AUTHOR NOTE: There you have it folks… I know it took forever, but I've just been so busy with school and my free time was spent on working on my other fan fic. As it's "my baby" so it comes first… but I have not abandoned this one, I still work on it as a side project and truthfully it does take quite a bit of time having to re-read the entire chapter and then have it propped open next to my keyboard where I have to follow it almost word for word… it'll be easier to write when we reach Hogwarts and I wont have to follow the book precisely because we get to follow Hermione around.. anyways.. I still hope you enjoy… Happy Holidays guys!
The Boy with Suppressed Emotions
CHAPTER 4
Hermione awoke the next morning half on and half off the bed next to Ginny's.
She groaned unhappily about the prospect of having to pull herself back up, and in the end she decided to let herself drop to the floor with a heavy thud, bunched in her covers.
Stretching, she peered over at Ginny who was still sound asleep.
With a deep yawn she pulled herself up off the floor, deciding to wait for Ron and Ginny in the kitchen.
Hermione pulled her bathrobe over her nightdress and descended the stairs on tip toe.
"I best be off Molly, do be careful and take care of yourselves, wont you?"
It was Dumbledore's gentle voice that reached her ears first; she decided on not making herself present quite yet in case anything was said about Harry.
"You know I will Albus." Molly answered softly.
"Before I go, might I enquire about Percy?" Dumbledore questioned carefully.
There was a long pause.
"He hasn't come back Albus, I don't understand, everyone knows Voldemort's back."
"I'm truly saddened Molly, but, most unfortunately, there are people who find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong, then forgive for being right."
Hermione felt her heart give a sympathetic throb for Mrs. Weasley, she was at least glad to see Molly was no longer crying at the mention of her son's name.
"If ever you should need me Molly, you do know how to alert me, never hesitate to do so." Dumbledore instructed.
"Of course Albus, take care of yourself as well, oh and take a scone with you won't you?"
"Thank you, your cooking is most superior."
Hermione imagined Molly blushing.
There were a few graceful strides; probably to the fireplace.
"Goodbye Molly."
And then a roar as Dumbledore floo'd out of The Burrow.
Hermione hesitated for a few moments on the staircase before making her presence to Mrs. Weasley.
"Good morning Hermione dear." Molly chimed happily while shuffling ungracefully around the kitchen shooting spells in every direction.
"Good morning Mrs. Weasley."
Hermione ducked as a pan came shooting over her head.
"You're always up so early." Molly commented without noticing how dangerous all the flying utensils, pans, food and cleaning products were.
"Just couldn't sleep I guess." Hermione responded side stepping away from the sweeping broom.
"Yes, I'm an early bird myself." Molly chortled with delight. "Are you going to be on the porch dear?"
Hermione smiled gently; this had become her ritual when visiting The Burrow. She would watch the sunrise on the porch swing, and sometimes even fit in a bit of light reading until everyone was up for breakfast. Mr. Weasley usually left early for work but the breakfast table at the Weasley's was never truly empty.
"Yes, if that's alright."
"Of course it is dear." Molly answered cheerfully.
"Did any owls come through this morning?" Hermione asked nervously.
"No dear, not yet."
Hermione slowly made her way through the kitchen and out the front door where she took in a deep breath of morning air.
The sky was painted in dazzling streaks of pink, bright yellow and a violet blue hung below the thick puffy clouds.
A beautiful morning.
Hermione felt her heart quicken at the thought of Harry's arrival and hoped he would be here sometime after breakfast; she was looking forward to throwing her arms around his slender frail form, and peering into his dark green eyes to search for words that need not be said between them because of their special understanding.
They were friends though… just friends.
Her thoughts fell to Harry's loss of his godfather, and she recalled the hollow look in Tonks' eyes; she felt a shiver trail up her spine at the thought of Harry being in the same condition.
Don't worry Harry, I'm here for you…I'll save you, like you always save me.
She chuckled at how cheesy that sounded.
The porch door opened from the kitchen; Ron was sure up earlier than normal, she thought.
"Zis, is incredible, all I want to do is help with ze breakfast!"
Hermione rolled her eyes. It wasn't Ron after all, it was Phlegm.
"Zis `ouse is so boring, I'm going to go crazy eef I am not given something to do."
"Then why are you here?" Hermione felt herself ask aloud without meaning to.
"For Bill of course, he thinks zis will change z'air mind and be `appy for us."
Hermione bit her tongue to keep herself from saying what was going through her mind. The truth was, Hermione strongly believed Bill and Fleur were simply together because Fleur thinks Bill is handsome, and Bill thinks Fleur is gorgeous; no real connection, no real love.
Not that she really knew nor understood love herself; but she liked to think it came with years of loyalty, sharing inner thought, being there for one another in times of happiness and in times of great need, and the ability to understand one another on a very deep and personal level.
"Breakfast!" Molly called, while Ron poked his head out to the girls on the porch.
"Come on then, I'm starving!" He announced, his ears turning bright red when he realized Fleur was on the porch as well.
Hermione shook her head disapprovingly and marched back to the kitchen in a huff where she settled herself beside an empty seat at the table.
Ron sat across from her.
"Who's the extra seat for?" He questioned his mother.
"For Harry." She said simply, passing the basket of bread to Ginny.
"He's here?" Hermione jumped from her chair, knocking it backwards.
"Can we see him?" Ginny mimicked, though her chair didn't clatter to the ground as Hermione's had.
"I will not have you three waking him up yet, he's asleep." Molly decided gently.
Hermione set her chair back on all fours and slumped into it. She picked at her toast before realizing she wasn't hungry at all anymore, and just sat there with her elbows propped against the table.
"Hermione dear, won't you eat something more?" Molly questioned with concern.
"Oh, well… I'm not really hungry right now, thanks Mrs. Weasley."
Molly gave a little chuckle, her eyes glistening while lingering on Hermione.
"Alright, he has a whole summer to rest, go on, I'll be up there in a minute to bring him some breakfast." Ginny, Ron and Hermione nearly leap off their chairs in unison. "Not you Ginny dear, you finish your breakfast first."
They heard a distinct disapproval from the young Weasley sister while bounding up the stairs.
Hermione had made it to the top first; in all her excitement she practically threw herself against the door, causing the handle to slip from her grasp and slam against the opposite wall.
She just stood there watching him from the entrance to the room as though in a trance, while Ron hastily drew the curtains causing a burst of sunlight to reveal a raven haired boy shielding his eyes from the bright sun and desperately searching for his glasses.
"Wuzzgoinon?" He mumbled.
Hermione took note of how adorable he looked with his messier than usual hair.
"We didn't know you were here already!" Ron proclaimed excitedly, before giving Harry a playful smack to the head.
"Ron, don't hit him!" She protested, frowning.
Harry had managed to find his glasses and put them on.
"All right?" Ron questioned eyeing Hermione's displeasure at his actions.
"Never been better," Harry answered as he rubbed his head. "You?"
"Not bad, when did you get here? Mum's only just told us!" Ron continued.
"About one o'clock this morning." Harry said, seeming to emphasize the fact that he was still tired.
Hermione felt slightly guilty for waking him up, especially with such a clatter.
"Were the Muggles all right? Did they treat you OK?" She questioned with concern, slowly making her way to Harry's bed before gently perching herself on the edge.
"Same as usual," he said casually. "They didn't talk to me much, but I like it better that way. How're you, Hermione?"
"Oh, I'm fine." She answered trying to give him a convincing smile.
She searched him for a moment with sad eyes.
"What's the time? Have I missed breakfast?" He questioned avoiding her deep gaze.
"Don't worry about that, Mum's brining up a tray; she reckons you look underfed…"
Her mind trailed off for a moment as she watched Harry closely. True, he did look thinner then he had ever looked, yet there were no signs of despair, no sadness in his demeanor, no evidence of any internal hurt as she had imagined she would see; none, except his eyes that once shone brightly, were replaced by a pale green.
"He just wanted me to help him persuade this old teacher to come out of retirement. His name's Horace Slughorn."
"Oh," Ron said, disappointment etched in his tone. "We thought,"
She widened her eyes and shot Ron an acid look. Didn't he know any better than to blurt out the first thing that came to his mind?
"We thought it'd be something like that." Ron finished.
Her attention fell back to Harry, wondering if he bought the obvious lie.
"You did?" He asked, sounding amused; she wasn't sure what exactly he found amusing, the lie, or that he actually knew it was a lie.
He was different somehow; carefree, almost too carefree. Did he truly not care that Sirius was no longer a part of his life anymore? And what about the supposed prophecy in the Daily Prophet, was it true? She knew he was reading the paper, it was his only connection with the magical world besides herself and Ron during the summer, maybe it really wasn't true so therefore it just didn't matter to him.
"Something wrong Hermione?" He asked, startling her from her inner thoughts.
Again she softened her features and gave him an awkward grin.
"No, of course not! So, um, did Slughorn seem like he'll be a good teacher?"
"Dunno, he can't be worse than Umbridge, can he?"
Ginny slouched into the room.
Hermione raised an eyebrow wondering what had changed her excitement about Harry's arrival.
"I know someone who's worse than Umbridge." She announced. "Hi, Harry."
"What's up with you?" Ron questioned, obviously thinking the same as Hermione.
"It's her," Ginny continued, plopping down next to Hermione. "She's driving me mad."
"What's she done now?" Hermione asked gently, failing to take notice of Harry's confusion.
"It's the way she talks to me - you'd think I was three!"
Hermione knew exactly what Ginny meant. Fleur Delacour gave off a presence as though she was queen of the world all because she was getting married to Bill. She was honestly tired of having her at The Burrow and she had only been there a few days; Ginny was true to her word indeed.
"I know she's so full of herself." Hermione stated with a shake of her head.
"Can't you two lay off her for five seconds?" Ron snapped at the two girls.
"Oh, that's right, defend her," Ginny snapped back. "We all know you can't get enough of her."
"Who are you," Harry tried to ask.
Hermione only then caught the look on Harry's face, he looked positively bewildered; she nearly laughed out loud but was stopped by Fleur's presence in the doorway.
" `Arry! Eet `as been too long!"
Hermione rolled her eyes while Ginny made barely audible gagging noises.
"There was no need to bring up the tray, I was just about to do it myself!" Molly protested looking positively cross.
"Eet was no trouble," Fleur announced giving Harry his breakfast and kissing both his cheeks.
Hermione felt herself scowling in disgust. Crossing her arms, she turned slightly away from Fleur and ignored the half Veela until she had well left the room.
Molly followed soon after, popping her head back in to order a protesting Ginny Weasley to help her in the kitchen with lunch.
"What's this?" Hermione questioned curiously, holding out what resembled a small telescope.
"Donno, but if Fred and George've left it here, it's probably not ready for the joke shop yet, so be careful." Ron warned.
Harry asked about the joke shop, and Ron expressed his excitement at the chance to finally see the place. Secretly, she also couldn't wait to see the shop herself, she was really happy for them.
"And what about Percy?" Harry asked. "Is he talking to your mum and dad again?"
"Nope." Ron answered.
"But he knows your dad was right all along now about Voldemort being back," Harry reflected.
"Dumbledore says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right, I heard him telling your mum Ron." Hermione explained, being careful not to mention she had eavesdropped on Mrs. Weasley and Dumbledore this morning.
"Sounds like the sort of mental thing Dumbledore would say," said Ron while Hermione frowned in disapproval; she thought Dumbledore had it right.
"He's going to be giving me private lessons this year," Harry explained casually.
Hermione felt herself gasp.
"You kept that quiet!" Ron choked on a bit of toast.
"I only just remembered, he told me last night in your broom shed." Harry answered with a shrug.
"Blimey… private lessons with Dumbledore," Ron said with widened eyes. "I wonder why he's,"
She jabbed Ron in the ribs with an elbow hoping Harry hadn't noticed; Ron exchanged a glance with her, proving he was also thinking about the prophecy.
Harry seemed to recess into his thoughts for a moment.
"I don't know exactly why he's going to be giving me lessons, but I think it must be because of the prophecy."
She nearly smirked, hardly believing that Harry was actually believing the Daily Prophet's interpretation of the prophecy.
"You know, the one they were trying to steal at the Ministry."
"Nobody knows what it said though, it got smashed." She countered aloud her thoughts.
"Although the Prophet says," Ron began.
"Shh!" She spat at Ron, giving him yet another firm elbow in the ribs.
"The Prophet's got it right," Harry said slowly.
She paled, her heart racing wildly in her ribcage giving her the sensation of a roaring ringing sound in her ears.
"That glass ball that smashed wasn't the only record of the prophecy. I heard the whole thing in Dumbledore's office, he was the one the prophecy was made to, so he could tell me." He paused for a moment, a slight frown coming across his forehead.
She tried to swallow; she wanted to put her arms around him, to tell him that everything would be alright…that Dumbledore couldn't be right, that the prophecy couldn't be right.
But he took a deep breath and continued.
"From what it said, it looks like I'm the one who's got to finish off Voldemort… at least, it said neither of us could live while the other survives."
She stared at him, her eyes conveying every ounce of her fear; she clenched her teeth to keep them from chattering and squeezed the telescope in her hand in an effort to fight her inevitable tears.
BANG
"Hermione!" She heard both boys shout as she coughed, emerging from a cloud of smoke.
"I squeezed it and it-it punched me!" She gasped waving the telescope as a tiny fist dangled on a spring from the end.
Her eye was hurting and she couldn't seem to open it.
"Don't worry, Mum'll fix that, she's good at healing minor injuries," Ron reassured her; though she did notice he was choking back a fit of laughter.
"Oh, well never mind that now!" She said hastily before her good eye fell on Harry who sat half slumped on the bed. Her face softened and she sat down next to him. "Harry, oh Harry…" Her voice dropped to a soft murmur. "We wondered, after we got back from the Ministry…obviously, we didn't want to say anything to you,"
His eyes lingered on hers, almost as though not believing her mistrust; they grew saddened, but she gently ploughed on.
"but from what Lucius Malfoy said about the prophecy, how it was about," She paused for a moment, her eyes losing their eye contact with Harry's "you and Voldemort, well, we thought it might be something like this…oh Harry…" Her eye's fell on his again, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Are you scared?"
"Not as much as I was when I first heard it, I was… but now, it seems as though I always knew I'd have to face him in the end…"
"When we heard Dumbledore was collecting you in person," Ron began eagerly, chancing a glace at Hermione to weigh her approval. "we thought he might be telling you something, or showing you something, to do with the prophecy, and we were kind of right, weren't we?" She watched Harry nod slowly. "He wouldn't be giving you lessons if he thought you were a goner, wouldn't waste his time- he must think you've got a chance!"
She couldn't help but grin slightly at Ron's enthusiasm, it was quite contagious, and by the look that came over Harry's face it seemed to calm her raven haired friend.
"That's true," She said feeling her heart drum against her ribcage. "I wonder what he'll teach you, Harry? Really advanced defensive magic, probably…powerful counter-curses… anti-jinxes…" She listed slowly, allowing the possibilities to settle in and realizing how much new material she would have to read in order to help Harry at all in these private lessons. "…healing charms might come in handy, and evasive enchantments generally. Well, at least you know one lesson you'll be having this year, that's one more than Ron and me." Ron rolled his eyes evidently tired of her anxiety towards their final year classes. "I wonder when our O.W.L. results will come?"
"Can't be long now, it's been a month." Ron answered with a worried grimace.
"Hang on, I think Dumbledore said our O.W.L. results would be arriving today!" Harry announced without noticing Ron's lack of eagerness.
"Today?" She shrieked; her dark eyes widening as she leapt to her feet. "Today? But why didn't you- oh my God- you should have said- I'm going to see if any owls have come."
Hermione tried to maintain her composure while bounding down the stairs two by two.
She spotted Mrs. Weasley and leapt towards her causing Molly to gasp in surprise.
"HarrysaidO.W.L.'sarrivetodayaretheyhereyet?"
"I'm sorry, what did you say Hermione dear?"
She took a deep breath and steadied herself on the kitchen counter.
"Did any owls arrive yet?"
"No not yet," Molly answered. "My heavens, what in Merlin's beard happened to your eye?"
"Oh…oh it's nothing Mrs. Weasley, silly really, this telescope punched me." She forced a sort of fake laugh, wondering just how bad her eye really did look.
Molly shook her head and shuffled over to the shelf of books in the kitchen and pulled out The Healer's Helpmate.
"I'll have that fixed in no time." She reassured Hermione while flipping to the appropriate page with a confident grin. "Awh, yes, now I remember… Amendio negrojo."
She saw the flicker of yellow light from Mrs. Weasley's wand, and moments later she watched as Molly's grin faded.
"What's wrong Mrs. Weasley?" She questioned feeling the heat rise around her collar as Harry and Ron entered the kitchen, followed by Ginny and a curious looking Fleur.
"It just won't budge," Molly answered anxiously before putting her focus on the book in an effort to make sure she preformed the spell correctly. "This has always worked before, I just can't understand it."
"It'll be Fred and George's idea of a funny joke, making sure it can't come off." Ginny explained.
"But it's got to come off!" She squeaked, suddenly hating the idea of Fred and George having their own joke shop. "I can't go around looking like this for ever!" Hermione continued feeling herself at the brink of tears; she didn't normally care too much about her appearance, but having to go around with a black eye was just too much.
"You won't dear, we'll find an antidote, don't worry," Mrs. Weasley said soothingly while giving her gentle pats on the shoulder for reassurance.
Fleur who had been watching looked as though she could hold her thoughts no longer and with a sincere smile she announced `Bill told me `ow Fred and George are very amusing!' oblivious to Hermione's feeling of panic.
"Yes, I can hardly breath for laughing," She barked hotly at the Veela before jumping to her feet and trotting circles round the kitchen; subconsciously twisting her fingers together in nervous tension. "Mrs. Weasley, you're quiet , quite sure no owls have arrived this morning?"
"Yes, dear, I'd have noticed," Molly answered patiently. "But it's barely nine, there's still plenty of time…"
Still pacing she barely heard Mrs. Weasley answer her question which she needn't ask because she was well aware of her answer.
She bit her lip thinking about her exams.
"I know I messed up Ancient Runes," She muttered glancing in Harry's direction. "and Defence Against the Dark Arts practical was no good at all," Frowning, she began to doubt herself in all her subjects. "I thought Transfiguration went all right at the time, but looking back,"
"Hermione, will you shut up, you're not the only one who's nervous!" Her frown was quickly turning into a scowl as Ron ploughed on. "And when you've got your eleven `Outstanding' O.W.L.'s,"
"Don't, don't, don't!" She flapped her hands furiously.
Who did he think she was? This was it, this was partly why she felt the need to hysterically panic beyond reason; she was Hermione Granger the know it all, Hermione Granger the smart one who would never get anything less than perfect, who couldn't possibly fail anything, right?
No, wrong… wrong, wrong, wrong…
She had to study her butt off to get the results she obtained and each year it was becoming more difficult to come out on top. And she had to; not only for herself, but now she had this… this identity to her name and it was this part of her that contributed to Harry's success, it was this part of her that managed to keep him alive, it was this part of her that made her rational and understanding.
If she lost it, even just slipped from being `the best in her year' she might lose him as a best friend forever. Ron would stay, she never had to prove herself to him, but she didn't know what she would do with herself if she became useless to Harry.
"I know I've failed everything!" She cried in frustration.
As if to add to her trouble, Harry had to ask "What happens if we fail?"
His face tried to show no worry, but Hermione saw it.
She sighed.
"We discuss our options with our Head of House," Harry looked rather sick. "I asked Professor McGonagall at the end of last term."
Fleur was saying something about Beauxbatons but Hermione wasn't listening, she burst into a screech, pointing at three specs in the sky.
"They're definitely owls." Ron stated joining her next to the window, followed by Harry who added, "And there are three of them."
"One for each of us," She grabbed both Harry and Ron's elbows tightly shivering in sheer nervous anticipation. "Oh no… oh no… on no," She mumbled deliriously.
She ran to the owls and hastily untied her letter with shaking hands.
Tearing the seal, she opened her letter and felt her heart dart to her throat.
She heard Ron and Harry saying something behind her, but she didn't hear what it was they were saying, al she could focus on was the feeling of failure. She wasn't on top; she didn't get the eleven O's that Ron said she would obtain.
"Hermione?" It was Ginny. "How did you do?"
"I-not bad," She answered in a small voice before Ron ripped the page from her trembling hands.
"Yep-ten `Outstandings' and one `Exceeds Expectations' in Defence Against the Dark Arts… you're actually disappointed, aren't you?"
Harry laughed as she shook her head; she felt her cheeks grow warm.
Why did it have to be Defence Against the Dark Arts? Why not Ancient Runes instead?
How was she supposed to be an aid to Harry where she failed in the skill most needed for his survival?
Snatching her results back from Ron, she fled back up to Ginny's room where she could try and sort out where she went wrong
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