"So what's going on?" he asked her as they entered the Room of Requirement about two hours later. They were both embarrassed to see what the room had created for them. It was small and very intimate. There was a fireplace, flowers, and the biggest bed Hermione's ever seen.
"This is interesting," she offered nervously.
"Yeah," he started just as nervously. "Interesting."
The truth is that they both thought it was their own thoughts that had created the room, and were scared that the other would be offended.
"So what's going on?" he asked again, a little more confident now, seeing as she hadn't gone running from the room. He was still confused as hell though. Hermione, on the other hand, wasn't confused at all. She knows exactly what she wants. She just doesn't know how to get it, and really wishes that she could find the answer in a book somewhere. The only thing she can think to do is be honest and straightforward. This is Harry after all.
"Well," she started, sitting down in the middle of the bed and smiling when he followed suit. "Before I answer, I think it's your turn to tell me something personal. I told you about Ernie yesterday," she said. "So how are things going with Pavarati?" she added quickly, hoping that it didn't come off contrived.
"She's a lot of fun," he answered honestly. "But we're just having a good time. It's not getting serious or anything," he clarified, in case she was going to say what he wanted to hear.
"Have you guys had sex?" she blurted out, wincing at her boldness. For as much time as she's thought about having this conversation, she's really just winging it now.
"What?" he asked. He was totally shocked that she had asked him that.
"I'm not trying to pry," she explained quickly. "I just have some questions about it, and you're the only one I feel comfortable discussing it with. I mean, I would with Ron too," she began to ramble. "…but I'm pretty sure he hasn't had sex yet, or has he? Do you know? I don't know" she said, out of breath and awaiting his answer anxiously. It wouldn't bother her if he's not a virgin. At least then someone would know what they're doing, but it'd be really nice if they could fumble through it for the first time together. "Harry?" she prodded, when he just kept staring at her instead of saying anything.
"Um…Ron and I haven't talked about it, but I think you're probably right," he nodded.
"What about you?" she asked, and then saw his face get a little red.
"I…um…I haven't either," he said slowly and shifted uncomfortably.
"Why not?" she asked. "I mean, I know it's not because you haven't had opportunities," she added quickly, not wanting to bruise his ego at all.
Harry wasn't really sure where this conversation was going, but he knew that he could be totally honest with her.
"Truthfully, it's kinda confusing," he told her. "Believe me, it's not that I don't want to. I want to more than I can say," he paused and swallowed. "It's just that I don't want it to be something casual. What if the girl got pregnant? No matter how careful you are, and no matter how many spells you cast or potions you take, there's always a chance. I know that I could never… not want the child, but I don't wanna be tied to some girl for the rest of my life just because we shared a few minutes of physical pleasure. I mean, obviously, I wouldn't sleep with someone that I didn't enjoy spending time with, but there's still no girl in my life right now, besides you, that I anticipate having a lifelong connection to. So, as frustrated as I can get sometimes in the present, I'm trying to be as responsible as I can," he finished slowly.
"Wow," she smiled, unbelievably impressed by his maturity. "That doesn't sound like the impulsive boy I've known my entire life."
"Well, I'm definitely no saint, as you know, but it's not something that I can take too lightly," he smiled. "As much as I hate all the attention I get, I certainly can't ignore it," he paused. "I just don't wanna create any more drama for myself than I already have," he finished.
"Probably wise," she agreed with a laugh. "What if Pavarati was your girlfriend?" she asked. "Would that make a difference?"
"Definitely," he said. "I'm not saving myself for marriage or anything. I just need to be with someone I can trust," he told her. "I'm sorry that I can't offer any first hand knowledge though. What did you wanna know about?" he asked curiously.
He caught her a little off-guard with the question even though she had started this conversation. She decided that she just needed to be as honest as possible, so she could get this out quicker.
"I've been thinking about having sex a lot lately," she admitted.
"But I thought you didn't trust Ernie?" he asked, a little alarmed.
"I don't, but I can't help the way that I feel," she said, and then continued quickly before he could interrupt. "Remember how I told you that I felt like I was surrounded by sex? Well, I meant that pretty literally. Ernie is constantly trying to take it there, and all Lavender talks about how great it feels. It's kinda hard to be making out with Ernie on my bed, and not want to experience that too," she told him.
Harry was sweating a little at this point, even though it was the middle of December. He had to talk her out of this though. He couldn't let her have sex with that jerk.
"Hermione," he started slowly. "Believe me, I understand what it feels like to be caught up in the moment, and how hard it is to stop yourself, but you'll regret it if he's your first," he said.
"I know that," she smiled. "That's one of the reasons I haven't done anything with him yet.
"What are the other reasons?" he asked, hoping that listing them out would help her realize that she shouldn't even be considering sleeping with Ernie.
"Well," she sighed. "I know that sex is all he wants, and I'm too stubborn to let him just claim me as another notch on his belt. Plus, I don't trust him. I mean, I don't want him talking about me to other guys. He probably already does, but it doesn't bother me when I know it's all totally false. Every time things get a little heated and he starts to take my clothes off, those thoughts run through my head, and I stop him, but it's not easy. I guess it also helps that I start to feel self-conscious too" she finished.
"What do you have to feel self-conscious about?" he asked, thrown by that comment. "You're absolutely gorgeous."
"Thanks," she said, shaking her head no, but appreciating the compliment coming from him. "It's not so much my body that I'm self-conscious about though. It's more about my abilities. I don't really know what I'm doing, and I know that nobody knows what they're doing at first, but most girls learn when they're younger and they learn with guys that are just as inexperienced as they are. This year, it seems like everyone already knows what they're doing and I'm left out in the dark. I know this might sound horrible, but I'm not really used to not being good at something," she told him.
"First of all, who gives a fuck what anyone thinks?" he asked. "Besides, I think it's a hell of a lot harder, and takes more character, to wait than it does to just do it with anyone, Hermione. And I'm not just saying that because it's what I've done. I really believe it. And as far as not being good," he paused. "I highly doubt that will be the case. And I'm not just saying that either," he finished softly.
"I'm not worried about this because I care what people think. It's not that at all," she clarified. "If I cared about Ernie's opinion on the subject, we would have had sex a long time ago. I've never even…" but then she stopped.
"Never what?" he asked.
"It's not important," she said.
"I thought you wanted to discuss this," he countered.
"I've never…um… Ok, we're both adults, so I'm just gonna tell you."
"I'm listening," he told her. "I'll help if I can."
"I've never had girlfriends or sleepovers where you get to practice kissing your own hand or discussing what techniques guys seem to like when you go down on them," she said, and noticed that he shifted a little again. "I've thought about it a lot, so I'm pretty sure that I know what I'm doing, but I've never actually tried. So you see, Ernie's been quite patient," she said.
"It's not like he deserves a god damned metal, Hermione. I don't care what he's used to, or expects, from a girl. He should respect your wishes. He certainly shouldn't be praised for it," he said a little heated.
"I agree, but that's not the world we're living in, unfortunately. You know that. At least ten girls throw themselves at you on a daily basis," she said.
"And each one is less sincere than the one before her," he countered. "I don't really like it, ya know," and then he stopped for a moment. "You sure that you don't wanna transfer to Oxford?" he asked with a smile. "That way you can help save me from all the crazies. I'll keep all the jerks that hit on you at bay."
She laughed out loud at that. She was grateful that he had lightened the mood a bit, but she was also ready to get to her point. She was nervous, but still wanted to go through with this.
"Harry," she said softly, and her heart was going about a mile a minute.
"Yeah?" he asked, a bit thrown off by the sudden change in her demeanor.
"I've been wanting to ask you something for a really long time, but I've been scared," she started.
"You can ask me anything?" he told her.
"I know," she said. "But this is a really huge favor, and I don't want you to feel obligated to say yes just because it's me. If you think it's weird or out of line, just say so. I'm…"
"Hermione, what is it?" he asked, cutting her off.
"Alright," she breathed. "I feel like I'm ready to have sex, and I want my first time to be with you," she said and her breath hitched. She couldn't believe that she got it out. He looked like he was in shock, so she tried to explain. "We've talked a lot about trust and regret being important where sex is concerned. Well, I know that I trust you, and I know that I would never regret being with you no matter what else happened. And I don't want you to think I'm just using you because I would never do that. You're too important to me. It's just that this is a big step, and I wanna take it with you. I can't really see myself waiting until marriage either, so I just thought maybe tonight we could…" but she let that statement hang.
Meanwhile, Harry's mind was going a mile a minute. This was like a dream come true, but he still didn't know what to say. He certainly couldn't move because this conversation and her suggestion hadn't left him in the most graceful state. He just hoped that she didn't notice. The truth is, he loved the idea. He was nervous about the same things as she was, and being with someone he trusted like no one else would certainly make it easier, but he was also really concerned about the aftermath. What if Ron found out? What if she did end up regretting it? What if she didn't enjoy herself? But, most importantly, what if he fell even more in love with her? Would he be able to swallow his pride, and watch her with someone else after making love to her? Then again, if he doesn't say yes, it's not like she's gonna stay a virgin forever. Someone else will get to be that man. Does he trust anyone else to treat her like she should be treated? He knows that she's waiting on an answer, but his conflicting inner dialogue and the hard on he's trying really hard to ignore are not helping him to speak at the moment.
"Harry?" she questioned softly, and moved a little closer to him on the bed.
Her voice and proximity were not helping either.
She'd noticed that his breathing had sped up and, when she got closer, she noticed something else too through his robes.
"Sorry," he apologized quickly and shifted again when he noticed her gaze. "I'm sorry," he said again, looking away.
"It's fine," she told him, rubbing his knee.
"That doesn't really help," he said with difficulty, motioning toward her hand.
Hermione just bit her lip, and decided to take a chance. "What about this?" she asked, running her hand under his robes and up his leg until she came in contact with the bulge in his pants, which she then began to massage gently.
Harry opened his mouth a little, but nothing came out except a loud breath. Hermione took that as a sign that she was doing something right, so she just continued to knead him and moved up on the bed so that they were sitting side by side with Hermione facing the headboard, while Harry faced the foot of the bed. Harry had his knees pulled up, and Hermione had her hand in between them, now rubbing faster. His eyes were glazed, but they were glued to hers. She couldn't have looked away if she tried.
"Hermione," he breathed out, like he did in her dreams, and it only encouraged her to keep going. On instinct, she then ran her hand up under his school shirt for a moment to caress his muscled stomach, before undoing his belt and reaching down into his pants and boxers to grasp the base of his member.
"Hermione," he called out again, squirming on the bed and grabbing handfuls of his cover in anticipation of her stroke.
Hermione, meanwhile, was anticipating this as much as he was. She's been dreaming about being this close to him for months, and now she's holding him.
Neither one of them was disappointed when she ran her fisted hand down the length of him.
Hermione almost moaned herself because he was just as long and wide as she had ever imagined, and she couldn't help the flashbacks of her erotic dreams. Harry, on the other hand, couldn't really process a solid thought. All he could focus on was how amazing it felt to be on his bed with the woman he's loved for years, while she gave him a hand job and stared right into his soul.
Hermione just continued to stroke him slowly, enjoying his every reaction.
"Ha…Hermione," he cried softly when she rubbed the tip of her thumb roughly over his head. Then she gripped him tighter and began to caress him a little faster. She noticed that his breathing seemed to correspond with pace of her hand, and she loved that he never closed his eyes. He kept them on her the entire time, and she knew deep in her heart that he didn't do that with other girls.
"Do you want me to go faster?" she asked, only a trace of nervousness in her voice
Harry just swallowed and nodded yes. He couldn't find his voice.
When she began to rub him faster, it didn't take longer before he started to feel the beginnings of the end. He's dreamt about this so many times that he couldn't last long in the reality of it. He couldn't help biting his lip and closing his eyes at that point, but he made sure to grab her other hand and lace their fingers first.
He tried to suppress the groan that started at his core, but he couldn't. That was the most amazing and exhilarating experience in his life, and he felt like he couldn't move.
"Oh my God," he breathed, as she removed the hand in his pants and he tried to slow his breathing. She then laid down on her side next to him and stared at their still linked hands.
"I thought you said you've never done that before," he said out of breath and with a smile. "And I mean that as a compliment," he added.
She just grinned and felt her face get red. "Don't just say that," she told him. "I'd appreciate constructive criticism, and…" but she was cut off by his laugh. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"First off, I don't say anything to you that I don't mean," he told her seriously. "And secondly, all I know is that felt more amazing than…than, well…it was awesome," he finally declared. "Do you see what you've done to me," he laughed. "I can't even talk right now," he finished, starting to feel his breath go back to normal. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to return the favor. He sure as hell wanted to, but didn't know how to approach it. They hadn't really clarified anything yet.
"So, I take it that wasn't your first hand job then?" she asked with a smile.
"Uh…no," he answered honestly. "But I was quite honored to be your first," he replied with a grin.
"Shut up," she laughed. "So how do girls normally start that?" she asked. "I mean, I assume they don't really sneak attack you like me," she finished.
"Hey, don't worry. I love surprises," he defended her. "But I guess, normally, it just evolves from a heated make-out session," he answered honestly.
"So how do you reciprocate?" she asked quickly, and felt her face get red again.
Harry again wasn't sure where this was going, but he figured that he'd just keep answering all of her questions honestly until they got there.
"It depends on where we are, and how much time we have," he told her, and Hermione got the picture. She couldn't help but think that alone in the Room of Requirement on a bed was a pretty good to place to be. She could tell that he was willing too, but she didn't want him to feel obligated at all and she wanted him to make a decision that wasn't based primarily on hormones.
"Have you let Ernie…" he ventured.
"No, not at all," she interrupted quickly, and then got up to her knees and released his hand.
"Think about it," she whispered. "I meant everything that I said, but I want you to make a decision with a totally clear head. Either way is fine. I'll totally respect your decision. Just let me know," she finished, kissing him on the cheek and then leaving the room.
Harry just laid there for about ten minutes, enjoying the afterglow, and still in a bit of shock. Then he got up, performed a cleaning charm on his robes, and made his way quickly to the showers to cool off before his next class. He couldn't deny that that was hands down, no pun intended, the best experience of his life. It was just amazing, and he couldn't even imagine how amazing it'd feel to be inside her. But he didn't have to imagine it for much longer if he didn't want to. He still had all the same reservations that he'd had before, but the idea that he couldn't get out of his head was that she was gonna do it at some point no matter what, and he knows that no other man will treat her as good as he would.
He was 100% sure that he wanted to be with her, but he was only 90% sure that he was actually gonna say yes. She was right though. He needed to clear his head and really think about this some more, so he decided to gain some perspective by skiving off his classes for the rest of the day. He knew that Hermione wouldn't approve, but he just needed to stay away from her for a few hours.
Around six o'clock, Harry decided that he definitely wanted to do this, but he wanted to make sure that she was totally positive. It took him a while to find her, but when he did, he was struck with an uncontrollable and irrational jealousy. He thought she would be in the library, but instead he found her sitting at the Gryffindor dining table in what seemed like a pretty deep conversation with Ron.
Harry knew that he should have turned away, but he couldn't. Instead, he just kept watching them and tried to imagine what they were talking about. `Did she only ask me because she saw me first?' he couldn't help but think, even though he was pretty sure she wouldn't do that. But he did know that she trusted Ron a lot too, and she did have a crush on him when they were younger. Maybe she was mad at him for staying up in his room so long, and she decided to tell Ron everything. That would be pretty embarrassing. When he saw her reach over and give Ron a big hug, he felt like a hot coal was burning in his stomach, and he knew he was in serious trouble. Then he took a deep breath and made his way towards them.
"Hey," Ron smiled, as he caught sight of Harry. "Where have you been?"
"Hey man," Harry greeted, as he sat down across from them. "I wasn't feeling good earlier," he lied
Hermione was still leaning a bit against Ron, but the smile that she gave him, and the way she was looking at him when he met her eyes, calmed his heart. He just smiled back and began to pile food onto his plate
"Well, let me tell you that you missed an absolutely riveting Divination class today," Ron informed him.
"I'm sure," Harry smiled.
All through dinner, things were totally normal between the trio, but Harry couldn't help the way his breath caught every time Hermione laughed or their eyes met. He couldn't wait to be alone with her again.
"Harry," Ron started. "Hermione and I were planning on heading down to Hagrid's for a bit after dessert. Would you like to join?" Ron asked.
"I'd love to, but I'm pretty tired," Harry told them. "I think I'll pass. Tell Hagrid I'll come by on Saturday though."
"Will do mate," Ron answered.
"I'm gonna go get changed," Hermione smiled. "It's freezing out there. I'll see you in a few minutes Ron," she told them as she walked away from the table
"I think I'm gonna take advantage of having our dorm to myself for a few hours and try to catch up on everything I missed today," Harry told his friend, and then got up to follow her out.
When he reached the Head Girl's room, he hesitated for just a second before knocking on her closed door. "Come in," he heard her say, and then he quickly opened and closed the door.
"You look nice," he commented. She had changed into a green turtle neck and black jeans that left little to the imagination. She didn't look nice, she looked unbelievably hot, and he didn't want her going out like that. "Aren't you gonna be cold?" he asked, as she tied her sneakers.
"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine," she smiled.
"I know, I know," he said putting his hands up and leaning against her wall. "You can take care of yourself," he said.
"Yes, I can," she responded, as she walked up to him and playfully grabbed the open button-down shirt he was now wearing over his t-shirt with both her hands. "But I do appreciate the concern," she finished, looking him straight in the eye again, as she reached into his shirt to rub his back. Harry just kept his hands in his pockets. He was having a little trouble focusing on his thoughts being so close to her again, and he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to wait if he touched her.
"So…?" she asked, trying to hide her nervousness.
"You're sure this is what you want?" he asked steadily, praying that she hadn't changed her mind.
"Absolutely," she replied immediately.
Harry let out a small sigh of relief, and then moved forward until his mouth was at her ear. "Then I absolutely wanna make love to you tonight," he whispered.
Hermione's breath just caught in her throat, and she couldn't stop the huge grin that spread across her face. She couldn't wait until tonight. When she pulled back slightly to look him in the eyes again, she saw reflected back at her that he was just as exciting. She knew in the back of her mind that Ron was waiting for her, but she didn't wanna walk away from Harry. She was completely caught up in the way he was looking at her.
"I wanna kiss you," he said thickly, taking his hands out of his pockets and grasping the sides of her face gently.
He got a small smile from her in return, and knew that he had permission. So without any further hesitation, he closed in on her lips and kissed her like he's never kissed anyone. When she opened her mouth under his, he felt like his head was gonna explode, and he knew she could feel his enthusiasm against her inner thigh because she kept pressing up against him and then pulling back only slightly in a teasing fashion. He could also feel her smile against his lips as he groaned a little each time she did it. They continued like this for a while, totally oblivious to anything else.
Then Harry felt her hands running down his chest to undo his zipper, and a flash of even greater desire coursed through his entire body. It took all the strength he's ever had to stop her.
"Don't," he whispered huskily, pulling back from her lips only slightly. He then took both of her hands in his and laced their fingers.
She looked hurt for a split second until he clarified. "It's my turn," he breathed, and then he switched their positions, pushing her up against the wall to kiss her passionately again. He also lifted their entwined hands above her head and against the wall, so that his body could be completely flush against hers.
Hermione felt totally light headed between the way he was kissing her and the feeling of his erection so close to her.
"Harry," she breathed heavily, having to pull back at the thought of him inside her. She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes for a moment, arching her body towards him. Harry didn't think twice about pulling her turtle neck down a little so that he could suck on her neck.
That lasted about a minute before he pushed her flat against the wall to kiss her again. Then he released his right hand from her grasp, and slowly trailed it down her arm and over her body until it was resting at the waist of her jeans.
He spent a couple of seconds just tracing circles with his thumb on her hip, just in case she decided to change her mind, but the way she was kissing him and gripping the back of his head, told him that she was fine, so he slowly moved his hand to her zipper and undid it quickly. Then he made his way inside her pants until he was pushing aside her underwear to touch her. She was so wet and warm he could have died a happy man right there.
He broke their kiss to ask if she was ok, but she cut him off before he had the chance to say a word.
"Don't stop," she told him, and pulled his head back to her. With that, he slipped one finger inside of her, quickly followed by a second.
"Ha…Harry," she cried out at the sensation. She's done this to herself before, of course, but that doesn't even come close to comparing to having him do it. She can definitely tell that he's not inexperienced in this area. He was pumping in and out of her slowly, while sucking on the pulse point behind her ear. She didn't think it could get any better until his thumb rubbed against her hard node as he pushed into her. "Oh God," she breathed into his neck.
Then without warning, Harry released her other hand and brought it around her waist so that he could pull her up and wrap her legs around his waist. At that angle, he was able to go a little deeper and a lot faster. "Oh my God," she breathed again, and then everything become ten times more intense when he stopped kissing her neck and just brought his eyes level with hers.
That's when she felt all the tension that they had built up begin to release. That's also when she distantly heard a knock on her door and Ron asking if she was ready to go.
Harry saw the mixture of alarm and annoyance fill her eyes when Ron interrupted them, and then he saw surprise when he just grinned and kept going.
Hermione couldn't believe this was happening, but she didn't want Harry to stop either. So she swallowed quickly and then spoke really loudly so that her voice wouldn't break.
"I'm coming," she said. "I'll be right there. I'm coming," she yelled quickly. "Oh God, I'm coming," she whispered into Harry's ear, and wrapped her legs tighter around him. "Go faster," she begged, feeling like she was gonna explode if this didn't fully hit her soon, and then it did, and she had to bit his shoulder to keep from screaming out his name.
Harry was savoring this moment. He loved that he was the first man to be inside her, and he loved every reaction she had to him. He loved the feeling of her legs wrapped around him, and he really loved watching her as she held her bottom lip firmly between her teeth, eyes closed, and took deep breaths to try and regain control.
"Mmm," she smiled as he removed his fingers and she slid down him languidly. "So that's what I've been missing out on," she breathed and he smiled, kissing her softly and finding it difficult to ignore his painful erection, which become even harder to ignore when she trailed her hand back down to his zipper again.
"Hermione," he whispered. "I can wait."
"You don't feel like it," she teased, giving him a playful squeeze and he couldn't help but groan.
"I've been waiting for eighteen years," he said with difficulty and a small grin.
"Ok," she told him and began to walk towards the door, adjusting her clothes along the way.
"But hey Hermione," he called after her, and waited until she turned around. "I can't wait."
"Me either," she smiled.
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