk to Tom."
"Do you think that's safe?" she whispered.
"Is anything we do safe anymore?" Ron said. He paused for a moment. "He stood watch all night long, you know. He never woke either of us to take over for him."
Hermione forced a small smile. "That sounds like Harry."
The name had barely left her lips when the door opened and Harry walked in, his face set. She could see the bags under his eyes, but he was alert.
He's working on adrenaline, Hermione thought, studying him. Her instincts urged her to tell him to sleep, to replenish his energy.
But, no-she couldn't do that. Harry no longer needed her to nag him. He wasn't a child. He was far from being a child.
She wished she knew what her place in his life was. It used to be so simple-she was his best friend, the one whom he couldn't live without because she kept Harry Potter alive. For the first time, she saw in front of her a Harry that didn't need her… a Harry that had spent an entire school-year without needing her help.
She glanced at Ron. An unbidden image of him and Lavender crept into her mind and she squirmed uncomfortably
"I talked to Tom-we'll stay here for as long as we can," Harry said. "We came up with a safe word, so that we'll know whether or not…"
"He's under Imperious?" Hermione suggested dully.
Harry nodded. "Yeah. This way we can come and go as we please. I have enough money to… Sirius' savings helped."
A flicker passed over his eyes and Hermione took a step closer to him, anxiousness spreading through her. Harry looked away.
Despite what kiss between them-that desperate attempt to regain that connection they'd always had, Hermione could still feel the distance between them. It made her feel lightheaded.
She glanced at Ron again. The hopelessness of her situation crushed down on her. Oh, how she wished things weren't this difficult. She could feel feelings for Harry bursting in her, feelings she'd kept in check for years.
"I think…" Harry said slowly. "I think it's possible that Voldemort hid a horcrux at Hogwarts."
"Really?" Hermione said. "Where did you-"
"I'm guessing," Harry said, looking a little sheepish. "Look, all the other spots… they had something to do with Voldemort, didn't they? Some kind of connection to him. What has more of a connection to him than Hogwarts? The place that was his only home? Dumbledore said that Voldemort formed more of a connection to Hogwarts than anything else."
"Hang on," Ron said. "It's a good guess, but it doesn't seem… I mean, You-Know-who puts all kinds of protection charms around these things, right? How's he going to do that at Hogwarts?"
"I don't know, Ron," Harry said, sounding cross. "But it makes more sense now than ever, don' t you think? Since Hogwarts might not open again?"
"Er… Harry…"
"I believe you," Hermione said. Harry turned his eyes on her, looking startled. She flushed. "I think it's an excellent guess… and, well, we don't have much else to go on at the moment, do we?"
"No, we don't," Harry said quietly, his eyes staring into hers. "Thanks."
She bit the inside of her cheek. "I won't make the same mistake again," she promised, her voice sounding watery. "Like I did with Malfoy… I-I trust you, Harry. Anywhere you take us. I trust you."
Ron was staring at her oddly, a shrewd expression on his face. Harry took two steps towards her before seeming to think better of it.
"Well, I've been wrong loads of times before," he said.
"It's different now," Hermione said. "We all know it is."
***
They went to Godric's Hollow first. Harry stood for a long time, staring at the two stones in front of him.
"This is the first time I've ever come to see them," he whispered. "It's… I don't know how I…"
"We understand," Hermione said gently.
"We'll leave you to it, mate," Ron said. "If you want to do this alone, we'll understand."
"No," Harry said. "You guys should come. We're all in this together, right?"
"Right," Ron and Hermione said.
The three of them approached the graves, silence descending on them.
Hermione watched Harry's face change as conflicting emotions passed over him. He didn't cry, but Hermione could see him hardening his resolve.
Feeling unbidden, she reached for his hand, their conversation from the night before replaying itself in her mind.
Best friends.
Always.
***
"It's a Death Eater," Hermione said. They were back in their room at the Leaky Cauldron. Harry was examining the note left behind by R.A.B.
"How do you figure?" Ron asked.
"It's addressed to 'The Dark Lord,' see?" Hermione said. "Only Death Eaters would call him that. As for the letters… I don't know. It could be anything. Initials, a pseudonym-it could even be a title."
Harry gave a grim smile. "Like the Half Blood Prince?"
"Exactly."
"We should try and find him… this R.A.B. It looks like we're in this together. It'll be nice to have him as an ally."
"How?"
"I don't know," Harry said with a sigh. "Let's just… let's start with Hogwarts, okay?"
***
"It's so quiet," Hermione whispered.
Hogwarts castle stood dark and abandoned in front of them. The moon glinted off the roof, illuminating only shadows and corners. There were no lights flickering in the windows. The lake stood still, not a ripple marring its surface.
"I can't believe they've really shut it down," Ron said.
"Yeah," Harry sighed. "It'd be safer this year without me."
"Don't say that!" Hermione said.
"I'm just being honest, Hermione," Harry said, walking on ahead of them. "I'm not the safest person to hang around with."
Ron and Hermione rushed to catch up with him.
"D'you think Hagrid's still here?" Ron asked.
"Yeah," Harry said. They stared at the hut nestled in the distance. "There's smoke coming out of it."
"Should we go say 'hello?'" said Hermione.
"No," Harry said sharply. "We can't. The last thing we want to do is draw attention to ourselves."
"Alright," said Hermione, a little stung.
Harry continued forward, his wand held out in front of him. "I want to try getting into Dumbledore's office… see if he left us any clues. I'm missing something. I just… I wish I knew what that was."
"You mustn't be too hard on yourself-" Hermione gave a pained sigh. Harry ignored her, continuing up the slope towards the castle.
The castle was dark and cold, giving off an aura of loneliness and despair. Harry paused in the entranceway and he flicked his eyes back and forth over the corridors.
"It's so easy to get in," Hermione said in a hushed voice. "You knew it would be like this, didn't you?"
"Yeah," Harry said, eyes still darting over the walls and ceiling. "I don't reckon it'd be this easy for one of Voldemort's supporters to get in."
Hermione shivered, looking around. If she closed her eyes, she could picture the castle as it was in the winter, full of life and warmth. Goosebumps broke out on her arms.
Harry looked concerned. "It's hard, isn't it?"
"Yes," she said. His eyes were sympathetic and she could tell he was having the same trouble accepting the empty castle.
"I'm going to Dumbledore's office to have a look around," Harry said. "Hermione, try the library. Ron, go with her-stick together. Take whatever you think might be helpful."
Hermione nodded.
Harry muttered a quick "Lumos" before setting off down the hallway and disappearing from sight.
"The library?" Ron said. "How's that going to help us?"
"I suspect Harry wants me to take as many books as I can-whatever might be helpful."
Hermione tread the familiar path to the library, feeling the skin on the back of her neck prickle. It was all so eerie walking around the empty castle. She sighed and walked a little closer to Ron, glad for the company.
"I wonder what happened to all the house elves," she whispered. "Dobby, Winky, Kreacher and the rest…."
Ron bumped her shoulder with his own. "They'll make due, Hermione."
She felt a surge of gratitude. "Thanks."
"Yeah."
They continued on in silence. A thick layer of dust coated the handle of the library doors. Oddly chocked up, she pushed the doors open, breathing in the scent of so many books.
She murmured a few charms and lanterns burst into light around them. "Let's start with the Restricted Section. We should do this quickly."
***
Ron had been staring at her for a half hour straight. Hermione continued to rifle through her book, attempting to ignore him. Much to her consternation, he proved far too distracting.
"What is it?" she finally demanded, looking up from her book.
He was wearing a thoughtful look. "Can I kiss you?"
"What?" she said.
Ron flushed. "Er… sorry. Never mind."
He knocked a few books off the shelves in his haste to turn away from her. Hermione blinked, momentarily frozen.
You and Ron… if there's something there… well, you should take advantage of it. You never know what could happen.
"Alright," she said.
Ron whipped back around, his face red. "Pardon?"
"Yes…" she said, voice high-pitched. "Yes, I think… well, I think you should."
Ron's hands were quivering. His mouth bopped open and closed a few times. Finally, he nodded and approached her.
The kiss was hesitant, a little awkward. They fumbled, trying to figure out how to place their hands and where. Ron's tongue pushed its way into her mouth, making her feel distinctly uncomfortable.
They pulled away and stared at each other. Even with the dim light, Hermione could see the disappointment on Ron's face.
"Well…" she said.
"Yeah…"
"That was… maybe we should… give it another go?" she suggested weakly.
"Okay."
The kissed again, this one a little better, but still feeling oddly… flat. It was like they were desperately trying to find something that was no longer there. She tried to shut her mind down, this is Ron, you've fancied him for years, he's fancied you, this is finally happening, why are you thinking about it this much?
When they pulled away a second time, it was with resignation. Regret blossomed in Hermione's chest.
"We waited too long," she said. Her words seemed too loud in the silence of the library.
Ron looked like he might protest. "Hermione, it was just…"
"No," she said. "We're not… it isn't meant to be, Ron. I know I fancied you, but I don't think… I don't think I do anymore. Last year… what we went through… it was too difficult."
"Yeah. Maybe."
"Look," she said, reaching to gather his hands in hers. She stared into his eyes. "I care about you so much, Ron. Don't you see that? We haven't bickered in ages. You and Harry… you're the only people I have in this world. I don't think I can possibly describe how much I care about the both of you. We don't have to force this. What happened last year… it couldn't destroy us."
Ron frowned. "Is this because of Lavender?"
"No, no it's not-I'm not saying that doesn't still hurt, but it's not that…"
Ron pulled his hands out of her grasp. "I'm going to go clear my head for a bit. Take a walk around."
"Oh, Ron," she said. She blinked back tears. "Don't…"
"It's not you." He tried to smile. "I just… I need some time to think."
"Harry said to stick together-"
"I won't be far," Ron said. "I'll just… I'll be back in a second, alright?"
Turning his back, Ron left the library.
***
Ron did not return. Hermione stayed where she was, rifling through the books spread out in front of her. Anything on soul magic, dark magic-on getting passed curses and hexes.
When the library's doors opened, Hermione looked up hopefully, surprised to see Harry.
"Hey," Harry said, coming towards her. "How's it coming?"
Hermione set a stack of books off to the side. "Good."
"Where's Ron?"
Hermione waited a moment. "He… he went for a walk."
"A walk?" Harry said, alarmed. "Why would…. Oh."
Hermione felt tears well. "I don't… I don't really know when he'll be back."
Harry became even more alarmed at the sight of her tears. "Er…"
"It hurts…" she said. "I didn't think it would. Not like this."
Harry shrugged helplessly. "It's this… this love stuff. It's… like that."
"I don't love, Ron," she said immediately. "At least… not the way love is supposed to be."
"Oh, I know, but…" Harry sighed. "It's our hormones?" he suggested weakly.
Hermione wiped at her eyes and gave him a shaky smile. "I wish it was that simple. I've spent all this time being angry… for him not noticing me earlier, for not being the person I need… and I come to find out I don't really want him anymore."
Her eyes crept to Harry's face as the last words slipped past her lips. When did he get so close to me?
She took a breath. Thoughts of Ron fled her mind when Harry reached up to brush her cheek, his thumb smoothing away the tears dripping down her cheeks.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"Oh, Harry…" she said, a tearful note to her voice. She was so afraid of this, him so close to her.
She'd always known it would be easy to fall for Harry. He was kind, gentle, handsome, brave, and insufferably noble. But she'd always held herself back, pushing away any of those feelings.
She was afraid of how far she could be swept up in him. She worried enough as it was. He was Harry Potter, future uncertain, life full of unpleasant twists.
He was her best friend.
She moved closer to him. She could sense his confusion and inability to see what choices to make next. Unbidden, she placed her hand on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart against her fingers.
"It'll be okay," she found herself saying. "Harry… it's … everything will be okay."
His eyes bore into her. He leaned in and kissed her, the hand on her cheek sliding into her hair, his fingers combing through her strands.
Their first kiss had been about recovering their connection. It had been a friendly kiss, a hello, a hint of a promise.
This kiss was demanding. Harry's tongue slid along her bottom lip, slipping into her mouth and rubbing with hers. Her hands grabbed his shoulders, twisting together bunches of his shirt.
The kiss sent her body humming. With Ron she'd felt awkward-here, she could feel what Harry wanted and she found herself pressing closer, needing to feel all of him.
His fingers tangled in her hair, brushing against the nape of her neck. She shivered, smiling against his mouth.
He pulled away, breathing heavily. Hermione kept her eyes closed for another moment, her lips still tingling.
"Oh, my…" she said faintly.
"Yeah," Harry said, brushing hair out of her face, his finger sliding along her cheek before curving behind her ear.
The feelings inside Hermione tightened and she grasped Harry's arm, frightened of her emotions. He smiled crookedly, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.
What are we doing?
The question was on the tip of her tongue, but she held it back.
She didn't want to hear the answer.
Ginny was still on Harry's mind. This-what they were doing-it had to be comfort. Nothing more.
But staring into his eyes, feeling the tingle of his mouth meeting hers, Hermione knew it wasn't comfort-not for her.