You Must Love Me
It was getting late, the clock on the mantle ticked off another hour in what seemed little more than a few minutes. It tended to do that if there was something ahead that was not very pleasant. Time always made you wait for good things, but anything a little unnerving, unpleasant or frightening it rushed onwards. Of course, that meant little time to dwell on what was to come, but that did not stop me wanting the clock to slow down.
I gathered together my things, my cloak and my wand, not that I ever had to think about doing that, it always came natural, just like breathing. I paused before leaving the room, giving it one last look. How many adventures had started from between these walls? How much fear and happiness did they represent for me? More than I would ever admit to, I know. But this would be the last adventure. The last time I would stand on that patch of floor and look around me. In a way, it filled me with sadness and yet with a sense of the future. I did not ever really think that this day would come.
I gave one last look at the bed that had cradled my weary body, had rested me when I needed to sleep, and had comforted me though the nightmares. I gaze upon the four other beds that lie against the walls; each had held a friend, someone who had been there for me. I walked over to the nearest bed, and with little effort I could picture Ron lying along the length, sharing a joke as he gobbled down a handful of All Flavoured Beans or Chocolate Frogs. It feels such a long time ago since we first made ourselves at home.
Walking over the exit, I make my final descent down the staircase that leads to the Common Room. My gaze moves around the room, saying a silent farewell to everything inside. The chairs, the tables, each item that had shared in my adventure, in my fight, was worthy of a silent goodbye.
I stepped though the hole, and watched as the portrait closed behind me, sealing off forever that piece of my past. I smile at the Fat Lady, who grinned back to me, looking a little teary eyed.
"This is farewell, Mr Potter." She declared, making the first real conversation we had ever had.
"Yes, it is." I answered with a sad smile. "Look after Gryffindor."
She smiled, her eyes seeming to glimmer. "I will, Mr Potter. You can be sure of that."
I nodded and did something that I had never done before. I placed my hand gently upon the image of hers, which caused her to giggle like a school girl. "Goodbye," I said as I let my fingers fall away from the canvas and made my way down the stairs.
With each step I took, I felt my time with Gryffindor begin to fade into memory. It was if everything that had happened within those walls was nothing more than a story for me to retell to friends and maybe one day my grand children. That was a thought that I never believed I would have. It was a thought that so many of the people that I had know would not be able to share.
In a walk that seemed to take longer than I ever remember it taking before, I finally reached the doors to the Great Hall. The huge doors stood closed before me, shutting out whatever might be concealed within. My heart felt heavy as I stood outside, willing myself to push them open and take that first step.
Reaching out, my hand brushed against the wood, as a voice from behind me drew my attention away.
"Harry?"
I did not even have to turn around to know that Hermione Granger would be standing there behind me.
"I'm so glad I caught you before you went in." She smiled at me, as she neared, my own gaze meeting hers as I turned. "I cannot believe that we got here." She took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.
What that image did for my heart is far too difficult to put into words. In her face I could see all the pain and suffering that we had endured to get where we had. I could see each death and each victory, each loved one or friend that we had said goodbye to. And all for the final victory against Voldemort. Even with his destruction, I still do not know if the price we paid was too high. Could he have made us suffer as much as we did in the fight against him?
I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, and quickly pulled her against me. As my arms closed around her, I could feel the trembling of her body, which were quickly joined by the soft sound of sobbing. "I know, Hermione." I moved one of my hands to her head as it rested against my shoulder, stroking her hair gently. "But we did."
"Was it worth it, Harry?" She mumbled against my clothing. "We lost so many." The pressure on my shoulder lessened as she pulled her head up, looking into my face, while remaining in my embrace.
I nodded my head, unable to find the words at first. "It was worth it, Hermione." My voice sounded unsure even to my own ears, but she managed to give me a slight smile, which made me feel more confident in myself. "If Voldemort had survived, I do not want to imagine what life would be like right now. I know that we would not be standing here like this."
"Harry…" She stammered, like she always tended to do when she wanted to say something important. "I don't want to think about how life would be if he had won and you had…" She paused, unable to say the word I knew she meant. "I…just wanted you to know."
Before I could say anything, she took a step out of my arms and smiled, her hand moving up to her eyes to brush away the tears. There was something about her, the way she stood there looking so vulnerable and yet so strong made my heart cartwheel in my chest. I swallowed desperately, wanting suddenly to say so much and yet not wanting to break the moment.
"Come on, we should get inside before we miss the ceremony," the old Hermione was back, thinking of the duty and ensuring that we both arrived where we should be.
I pushed open the door, my eyes were greeted with the Great Hall. It still had the four house tables running the length of the room, heading towards the raised platform that held the teachers' table. There was something strange about the décor; it was both celebratory and consoling at the same time. As if it wanted to display happiness without losing sight of the terrible price that had been paid.
And it had been a terrible price.
The tables that represented the houses of Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, each bore evidence of the terrible loss that the Wizarding World had paid over that final year. The killings had gone on and on, affecting everyone that Harry knew. The death toll rose, as the Ministry had strived to bring the Dark Lord under control, but there was nothing they could do against the growing power that he and his Death Eaters displayed.
And while they did there bit, Ron, Hermione and I strove to find and destroy the Horcruxes, finishing the task that Dumbledore had started. How long ago had it been since he first showed me what had to be done? It seemed now like a million years. I can still remember all the pain and hardship that we had to bear to destroy each part of Voldemort's soul. We had all suffered. Ron. Hermione. Me.
"It's about to begin."
I felt the young witch's hand touch my arm. I looked down at her and smiled, as she walked us slowly through the hall to our seats. My eyes moved around the table, my heart sinking more as the empty chairs once more reminded me of our losses. There were so many that had not made the final battle. Voldemort had brought the fight to Hogwarts, just as Dumbledore had expected him to. I still cannot find the words to thank that great wizard's foresight.
I turned my attention to the main table, where Professor McGonagall had gotten to her feet, and was running her gaze across the students who were sitting below her. The room instantly fell silent.
"I do not have to remind you all how lucky we are to be sitting here today," she began, her voice not as strong as it normally sounded. "Over the past year, we have all borne witness to the evil destruction that had plagued our lives and those of the people we know outside of these walls. Every day we fought, and every day we faced the possibility of losing all that we hold dear."
Her eyes found me, and she smiled. I returned the smile, hoping not to draw anyone's attention. "We survived, and through no small part of the young man we all know as Harry Potter."
The room erupted into cheers, all faces turning towards me. I smiled awkwardly back; inwardly grimacing at the attention was focused on me again. I looked at Hermione, who was clapping excitedly at me, completely ignoring her own involvement in the death of the Dark Lord.
"Today is not about dwelling on what has happened," Professor McGonagall continued, drawing back the focus of the room and bringing everyone back into a semblance of order. "Today is about the future and most importantly the stepping into the world of our older students. It is with sadness and with a blessing that we bid farewell to our seventh year pupils."
In front of the table appeared a slightly lower dais, on which appeared a table that contained scrolls, all laid out in a fan shape. Professor McGonagall suddenly disappeared from behind the teachers' table and appeared moments later on the dais. Barely missing a beat she continued.
"The following students have finished their life within the walls of Hogwarts, as students at least. Who knows which ones will once more walk along the hallways and stand in front of classes?" Once more her eyes fell upon our table, looking first at me and then at Hermione, her eyes revealing her expectations of us.
"As I call out your name, please come forward and accept your certificate." She turned and picked up the first scroll and called out the name of the recipient.
"I wish Ron was here," Hermione whispered, as the first students began to file up to the professor, her voice croaking slightly, as tears once more pricked at the eyes. "He'd love this."
I nodded my head, guilt suddenly overcoming me. "Yes, he would. Still, we can tell him about it later when we visit him." I grinned, trying to ease Hermione's fears. "I understand he's been making a nuisance of himself, trying to persuade Madame Pomfrey to let him out already."
Hermione laughed lightly. "That sounds just like Ron."
I smiled, feeling happy to see Hermione smiling. It had been a while. I always found it amazing how easy it was for the young witch beside me to make me smile. A word, a smile, a gesture, anything would make everything suddenly alright. I caught her eyes, and she gazed back into mine. For a moment, nothing existed. How did she do this to me? I so wanted to say what was bursting to get out. I had waited so long.
"Hermione, I…" I began before…
"Harry Potter."
I looked at her, wondering what she wanted to say to me. The look she gave me was strange, and questioning.
"I…"
"Harry Potter." Professor McGonagall's voice rang out around the room.
"Harry, you are being called." Hermione whispered, flicking her head towards the dais, indicating where I should go.
Getting to my feet, I tried to look as if I had not been too pre-occupied to have heard the call. And to my great delight, and amazement, no one seemed to make a fuss as I walked up to the dais, coming to a stop in front of Professor McGonagall. Her voice was low as she spoke to me.
"It has been a privilege to know you, Mr Potter." She reached out her arm and presented me with the scroll of my achievements at Hogwarts. I think both of us were surprised that despite what had happened, I had actually made it to the end. "This piece of parchment will never do justice to what everyone here at Hogwarts owes you. And I hope, that this is not the last time we see you here. I know Professor Dumbledore, like myself, would be proud if you took up a position here."
I look at her for a moment, and smiled. There was so much to take in. I had been approached about taking a teaching position in Hogwarts, and the idea did appeal to me a lot, but there was something in my life that I had to deal with first, something that I had put off for too long.
"I will think about it, Professor." I met her eyes, and saw the hope that rested in her gaze.
Turning to accept my applause like everyone else before me, I caught sight of Hermione, who was standing at the table, smiling proudly at me. A moment later, she was walking towards the dais to receive her own scroll. I have no idea what passed between her and the professor, but the look and smile that they both gave me, made me feel certain that it was something to do with me.
Hermione walked over to where I stood, standing next to me as the rest of our year received their certificates. I wanted more than anything to move my hand and take hold of hers. It was so close, but there was something that stilled my movements. Instead I turned my head and looked at her as we sang the Hogwarts School song for the last time, at least as students.
The rest of the ceremony passed quickly. I was too wrapped up in the young woman beside me that I failed to take notice of anything else that had happened. And if it were not for her turning to me and smiling that I might have still been standing there now.
"Let's go and see Ron," Hermione took my hand, and guided me out of the hall. I'm not sure she realised what she did to me at that moment. My heart took a leap, and pounded heavily in my chest. It was as if the final break from school was the signal that I needed. It gave me the strength that I needed.
Unfortunately, Hermione seemed to be on a mission to get to Ron, which following their past relations did nothing for my hope. I let out an involuntary sigh, which seemed to echo off the walls to me, but seemed to have been quiet enough for Hermione not to notice. Obviously she was still too wrapped up in Ron. The thought almost stilled my feet. How could I face Ron and Hermione together?
Hermione, noticing my hesitation, stopped and looked at me, concern in her eyes. "Harry, what's the matter?"
"Nothing." I didn't think I was fooling either of us, but it was worth the try. I'm not sure whether it was fortunate or not, but Hermione completely jumped to the wrong conclusion.
"Harry, Ron doesn't hold what happened to him against you. He knows it's not your fault." She gave me a reassuring smile that made me feel guilty letting her believe that that was the cause of my anxiety. "It was a battle, and you did everything you could to save everyone, and Ron is going to be fine."
I gave her a wry smile. "I know but…" I stopped, and looked into her eyes, which seemed to be looking at me as if I should suddenly stop blaming myself. "I'm just glad he's alive." The look on her face turned grave, as she obviously began recalling all those that were not so lucky. "Hey, let's go tell Ron about the ceremony. He'll be so chuffed when he hears about the applause he was given."
Hermione's eyes took on their usual sparkly. "Oh, he'll hate the fact that he wasn't there to hear it." She laughed lightly, and with a slight tug of my hand, she pulled me into the hospital ward where Ron had been for the last two weeks.
"Harry! Hermione!" Ron's voice echoed across the room. "I've been looking forward to you getting here. I have so much to tell you."
Hermione and I walked the length of the room, her hand finally letting go its release on mine. I instantly felt saddened by the lack of her touch.
"Well, don't just sit there like a lemon, tell us," Hermione urged, smiling happily as she drew close to Ron and wrapped her arms around him. She perched herself on his bed as I walked up to them.
I looked at Ron, trying to be as cheerful as I could, following that little display of affection. "Spill the beans, Ron." I sat myself down on a chair, my eyes flicking between the two of them.
"Before I do, how was the leaving ceremony?" Ron enquired, looking at Hermione. "Did Harry get a standing ovation?"
Hermione laughed. "No, although I think Professor McGonagall had something to do with that. She knows how much Harry dislikes attention."
I merely smiled and nodded, hoping that he would soon get off the topic of me. "You got a huge applause, mate. I wish we could have captured it and played it to you, you would have been so impressed."
Ron grinned. "No need, I heard it."
Hermione and I stared at Ron questioningly and almost in unison we both asked. "How?"
Ron burst into a round of laughter. "Luna's been here, and she managed to find a spell that linked the sound from the Great Hall to a banana." Hermione and I continued to stare. "Don't ask. It was the first thing she could find that would work. I'm just glad that no one could see us sitting here with bananas to our ears."
"Really?" Hermione asked, looking more than a little impressed, despite the image that must have been in her mind. "Where is she now?"
I felt my stomach cringe. Obviously this was Hermione displaying a hint of jealousy that she was not here to help Ron in his hour of need. I knew how she must be feeling.
"She had to go and get something. Actually I think she wanted us three to have some time alone, she's good like that." Ron grinned, his eyes fixed to Hermione's as if they were sharing some secret.
"Ron, are you…?" Hermione asked, suddenly growing excited.
Ron nodded happily, causing Hermione to wrap her arms around him, once more pulling him close. "Hey, Hermione! Ouch!"
"Oh, Ron, I'm sorry." Hermione looked guilty for a moment before her eyes sparkled once more and a huge smile spread over her lips. "I'm so happy…"
That was more than I could take. Not listening to another word, I rose from my chair and stormed out of the room, unable to watch my two friends fawning all over each other. It had hurt the first time that I had to watch them together, I knew that the way I felt about her I could not witness their caresses and kisses again.
I had barely got halfway down the corridor when the doors opened behind me, and the familiar female voice filled the air.
"Harry?" Her rushed footsteps headed towards me. "Harry, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," I replied, sounding like a repeat of an earlier conversation.
"I didn't buy that the last time; I'm certainly not buying it now." She looked at me, her eyes filled with confusion and hurt. "I really thought that you would be happy for Ron and…"
I cut her off sharply. "I am happy. Deliriously happy." I lied. "I just remembered I had somewhere I needed to be." I turned to walk away, before I felt her hand on my shoulder.
"What has gotten into you, Harry?" Her voice sounded even more confused and a little worried too. "I know you've been through a lot recently, and seeing Ron in his condition is not easy for you, but he is getting better."
I turned around to face her, suddenly annoyed for some reason. "I'm not worried about him, Hermione. I can see he is getting better." She stood in front of me staring. "Once he was giving the all clear, I stopped feeling guilty." I paused. "Well, I stopped feeling as guilty."
I would never feel fully happy with the fact that my best friend was hurt because I could not protect him properly. It had been a choice between Ron and Hermione, and she was more in the line of fire than Ron was. If she had been hit, she would not be lying in the bed making eyes at Ron, she would have been under the ground with the countless others that I could not save.
"Then what is it?" Hermione asked, totally oblivious. Of course, how could I have expected less when she was so in love with Ron?
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. How could I tell her? How could I explain to her what happened to me when I looked at her? How could I tell her that she was in my thoughts from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep? How could I tell her that the only reason I had the strength to defeat Voldemort was my desire for her to be safe? Instead I remained quiet, letting my head and heart come to terms with the fact that I had lost her to Ron.
She slid her hand down my arm from my shoulder, finally taking my hand in hers. "Come back and speak to Ron. He is hurt and confused with you walking out on him." She gave my hand a gently pull. "He thinks you blame yourself what happened to him, and it's not fair you making him feel bad when he is so happy."
I don't know where I got the courage from, but it came from somewhere. I looked at Hermione, holding myself firmly rooted to the floor. "Hermione, um, I can't do it again. I can't…" I cleared my throat, giving my brain a moment to find the right words. "What I'm trying to say is…" I looked at her and suddenly lost the nerve.
Hermione laughed. "Well, if we are ever going to see Ron again, you really do need to get to the point, Harry Potter."
"Forget it!" I shouted at her, taking her by surprise. "You wouldn't understand anyway. Go back to Ron and be happy together!" I turned and walked away.
"Harry, wait!" She called after me, as she once more chased me down the corridor, almost having to jog to catch up with me. "You've got it all wrong."
I stopped suddenly, almost causing her to slam into me. "I've got it all wrong?" I spat out the words as I turned to face her, surprised to see the look on her face was not the one I was expecting.
Hermione smiled up at me, nodding her head. "You've got it so wrong and I've been so blind." She lowered her eyes from my face, and appeared to enter her thoughts, as if she was searching for something.
I watched her, unable to do or say anything, afraid that I might end up looking more of a fool than I was feeling. Her mind seemed to be working over time as she stood silently in front of me, her expression alternating between smiles and frowns.
Suddenly she looked up and caught my gaze. "You must love me."
"What?" I stammered, totally caught of guard.
"You love me, don't you, Harry?" Her lips broke into a slight smile, her eyes boring into mine questioningly.
"No, I…" I really was not expecting this turn of events. Only moments ago we were discussing her feelings for Ron, and now she was accusing me of this. "I don't know what you got that idea from, Hermione, but you are totally wrong."
Her expression slipped, no longer smiling, as a look of confusion moved into place. "I'm sorry, Harry. I…" She blushed and once more lowered her eyes from mine. "How could I have been so stupid?"
I looked at her, feeling my heart breaking at having to lie to her. If only she wasn't in love with Ron I could tell her how much I loved her and always had. I hated to see her so miserable. I would have given anything to be able to make her smile again. For a moment, I wanted to be able to turn back time and allow Voldemort to have the victory over me, to end the way I was feeling.
"Hermione…?" I reached out to touch her, but my hand found nothing but air as she took a step away.
"Harry! Hermione!" A female voice suddenly broke into their conversation, as the sound of footsteps echoed through the corridor. "Did Ronald tell you about us? He asked me out the moment the applause stopped after his name was called. He grabbed me and told me he loved me, practically knocked me off my feet. Of course, I was sitting down, so that really wasn't going to happen."
Luna smiled as she got near, looking first at me and then at Hermione, who had raised her eyes from the patch of floor she had found so interesting. "I'm sure Ronald would prefer for the two of you to be with us while we celebrate the news of him being allowed to go home at the end of the week. Good news just comes in groups, doesn't it? I don't recall ever being this happy."
I looked at Luna and then at Hermione, barely hearing half the words that Luna had said after she admitted that she and Ron were a couple. I watched as a smile appeared on Hermione's face, one that did not quite hide her unhappiness, but Luna was far too excited to notice.
"We'll be there in a minute, Luna." Hermione gave the other witch a celebratory hug. "I knew you and Ron would make a go of it one day, once he got the nerve to ask you."
Luna for a moment became less like herself, as she looked at Hermione. "Are you happy for us, Hermione?"
Hermione nodded. "Very happy. I know the two of you are made for each other."
The old Luna once more appeared. "Well, I'll go and tell Ronald you'll be in to see him in a minute. He was so looking forward to seeing you before you left. You know what he's like about sharing good news; he said he wanted you two to be the first to know." She turned towards the door, leading to Ron's room. "Don't be long, he needs his rest." And on that word, she disappeared through the door.
I stood looking at the spot where Luna had been before she had disappeared from sight. My head raced trying to catch up and make sense of what was happening. I turned my head slightly, focusing on Hermione, who was standing silently in front of me.
"Harry, I'm…"
"Ron and Luna?" We both spoke at the same time.
Hermione nodded her head and smiled. "I know, he kept talking about her and talking about her. I told him to ask her out, but you know what Ron is like for listening." She gave an awkward laugh. "I'm glad he's finally happy." Her gaze fell upon the door that now hid Ron and Luna. "We should go back in."
"Hermione, wait." I spoke softly, feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement filling my body. She turned towards me, meeting my eyes. "You were right."
She continued to look at me, unsure what I was getting at. The frown that etched her forehead made me want to kiss it away. "Right about what?" She finally asked.
"About me."
"What about you?" Her eyes took on a sparkly that I could not quite understand.
I took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. "I love you."
Hermione looked at me for a moment, not speaking any words, just remained standing there before me. Her eyes were fixed to mine, unreadable. I waited with bated breath, waiting for the laughter to come, waiting for the mocking words that I had feared appearing at this moment. I had been in this position so many times in my dreams, and I had woken up covered in sweat having had my heart broken over and over again.
"I love you too, Harry."
I looked at her. "What?"
Hermione smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I love you, Harry James Potter."
I could feel my mouth open and close, but no words came out. I grinned, probably looking like an idiot, but that did not matter. She loved me. Hermione loved me. I looked at her again, watching the smile grow on her lips.
"If you aren't going to say anything…"
Before I could, she covered the gap between us, her arms wrapping around me, as she pressed her lips hard against mine. It took my brain a moment to catch up, but soon my arms were around her, pulling her close against me. I lost myself in the kiss, which was more heavenly than I had imagined it would be. My mind was still trying to take in the words, but the touch of Hermione's body against mine said more than a million sentences could. She loved me, just like I loved her.
"I think Harry and Hermione are going to be a few minutes, Ronald. They seem a little busy."
The End