Right, this is a new fic that me [Archie] and Kaci just started. It's loosely based on How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days, but with a twist of course, you guys know our style…lol. So pelase read, and review! It's AU by the way!
Chapter One: The Bets Are On
"It's just horrible," said Luna Lovegood as she wiped tears from her eyes and looked at her two best friends. "I'll never get him to ask me out."
"Luna, Luna, Luna," said Cho Chang as she smiled and patted Luna's hand. "Don't worry that much about it. This is our Seventh year, he'll ask you out by the end of the year."
"Probably not," said the very un-helpful Hermione Granger as she looked up from her book and at Luna and Cho.
Cho gave Hermione a deathly glare that just made Hermione smile.
"And why not," snapped Cho. "Luna is very pretty, smart and funny. Someday Ronald Weasley will look at her and fall in love."
"Yes, someday Ron will look at Luna and will fall in love with her. But Luna is going about getting Ron completely wrong," said Hermione as she set down a book she had been reading.
"Oh really," said Cho as she glared at Hermione. "And how would you know anything about getting a guy?"
"Because I know the logical things to do," said Hermione in her defense.
"Tell me if I'm wrong, darling," said Cho as she sat down in a comfy chair. "But I believe you've never had a boyfriend at Hogwarts, in our seven years."
"That's because all the boys here are prats," snapped Hermione.
"What?" said Luna as a tear slipped out of her eye. "Ronald isn't a prat, he's nice and good-looking, and smart, and good at Quidditch and-"
"Loud, annoying, flirty, and shags any girl he can," finished Hermione. "He's just like every boy here and that is why I do not date any of the boys here."
"I do not agree with you one bit," said Cho. "I have been dating Cerdic Diggory for two years and he is the nicest boy I have ever met in my life."
"Fine!" snapped Hermione. "I will say Cerdic is a nice boy, but that's it. He's the only one."
"B-but Ronald is nice," said a bewildered Luna.
"He's nice if he wants to shag you," said Hermione as she laughed at her own joke.
"For being in Ravenclaw that wasn't very clever," said Cho. "Ignore Hermione, Luna. She's just jealous because she knows she couldn't get a date even if she tried."
"I could so get a date," said Hermione as she stood up and starred at her friend. Hermione ignored the surprised looks on the faces of the Ravenclaw students sitting in the peaceful Common Room.
"No, Hermione Granger, you could so not get a date," replied Cho with a smug look as she saw Hermione was getting very frustrated.
"Yes, I could Cho Chang! And not only could I get a date," shouted Hermione. "I could make any boy fall in love with me in ten days!"
"Any boy?" asked Cho as she raised an eyebrow.
"Any good-looking, straight, smart guy, I could get him to fall in love with me," answered Hermione as she began to cool down and sat back into the chair.
"I think I smell a bet brewing," said Luna as she sniffed the air.
"So your saying, you could make any guy that goes to our school fall in love with you by the Winter dance, which is in fourteen days?" asked Cho as she leaned forward and gazed at Hermione.
"Yes," replied Hermione as she leaned forward.
"And let's say you can't," said Cho with a sly grin. "What then?"
"I'll chop off my hair," said Hermione automatically. Luna let out a high pitch laugh that made Hermione and Cho look at Luna in surprise.
"Ch-hop... off...all your... hair," said Luna finally between laughs.
"OK," said Cho. "And if, by some odd mistake, you are able to make a boy fall in love with you, then I will chop off all my lovely black hair."
"I think you will look excellent as a guy!" said Hermione excitedly. Cho rolled her eyes as Luna let out a couple of snorts as she continued laughing.
"Let's see our options," said Cho as she leaned back. "We have that nice third year boy in Hufflepuff that asked me out last week, his names was... Terry?"
"A third year?" gasped Hermione. "That's not even legal."
"So you want a Seventh Year?" asked Luna as she began to smile brightly.
"Sure," said Hermione as her stomach did a flip-flop.
"Well, none of the Hufflepuff boys would work because they are all friends with Cerdic... And I wouldn't want you dating one of Cerdic's friends," said Cho as she twirled her thumbs in thought.
"Yes, we shouldn't let any of the boys in your fan club switch their devotion," said Hermione sarcastically.
"And we wouldn't want any of the boys in Ravenclaw," said Luna. "Hermione would be snogging them all the time."
"So that leaves Gryffindor and Slytherin," said Cho thoughtfully.
"PLEASE not Slytherin," said Hermione as she fell to her knees and clasped her hands together and looked at Cho. "I'm begging you, I don't want to snog a Slytherin."
"That leaves Gryffindor then," sang out Luna excitedly.
"We can't use Ron, because he's Luna's... So it would be either the fat Longbottom boy or the hot Malfoy one," said Cho as she grinned at Hermione.
"What about the ever-so-famous Harry Potter?" asked Luna.
"Gay," Hermione responded instantly.
"No he's not," defended Luna. "He just doesn't date girls."
"Miss Luna here does have a point. If anyone could crack Harry Potter and get him to date a girl it would be you, Hermione," said Cho.
"So Harry Potter?" asked Luna excitedly as she looked between Cho and Hermione.
"Yes," answered Cho as she nodded.
"Harry Potter," said Hermione as she stood up and began walking toward the Common Room door. "You're mine.
*-*
"...Right, so when she tried to get you to go to Hogsmeade with her, you told her you needed to use the toilet, and she wanted to go in with you?!?!" Ron exclaimed loudly, earning a glare from his friend, Harry Potter.
"Can you yell that a little louder, mate?! I don't think the west side of China heard you!!!" Harry hissed fiercely through gritted teeth. Ron just scoffed and continued to roll on the floor laughing. Draco looked at Ron, shaking his head at his mate's immaturity.
Looking slightly bored, Draco muttered, "Hell, what all these crazed girls do these days doesn't even begin to surprise me. But what does surprise me, mate, is that you aren't taking advantage of all this. If I was in your shoes, I would've already scored with half the population at this school."
Harry snorted, "Honestly Draco, I think you already have! You do fine on your own; you don't need my cursed helping you with girls."
"True, but if I was Harry Potter, then I could've gotten these chicks a lot faster than I did." Draco said, opening his Transfiguration book and flipping it to page three hundred forty-two.
Harry reached into his book bag and pulled out his essay and his own Transfiguration book. "I swear, Draco, one of these days you are going to meet a girl, and it won't be a wam-bam-thank-you-mam deal. I can't wait to see your face when it happens."
It was Draco's turn to snort, "Come on, Potter. You've known me, what, seven years? Do you honestly think that would ever happen to me? Wake up and smell the potion. I am never going to get tied down by some girl. See, girls are like toilet paper, you use them when you need them, then you toss them away. And you don't use them again. And it just wouldn't be sanitary if you used them again."
Harry and Ron both raised their eyebrows at their friend. "And you get your information from?" Ron asked, rolling his eyes.
"Hey, have I failed a conquest yet?" Draco asked, leaning back in the plush maroon chair he was currently sitting in in the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Good point, but keep I mind that some are great for a second go around." Ron said, nodding his head.
"Yeah, well how can I fail all the conquests that try to get me?" Harry asked, running his hand through his hair. "I do not want all the attention these girls are giving me. I do not want to take them to Hogsmeade or shag them against a wall in an empty classroom. I swear, there isn't a decent girl in this school that wants a guy because of who he is. So what if my father finished off Voldemort? I don't want a girl that wants me because of who my father is!"
"I say you should take the advantage of getting them while you still can." Draco said, looking at his essay the whole time, glancing at his book occasionally.
"Maybe you could declare in front of the whole school that you're gay?" Ron suggested off-handedly.
"Sure, then every guy will want in your ass, and I doubt it will turn the girls off anyway." Draco cut in, letting out a yawn.
"Well, if girls knew what you were really like, they would be turned off!" Ron said, laughing.
Harry feigned a look of being offended. "If the girls knew what I was really like, they would be lined up even more than they are now."
"Well, maybe you just need to change that." Draco said, finally looking up from his essay in interest.
Harry scoffed, "What are you getting at?"
Draco made a show of letting out a sigh and put all his things on the floor. "Potter, Potter, Potter, so young and clueless. What you should do, is get a girl, and then, annoy the Hell out of her. You know girls, they'll spread it around that you are the worst boyfriend in the world, and no chick is going to want you. They may want you for your fame, but if you don't treat them right, then they won't care who you are." Draco said wisely.
Ron sniggered, "Come on, Draco, that'll never work. The girl will probably see that Harry is pretending."
Harry, on the other hand, had to admit that the idea did have merit. What if he acted all crazy around a girl, would it turn her off? Turn them all off? Make all of them leave him alone, so he could go to the loo without having someone ask if they could help him out by holding his junk? The idea definitely began to sound appealing…
Draco and Ron noticed his silence. Ron scoffed again, "Come on, Harry, you can't honestly be entertaining the idea?"
Draco laughed. "Oh yes he is!"
Harry grinned, "Hey, it wouldn't hurt. I mean…I think they have driven me mad enough, don't you think it's their turn to get the hell annoyed out of them? They're always there, and they won't quit!" Harry said slowly. "Maybe…maybe a little payback wouldn't hurt."
Ron just shrugged.
Draco, on the other hand, was all for it. "So, do you know who? The most annoying girl? The one from today?"
Harry shrugged. Who could he choose? "Well, I'll know when I see her. I'll just have to wait for a girl to try to use some line on me again, and when I find one I just might be able to stand, then she's the lucky, or should I say unlucky, girl."
"Look out, mystery girl, cause you are about to wish you never met me…" Harry said under his breath, different techniques starting to scramble together in his mind.