Klamagi

NOTE: I think one line of this chapter is PG-13. It's nothing you couldn't find in a middle school science textbook though. I think. Heh.

- - -

“Oh, Merlin...”

Hermione stared at the cake Dobby had personally baked. It was resting on a table in the kitchens, in all its accidentally obscene glory. Harry's jaw dropped.

“It's…it's…”

“Wow.” Hermione said, trying with all the strength she could muster not to blush.

“It's a broomstick.” Dobby explained eagerly. “That's the long thing sticking up. These is bludgers here at the base. Those is two goal hoops holding up the next layer, they is having Quaffles in them you see. Big Quaffles, with little snitches on top. I is knowing there is three goal hoops so I put it right behind and I is putting the little Weezy and Miss Loony inside it.”

They stared together, speechless. The cake didn't quite look like what Dobby had just described. Somehow, they also figured Dobby didn't really realize what the cake actually looked like.

“What's that thing?” Harry pointed at a molded creature hanging on to what Dobby claimed was a bludger.

“A Krimple-Haired Snirckik.” Dobby said, beaming proudly as if he had just unveiled the Mona Lisa.

“Oh…”

“I isn't having time to put the icing on it, but - “

“Oh, don't worry about it!” Hermione yelped. “Harry and I will fix it!”

“Finish it.” Harry corrected her.

“That's right, finish.”

“Is you sure?”

“Oh yeah, don't worry about it.” Harry put a hand on the elf's shoulder. “We'll ice it and bring it out. You've worked hard all day on this, you deserve a break.”

“Oh, Harry Potter, I isn't - “

“Please, Dobby. You're a guest at this wedding too. Remember your invitation?” Hermione reminded him.

Dobby's eyes welled up with emotional tears. “Oh yes, I is remembering…such nice wizards….Dobby is never invited to a wedding before. Dobby is never invited to anything before. Dobby is never even getting mail!”

Hermione's eyes had gone wide and sad at Dobby's story. Harry knew he had to step in before he was drowning in a sea of tears and elf-rights.

“Well, you were invited to this wedding and it would dishonor Ron and Luna if you weren't there dancing and having a good time.” Harry said firmly.

“But - “

“Don't make me order you.” Harry smiled. “You know I hate to do that.”

“Oh, yes, H-Harry. I'll go to the reception. Thank you very much.” Dobby bowed low, his turban falling off his head. He picked it up and replaced it on his tiny head.

“Don't thank me, thank Ron and Luna. Tell them we'll be out there soon.” Harry patted their small friend on the back. Dobby nodded enthusiastically, nearly knocking his turban off again, and disapparated

“He's adorable.” Hermione said.

“Mmm-hmm. Do you not see the cake he just made?” Harry pointed at the vulgar monstrosity sitting on the table.

“He didn't know. How would he?”

Harry shivered. “I don't want to think about how he would know, Hermione.”

“Stop that! I'm sure we can do something with it…” Hermione said dubiously, biting her lip as she gazed at the various lumps of cake. It did smell rather good, and she had no doubt that it would taste fantastic. “We just need to make it look less like a…a…”

“Gargoyle humping a massive penis and a pair of breasts floating in midair?”

“Harry!” Hermione scolded.

“That's what it looks like! And don't even try to tell me that's not what you were thinking. I saw that look on your face!” Harry declared. When Hermione's face colored he grinned in satisfaction. He knew her too well.

“Well, you didn't need to be so crude about it.” Hermione insisted. “We've just got to…put frosting on it, for starters. At least add some color.”

“Yeah, Dobby had a good idea though. The Quidditch theme and the Snorkack. I think we could actually keep the third hoop with the little Ron and Luna, too.” Harry tentatively plucked the “broomstick” from the cake and set it aside. They would have to explain to Dobby why the cake looked so vastly different, but he figured he would leave that up to Hermione. Surely she already had something up her sleeve.

“It really was a good idea. Ron and Luna wouldn't have stood for a normal, boring wedding cake anyway. I can't believe wizards ever thought beings capable of this kind of critical thinking were inferior to - “

“Hermione, not the time. We've only got a few minutes to bring this cake out and it still looks like a - “

“All right, all right.” Hermione pulled out her wand. “Let's see what we can do.”

- - -

The Great Hall erupted in oohs and aahs as Harry wheeled out the wedding cake on the cart. With some quick magic and a little bit of Neville's artistic touch, they had not only fixed Dobby's unintentionally obscene cake, but added motion to the Snorkack and the little Ron and Luna figurines. Little Quidditch players and Snitches circled around the cake and around the sides of the base Hermione had written a message in Luna's favorite upside-down Quibbler runes.

Dobby ran over, his Arabian Knights pants swishing as he came. Harry looked over and Hermione and she looked over at him.

“Wait, did you think about what to tell Dobby?” Hermione asked.

“I thought you were going to disillusion him or something!”

“I thought you were!”

They cringed as Dobby looked over the cake that bore practically no resemblance to the on he had baked.

“Oh my goodness!” he cried.

“Dobby, um, dobby we can explain.” Hermione began hastily.

“I is a artist!” Dobby exclaimed. Harry and Hermione exchanged surprised glances.

“Yes, yes you are, Dobby.” Harry said cautiously, not quite sure what the house elf meant.

“I is not meaning to brag, Harry Potter and Miss Granger, but my cake looks very good!”

“It's marvelous!” Hermione agreed in relief.

Just then the crowd began to cluster around the cake cart, Ron and Luna practically having to push their way to their own cake.

“Bloody Hell, where'd you get a cake like this?!” Ron demanded in awe. “It's amazing!”

“Dobby made it.” Hermione said proudly. “A house elf.”

Harry nudged Hermione a bit. A wedding was not the best time for her to preach elf rights activism.

“It's beautiful!” Luna whispered, her head tilted to the side as far as it could go so that she could decipher the message. She didn't seem to care that her bridal headband and veil dropped to the floor and got stepped on by several people, and her golden locks fell loose from their meticulous styling. Hermione instantly regretted making the runes upside down.

“Oh, Hermione, that's beautiful!” Luna gushed. Hermione beamed and Harry looked at her in confusion.

“That says something? I just thought those were decorations!”

“What's it say?” Ron asked, tilting his own head.

“Read it yourself, Ronald, I'm sure you could figure it out!” Luna reprimanded her new husband.

Ron whimpered pathetically, but Luna stood firm. “Blimey, you've got to stop hanging around with Hermione!”

They all laughed as Colin and Dennis Creevey, armed with their state-of-the-art wizarding cameras, pushed through the group and demanded that wedding pictures be taken. They gathered the entire wedding party and stood them by the cake just as they had stood by the wedding arch during the ceremony. Hermione took her place beside Ginny, where she was suddenly very aware that she was only wearing one earring.

“Oh, Ginny, maybe you should stand profile.” Hermione suggested, hoping the urgency wasn't evident in her voice.

“Why?” Ginny asked, bringing her hands up. “Have I got something on my face?”

“Oh, no, it's just, well…”

“Symmetry!” Neville supplied unhelpfully.

Hermione and Ginny looked over at him, puzzled.

“What?”

“What?”

“Er, Harry's going to stand profile so you should too.” Neville said lamely.

Harry nodded. “I am.”

Ginny eyed her friends suspiciously. “Why are you going to - “

Luna finally lifted her head from its upside-down position and stared at Ginny's earring-less ear. Harry and Hermione gestured wildly for her not to say anything, but Luna either didn't notice or just assumed they were just doing some ritual photography dance.

“Did you know that Barbarus the pirate was defeated in the Mediterranean Sea today?” Luna asked. Harry and Hermione let their arms drop to their sides. Luna just kept catching them off guard, every time. “It's part of the reason I wanted the wedding to be today. Barbarus was an interesting character, raping and pillaging aside. I'm impressed that you knew. Most people don't. He's the first person to ever document seeing the Crumple-Horned Snorkack.”

Ginny stared at her friend. “What are you talking about - ?”

Ron stopped grinning adoringly at his wife and finally looked over at his sister. “Oy, Ginny, d'ya know you've only got one - “

“SAY CHEESE!” Harry cried, shoving the bride and groom in position. Hermione tugged Ginny to her place by Luna, keeping her in profile stance despite her confused protests.

- - -

After the food and cake had been served, Harry sat at his designated table occasionally chatting with another guest, but mostly remaining alone with his thoughts. Hermione had prompted him to come along with her and mingle, but Harry claimed he was tired. The rest of the reception had progressed without major incident, and for some reason Harry was disappointed. It meant that he and Hermione had reverted back to regular friend status and while she wasn't completely ignoring him, they hadn't been able to spend as much time together as he'd wanted. Not that their relationship had changed over the events of the day, it was just that he missed doing things together with Hermione. It was completely crazy, but it seemed like Ron and Luna's wedding practically falling apart actually brought the two of them closer than they had been before.

“Oy, Harry, guess what's next?”

Harry was shook out of his thoughts by Ron's hand on his shoulder.

“What?”

“She's going to toss the bouquet now!” Ron said gleefully.

“Oh, that's great.” Harry said slowly, wondering why Ron was so excited about Luna tossing flowers over her shoulder.

“You know what that means!”

Harry blinked owlishly at him, clearly not knowing at all.

“The reception's almost over! Me and Luna finally get some alone time, thank Merlin!” Ron whooped and made his way to the front of the Great Hall. “Come on, Harry!”

“I'll be there in a minute.” Harry frowned. The day was almost over.

Luna gathered up her long skirt and made her way to the center of the Great Hall, her large bouquet of roses clutched in her other hand.

“Ladies and Gentlemen - and Fred and George -" the twins barked loudly at Lee Jordan who, just like at Hogwarts, always found his way to a microphone. He was honorary deejay at the reception, and was doing a very good job, in Harry's opinion. “ - It's time for the bride to toss the bouquet! Will all the lovely single ladies make their way to the center there? Or taken ladies, feel free! I see you trying to sneak away there, Angelina Weasley! Haha! Atta girls…wow, looks like this wedding netted all the good birds. You're not having any second thoughts getting tied down over there, are you Ron?”

Ron laughed and offered Lee a single-fingered salute that luckily escaped the view of his mother. George, who was sitting on the table next to Harry's, jokingly held up his glass and tapped his fork against it. Soon, the entire Hall was clinking.

“Bloody hell.” Ron rolled his eyes and jogged over to his new wife, planting a nice big wet one just as he had the entire reception. Harry's ears perked up as he heard Hermione whistle from the other side of the Great Hall where she had been “mingling”.

Lee laughed. “The groom seems pretty happy where he's at there, eh? All right then, Luna, are you ready?”

Luna nodded, her big blue eyes wide and excited. “Everyone, just be careful of the nargles, all right? It's their mating season now, you know.” She shook out her bouquet a bit to make her point.

Harry sat back and placed his feet on the white tablecloth. They were tired from all the running around he had done that day. He had gotten quite a few offers for a dance from many ladies, but he had turned them all down, citing his tired feet. The truth was, his feet could have stood a good dance or two. Unfortunately, the only one he truly wanted to dance with was usually already out there, probably looking for that bloody “right guy”. Either that or she was chatting it up with someone. He sighed, placed one leg on top of the other.

“You're ruining the tablecloth.”

He spun around and found himself looking at Hermione.

“Why aren't you over there trying to catch the bouquet?” Harry asked, surprised. All of the other single women were there.

“Because it's a silly tradition.” Hermione said, taking her seat next to Harry. “And anyway, I'm not ready to get married. If I were to catch that bouquet, I'd be next and that would mean it would be a very long time before anyone was allowed to get married.”

Harry chuckled. “Well, have you found the right guy at this wedding?”

Hermione shrugged. “Maybe.”

Harry felt his breath catch. “Oh, that's really…nice.”

“I'm not so sure…”

“What do you mean?”

Roaring applause sounded throughout the Great Hall as Ginny clutched the tossed bouquet and leaned over it, to avoid the tackle of one of Luna's particularly catty cousins. When the commotion had died down, she straightened and held the bouquet high in the air. Another round of clapping ensued.

“Good for her.” Hermione clapped.

Neville stumbled out onto the floor and Ginny ran over to him. He engulfed her in a big hug and twirled her around. Harry and Hermione's eyes widened.

“Good for him.” Harry whistled. “Yeah, Neville! Who woulda thought?”

“I guess Ginny found the right guy at this wedding too.” Hermione smiled.

“Yeah.”

They sat back together in silence, watching Ron and Luna finish their final slow dance of the day. It was their last obligation to all their guests. After that, they would climb into their expertly refurbished Ford Anglia and fly off into the sunset to their honeymoon. Harry grinned to himself.

The wedding had been a complete disaster. Everything that could possibly go wrong actually did, and now he and Hermione were dead tired. But the fact that the day's true celebrants, Ron and Luna, came through with barely a scratch on them, made all their efforts worthwhile. It was all about them, after all, the stubborn redhead and the quirky dreamer. As long as they were happy, that's all that mattered. They never needed to know about how many times the happiest day of their lives nearly blew up in smoke. It warmed Harry to think that the smiles on their faces were partly thanks to all his and Hermione's hard work.

Ginny and Neville had worked hard too, though they had gone somewhere private, no doubt rewarding themselves for a hard day's work.

Harry looked over at Hermione, who seemed to be nervously pulling at a loose thread in the tablecloth. Unfortunately for Harry, it didn't seem like he would get such a reward for a job well done. He supposed Hermione would though, when the stupid bum “right guy” she had chosen actually got the balls to ask her to dance. This was the last dance, after all.

He clenched his fist. This guy was a loser. Passing up the last dance with a girl like Hermione? “Right guy” his worn-down, tired arse.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you must be real tired after, well, everything. But would you like to dance with me?” Hermione asked quietly. “Unless you're too tired, I mean. Averting crises isn't exactly a relaxing - “

“I'd love to!” Harry said eagerly. Hermione looked mildly surprised, so Harry amended his response. “I mean, yeah. It's the last dance and we haven't danced at all. Together.”

“Yeah.”

Harry got up and held out his hand. Hermione took it and they walked to the dance floor together, joining Ron, Luna and the other couples in the final dance. Hagrid and Madame Maxime swayed by them, Madame Maxime loudly commenting Hagrid on his beard. Hermione suppressed the flurry of giggles bubbling up. On their other side, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley held each other, Mr. Weasley whispering softly into his wife's ear. They both had broad smiles on their faces. Gina and Neil had taken to the dance floor as well; though not so much “slow dancing” as “fast and wild running around”.

Harry held her closer, his arms around her waist and hers around his neck. Together they moved back and forth in a noncomplex rhythm, Harry making a point to lead in the simplest steps so that he didn't mutilate Hermione's feet or look like some kind of fool.

“So what did the message on the cake say?” Harry asked. “I can't figure it out now, it's been devoured.”

Hermione laughed. “Best wishes to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Love from the Klamagi.”

“Oh.” Harry chuckled.

Awkward silence

“Crazy day, wasn't it?” Hermione said finally.

“Yeah, it was. But least we're in the clear now. What could possibly happen in the next fifteen minutes?”

“Shhh.” Hermione hushed him. “Don't jinx it.”

Harry laughed. “Since when do you believe in things like that?”

He felt her shrug in his arms. “Well I never used to believe a wedding could go this insane before either. I also never used to believe I would be in a war. I never used to believe in magic. I never used to believe - “

“You'd find the right guy.” Harry supplied. He felt her tense and he instantly regretted what he had said. It was just that he was getting desperate to know who her right guy was, and why the clown wasn't dancing with her.

“Well, yes…” Hermione said in a soft voice.

They fell silent and Harry realized he still didn't have the answer to the question. The song would end very soon and then the reception would be over, Ron and Luna would be gone, and the day would be finished. He somehow felt like there was a deadline to reach, and his time was almost up.

“Hermione, who is it?” Harry asked finally. “This guy, who is it? And why isn't he dancing with you right now? What kind of prat is he, anyway - “

“The kind of prat dancing with me right now.”

“ - Doesn't even appreciate what a great wom - what?” Harry suddenly stopped and his foot landed on top of Hermione's.

“Ow!”

“Sorry!”

They had stopped dancing and were looking at each other, looking as confused as ever.

“…Me?”

“I…I think…I mean, I don't know if you want - “

Harry didn't answer. He pulled her off the dance floor, past Gina and Neil's spunky rendition of the Macarena, and pressed his lips against hers.

Hermione's eyes remained open and wide. They darted back and forth in disbelief, her mind racing and refusing to accept the fact that her `right guy' was kissing her on the lips. She had never thought in her wildest dreams that Harry would share her feelings, that he would actually kiss her and weaken her knees, causing her to wrap her arms around him tightly, closer.

Is this seriously happening right now?

They broke away from each other, breathing hard.

“Do you…do you know now?” Harry asked hesitantly.

Hermione was speechless, completely incapable to produce any sort of noise. Unable to voice her answer, she placed a hand on each of his cheeks and pulled him down; returning the kiss with so much passion Harry could have sworn he saw sparks. The kiss grew deeper and Harry's hands traveled low on her waist, their repressed frustrations and feelings from their entire day releasing themselves in one explosive show of affection. They were so engrossed in each other that they barely even noticed the two young children at their feet.

“Woooo!!” Gina Weasley squealed.

“Yeeeeyyy!” Neil agreed, banging a silver spoon against a glass so hard it fell to the floor and shattered.

“Neil!” Hermione cried.

Neil, sensing potential trouble, scampered off with Gina at his tail, no doubt to report the findings of their meddling to their parents.

Hermione bent low and cast a clean-up spell on the broken glass. She got up to find Harry smiling at her. Still not knowing the words powerful enough to express what she wanted to Harry, she said nothing. A first for the witch with the largest working vocabulary in Britain.

However, there were no words needed as Harry wrapped an arm around her waist.

“We missed the end of the last dance.” Harry managed to say through the large grin on his face.

“I don't care that much.” Hermione said honestly.

“Me neither. It wasn't our last dance.”

“Definitely.” Hermione laughed. “Far from it.”

The song ended abruptly, and everyone made a final round of applause for Ron and Luna. Harry and Hermione were nearly torn apart in the coming stampede, when all the guests came pouring and pushing past them to the doors where Ron was headed. Ron turned back and spotted his two best friends in the crowd, winking mischievously at them. Instead of joining her new husband, Luna wove her way through the crowd towards Harry and Hermione.

“I want to thank you.” Luna said. “For everything you've done.”

“Thank us for what?” Harry asked nervously. “We haven't done anything.”

“Harry's right, we didn't do anything at all.” Hermione agreed.

Luna looked them over, not a hint of suspicion in her clear blue eyes. Instead of arguing otherwise, although it was plainly obvious that the two of them were lying through their teeth, her face cracked into a wide smile.

“The Klamagi do exist, Hermione. I've always believed it before, but I've never seen proof of it in real life until today.” Luna engulfed the two of them in a tight, warm hug and released them, making her way to her husband. “We couldn't have asked for a better pair.”

She made her way to Ron, laughing as he waggled his eyebrows from the doorway and tossed something to Harry, which he caught in his hands. It was something round wrapped in napkin.

The groom made his final wave goodbye and lifted his beautiful bride, carrying her out to the Ford Anglia that was waiting patiently outside on the Hogwarts grounds.

“How'd she know?” Hermione wondered. “No one could have told her everything that went wrong…”

Harry tore open the package. Inside were a simple gold bracelet and a hoop earring.

“Ohh…”

Harry shook out the napkin and the rest of its contents fell into his palm. A package of Volcano Lips. He laughed and discreetly pocketed it for later. Hermione took the napkin. Written in Ron's messy scribble was a note:

Don't think we didn't see you there during the last dance. Best of luck to the two of you. - Ron and Luna Weasley

P.S. My wife was right. Klamagi do exist. Thanks, you guys.

P.P.S. We'll be sure to owl you when we find the Snorkack. For all we know she's right about that too.

Hermione rested her head on Harry's shoulder comfortably.

“Did they have to be turtle people though?”

Harry laughed and hugged her, steering her to a chair and allowing his “right girl” to sit in his lap.

Suddenly they heard silverware clatter loudly on the floor. Ginny had been staring at her reflection in the clean spoons.

“What the - I've only got one earring on! I've been walking around like a bloody pirate!”

“What happened to the roses? Why are they carnations?!”

“BLOODY HELL, MY TONGUE IS GREEN!”

Harry and Hermione looked at each other, alarmed.

“Time to go home?”

“Oh yes, I think so!”

- - -THE END- - -

Well. That was an effective way to completely ignore all my homework due Monday. It's been a good Spring Break :-D I hope you liked my story. Please review and all that.

`KAY I GOTS A TERM PAPER TO SCRIBBLEY NOW BYYE

woe…

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