A/N: May not be as funny as the last two… was having too much fun re-reading select parts of Book 5 and the rare few in 6… but I tried. Sorry this took so long but I'm currently away from internet due to phone-hog younger brother. Will update again as soon as I can.
BIG thank you to everyone, can't reply all at once due to aforementioned problem, but I thank and appreciate all… including that odd Anonymous one that was just letters.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
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Plopping down unto the bed so that he faced the door, Harry discarded the other junk he had collected and immediately flipped open the journal trying to find an entry that pre-dated the one he had last read.
Okay, so it was more "eagerly" flipped open (he nearly tore a page), but he needed to find the "plan" and the "situation", not read the usual female griping stuff.
Reading about her… um… her um… period (he shuddered) was squicky enough the first time.
Long gone, of course, was whatever sense of moral dignity he had ever had prior to discovering this journal.
Not that it bothered him though.
This was for a good cause after all, and as long as he kept telling himself that his conscious was clear.
Crystal.
Finally, he found one that looked promising.
"30th September, 1997
Entry Seven
Kreacher is missing, looking for Slytherin's locket, and noticed clothes a bit loose. Possibly am losing weight.
Not that he would notice.
The prat Ron seems to take pleasure in pointing it out though.
("Hey Hermione any smaller and you could fit into Dobby's toga!")
The bloody stupid sodding idiotic git, I'll fit him into Dobby's toga.
Ahem, yes, still a little… testy from… hell there… I hate hormones.
Would be worse if I was pregnant though… but not with his baby.
It would be so cute. His green eyes and my hair… or maybe not our hair but you get the picture. Oh the possibilities….
I digress.
I should be grateful to his lack of attentiveness though. The relative failure of The Plan: Part One was barely noticed thanks to it. It did not improve The Situation, but it did allow me time for the introduction of The Plan: Part Two, of which am most proud.
It is mostly flawless. Even the daftest of gits or Hufflepuffs could figure it out.
Hmm, sounded like Malfoy there… probably channelling him….
Not that I believe any of THAT though.
Bloody nutter Trelawney, absolutely mental and Dumbledore actually allowed her TEACH. I dare say someone got into the mead a little too often.
Oh dear… yep… still testy.
Anyway, the prat Ron should have been in Hufflepuff.
Of course they would have kicked him out, too stupid for even that house.
Ha-ha.
I digress.
Mother, if you are somehow reading this in a future where I am not, I beg posthumous forgiveness for allowing myself to get into The Situation.
I should have known better.
When friends are male, and you a female, sadly, you may eventually have strange, wonderful, mischievous, dirty, "overly friendly" thoughts about one of them someday.
I just never expected that someday to be today and that friend to be him.
I mean, we've been friends for a long time, since First Year in fact. We've shared a lot, (a LOT in my dreams especially), we've practically done everything together and that's not likely to change soon.
The only thing left then would be to snog each other. Repeatedly… in a dark room… or probably against a wall… or in the library… oh yes, the library, the school library just where Madam Pince could come in or maybe… I have such a depraved, dirty mind.
The only thing left then would be to…
Okay so I have nothing.
I want to snog him SO badly. And do a few other things too. A lot of other things too, and especially prominently featuring a bit of some of those books I read in Mrs Black's room that stuff from my dreams.
Of course we can't.
He likes her, they're going to be a couple forever and I will be stuck with the prat Ron.
Oh joy.
So The Situation remains that I am hopelessly in love with I like him and he doesn't know a thing. The Plan: Part One then followed that I would stick with the prat Ron as he liked me.
He seemed to have forgotten that last year.
Thankfully, The Plan: Part Two doesn't involve him. It's best we remain friends otherwise. For the sake of sanity and all that is good in the world, we best remain friends.
End Entry, Hermione"
There was only one thought that came clearly as he stared at the pages of the book then.
Who was this person and where was Hermione Granger?
When had his sweet, innocent best friend turned into this minx?
Poor Ron, poor "him" whoever that bloke was, and poor all of them, the world had gone mad.
He was too saddened to read more.
He had seen enough and it completely convinced him that as soon as they could Hermione was going to a psychiatrist.
Now he could go back down, put the book back on the table and pretend that he never saw it….
But then again… months ago, water under the bridge and whatever. She was different now, back to her usual Hermione-ish self, busy helping them find Horcruxes and meeting with the Order and… oh gods what was his name doing in there?
"31st October, 1997,
Entry Sixteen
Am currently intoxicad… intoxie… pissed. Won-Won was rite, friar-whiskey is GREAT!!! Can barely hold quill, or sphell, witch is funny, because am much smarter than him. Anyway, I WANNA SNOG HARRY! NOW, NOW, NOW, RIGHT NOW, JUST SNOG HIM ALL NIGHT AND STUFF! AND THEN TELL GINNY ABOUT IT TOMORROW AND LAUGH ALL DAY BECUZ I SNOGGED HARRY! He is very hand… cute, tonite. Nice shirt, I BOUGHT IT for his birthday and he is wearing it tonight. And his eyes, so bright, I wonder if he ever had firewhiskey. Will get him some for his next birthday, then we can drink firewhiskey together. Too young now though. Too bad, but I WANNA SNOG HARRY! Mum will be very upset about friar-whiskey. I think snogged Ron though. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!
But Harry spit up on Ginny! Ha! Like a baby, all over her shirt! Ha-ha! Ha! My baby, all over her shirt! Ha!
End Enter, Exit, Sighned… whatever, Her-my-oh-ninny
EDIT: Must destroy this page. Will never again drink firewhiskey, still suffering from hangover, and the above especially indicates another side effect.
Never again accept ANYTHING from Fred or George Weasley either.
Will jinx their Christmas presents maybe.
Hermione"
Oh, that explained that.
Poor, poor Hermione, the stress was clearly getting to her.
"Serves you right for drinking!" he admonished the book, but he had to admit he was worried.
This behaviour was certainly unbecoming of Hermione. And it was not improving. They were getting closer and closer to the present and he was yet to find an entry that had a normal recount of the day's events.
Not that he was actually reading this book.
These were merely casual… okay who was he trying to kid?
He was reading and he was worried.
Very worried… and curious, very curious.
Everything so far dealt with strange plans, odd situations and some "him", and now there was firewhiskey and strange thoughts of kissing him.
Not that he would mind it too much if she kissed him.
She already had, and twice in fact, on the cheeks.
Until she was better though, for she certainly wasn't well from what he could read here, she would have to contain those moments to her naughty journal.
Not that he wanted her to write about him in here.
A mention once or twice would do, but no long paragraphs were necessary… just mildly desirable.
And then suddenly the door to the room began to open and Harry shoved the journal under a pillow… just as Ron entered.
"Hey mate, Hermione's looking for a book, have you seen a red leather book that kind… hey! That's it!" he exclaimed.
Unfortunately Harry had not stuck it properly under the pillow and it now slipped out unto the floor.
Perfect, he had been caught out for the shameless peeping Harry that he was.
There was only one option then, deny, deny, deny.
"Say… what's that doing there?" he said with his best shocked look.
Ron refused to bite.
"Harry… I don't think that's a good idea… if Hermione catches you… she'll kill you!" he told him.
Well that was a short-lived attempt.
"No she won't!" he protested, "And besides, it's for you!"
"W-what?" sputtered Ron, shocked and confused.
"I don't know how to tell you this," began Harry, trying his best to be sympathetic, "but I think she's been… she was… she cheated on you."
To his surprise then, Ron burst out laughing.
Harry stood there looking at him, eyebrow raised, eyes darting about searching for some evil wizard who must have come in and jinxed him.
The laughter went on though, unimpeded, for a full five minutes until Harry's concern faded into annoyance and he began, "Ron…"
Ron recovered at once, tears in his eyes and said, "Hermione… Hermione cheated… on me?"
And then he burst out laughing again.
Harry narrowed his eyes, "It's all right here in this book… she wrote how much you're a prat and an idiot and that she keeps thinking about this other bloke with bad hair and green eyes… seen anyone like that in the Order?"
Ron stopped his laughter then and just stared at him with an incredulous look on his face.
Harry though, continued oblivious to this, "I mean… it's not like it bothers me if you find this funny, but this is bad behaviour, we have to make sure that she doesn't do it to some other bloke… I mean… you should read some of the things she wrote here…"
Harry presented the book to him with the page, but when Ron took it he coshed him instead.
"You bloody idiot!" he told the now stunned Harry, threw the book back at him and walked out of the room muttering to himself and shaking his head sadly.
Harry blinked a few times, put his hand to his head and said to the door, "That's the last time I try to help you!"
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