NINE
The morning light slowly began to hit Hermione's face. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes. She blinked a couple of times to then opened them wide, quickly sitting up. It was morning. She had slept through the night!
"Yes!" she said stretching out her arms.
Harry stirred in his sleep and sighed deeply. He placed a hand over his eyes to shield them from the sunlight.
"What time is it?" he asked lazily, his voice still sleepy.
"It's seven thirty," she informed him. "C'mon lazy boy," she said as he buried his head under the pillow intending to go back to sleep. "It's time to get up."
"It's Sunday!" he said hugging the pillow she had slept in. He breathed in her scent, closing his eyes.
Hermione got up and walked to the window. The dark clouds from the previous night's storm were gone. The morning was bright and shiny. The only sign of the rain were the water puddles in the ground and the tiny droplets twinkling on the flowers. She opened the window, letting the cool breeze hit her face, breathing in the fresh morning air.
She turned around to Harry. He was lying on his stomach, sleeping. She smiled at that. Lazily, she went back to bed and lay down next to him. The blankets were tangled around his waist leaving his bare back uncovered.
Slowly, she began to run her nails across his skin, drawing little circles. A moan escaped from his throat. Hermione didn't know if it was out of pleasure or out of frustration. Finally, he turned his face around to look at her.
"You're not going to let me sleep, are you?" he asked teasingly.
She smiled at him while bringing her upper body up and resting her weight on her elbow. Harry looked at her. Even when he complained about not being able to sleep in, he had loved waking up next to her.
In fact, he had woken up minutes before her, but hadn't moved a finger not wanting to wake her up. He knew it was quite an accomplishment for her to sleep through the night. She locked her eyes in his, wondering why he was looking at her like that.
He shifted his body to lie on his side and imitated her posture. "Did you sleep good?" he asked softly, pulling away a strand of hair form her face and gently tackling it behind her ear.
"Yeah, I did," she answered. "I can't believe I actually slept all night."
"I'm glad you did. You need it." He moved his hand to her face and gently caressed her cheek. Then, he ran a finger under her eyes. "I want to you be okay," he said in a whisper.
Hermione hadn't noticed he had started to get closer to her. Instinctively, she looked at his lips and closed her eyes, remembering the one time she had kissed them. She could recall that sensation quite vividly, as if it'd be happening right now. "Hang on," she thought. "It is happening!"
Harry had closed the distance between them and covered her mouth with his. Instead of that closed-mouth-quick-peck-on-the-lips kiss Hermione had placed on him years ago, this time he was softly nibbling and sucking at her lips.
At first, she didn't respond to him. She just enjoyed the sensation of his lips, but then her body took over her mind and reacted to his touch. Without thinking she gave in and melted under his arms, kissing him back with the same intensity.
His hands encircled her, softly pulling her on top of him. She followed his lead and soon after, her whole body was resting over his, her hands lost in his raven hair. For several minutes, all that could be heard were gentle moans and sighs as they both explored each other's mouth and took in each other's flavor.
Hermione pulled back, looking right into his eyes. "Harry…" she said, but before she could say anything else, he reached out for her lips again. He raised his upper body, making her roll under him.
His tongue explored not only the sweetness of her mouth both also the softness of her neck. He placed soft kisses around her jaw line and down her neck. "Hermione…" he said between kisses. "I love you."
Hermione's eyes, which had been closed enjoying the moment, sprung wide open. "What?!" she said.
He lifted his head up and looked straight into her eyes, beaming at her. "I love you, Hermione," he repeated it for her.
She looked at him not sure of whether she was dreaming or not. She had fantasized about Harry saying those three words to her for years, but it was nothing compared to actually hear him say them. Not only his words were fascinating, his expression was priceless. There was so much love and desire in his eyes, she could almost cry.
He sat up and gently pulling her hands, made her imitate him. "I've always loved you and always will," he said, his gaze locked on her.
His words slowly began to sink on her. "Always?" she asked. "What do you mean always?"
Harry wasn't quite sure what her question meant. He thought he had talked clearly enough. Still, he repeated it for her. "I mean… always! Since way before, since Hogwarts… I just hadn't had the guts to tell you."
Hermione froze. "So that night at St. Mungo's…"
"I loved you already," said Harry, thinking that would make her happy.
However, her face didn't illuminate as he had expected. Instead, a frown appeared. Hermione threw the blankets aside and stood up. Harry was getting anxious, wondering what all this meant.
Hermione seemed to be processing this new information while she was pacing around. Finally, she turned to face him and spoke in an upset tone.
"And why didn't you tell me?" she demanded to know.
Harry's body tensed not only because of her question, but mainly due to the anger he could read between the lines. Slowly, he stood up as well. That was a difficult question. One he would've preferred not to be asked.
"I… couldn't," he started to say.
"Why not?" she quickly said. Her voice sounded even more agitated. She was standing at the opposite side of the bed, her hands resting on her hips, looking questioningly at him.
Harry passed a hand through his messier-than-ever hair. He walked towards the window. Staring at his land for a while, he remained silent. The seconds were tickling away. Without removing his eyes from the window, he spoke.
"I had loads of stuff in my mind," he said softly. "I couldn't stop thinking about all the kids that died those days. I couldn't get their faces out of my head." Then, turning to see her, he added, "It was too much for me…"
"And you think I don't know that!" argued Hermione. She walked around the bed and got a little closer to him. "I was there, remember? I saw their faces, too!"
Harry shook his head. Hermione knew exactly what he was thinking. He opened his mouth to defend himself, but before Harry could say a word she interrupted him.
"Don't tell me it was not the same!" she yelled at him. "You think I didn't feel bad about the whole thing? You think it didn't affect me to see them die and not being able to help them?"
Harry looked away. Perhaps she was right, but at that time it hadn't felt that way to him. He had always thought that the moment he'd finally confess his feelings to Hermione, everything would be happiness. Harry never expected that Hermione would reproach him for his silence.
"Look," said Harry in a soft voice, after taking a couple deep breaths. He was trying to keep things calm and wished for her anger to melt away. "I know I should've told you about all this that day. I know I shouldn't have left the way I did." He walked to her, closing the distance between them, and took her hands in his.
"I wish I could have a time turner, go back to that day and undo all the pain I caused you, all the hurt I can see in your eyes."
For a second, Hermione held his penetrating gaze and was about to give in, but her head was yet not ready. She pulled her hands away from him and took a step back.
"That doesn't change anything, Harry," she said in a cold voice. "The damage was already done."
"Please, don't say that." He tried to hold her hands again, but she turned avoiding him. He took a step forward, standing right behind her. Placing a hand on her arm, he spoke in her ear. "Please, don't act as if everything was finished."
"Do you have any idea of what you made me go through?" she said, facing him. "You know what all these years were like thinking you didn't love me?" Hermione closed her eyes and passed a shaky hand through her forehead.
"You know what I almost did because of that?"
Harry sighed. "Eric…" he whispered.
Hermione nodded. Then, quietly she turned away, looking without really watching, out of the window. Her breath was agitated, as if she had been running. Her heart was drumming painfully in her ribcage.
In a matter of minutes, the previous years replayed in her mind: Long sleepless nights, sometimes crying 'til dawn, loss of appetite, a deep depression, her relationship with Eric Morgan, their sex life, which had been more of an obligation to her. All that because she was trying to get Harry out of her mind, out of her life, but mainly out of her heart.
Still, her efforts were useless. But the resentment she accumulated during those days didn't let her enjoy the moment. Harry was there, next to her. He had just said he loved her, but there was something holding her back.
Harry had remained silent thinking she needed a moment to process her thoughts. She seemed distant, far away from him. But he was sure of one thing: she still loved him. He had felt it just minutes ago when they were kissing.
She had responded to him with such passion, with such intensity that could only come out of love. Hermione was not a person that could easily fall in and out of love. He knew that. He knew her. During Ron's wedding, Harry had seen her with Eric. There was no love in her eyes when she'd looked at her fiancé. Harry could bet his life on that.
Hoping that his touch would bring her out of her thoughts, he got closer to her and encircled her with his arms. Hermione, who wasn't expecting this, jumped in surprise, but quickly pulled away.
"I can't…" she tried to say. "I have to go." She took a couple steps away from him.
"Hermione, " pleaded Harry, extending a hand to her. "Just wait."
"I have to go!" she repeated.
Seeing that he was again coming to her, and knowing she was not going to be able to resist much longer, she disapparated before he could reach her, still wearing his clothes and leaving hers behind along with an anguished Harry.
--- * --- * --- * ---
"So basically, you wanted him to know exactly how you felt when he walked out on you," said Ginny to Hermione, who had just told her all about what had happened between Harry and her that morning.
It was well after lunch. Hermione had locked herself in her room all morning. Ginny, worried about her, finally had conjured the door open and forced her to spill everything up.
Ginny had listened intently at her without interrupting, pondering the situation. She wondered why Hermione couldn't just put her resentment aside and run to Harry's arms, something she knew Hermione was dying to do no matter what she'd say.
"No," said Hermione firmly. "That was not my intention."
"Well, you still did…"
Hermione stood up, they had been sitting on her bed, and paced around. Even though she had replaced Harry's boxers with some baggy sweatpants, she was still wearing his t-shirt.
"Why don't you just take a shower," suggested Ginny. "That'll help you to relax. Besides," she said looking at her wristwatch. "The guys will soon be getting here."
Hermione sighed. "Would it be too late to…"
"Cancel dinner?" said Ginny finishing her sentence for her. "Forget it! I'm not going to let you do this to yourself. It's your birthday and we all want to share it with you."
Gently, Ginny started pushing Hermione to the bathroom. "Alright, alright," said Hermione. Then turning back to Ginny, she added, "Do I still have enough time for a bubble bath?"
"Yes, you do. Just don't try to drown yourself on the bath!" After that, Ginny closed the door and left Hermione alone.
--- * --- * --- * ---
A couple of hours later, the newlyweds arrived along with the twins, their lovely girls and Neville. They were all in the living room hearing all about Mr. and Mrs. Weasleys' honeymoon.
"Aaawww, that was so romantic!" sighed Angelina, after they heard about Ron and Luna's dinner-under-the-stars.
"Where are you guys going for your honeymoon?" Ginny asked Angelina and Fred.
They looked at each other and smiled. "We haven't decided yet," informed Angelina. "We're debating between Italy and Spain."
"She's the one that can't decide," said Fred. "Either place is fine with me, as long as there's a beach close by to admire all the beautiful…" He was about to say "girls in bikini" when Angelina shot him a killer look, "… scenery."
Everyone made an effort to hide their giggles caused by Fred's silly expression so that Angelina wouldn't get upset, and quickly tried to change to another topic. Ginny looked anxiously at her wristwatch.
Harry wasn't there, yet. She had tried to delay dinner to give him time to get there. It seemed, however, that she wasn't going to be able to push it much further. Hermione hadn't mentioned Harry's absence, but Ginny knew she was sad about it.
"Okay then," said Ginny as she stood up. "Let's head to the table. Time to eat!"
They all moved to the table and sat around it, animatedly talking. They had just sat down, when the doorbell rang. Ginny and Hermione looked at each other. Before they could react, Neville had already stood up and gone to open the door. Seconds later, Harry walked in.
"Hello everyone!" he greeted. Everyone greeted him back.
Without saying a word to Hermione, Harry walked over to where Ron was sitting and sat on the empty chair next to him. He patted Ron in the shoulder. "Hey mate, how's married life treating you?"
"Great!" replied Ron with a big grin painted on his face.
"She's already trained you, right?" said George, smiling teasingly, but his smile quickly disappeared - Alicia elbowed him on the ribs.
"Who's got who trained?" said Ron mockingly.
The rest of the evening went by amidst jokes and more honeymoon tales. After dinner, they all enjoyed a delicious birthday cake Ginny had baked. Hermione received a couple of presents from her friends.
Harry gave her a couple of original records from The Beatles, from their first recordings. Hermione knew those were valuable collector's items, but what she appreciated the most was him remembering she liked them.
They had to explain to everybody else what a record player was and how it worked. Hermione would've liked to thank him with a tight hug and a big kiss, but Harry was keeping his distance form her. Not because he wanted to, but because Harry knew Hermione needed time to think things through and he was willing to give it to her, even when he didn't like it at all.
It hurt her to see him treat her like that, but she thought it was better that way. She still felt a little resentful towards him and her stubbornness told her she shouldn't let him soften her with a nice gift.
Still, deep inside she wished she could just erase everything else and bury herself in his arms and stay there for the rest of her life.