Four Easy Ways to Kill All Love*
bluemoon
Rating: PG-13 (Rated for safety, just in case-this fic probably won't contain anything that really merits the high rate-there are some love potions, insanity, and quite a bit of Lily beating up James, but other then that....)
Summery: Lily Evans has just about always loathed (not just hated, but actually loathed) James Potter, but ever wonder why she dislikes him so much? Never should have listened to Sirius, James, never should have listened to Sirius.
Here is another of those crazy stories that I just had to write, for reasons that I'm sure nobody (least of all me) understands. It was one of those plots that creeps up on you and bites you when you are least expecting it, thus infecting you and forcing you to write it.
Most of my stories seem to come about that way, however.
Just so you know, there will be five chapters in this.
Disclaimer: No, I do not own Harry Potter, or anything affiliated with that series. Sorry, but I just don't. Nor do I own love potions of any kind (though I can think of a few ways that they would be useful if I did....)
Solution One: Use a Love Potion
"Go on, do it!" Sirius Black urged his best friend in the middle of their sixth year at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
James Potter didn't require much urging, but the other two members of the Marauders were less easy about the whole arrangement. Well, that is to say, Remus was less easy about it, Peter was really still just trying to figure out just what was going on.
"Prongs, I'm still not sure about this," Remus said hesitantly, shifting rather uneasily next to the two wickedly grinning boys.
"What are you talking about, Moony?" the black haired boy asked, sounding momentarily aggrieved. "It's not like it's permanent or anything, it'll wear off in anywhere from 2 to 12 hours, depending on how much she takes."
The group's resident werewolf just sighed and shook his head. "You know, James, if you were ever hoping that she might agree to go out with you willingly, then I think you might be ruining your chances."
"Who ever said anything about willingly?" James asked his friend innocently, and then cracked up at the look on his friend's face. "I'm sorry, really, I am, but the look was just priceless," he laughed, as Remus glared bloody, painful murder at him.
"You know," Remus said, disgruntled, "I am a prefect. I could stop you. I'm supposed to stop you, in fact!"
"Lighten up, Moony," Sirius urged. "You were always the responsible one, sit back and have a little fun now and then!"
"Like I ever have the time to stop being responsible around you guys," Remus muttered under his breath.
"Wait a second, let me get this straight," Wormtail, the last and slowest member of the band, interrupted. "You're planning on giving Lily Evans a love potion?"
James and Sirius looked at each other and sighed. "Yes, Wormtail," the second of the two patiently explained, "that would be the general idea."
Peter looked around at his group of friends with large, moist, accusatory eyes. "She'll never forgive you," he said slowly.
"Exactly what I've been trying to say!" Remus exploded. "James, if you think that she won't hex you so badly that you can't leave the hospital wing for the next three months then-"
"Yes, I'd be very much surprised, but don't you think that it would be worth it? And when the rest of the school finds out it will be great to watch," he finished with relish.
Remus threw up his hands and looked towards heaven. "Very well, you go on and do that, but I am leaving. That way when she comes after me with her wand out and murder on her mind, I can tell her that I had nothing to do with it and it was all you."
"Coward!" Sirius jeered good-naturedly. His friend threw him a scathing glare before running down from the dormitory, presumably to the library. Moony had always had these odd ideas that, as he was allowed to study here despite his... condition, he had better get the best grades in his class and make everyone around him proud. It always drove him near insane how James got grades that usually matched his by almost never studying, and were never more then ten points below. In fact, usually they were higher. Evans got top grades too, but that was to be expected. She was a bookworm of the first degree-when she had first come to Hogwarts it had been fun to tease her about it and watch her turn as fiery as her hair. She had never really forgiven him for that, and James reflected for a moment that it was a pity that she was so pretty now. But who would have known it when she came? Or maybe he just wasn't to the age to notice girls yet....
He sighed. It was her fault, really, that he had to resort to these measures. Any other girl in the school would have gone out with him without a second thought, and been amazed by their good fortune! But not Lily Evans, she seemed to know how to carry a grudge. James had been asking her out for most of his fourth year and all of his fifth, but all that she had ever done in response was curse him. And so, quite naturally, he needed to up the offensive.
"What do we need to do to it?" the teen asked, pushing his glasses back up his nose.
"Hnnn... Bit like the... oh, whatsitmit... Polyjuce Potion, that's it. I think that we only need to add a body part of yours-" James looked momentarily horrified and Sirius grinned, "relax, I only mean a hair or a bit of blood, you don't need to go cutting off any fingers or anything like that. It only has to get some of your essence, so that it's attuned to you, unless you want her to fall in love with the first male she lays eyes on. And who knows, that could be Peter!" (Both shuddered and Peter himself looked momentarily aggrieved) "Or even, if things go really bad, Lucius Malfoy. Or even Severus Snape!"
At this suggestion they both shuddered quite splendidly. "Man, I wouldn't wish that on even her," Potter said. "For all of her curses, he has her outclassed."
"I'll say."
"Besides, I don't think that she would ever forgive me then."
"And you think that she will now?"
"Shut up, Padfoot."
They both paused for a moment and then looked down at the tiny, thimble-sized cup that was about half full of a clear liquid, disturbingly like vetirisirium.
"You're sure that this is a full dose?"
"Oh yea, any more then that and she might end up messed up. Permanently, unless St. Mungo's can do something."
"Better not trust them, they certainly couldn't cure you," James said, laughing, and then ducked as Sirius punched him, rather gently, all considered.
"Nice," he said sarcastically.
They sat in silence for a few moments before James finally reached up and grabbed one of his own hairs, and then silently dropped it into the potion. The hair floated lazily on the surface for a moment before turning a bright, clear liquid gold and sinking down through the potion in spirals. And then the entire potion turned the red of roses, deep and rich.
They both stared, mesmerized, for a moment before James came up with a slight problem with the plan."How on earth are we going to slip this to her, anyway?" he asked curiously.
"Pumpkin Juice?" Sirius suggested. "After all, if it's a bit darker orange then usual, I don't think anyone will really notice...."
"Hey, good idea! And she actually likes that stuff, Merlin knows why."
"What are you talking about, it's great!"
"Yea, yea, keep on telling yourself that.... Pumpkin Juice it is, then. I mean, the potion will be all right if we leave it here all night, right?"
"Aught to be. I actually heard that love potions get stronger with time." Sirius grinned. "`Bit like firewhisky, that way."
James rolled his eyes and shoved his friend, and then froze as the cup rocked back and forth gently, looking as though it were going to tip over. Both barely dared breathe, but the container settled back without spilling a drop.
"That was close," breathed James.
"Yea, we'd better put a shield up around this for now."
"The whole table, do ya think?"
"Yea, or else someone could just bump that."
Working quickly, the erected a protective bubble around the tiny table (really, it was James's night stand, but that was beyond the point) and then retired, waiting eagerly for morning.
Typically, James couldn't sleep. His mind was too busy, there was absolutely no way that he would ever get to sleep tonight... no way... no possible....
He woke up the next morning to the part clockwork and part magical cuckoo bird that his mom had gotten for him as a bit of a joke back when he was only 10. Still, every once in a while he used it, and usually not to the pleasure of his dorm mates....
"Shut that bloody thing off!" came one muffled roar as a pillow flew in more or less the direction of James's bed.
"Too early," someone else was muttering.
Smiling, he reached over and touched the beak of the bird, stopping its shrill and piercing shrieks. "Sorry, have to get to the breakfast hall early," James said. He was greeted by various groans and oaths, including a few suggestions that, if he took them literally, would be rather difficult to do.
Cheerfully, he responded in kind, and then grabbed the potion and headed down to the great hall for breakfast.
As he left the dorm he heard one disgruntled youth mutter, "Aught to be illegal to act that happy this early in the morning...."
Laughing softly, he continued on his way.
Glancing around when he arrived, he saw that Lily hadn't arrived yet (and surely even she couldn't have been and gone already) and so he settled down to wait at the Gryffindor table, in his usual seat, which was as close as he could get it to the seat that she normally sat in. As her friends took up several seats on the side of the table she was at, he sat on the other side, but the distance was still quite manageable. Close enough for him to slip the potion into her pumpkin juice if she followed the trend and sat in front of him. He could pretend to be reaching for some bacon.
He grinned. This was going to be brilliant.
He didn't have to wait long. Lily Evans came down within five minutes, actually, laughing with the one friend of hers who was also an early riser, and then settled down into her usual spot without looking up. When she finally did, it was clear that she was in a state of semi-shock.
"Potter? What the... what are you doing up so early?"
"I just wanted to see you, my dove, my pearl, my sunshine, my rose!"
Lily scowled. James grinned and reached for the bacon, which was so conveniently next to her glass of pumpkin juice. He dropped the tiny amount of liquid into her glass, and her friend's pale blue eyes momentarily fixed on him curiously, as though she had seen. That would never do-James quickly whipped out his wand and cast a charm that left the girl momentarily confused, and chances are she wouldn't remember seeing him slip anyone anything for a little while after.
"Knock it off, Potter." Lily said, her green eyes annoyed. "Leave me alone, or I can't be held responsible for anything that might happen to you."
James's first reaction to this statement was to freeze, thinking that she'd noticed his spell, but then he relaxed. It had to be his charming and playful reasons that had her so annoyed. He grinned wider, and, seeing this, Lily rolled her eyes. He wouldn't be that bad, really-he was funny and smart and cute, after all-if he didn't have an ego the size of Europe.
"James Potter, you have the biggest head in this entire school, and I don't know how, as you have to have the smallest brain! I don't know when you're going to get it through your thick skull, but I do not want to go out with you! Not now, and not ever if you carry on like you have been!!!" Knowing that, if she continued, she would end up saying something that she would probably regret later on, she grabbed her goblet of pumpkin juice and drained it, more to shut herself up then anything.
James was positively cackling.
Lily, however, was feeling confused. For a moment-just a moment, mind-after drinking the potion, she had felt a bit lightheaded, but then that seemed to pass and she was wondering why on earth she had been yelling at James Potter. After all, he was so handsome, and smart, and funny, and he liked her!
Lily was suddenly and inexplicably very, very glad for that fact.
And then, barely even thinking of what she was doing (though really and truly wondering why she had-for years now-been snubbing the best guy in the entire school), she jumped up, ran around the table, and grabbed James's hand to pull him up. She wanted to go somewhere outside everyone's view.
"You still haven't eaten," he laughingly pointed out, and Lily was swept away in a wave of awe. He was just so smart! Laughing like a schoolgirl (and one much younger then she was herself) she sat down next to James.
"All right if I have you?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of a few more traditional breakfast foods." Lily pouted very prettily at this, but then smiled again when he added, "But I wouldn't be against that if you wanted to after...."
* * * * * *
Right, I'm not going to describe the rest of the day, I will leave that up to your PG-13 rated imaginations. Nothing... untoward happens. Although there was probably a lot of snogging (kissing). After all, this is James, who is currently the object of adoration for the girl of his dreams....
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