Chapter 5: Desires Which Never Really Laid Forgotten
I went home after that, nervous as ever. I was shaking as I jiggled my key into the door.
As I opened the door, I heard the beep of the answering machine, the clicking of the phone as someone hung up, and the dull sound of the line going dead. There was another beep as I took my coat off, draped it on the chair and made my way to the answering machine, and sure enough, the little red glowing number read '01'.
I pressed the button carefully, as the answering machine turned on, reciting the standard start, before a message.
"You have, one new message, left at 9:22pm, Today..."
Beeeeep!
Straight away, I heard Harry's voice drifting through the speaker.
"Hey, ah, Hermione? I just figured I'd leave you a message. I know you're out with Miranda, but I was wondering, if you get this message before eleven tonight, do you want to do something? I'm just kind of bored right now. Ron made up with his girlfriend, as I predicted!" A chuckle, "And, so I've got the house to myself, and I'm left with nothing to do! What a bummer, eh?" A pause, and then a sigh, "Well, I really hope you call me back!" Another pause, "Bye, Herm!"
I smiled as the line went dead, and the beep of the answering machine told me the message was over.
"You have no new messages... To change your message greeting, press one... To change your pin code, press two... To listen to previous messages..."
Beeeeep!
I cut the automated person off in mid sentence, as I pressed down, mercilessly on the button. I bit my bottom lip, looking around the room carefully as if the answer was hidden behind the couch, or under the rug. Once again, in the same week, I didn't know what to do with myself!
Should I call right back, or would that seem too desperate? But, maybe he would like it if I was desperate. Maybe it would let him know I really want to see him, rather then me just seeming bored!
I grinned. I was going to call him!
I picked up the phone and pressed the 'talk' button, putting the phone to my ear and hearing the dull dial tone. I was just about to press the first number of his phone number, but then I froze, thinking harder.
But what if he doesn't want me to seem desperate? What if I should just be casual about it, and make it look like I'm extremely bored? Does he like it when people play hard to get?
I took the phone away from my ear, bit my bottom lip once more, and placed it down on the counter, turning my back on it and walking away. I sat down at the kitchen table, and looked around the room, trying to convince myself that I didn't have a telephone.
Every few seconds, though, I would look over at the phone, as if waiting for it to hop up and jump into my hand, yelling something like "RING HIM, DAMNIT!"
But I shook my head slightly, knowing that was just my imagination running wild.
"Out of sight, out of mind," I muttered to myself, looking away from the phone once more, and turning my back on it, as I sat in the wooden chair. A few seconds later, and I was looking at the phone longingly, again.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was up out of the chair and across the room with the phone in my hand. I pressed 'talk' again, and proceeded to dial Harry's number carefully. It began to ring in my ear. I heard a click, and then a sudden 'hello'?
"Harry?" I smiled, loving the sound of his voice in my ear.
I could hear his grin as he answered next, "Hermione! I wasn't expecting you to be home this early!" A pause, "It's only 9:30!" His enthusiasm was definately evident, and I was glad to hear it, because I knew that the first thoughts I had were true.
"Well, here I am!" I said in the same excited tone. "Anyway, what's on the agenda tonight, kind sir?" I asked in a posh accent, making him chuckle slightly.
"I really don't know, m'lady! Whatever you wish to do, we'll do." He answered back in the same kind of voice, playing along.
I grinned, "Well, why don't we just go for a walk, then?" I took a stab at a suggestion.
"You know, a walk would be great. Where will we meet?" He seemed so content with just listening to my voice, it made my heart want to skip several beats.
"We could go for a walk down Main Street." I answered logically, "We'll split the distance, because it's in the middle."
"Wow, and so the real Hermione's back! I remember that voice, that's you're problem solving voice!" He chuckled into the phone, teasing me slightly, as I blushed a deep red.
"So what if it is?" I smirked, wondering how on earth he could have possibly remembered that.
"Aw, don't be like that! I think it's cute!" He answered back, he then cleared his throat slightly, "Anyway, I'll meet you at the top of Main street in fifteen minutes, okay?" He asked, cutting to the chase.
"Right. Bye Harry!" I said cheerily.
"Bye Herm."
Yet another click, and a dull dial tone told me he had hung up. I hung up also, placing the phone back on its charging dock. I bit my lip once more, wondering whether I should change or not. I looked down at my clothes.
Fitting blue jeans hugged my hips, flaring at the bottoms, covering most of my classic black and white converses. I wore a blue tank top, my mid-drift only just peaking out underneath the hem.
I thought better of changing, for I didn't have time. Instead, I walked over to one of the wooden chairs surrounding my kitchen table, and I grabbed a blue hoodie, pulling it carefully over my head in an attempt not to mess my hair up.
I walked over to the front hall by the door, and looked in the mirror placed there on the wall. I looked long and hard at myself, perhaps formulating a conversation plan for when I saw Harry again tonight. All the right things to say, phrases to change topics, it was all swimming around in my head.
I blinked, breathed deeply, and turned around, grabbing my keys off of the side table near the door. I checked my pockets, pulling out my wallet and mobile phone. I put them back in, reassuring myself I had everything.
With a flick of the light switch, a twist of the door knob, an open of the door, I was gone.
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I reached the top of Main street, looking around, hoping to see Harry.
It was dark, and slightly cold, the street almost barren, for the shops had closed long before. I looked all the way down to the end of the street, and saw a small number of people scattered outside of pubs, some waiting for others, some getting ready to have a beer, and some completely on their own.
At that moment, I felt like I was the only person there. The night was calm, and so was I. Looking up at the sky, I saw the city lights trying to out-shine the stars, it seemed, for I could only see very few. All of the dark places, like the alleyways, were dimly lit with the glow from the moon, as it bathed the shadows in light.
I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough, he was there, watching me. He stood, a few feet away, a smirk plastered on his face as he leaned lazily against a lamp post.
I smirked and called over to him, "You could have told me you were there... I thought I was alone."
Harry grinned and shifted himself off of the post, walking towards me. "I know, it's better that way." He reached me, and stopped, halting in front of me and looking down into my eyes carefully.
"People don't have any boundaries up when they think they're alone. No fears, no cares, only raw passion for what they do. I thought Hermione Granger, of all people, would know that." He smiled a warm smile, making my body tingle.
"Mr. Smarty Pants." I muttered up at him, smirking and chuckling all the while.
"Yes, for once in my life." He answered back playfully, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, protectively. "Come on, let's walk."
And so we walked, talking about everything, and nothing at the same time. It felt good just to have a normal conversation with someone for once. It was refreshing to know that he wanted to listen to me, that he wanted my opinions. It was like having the old Harry back.
We stopped near an alleyway, sitting on the wall under a street light.
"Hermione?" Harry said quietly, breaking the silence between us, as he looked up at the sky carefully.
"Yes, Harry." I sighed in content, resting my head on his shoulder.
"Why did you leave before?" He asked in the same quiet, humble voice. He looked down at me with complete sincerity.
He wanted the truth, but I didn't know if I could give it to him. I don't think I had even been honest with myself. I knew now, that everything I told myself about 'the greater good' was a lie. It was complete bullocks, and I knew it.
"I just... I thought it was for your own good, I guess." I looked up at him carefully, the glint in his eye never leaving.
Harry looked hurt. He looked deeply, and completely hurt. "You... You kept yourself away from me because you thought it was for my own good? But, what came of it, Herm?" He asked me pleadingly, his voice cracking under emotion.
I sighed once more, looking up at him still, "I don't completely understand why I did it. I just, I thought it was best. I figured you had a lot of your own problems, and you didn't need me to be added on your list of worries."
Harry turned away, breaking eye contact and looking straight ahead of him, across the street.
"I still worried... I worried about you every day. I don't think there actually wasn't a day when you didn't cross my mind. When I didn't think of how you were, or what you were doing. You just left so fast, I never even got a chance to say goodbye."
I could tell this was just throwing salt in an open wound. Nothing would come of talking about this, I figured the best way to change the topic was to be sincere. "I'm sorry Harry, I really am. I screwed up."
Harry's head snapped over and looked at me. His eyes were fierce and cold, his breath was becoming slightly rigid. "You're sorry?" He never broke eye contact. He stood up carefully, detaching himself from me completely.
"Harry, what's wrong?" I asked, traces of fear and regret evident in my voice.
He whirled around, "What's wrong?!" He said, the volume of his voice raising. "Herm... I want it back! I want it all back! I want back, the three years I spent worrying about you, I want back the time I could of had with you... I want it ALL back!" He said, his voice continuing to crack.
"What am I supposed to do, Harry?! I can't go back in time and change my actions! It's not exactly possible! I told you I'm sorry, but what else am I supposed to say?!" My voice rose with his, as I stood up as well.
"Sorry isn't good enough, Herm." He answered bitterly, his voice dropping again. He looked at me, his eyes cold, his heart beat rapid, and I wanted to crumble. I wanted to just crumble into millions of pieces. I had no idea how much pain I had caused, not only myself, but him too.
But suddenly, for some reason, anger began to bubble. I didn't just feel sympathy, I felt rage. How DARE he make me feel guilty for this! I already beat myself up for it enough! Every single night, I would be constantly eaten away by thoughts and memories of him. This was just all too much!
"So what are you saying, Harry? Hmm? Let's have it! Are you trying to tell me that you're just going to give this chance up now? After three years of my stupid mistakes, and a lucky chance of meeting again... You're just going to throw it all AWAY?!" My voice rose even higher, and began bouncing off of the alley walls.
"I didn't SAY that!" Harry yelled back, "You know what, nevermind, Hermione." He said, turning away and beginning to walk down the alley.
What the HELL does he think he's doing?! He's just going to... Walk away! He's got NO right!
Rage spilled out onto the surface as I chased after him. "What are you doing?!" I called to his back.
"Leaving, Hermione." He asked over his shoulder, not halting, or even slowing down.
"What gives you the right to leave?!" I screamed, speeding up, and catching up with him completely. I walked quickly alongside him, looking over at him carefully, my eyes being stung with angry tears.
"I have every right to leave." He answered, never looking over at me.
I placed a hand on his shoulder, and firmly tried to stop him. My strength alone, wouldn't have stopped him, but instead, he stopped himself. He turned around and looked down at me.
"Why are you doing this?! What is your problem!? People make MISTAKES you know!" I rose my voice, it was a pitch between normal talking, and yelling. I looked up at him carefully, sincerity in my eyes as I stared him down. I wouldn't let him turn away.
I was breathing heavy, anger and rage built up in my stomach as I continued to stare into his eyes. I wanted him to feel my agony, to feel my pain, to feel my passion. But I didn't know how to get him to see that I didn't want to let him go.
My heart was beating rapidly against my chest, my breathing was quickened, and my eyes had an angry glint etched in them. My face was red from emotion, and I could tell, that he realized all of this. His hand reached out, and cupped my chin, and within seconds, his lips were pressed against mine with force. I was pushed firmly into the nearest wall, as his lips crushed against mine once more, taking the breath from my very lungs.
This sudden anger of mine began to burn brighter, turning into something much more deeper. Some sort of longing, some sort of fire or passion. I couldn't explain it, and at that moment, I didn't want to. All I knew was that the his lips against mine was satisfying this feeling, his touch was quenching my longing, and I didn't want it to stop.
Reluctantly, I broke the kiss, breathing and gasping deeply for air.
"Harry." I whispered through gasps, looking up at him.
He gave me a look of knowing, "Shh, I understand." He said carefully, leaning in and pressing his lips into mine once more. I moaned in his mouth, as his tongue jut out across my bottom lip. I tried to pull in the reigns, I tried to stop my mind from wandering too far. I broke the kiss again, looking at him determinedly. I took a deep breath.
"Harry, we can't do this... here." I whispered carefully, looking up at him.
"You're right." He agreed quickly. Suddenly, his arms scooped me up, and he began to run down the alley, taking the nearest shortcut to my place.
"Harry, what on earth are you doing?!" I let out a giggle as he carried me up the street.
"Shh! Concentrating... Mind, numb... Yeah..." He began to babble mindlessly, which only made me want to laugh harder. He was so cute when he was like this!
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Moments later, and we were back in my flat. Harry couldn't keep his hands off of me, but I wasn't necessarily complaining!
Harry groaned in my ear, in longing, as a hand travelled up my bare stomach, underneath my hoodie and tank top. I gasped slightly. Pressing my lips into his desperately, as I was backed against the door, fumbling for my wand.
Sure enough, it was in my back pocket, and as he began to lightly suck on my neck, I whispered my favourite little word during a situation like this.
"Silencio!"
Harry groaned happily against my neck, and mumbled, before sliding his tongue out onto my skin. "Damn, I love that word."
I giggled, sighing in content, as his hands began to tug restlessly at my jumper, that was soon discarded, and flung across the room.
Needless to say, things only got worse, and in the end, we put the table, one of the kitchen chairs, the wall, the couch, and the bed to good use! I mean, DAMN! The guy kept coming back for more!
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It's been about a year now, and I have to say, the only thing I regret is leaving Harry the way I did. I've come to realize that I wasn't helping him, or myself either, I was just running from my fears. My fears of commitment, of love. But, all of that's changed.
Harry and I are engaged, and to be married in the summer. He proposed to me on the steps of Hogwarts, where we first kissed. I'll never forget the times I shared with him.
But, losing Harry and getting him back all in one life time made me realize how lucky I am to have found him. How love always prevails, and how making your own life-altering decisions doesn't just effect you.
During the time apart from him, I had constantly kept telling myself that I didn't have feelings for him, that anything linked with him was in the past, and that I was no longer attached to him. But now I see, just how attached I've always been to him.
He makes me appreciate all of the things I once took for granted. With him, anything seems possible. He's not just 'The Boy Who Lived' to me, anymore. He's become so much more then that.
I can honestly say, with all of my heart, that I love him. He was, and is, the only man that has ever made me truly happy. No one on earth compares to him.
He gave me a second chance, and for that, I will always be grateful.
I look at myself, and all of the things I've done, to get to this point. I remember what I used to tell myself, I remember the way I used to feel. I lied to myself over and over again, but no more will I do that.
No more will I tell myself that the desires I had for him, lay forgotten.
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A/N: Well! It's been great writing this story, but, it is in fact, finished! Sorry everyone! :P Anyway, please review! Tell me what you thought of the WHOLE story! I know this chapter is a little cheesy, and I'm sorry about that, but, I think I might have a bad case of writers block! YIKES! Right, well, please R & R! Thanks for reading, you've been wonderful! :D