Klamagi

BAM!

The front door of Number 12 Grimmauld Place swung open and crashed loudly into the wall. Hermione darted into the hallway to see what was going on.

“Ginny? I thought you said you were going home to change - “

“THE FLOWERS!” Ginny moaned. “Ron and Luna's roses!”

Hermione's eyes narrowed. “What happened to them?”

“They were in the cellar - “

“That's right, I put them there. I figured they'd be safe there…”

“Hermione, Fred and George's Volcano Lips were in there too!”

Hermione's stomach dropped. “Don't tell me - “

“THEY'RE ALL DEAD, HERMIONE!! Half of them were on fire and the other half of them were melting!”

Hermione couldn't stop herself from wondering how Fred and George's Volcano Lips could possibly burn and melt the same thing at the same time. It was ingenious really, the magic it took to get -

“HELLO!? HERMIONE!?” Ginny frantically rapped at the brunette's forehead. “Do not go all pondering-the-universe on me! We have to fix this! The wedding is in THREE HOURS!!”

“Right.” Hermione started towards the fireplace and reached her hand into the bowl of Floo Powder.

“I tried that!” Ginny wailed, clearly starting to panic. “Neville's shop is out of roses! They've only got carnations!”

“Well, would the bride or the groom be overly fussed if they had carnations?” Hermione pursed her lips. “I doubt they would even notice - “

“Hermione, my MUM will be there!”

Hermione's mouth was set in a grim line. That would be a problem. She wracked her brain through several ideas until one came up the clear winner.

“Ginny, get the carnations.”

“What? But - “

“Just trust me, get the carnations.”

- - -

Harry had just finished tying his bowtie, which was no great feat since he had secretly opted for the self-tying kind, when he heard the door downstairs swing open and two women start yelling. He was about to open his bedroom door to see what was going on when suddenly Neville Longbottom's round face appeared in his small mirror by his bed.

“Merlin, Neville, what if I was naked?!”

“Sorry! Sorry, um, sorry!” Neville stammered. “I - Harry…um, remember that quill you gave me to use for the engraving?”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

Neville Longbottom was the proud inventor of the Engraving Charm, which when cast on a normal quill would enable it to engrave any surface with the ease of regular writing. Harry had bought an expensive golden eagle feather quill just for engraving the special wedding bands of his two friends.

To everyone's surprise, after Hogwarts Neville had proven to be quite the artist. His love of Herbology prompted him to open up a plant shop with many interesting plants and flowers. He arranged them daily for any occasion, including weddings. After he found the wedding business to be booming he began to offer more services such as invitations and engraving. Neville's Celebration Shop for Every Occasion was a massive success…until perhaps that particular day.

“Well it turned out that…well, it really was a great quill and all…so big and shiny…I'm sure it must have cost a fortune…it's a really wonderful gift for the bride and groo - “

“What happened, Neville?”

“It was one of those spell-checking quills…”

Harry groaned and sat on his bed, hard. He remembered Ron's stupid spell-checking quill from 6^th year.

“So I think my Engraving Charm must have messed up the Spelling Charm or something…and…”

“And what?” Harry asked, not really wanting to now the answer.

“Do you think Ron and Luna would mind changing their names to `Roonil Wazlib and Loonum Lurbgud'?”

Harry banged his forehead against the wall, very reminiscent of Dobby in his second year. “Can't you change it?”

“Well, the purpose of my Engraving Charm is to be permanent.”

“This is not a good day.”

“Harry - “

“How could I have been so stupid?! Everyone's knotted their knickers into twists over the wedding and the one thing I was in charge of - the RINGS - gets messed up because I got a bloody spell-checking quill and I'm the biggest idiot on the planet and - “

“Harry! Stop banging your head against the wall!”

He did, and looked over at the mirror morosely.

“Yeah I'm so sorry about this. I'll try and look for substitute bands, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get a hold of any jewelers at such short notice.” Neville fretted. “I'm so sorry. After this and what Hermione did to the flowers - “

“What?” Harry demanded, staring straight at Neville who was clearly beginning to sweat.

“I - um, you don't know?”

“Don't know what?!”

“I have…togofindtheringsBYE!” Neville disappeared from the mirror and Harry burst out the door and bounded down the steps.

“Please tell me Neville is joking!” he called as he landed on the first floor and faced Hermione, who was looking rather sheepish. “Was Ginny just here?”

“Er, yes.” Hermione squeaked. “She went to, ah, straighten something out. What's that about Neville?”

Harry looked pointedly at his housemate. “Neville said something about flowers? And you?”

“Oh!” Hermione's voice cracked. “Er, see what had happened…was…”

Crack!

Lupin appeared, his mouth hanging open and looking rather forlorn.

“Mah `ongue i' shill a li'l `endah.”* Lupin warbled.

Harry and Hermione blinked at him, not quite sure if Lupin was speaking English. Lupin grunted and pointed at his tongue, which was practically glowing bright red from earlier that morning.

“Remus! Your tongue! Why haven't you healed it yet?” Hermione gasped. “Oh, I forgot. Honorary Ministers can't use any other magic besides the binding during the day of the wedding. Didn't you see Mrs. Weasley?”

“She bithy wif some - “**

“Oh, Harry knows a good healing spell!” Hermione yelped. “I've got to go, bye!” she was gone before either men could blink.

Lupin looked anxiously at Harry, who was staring at where Hermione had stood. The sly little woman had gotten away.

“'Arry?”

“Oh sorry um…” Harry flicked his wand. “Okay, there you go. I'll see you later, Remus!”

He disapparated after Hermione.

- - -

“Where are they?” Hermione asked as soon as she appeared at the Burrow. Ginny dragged Hermione into the kitchen where Neville was setting about a ton of pink carnations all over the place. He waved.

“Hi! Hermione, I can't believe Harry doesn't know about the - “

Ginny slapped a hand unceremoniously over Neville's mouth. “Shh, mum's home!” She looked over at Hermione. “Everyone's already over at Hogwarts, putting the finishing touches on the yard and the inside of the castle. Only Mum and Ron are here, upstairs.”

“Okay…” Hermione looked over all the carnations carefully. “Okay, this is good.” She placed a single bouquet on the counter and lifted her wand.

“Transfiguro!”***

In the blink of an eye, the bouquet of pink carnations had become white roses.

“Wow!” Neville said, impressed. “That could come in handy when - “

“What are you waiting for?!” Ginny cried aiming Hermione's hand at the rest. “Get on with it!”

“I - I can only do about a dozen at a time.” Hermione admitted. “But if we all do it…”

Hermione's spell was harder than it looked, since it appeared Ginny could only transfigure half a bouquet and Neville could only handle one flower at a time. Hermione nervously looked at the copious amount of flowers, unsure of whether they would be able to finish in time. Before long they heard footsteps coming down the creaky stairs.

“Ginny? Are you there?” Mrs. Weasley called.

Ginny and Neville shot horrified looks at Hermione. Without thinking, Hermione launched herself out of the kitchen and engulfed Mrs. Weasley in the biggest, tightest bear-hug she could manage, steps before Mrs. Weasley was in the kitchen.

“Oh - Hermione! Hello, dear!” she said in a strangled voice as Hermione squeezed harder and steered her discreetly away from the kitchen.

“Hi Mrs. Weasley!” Hermione bubbled with enthusiasm and hoped to Merlin Ginny and Neville were continuing the transfiguration. “I - I, um, I can't tell you how much I love you!”

Mrs. Weasley looked bewildered. “Thank you dear, I love you too. But I need to fetch something in the kitchen - “

“So much!” Hermione emphasized. Mrs. Weasley was looking a bit concernedly at Hermione now.

“Hermione…I know this must be hard for you…”

It was Hermione's turn to look puzzled.

“I understand that all this fuss and me jumping all over the place to keep things in order must make you…miss your own mum…” Mrs. Weasley said sadly. Tears were brimming in her warm, motherly eyes.

Hermione's parents had died during the war with Voldemort three years ago. She had more or less come to terms with it, and collected herself enough to move on even with the painful hole in her life. Mrs. Weasley was very good at recognizing when Hermione needed a mother in her life and she was always there for Hermione when she needed her.

“Oh, Mrs. Weasley, I'm not - “

She heard something crash in the kitchen and Ginny cursed. Mrs. Weasley looked at the door.

“- handling this well at all! I miss my mum!” Hermione lied, blocking her entrance.

“Oh, Hermione, she's always with you!” Mrs. Weasley assured her, wrapping her in a warm hug. Hermione felt guilty for using her mother like this, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Her parents would forgive her.

“It's…it's just so hard!” Hermione wept as something in the kitchen crashed again. “I…my mum won't be at my own wedding!”

Okay, she would stop eating sweets for a year. No sugar for a whole year. And she'd take up flossing again.

“Sweetie, of course she will. You won't see her, but you know she will.” Mrs. Weasley cooed softly into her ear. She gently rocked Hermione and just then, Ginny and Neville tumbled out of the kitchen.

“Done!” Neville cried.

Mrs. Weasley stared. “Done with what? Why aren't you at Hogwarts, Neville?”

“I…oh yeah! Bye!” Neville disapparated abruptly.

“I need to, uh, go help Luna.” Ginny mumbled.

“Help Luna with what?” Mrs. Weasley asked suspiciously.

“Her…her…orionikle…” Ginny said lamely.

Hermione and Mrs. Weasley stared at her.

“Her what?” Hermione dared to ask. Ginny glared at her furiously and Hermione suddenly realized she had made the orionikle up just so she could get away. “Oh, uh, never mind.”

“Okay bye - “

“Hang on, what orionikle?” Mrs. Weasley demanded. “Is it an animal? I thought agreed with the Lovegoods that no animals were to be allowed at the wedding.”

“No, no it's not an animal!” Ginny said. “It's…it's like a good luck charm. It's…it's like a necklace that she wears around her...neck…”

Hermione raised an eyebrow.

“…then she spins around three times invoking the spirits of the turtle people Klamagi. She hops on one foot, eats a crumpet, and then bows towards the East.” Ginny finally finished, somewhat impressed by her made-up ritual. Even Hermione look impressed. It really did seem like something Luna would do.

“Oh, that girl.” Mrs. Weasley said kindly. “So creative.”

“Yeah, well I've got to go help her with her ironkickle.” Ginny said, disapparating abruptly.

Mrs. Weasley narrowed her eyes. “I thought it was called…they're up to something. You don't raise Fred and George without gaining a few new instincts.”

“Hah!” Hermione barked. “I mean, er, they're probably just nerv - “

She was interrupted by a strangled cry that seemed to come from the pantry. Harry burst in, his face pale.

“Hermione the flowers!” he gasped.

Oh Merlin, Ginny didn't toss out the ruined flowers! Hermione groaned inwardly. Outwardly, she plastered on a stupid grin.

“The flowers are fine!” Hermione said, through gritted teeth.

“Have you gone completely barmy!? Come take a look at - “

Hermione bolted towards Harry and poked him in the one spot she knew he was ticklish. It was her secret, that night she discovered it while trying to fight him and his Quidditch broom away from her books, and she had never shared it with anyone.

“Stop!” he begged.

“Stop what?” she asked, relentlessly poking the one ticklish weakness of the great Harry Potter and reducing him to gasping for air. She glared at him pointedly and shot a look towards the completely baffled Mrs. Weasley. He finally got the hint.

“All right you two.” Mrs. Weasley glowered at them. “What's going on here?! Where are the flowers?!”

Hermione feebly pointed towards the kitchen doors and Mrs. Weasley stormed through them.

She was greeted by a room packed to the brim with beautiful, flawless white roses. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief and Harry shot her a look. She bit her lip.

“Oh, they're gorgeous!” Mrs. Weasley gushed, picking up a bouquet and inhaling. “That's odd. They smell like carnations.”****

Hermione bit harder and Harry's eyes widened in realization.

“You Trans - OW?!”

Hermione stamped on his foot as Mrs. Weasley forgot about the smell and continued to fawn over the gorgeous flowers.

“I'll be taking these to the wedding now, dears, please get ready quickly. Ron is upstairs getting changed, I'm sure he'll want to see you two before the wedding.” Mrs. Weasley smiled lovingly at them and waved her wand, disappearing the flowers and disapparating herself.

“WHAT HAPPENED?!” Harry finally exploded. Hermione stamped on his foot again.

“Ow! Stop doing that!”

“Shh! Ron is upstairs!” Hermione hissed. “Come on, we have to throw out the old flowers!”

“You mean the dead flowers!” Harry cried. Trying to ignore Harry's adorable expression of confusion and anger, Hermione made a face and pushed Harry out of the kitchen and down to the pantry where she witnessed the horror of the dead flowers for the first time.

“They really are half burned and half melted.” Hermione observed one petal which appeared to be burning and melting at the same time.

“Care to explain?!” Harry yelped in a high, strangled voice.

“Fred and George's Volcano Lips were in here. They did something to the flowers.” Hermione said, her eyes scanning the pantry for the product in question. She was very curious indeed as to what exactly Volcano Lips were.

“Volcano - these?” Harry lifted a batch of dying roses, revealing a large cardboard box. They opened it up and found smaller boxes, each labeled “VOLCANO LIPS: THE SNOGGING SENSATION THAT'S STORMING THE NATION”

“What on earth?” Hermione wondered reading the side of the box. What is the perfect kiss? It's hot and intense, complete with the fiery passion and exploding rockets. Now this is your chance to make any snog the perfect snog. Coming home late from the office and only able to manage a peck on the cheek for your wife? Volcano Lips will rejuvenate your love life -

“Ingenious.” Harry said. He began to blush a little, watching Hermione remove an individualized package and scrutinize the suggestive packaging.

“It's preposterous!” Hermione scowled. “Its wonderful magic, but really, who needs - “

“Mum?” Ron's voice sounded dangerously close. Hermione looked desperately at Harry, who promptly dove out of the pantry and accidentally tackled the groom to the floor.

“Bloody Hell, Harry!” Ron shouted, shoving his best man off. Harry got up and offered a hand to help Ron.

“Sorry, mate.” He apologized. “I was just walking out and didn't see you.”

“Didn't see me!? And why exactly did you come flying out of the pantry?” Ron narrowed his eyes suspiciously and made for the door. “What's in there? What are you hiding?”

“Nothing! No!” Harry cried, but Ron pushed past him and flung open the door.

Hermione stood there, surrounded by nothing but shelves of Weasley food. Apparently she had somehow disposed of the roses very quickly. Ron scanned the room and his eyes landed on the boxes of Volcano Lips. Ron stared at Harry, at Hermione, and then back forth about six more times before stopping in between them at the box of Volcano Lips.

Harry's eyes widened. “Ron, we weren't - “

“Oh, wow.” Ron whispered in awe.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. “What - oh! Oh, no! No!”

“No way!” Harry added.

Hermione rounded on him. “No way? What do you mean by that?”

“I…I mean…”

“Well, Mr. Potter, for your information I'm not exactly dying to kiss you either!”

“But...but you just said - “

“It's not what was said, it's just the way you said it, is all.” Hermione replied coldly. “You sounded kind of disgusted.”

“I don't think you're disgusting!”

Ron smirked.

“Stop looking at us like that, we weren't doing anything!” Hermione said indignantly.

“Listen if you two decide to hook up that's fine, but save it for after my wedding day.” Ron snickered. “You're stealing our thunder!”

“Shut up.” Harry grunted, pushing Ron out of the pantry. “Get your stupid tux on and get to Hogwarts. Your mum is waiting.”

Ron hopped up the steps, gleefully humming something that sounded suspiciously like, “Harry and Hermione sitting in a tree…”

“Yeah, okay Mister `I take thee, Mum'!” Harry called up. The singing stopped abruptly and a bedroom door slammed.

Harry laughed and Hermione shook her head, disbelievingly.

“You shouldn't tease him too much.” Hermione said. “It's his wedding day! That was just an outlet of nerves.”

“Mm-hmm, sure it was.” Harry replied dryly. “He's been making remarks like that for ages since he gathered the balls to admit he liked Luna. How `if he was able to do, I should too'.”

“You should what?”

“You and me.” Harry shrugged.

“Me and you?” Hermione repeated.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…I'll go check up on him now.” Harry ran up the stairs, leaving Hermione alone with the Volcano Lips.

- - -END CHAPTER 2- - -

* Translation: “My tongue is still a little tender.”

** Translation: “She's busy with something.”

*** I totally just made that spell up, I think. I dunno. I was too lazy to check if such a spell already existed. So yeah.

**** Again, I know absolutely nothing about flowers. For all I know, roses and carnations smell exactly the same! But I'm taking artistic license or whatever here. In this universe, they smell different. So there :-P

Ahem, see you peoples tomorrow. Review please. I like constructive criticism. I cuddle with it at night.