Unofficial Portkey Archive

Not much to say here, other than, there is a flashback in this part, but I don't plan to have a lot of them. Flashbacks is something I explored a *lot* with Candleburn (which I'm still working on, I swear!) and I want to try something different.

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Their night had been filled with talks of what everyone was doing, Ginny and the Weasleys, of course, but also friends that dated back to Hogwarts, including Seamus, Dean, Cho and so many others. The first time Hermione had laughed, Harry had been left speechless. Suddenly, he was seeing her on her wedding day, dressed in a long flowing dress with white flowers in her hair as he had dipped her playfully on the dance floor. She looked blissfully happy, like no matter what, nothing could ever break her. They both knew better now. The sun had gone down and up, but they were still talking, admittedly with less intensity than they had in the previous hours. Turned towards him, her legs under her, Hermione sat with her head resting in her hand while Harry sat with his head leaned back, completely relaxed.

'So, what's your job like again? Quidditch division, really?', Harry snorted, watching Hermione roll her eyes. She reached out and playfully slapped his arm, only causing him to chuckle.

'Only temporary. They gave away my old job to the Minister of Magic's son, so of course I was left with boring spots to fill. There was an openning in the World Cup Planification department of the Quidditch division, and I was basically forced to take the position because I was married with a professional quidditch player. So ridiculous!' she said, shaking her head. For a moment, her eyes seemed to focus on a blank spot on the wall, as if she was lost in thought, then she gave her head a quick shake and her eyes were on him again. The words came out of his mouth before he even thought about it, 'You really loved him, didn't you?'

He could not believe what he had said, especially as he saw the effect it had on her. She stared at him, anger flaring in her eyes, her mouth slightly open. He sat up straighter, reaching out to put one hand on her knee as the other brushed through his unruly black hair nervously, stammering, 'Oy, Hermione, I'm so sorry. It was stupid, I know you loved him. I don't know why I said that...'

For a moment, they starred at each other in silence, the comfort they had felt in each other's compagny only moments before now completely vanished. Then Hermione lowered her head, her shoulders sagging a bit as she announced that it was probably better if she left. Pushing his hand away softly, she got to her feet, never looking at him once. A small gasp escaped her as she felt herself being pulled back. Harry's arms envelopped her into a firm hug, his chin leaning on top of her head. 'Don't go, please. I've been enough of a git to let you run out on me the other day, I don't ever want to do it again.'

'Right-found git, but that's what you've always been', Hermione mumbled against his chest, before letting out a weird sort of half-sob, half-laugh. He felt her shake her head slightly and he smiled knowing she was arguing with herself that she was not going to cry for the hundredth time that day. He pulled back just enough so that he could plant a kiss on her forehead and she sighed, closing her eyes. 'I'm in quite serious need of sleep or coffee. Possibly both.'

With those words, she pulled away from him and headed towards the kitchen. Within moments she returned, her hands on her hips, clearly irritated. 'Honestly Harry! How can you live like this?'

The words made his smile widen and eventhough he was amused by her current irritation, it was mostly what they reminded him of that caused the warm feeling that seized his whole body.

'Honestly Harry! How can you live like this? One day, I'm going to trip on something you left behind, crack my skull and you'll have no one to blame but yourself!', Hermione said as she went around Harry's room, picking up stuff from the ground. At one point, she shrieked and used her wand to pick up a pair of boxers, which she then threw at Harry, who was still half asleep, blinking to help his vision come into focus. He laughed and put them on the side, reaching for his glasses as Hermione stood straight at the end of his bed with her hands firmly planted on her hips. 'This is not funny!'

His glasses now on, he could fully see her wrinkled nose, which he only found adorable eventhough he knew it was meant to express her anger. Sitting up, he yawned then grabbed the pair of boxer and waved them at her. 'Clean. Don't worry.'

She sighed with exasperation and bent over, resuming her cleaning frenzy. When she came near enough, he reached out for her wrist and grabbed it firmly to stop her. 'Hermione, please stop.'

She starred at him for a moment, as if she was trying to ignore what he truly meant, and then her knees seem to give up on her as she dropped on the bed, her face in her hands. 'I'm sorry, Harry. I'm a mess. I just... I keep trying to not think about it which only makes me think about it, of course.'

'Hermione, don't. I was bloody stupid enough to go after the last horcrux alone, got hurt badly, but I'm still here. Don't go blaming yourself over this and don't get out of your way to take care of -'

Before he could speak another word, Hermione had thrown her arms around his neck and - to his undeniable shock - had pressed her lips against his. His arms hanging limply on both sides of his body, it took him a few seconds to ease into the kiss, finally wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her back with the same intensity she did, giving in to emotions he always refused to tap into. And then suddenly, she pulled back, one hand covering her mouth as she looked at him with wide horrified eyes. Dumbfounded, he watched her leave the room in silence.

He had known he loved Hermione Granger ever since the year following his graduation from Hogwarts. She had been there by his side when he had woken up at St.Mungo's after a very bad encounter with Voldemort. Ron had been wounded too, but far less severely than Harry had and by the time Harry woke up, he was already on his feet. Just watching her that day, almost literaly beaming as he had mumbled a few incoherent words, proving he was at least partly fine, had made him realize that what he felt for her was more than simple frienship. Every illusion of still longing for Ginny had vanished and it had been perfectly clear. But she was Ron's girl, had been for two years then, and he knew they loved each other. So he had taken the back seat, convincing himself that he was fine with it. And yet, whenever he was with her, he felt the familiar pang in his chest. By the time the two of them had gotten married, Harry thought he had gotten over her. After all, it was only natural that he would feel so much for her, having gone through the things he had with her. It did not mean he loved her. And then this kiss had proven it all to be rubbish.

When Harry's thoughts brought him back to the present, Hermione was looking at him with a puzzled expression on her face. He shook his head a bit, as if he was trying to chase away all memories of that kiss. The days that had followed had been filled with embarassed glances from Hermione and a feeling of guilt that gripped him everytime Ron was around. Not one word had been mentionned about it, Hermione carefull not to stay alone with him in the same room more than was needed, which proved increasingly difficult as they prepared to go face Voldemort. The last horcrux had been collected and destroyed, leaving Voldemort once again mortal.

Number twelve Grimmauld Place once more served as the Order of Phoenix's head quarters, Harry having optionned not to live in it eventhough it was his because he simply could not stand being reminded of Sirius everywhere he turned. The last few days had been spent there, days when Harry had been constantly sick. He had faced Voldemort before, but this time was different. It was the decisive fight, the battle to end it all. He would either kill or be killed and would probably lose a lot of people in the process. He was 22 years old then and for half of his life, he had been fighting. It was basically all he had ever known and he was beyond exhausted.

'I work a lot, don't eat in here all that much. But if you want tea, I got a whole lot of that', Harry with a half smile, motionning the tray towards her as he picked it up. Hermione rolled her eyes and let out an exagerated sigh as she grabbed it away from him to take it to the kitchen. He followed, doing his best to forget the memory of the kiss. It was probably the first time he had allowed himself to think of it in a positive way, all previous occurences leaving him with nothing but guilt. His feelings for Hermione had been another reason why he had left.

Hermione set the tray down next to the sink and paused with her back to Harry, making a point not to look at him as she spoke. 'We could always apparate to the Burrow, I'm sure Molly would be pleased to have us over for breakfast.'

When his only reaction was silence, Hermione threw him a timid glance over her shoulder, her heart pumping. His face was blank, his smile gone as he only stared in front of him, not even at her. Turning completely so that she faced him, her joined hands tore at each other nervously while she waited for him to speak out, fearing a rejection she knew would come. Finding it hard to stand there in silence as he remained imperturbable, she finally pushed, 'Harry?'

'No. I'm not going back.', he said, with a loud voice, his cheeks suddenly flushed red. His eyes slid from the wall behind Hermione to her face and he saw the tears swell in her eyes. She slowly shook her head, then her shoulder hit him square in the chest, pushing him out of the way roughly as she walked past him and out of the kitchen. This time, he followed and as they stepped into the hall towards the door, he reached out for her and grabbed her arm, just above the elbow. He pulled her back with force so that she would turn to him and she let out a small cry, but he held on. 'Enough of that storming off. You want to talk about why I left? Well, we are talking about it now.'

She pulled her arm back and pushed him harshly, only causing him to let her go and take a step back. She glared at him, the anger she had felt two nights before returning tenfold. 'You left! You just walked away Harry and never looked back!'

'I did look back. Every second.', he replied, his voice considerably lower than hers. That only seemed to anger her even more.

'You were gone SIX YEARS! Hell, you would still be gone if I hadn't seen you in the park! You just can't leave for that long and then expect me not to be furious with you!'

'Be furious with me. I deserve it. But I needed to be away from all this, I needed to be away from you!'

Hermione was taken aback by his last words and she stared at him, open-mouthed. Harry suddenly seemed to realize what he had said and he felt his stomach sink as his mind fought to find something to say that would make her forget it, quickly coming to the obvious conclusion that nothing could. Shameful, he turned away from her and dropped on the couch. He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes as Hermione took a few uneasy steps towards him. 'You needed to be away from me? Harry, why?'

His glasses still dangling from his fingers, he looked up at her in silence, then reached out for her hand. She was trembling as he laced his fingers with hers; she knew perfectly what he had meant, she also vividly remembered the one kiss they had shared . When they were at Hogwarts, Harry had been the only one she could confide in and who would trust her no matter what. He was her best friend, someone she simply could not imagine her life without. For two years, she had thought she loved him but had never said a word, watching him pine over Cho. She had moved on, finding in Ron's attention for her something she had longued for her life though. She had always been the buck-teethed, bushy-haired know-it-all and now someone loved her for who she was. She had loved him too, and still did in so many ways. She remembered dancing with him on their wedding night, feeling like this had to be the very definition of bliss. But as Ron was away more and more and the cute bickering that made their attraction for each other so obvious dragged on to become more serious fights, the pressure of the war weighing on both of them, she found that her happiness was slowly fading away. At the same time, Harry was still a constant presence, allowing her to laugh when things got hard. She found that she worried for him more and more when he was out looking for the horcruxes.. And that day, the urge to kiss him had come upon her like no other impulses she had ever known and having him kiss her back had openned her eyes to feelings she had only suspected from him. Two weeks later, she was losing the two men she had ever loved.

'The guilt I felt over losing Ron was not only because I'd failed to protect my best friend, it was also because I was in love with you. And you don't know how many times I found myself wishing you weren't his wife, and maybe...just maybe, that thought was in the back of my mind as we fought Voldemort. Maybe I wasn't quick enough to push him out of the way because of that.'

'Harry...no!', Hermione pleaded, shaking her head slowly as she dropped his hand and framed his face with her hands. 'Harry. You would have given your life to save anyone, no matter how you felt about them or anybody else. Please...please don't blame yourself, I never ever blamed you for what happened to Ron.'

His eyes were closed now and his head slightly bowed as Hermione stood above him, crying silent tears. He finally stood and she let her arms fall limply on both sides of her body, her sad eyes following him as he roamed through the room, stopping by the window. 'I can't go back, Hermione. I can't be the boy-who-lived anymore.'

'Can't you just be Harry?'