Unrequited
by Excalibos
Rating: PG
Summary: She knows him too well. She knows something is wrong, but how do you get the latest "Greatest Wizard of the Age" to open up if he doesn't want to acknowledge something is wrong?
Author's Note: That is it. I hereby declare open season on all Plot Bunnies. Use of unnecessary violence in their apprehension or removal has been approved. Seriously though, I actually had this idea pop into my head almost literally moments before I got an email from the Mod Gods asking me very politely to add another chapter/epilogue of warm fuzzy goodness. So, this is not me caving to pressure.
I swear.
Stop looking at me like that.
I'm not kidding. ;D
Disclaimer: Characters, locations, etc. are the intellectual property of JK Rowling, and are hereby used WITHOUT PERMISSION! MWAHAHAHAHA! Sorry. The song is by Hoobastank, and is their's as well. Nothing is mine, save the dark scarred corner of my imagination that these ideas slither from. Love it, hate it. Review if you want. Flames will be laughed at and discarded. Constructive criticism is most welcome.
The Reason
by Hoobastank
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me,
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
And the reason is You
And the reason is You
And the reason is You
And the reason is You
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
******************
Hermione picked listlessly at her food, her mind able to engage in small talk with Ron while trying to make sense of the jumble of thoughts running rampant through her subconscious. It had been three days since the strange incident on the Astronomy tower and Hermione was still trying to figure out what the short exchange had meant. Harry had, as usual, not said a further word about it and was, in point of fact, being an absolute git about things. The fact that he actually wasn't being awful, Hermione was admitting to herself only very reluctantly, wishing instead to paint her best friend in a poorer light. It was the only way she could be mad at him without her conscience berating her shrilly.
The object of her musings chose that moment of introspection to saunter through the doors of the Great Hall, a grin on his face as Ron waved him over. Ron was, as usual, oblivious to Harry's emotional state but Hermione was sure that she would be able to discover what was wrong if she brought it up quietly at the Gryffindor table. Harry exchanged pleasantries with several members of Hogwarts' student body as he approached, allowing Hermione time to try to finalize some kind of plan. Anything would be better than jumping in blindly, of that she was certain.
"Good Morning! And how did our resident 'Hot Couple' fare last night," Harry asked as he sat across from the pair, a wicked gleam in his eye. Ron almost choked on the orange juice he was trying to guzzle and Hermione slapped him hard on the back without pulling her attention from Harry.
"And just what is that supposed to mean, Harry Potter," she snapped, wincing internally at the pathetic inability to hide her irritation with him. Harry's grin twitched, his green eyes darkening for a moment, as they often did when he felt strong emotions. He shrugged as he reached to grab a pair of bagels and some fried potatoes. Ron finally stopped gasping for air and went back to eating, unable to completely disguise his chuckle.
Hermione shot him a harsh glare before returning her attention to Harry. "Well?"
"Didn't mean anything by it, Hermione. Just asking how the both of you slept. That's all," Harry replied, the wicked, teasing gleam having quickly resurfaced. Hermione could feel her irritation start to rise again but she quickly tamped it down. Harry had become quite adept in the last few days at diverting her attention from his problems by getting her upset about other things. But she was Hermione Jane Granger, by Merlin, and would not be so easily tricked this time.
"That's all right then. I slept very well; those final papers for Professor Vector are a lot harder to work out than I thought, so I was absolutely exhausted by the time I went to bed." She noticed Ron was only paying slight attention as she talked about her favorite subject, but she continued to focus on Harry. The raven haired boy quickly swallowed a mouthful of bagel.
"How about you, Harry? Any bad dreams, or something else, maybe? You've not seemed yourself in the last few days." She smiled inwardly as she detected the slightest wince in Harry's features. Something was bothering him. She just needed to find out what it was.
******************
Hermione screamed in frustration as she joined Ron in the Room of Requirement, her robes billowing behind her as she stormed through the door. Ron jumped backwards hastily, the candlelit dinner in front of him forgotten in his haste to put distance between himself and an enraged Hermione Granger.
"Now, Hermione, I'm sure that whatever I've done now isn't worthy of you being this hacked off, but I swear I'll make it up to you," Ron blurted, desperately putting his chair in Hermione's line of fire.
"OOOooo, that no good, gormless, imbecilic, completely full of himself PRAT!!"
"Been talking to Malfoy again, eh?" The look that Hermione shot at him convinced Ron that keeping his big trap shut for the moment would greatly improve his chances of seeing the next Quidditch game with every piece of himself intact. The arrogant Slytherin had double-crossed the Death Eaters by secretly giving out the location of their main stronghold and the hidden escape tunnels beneath it. Tunnels that had allowed the Order and a huge force of Aurors to rush in as a diversionary attack while Harry was busy with Voldemort. Draco had been given a commuted sentence in exchange for his assistance and joined the returning students for their NEWT year of Hogwarts. Hermione lowered her gaze and collapsed in the chair that had already been pulled out in anticipation of her arrival. She dropped her head into her arms, giving Ron enough courage to kneel in front of her and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Hermione, luv, what is it? What's wrong? If Malfoy didn't say anything to you, then who did?" Hermione raised tired eyes to meet the concerned blue eyes of her boyfriend.
"It's Harry. And it's not so much what he said. It's what he won't say. I know something is bothering him, Ron, but he won't tell me. This is worse than that Christmas at Number 12. At least then, he finally talked to us. It's like he's completely shut himself off."
"What are you bloody well talking about? Harry hasn't been acting strangely at all, Hermione. And even if he were, the bloke is deserving of a bit of down time. Saving the world isn't something you just put down when you're finished, like a book. These things can take time," Ron argued, his fingers wiping away a tear that had begun to trek across Hermione's cheek.
"There's something else, Ron. About a week ago, I found Harry at the Astronomy tower."
"A lot of people go there to think or…stuff, Hermione," Ron stated, confusion written on his face. Hermione huffed in agitation at her boyfriend's thick-headedness.
"He was standing in that horrid rainstorm, Ron. No slicker, no repelling charm, no nothing, just looking out over the lake. And when I asked him what was wrong, all he did was pat me on the shoulder and leave." Ron smirked, but Hermione's glare quickly made him stop.
"He was probably just thinking. Like Neville gets down in the Herbology gardens. Now that bloke could forget what YEAR it was when he starts puttering around down there."
"That's not all. He told me it was nothing. That it was just a saving-people thing. Then he left. No explanation or anything. He just left. And now he's acting like it is any other year or something. Like we didn't just fight a huge war, or that he had to bury more of our friends. It's like he's in… denial or something." Ron brushed a hair out of her face as he tried to think of something to say.
"Didn't you say that to him?" Hermione looked at him quizzically. "The saving-people thing? That night we went to the Ministry to try and rescue Sirius." Ron saw Hermione's eyes widen a moment before confusion set in again.
"But who is he trying to protect now? And why won't he tell us?" Ron shuddered as a horrid thought came to him.
"What if it's us he's trying to protect? What if he's leaving, and that's why he was looking over the lake…He was wondering where to go." Hermione's lower lip trembled at the thought of Harry leaving without telling them why. Swiftly, she kissed Ron's forehead and bolted toward the door.
"You don't mind if we…"
"Reschedule? Not at all. Go fix Harry; you're better at that feelings stuff than I am. I'll clean up here." Ron watched the door until the latch clicked into place. He turned, melancholy bursting in his chest, to the table and slowly extricated a tiny velvet box. He opened the lid to view the simple diamond solitaire winking at him in the feeble flickering flames of the candles. With a sigh he snapped the box shut and stuffed it back into the pocket of his robes. A muttered curse later, he was striding purposefully toward Gryffindor Tower, irritation pouring off him in waves.
"What are you planning, Harry? Better hope Hermione talks some sense into you, or I'll have to manually input the arguments against such a damn fool idea." A group of second years bounded out of his way in terror.
*******************
Harry Potter was staring out the window next to his bed, the setting sun coruscating off the waters of the Black Lake. A long tentacle emerged from one end of the loch and seemed to wave forlornly at the fading light. Harry too felt a desire to say goodbye to something that lit his world. His thoughts were rudely interrupted by Hermione's entrance into the room. The door almost blew off its hinges as she passed over the threshold, her wand pointing right at him.
"You know, Hermione, destruction of school property is grounds for expulsion. I don't think…"
"Just shut it, Potter," Hermione hissed as she stalked over to Harry, magical energy seeming to flow from her, disturbing the air around her. Harry felt a surge of anger rise up inside, and he stepped right up to Hermione, refusing to back down from her glare.
"I don't like your tone, Miss Granger. This is the boy's dormitory, in case you hadn't noticed. And I don't care if the founders thought girls were more trustworthy or not. Unless you have permission to be in here… I WANT YOU OUT!!!" Harry finished in a roar, spittle flying in a Vernon-esque way as he pointed his finger at the door. His entire body trembled as he tried to ignore the voice inside him, demanding that he should be kissing her instead of threatening her.
"If you even THINK of leaving this castle without saying a word to either Ron or myself, I will hunt you to the ends of the Earth, Harry James Potter." Hermione whirled toward the door, only to find a strong grip preventing her.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about, Hermione?" Harry's expression was blatantly confused, causing a tidal wave of guilt to wash over Hermione. The emotional rollercoaster of the last few days, combined with Harry's tirade, caused the dam of tears to break loose. She rushed forward, crushing him to her until he felt his ribs start fusing together. Air soon became a precious commodity and he gently loosened her grip. Once again, Harry stubbornly refused to acknowledge the small version of himself dancing around the very ribcage that had been crushed moments before. Hermione sniffed brokenly before looking Harry in the eye.
"It's just that, well, you scared me on the Astronomy tower. I didn't know what you meant, and then Ron, of all people, remembered that I had said that same thing to you three years ago. So we got to talking, and the only reason that we could come up with for you not telling us what was wrong… was that we were the ones going to be hurt. And the only way you could really do that is if you left us without any explanation or goodbye." Hermione's heart plummeted as Harry refused to meet her eyes. The nagging voice of reason in her head was shouting I-told-you-so's as loudly as possible, but all she could do was pull Harry's face around by the chin, forcing him to look at her. "If you're not leaving, which I can tell is true by the confusion on your face, then why are you acting this way? What could you do that could hurt us like that?"
"Don't ask questions you aren't prepared to hear the answer for, Hermione," Harry whispered, an intensity in his gaze that she had never seen before. He was almost pressed against her at this point, barely a hand's breadth away, and his eyes were almost hypnotic. "There's a reason curiosity killed the cat, so just let it go." Harry brushed by her as he tried to leave, but this time it was Hermione who stopped him.
"I want to know, Harry," the bushy-haired girl whispered as her eyes again filled with tears, her hand gripping his arm as if it were a life preserver. Harry tried to ignore the feelings that started to well up inside him until he heard what she said. "You know that no matter what happens, no matter what you have to face, I'll always be there. I'll always be your friend. What could you ever do to Ron and I that would make us so upset with you?"
Harry's face had turned from her again, but not before she glimpsed a tear forming at the corner of his eye. Hermione's anxiety over the situation skyrocketed; Harry was notorious for not allowing people to see him cry. She could see the struggle in his features as he wrestled with his own thoughts, deciding whether to tell her or not. His answer, given in what was barely more than a whisper, answered her questions in a way she had never anticipated.
"I fell in love with my best friend." The look of defeat on Harry's face as he slumped onto the trunk at the foot of his bed was heartbreaking, a defeat so profound that it seemed that Harry would never recover. Hermione's heart clenched as she knelt in front of him, gently placing a hand over his own clenched fists. His breath hitched at her touch, but he was quick to compose himself.
"You were never supposed to find out. You were supposed to be happy with Ron, have lots of little Weasleys. You weren't supposed to know," Harry grated out, tears now beginning to flow freely. "How can you two be happy if you're constantly worried about me, about how I feel? I didn't want that; I don't want that. Merlin knows that Ron doesn't deserve that. I was just going to pretend that everything was fine, and that would be that. You'd be happy and he'd be happy, and that would be all that mattered."
Hermione could only stare at Harry wordlessly as his words penetrated through the arguments she had come up with for a variety of responses, but this… This was something else entirely.
Harry Potter loved her. He was in love with her, Hermione Granger. The questions of how and when rushed through her mind, as she could only stare at Harry. Her thoughts were nothing but a confused jumble as she tried to think about the ramifications of this little revelation. Ron would go spare, and she knew she would always be on guard not to do anything to upset Harry. She cared too much about Harry to hurt him like that.
Hermione covered her mouth to prevent the gasp that almost escaped. Harry's head snapped up to look at her, with her eyes wide and hand covering her mouth, and stood up morosely. He hadn't ever looked this bad, even when he had brought back Cedric's body, she couldn't help but think. What neither she nor Harry noticed was the 'third person' was standing out of sight, just beyond the doorframe, an expression of sorrow on his face that could easily match the occupants of the room. He quickly ducked back down the stairs to conceal himself.
Harry put his hand on her shoulder before he walked out the door with a muttered "I'm sorry." Hermione only acknowledged the words with a whimper as her mind was rushing faster than it ever had before.
Just how much did she care for Harry Potter?
So much of her life had revolved around him for so many years. Protecting him, helping him and being someone he could always turn to, those things had been her focus outside of class. She had been the one to pick him up every time he had been hurting, one of the few he could tell everything to. She had always stood by him, in good times and bad. And he had done what he could to stand by her, even if he didn't always agree with her. He…
He was the reason for everything she had done over the last eight years. The reason for almost half her life's choices, half her decisions.
She felt the tears well up just as a certain red-head strode through the door. She felt his arms wrap around her as he tried to comfort her, but all he could do was fail miserably. She knew he was holding her and all she could feel was how much she wanted to make Harry stop feeling so down.
Ron carefully brushed a strand of hair off her forehead when she finally looked at him. The look in her eyes spoke volumes. "I guess this certifies that I don't have the emotional range of a teaspoon anymore, doesn't it." She looked at him confusion etched in her face. "Go to him," Ron whispered, his head dropping so he wouldn't have to look in her eyes. "Somehow it just seems… right or something. I dunno. Just… just remember that I do care for you, Hermione."
Hermione reached out and touched him on the cheek, trying to convey how she felt without words. Ron smiled and helped her to her feet, and with a parting glance, she tore off down the stairs to find her best friend… and her reason to be. Ron smiled sadly at her departure before turning to look out the window. "Take care of her, mate. You deserve something good, after all this time."
************************
Ironically, she found him standing atop the Astronomy tower, once again looking over the Black Lake. She approached slowly trying to remain quiet, but Harry seemed to instinctively shift to his left, giving her room beside him. She walked over and leaned against the parapet, her eyes drinking in the sight of the grounds of Hogwarts at sunset. "It's beautiful," she whispered as the sun painted the horizon in pinks and reds.
"Yes, it is. Always has been. I just never really had the time to see it." She looked up at Harry only to find his eyes upon her, not the sunset. She felt the blush creeping into her cheeks as he turned away, a matching blush staining him. "Sorry. That was uncalled for."
Hermione reached out and touched him on the cheek, turning his face back around. She could feel the grin on her face burst forth as brown eyes bore deeply into green. In a quiet voice, she whispered, "Harry, we need to talk."