Disclaimer: I'm just taking JKR's car for a joyride. ;)
Later that evening, after making a few incognito purchases in Diagon Alley, Hermione reminded Harry that they would need to find a place to stay for the night. Harry suggested that they take a room or two over the Leaky Cauldron, knowing that Tom the barman would appreciate the business.
"Harry, you know perfectly well we can't stay anywhere in the Wizarding community. The Order will find us. They always do. They don't have much experience in the Muggle world; I think we should hide at my parents house." Hermione suggested.
Harry seemed to think this over for a moment. "Wouldn't the Order come to your parents' house, too?" he reminded Hermione.
She reluctantly agreed, "You're right, Harry. But do you think we could at least stop and see them before we go off? I just want to... to be able to say goodbye." It had never occurred to her until that moment that she might not come back from the search with Harry.
He sensed was she was upset, so he led her over to a bench at the far end of Diagon Alley where no one was likely to sit down. "Don't think about it like that. Let's just go find a hotel in London, get a room for the night, and we'll worry about it in the morning. We'll sit down and have a nice long talk when we get there, alright?"
Harry slid a comforting arm around her waist, pulling her close for a hug. His heart began to beat faster, and there was a warm sense of contentment pooling in his stomach. Harry tried to ignore it. Hermione turned to look at him. "Let's go, 'Mione. I promise you'll live to see your parents." They were such harsh words, but they were in a harsh reality. They were the only two who planned to destroy Voldemort. The only two who could succeed.
Hermione nodded, allowing Harry to lead her out of Diagon Alley. Moments later they were in a cab on their way to Norfolk Towers in Paddington, which was in Central London.
When they arrived Hermione quickly charmed her birth certificate and Harry's to make them appear a few years older. He looked at her questioningly.
"You have to be 18 to register for a room." She explained. Harry hung back while she did all the talking, registering them for a room with two double beds. She paid with the Sterling notes he had handed her before entering the hotel, and they were on their way up the elevator before Harry realized she was done at the counter.
Inside the elevator, Harry seemed almost as confused as Ron would. The deplorable way he had been treated at the Dursleys' had definitely never included a trip anywhere with an elevator. He knew what they were and what they did; it was just that he'd never actually been in one.
Hermione could see the reaction on his face, and did her best to stifle a giggle. The doors opened, and they stepped out together. Harry followed Hermione down the corridor, waiting to see where they stopped.
She quickly found the door marked '712', unlocked the door, and held it open for Harry. Once they were inside, he used the spells Hermione had to bring his trunk back to normal size. Hermione immediately went to the window, looking over London. It was still early afternoon, and her stomach was beginning to growl. It seemed like they'd covered several days worth of territory in just a few hours.
"Harry," she began, "Do you think we ought to go find something to eat, and then perhaps get you some better clothes?"
Harry immediately felt self-conscious, looking down at his shabby hand-me-downs.
"Oh no, Harry, I didn't mean it like that. I just thought that perhaps if they fit, it might make things easier for you. Besides, why not get some nice things? Have you ever had anything that fit properly other than your school robes? Now that you're free from the Dursleys' you can get something nice and not worry about the consequences." She quickly reasoned, hoping she hadn't upset him.
Harry sat back on the bed closest to the door, looking dejected. "I know what you meant, Hermione." He muttered, seeming lost in thought. His eyes began to glisten, tears forming in the corners. He kept his eyes cast down, avoiding her gaze.
Seeing this, Hermione immediately crossed the room, and knelt on the floor in front of him. She knew that when he was feeling like this, throwing an arm around his shoulder wouldn't help. She'd have to talk some sense into him, and couldn't do that if she couldn't even see his face.
"Harry, what is the matter with you? You're free! You don't have to go back to the Dursleys anymore. You and I are going to search for the remaining Horcruxes, destroy them, and then we'll blow off Voldemort's head or something. It'll all be over soon, and you have me here with you! I'm not going to let this mission fail. Don't you understand, Harry? We're in this together. I'm here for you, and I'm going to help in every way that I can. Please don't be upset, Harry," she craned her neck to look into his eyes, but he shifted his head so that his shaggy hair fell in the way.
He couldn't hide his whole face from her; seconds later she saw a single shining tear sliding down his cheek. She reached up to brush it away, but he caught her wrist in his strong grip. "Don't touch me," he said, his voice barely even a whisper.
"What?" Hermione looked hurt. Harry raised his head, looking straight into her eyes. She gasped. There was so much pain in those eyes, so much sorrow and regret. The brilliant emerald green she'd come to know and love held so much emotion that she felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. It was just her, and Harry. Harry and his heart-rending eyes, glistening with tears.
"I said, don't touch me, Hermione." He let go of her wrist, looking away again.
Hermione tried to hold back her tears, but they were threatening to spill over. "I don't understand, Harry." She sniffled, wanting nothing more than to wrap him in an embrace and never let go. She knew he was hurting, but to see it in his eyes like that, well… she didn't think she could stand it.
Harry sighed, another tear sliding down his cheek. Hermione watched as it traced the path the first tear had left, and then disappeared below his jaw.
Again, Harry turned his head, speaking to her but avoiding looking her in the eye. "It's not safe, 'Mione. I can't promise that I won't hurt you."
Still confused, Hermione argued, "Hurt me? Harry, I know you wouldn't. And I knew this journey wasn't safe far before I decided to come along. I don't care if it's not safe, all I care about is that I'm with-" she broke off, hoping Harry wouldn't notice what she'd been about to say. Instead, she rested a warm, reassuring hand on his thigh, hoping he would calm down.
Next thing she knew, Hermione was pinned to the floor of their hotel room, Harry's frame pressing into her. He had grabbed her wrist again and lunged off of the bed, holding her still.
"Hermione, I'm warning you," he said, his voice low and gruff.
Her heart was beating faster than it ever had. "Harry-" she began, but she couldn't finish the words. The tears were spilling over now, flowing freely.
"You don't understand," he said softly, shifting his weight. He pinned both her wrists above her head with his left hand, and brushed away her tears with his right. "Ever since… since school ended, I don't feel like myself anymore. I know I'm supposed to find Voldemort and kill him, but I don't want to. I just-" he stopped, looking into her eyes. "I just want to be normal," he shrugged, like it were that simple.
Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but Harry silenced her.
"There's only been one thing in my entire life that makes me feel normal. And it's too much; I can't ask it of you. I just can't."
Harry was trembling, waves of emotion coursing through his body. Hermione could see it in his eyes.
"Harry, don't ask then." She said bravely, choking back tears. There was a different tone to her voice: understanding, offering.
Still pinning her to the floor, Harry gave her a questioning look.
"What I mean is that you don't have to ask. I'll do it. If I can help, please, Harry, just-"
Harry's lips were on hers before she realized what he had meant. His kiss was urgent and fierce, the length of his body now pressing harder into hers.
Hermione's mind was spinning, taking in what was happening all too fast. He's kissing me? Has he lost his mind? Wait, have I lost my mind? Tenderly, Hermione's hands snaked their way into his tousled hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss.
Harry immediately jumped off of her, and walked across the room and out the sliding glass door to the balcony. He rested his elbows on the wrought iron, holding his head in his hands. Had he really done that? For Merlin's sake, just weeks ago she was his best mate's girl, and he'd had his own girl! She was his best friend! His body may have been temporarily satisfied, and sure his worries about Voldemort may have disappeared for a bit, but at what cost? Sweet Merlin, he had just pinned his best friend to the floor and snogged her senseless. Harry's tears quickly returned, his body racking with sobs.
Hermione still lay on the floor, the realization of what had just happened sinking in. Harry had kissed her? He found her attractive? Her hand flew to her chest, a warm sensation beginning to flick its way across. Her hand brushed against something. Harry's mum's rings. They felt like they were on fire! The Glitra diamond was shining brighter than ever.
She quickly tucked it back inside of her shirt, and lifted herself off of the floor. She had heard the balcony door open, and she saw Harry clinging to the fence around it. He was crying, his hand resting over his heart. Because of me? She thought, did I do it wrong? Oh, Merlin, I knew this would be a disaster if it ever happened! She slowly approached him, her mind still reeling. You kissed me? You like me and you're attracted to me? But it doesn't make sense!
It makes perfect sense. You're beautiful.
Hermione's eyes flew wide open in shock. That wasn't her own voice in her head. It was… Harry?
What? He sounded miserable.
Harry, turn and look at me. Please, she begged. He slowly raised his head and twisted to face her.
Hermione, I'm so sorry, Harry began, seeing the look on her face.
Our mouths aren't moving. Hermione pointed out. We're not making any sound.
Hermione's words slowly sank in, the pair of them becoming more confused.
What in the name of Merlin is going on? Harry asked.
Never mind that, we'll figure this out in a minute. Harry, Hermione moved closed to him, what just happened? Over there, on the floor?
I'm so sorry, Hermione… I tried to warn you, I tried to tell you, but I just-I can barely control myself anymore! I just wanted to feel normal, I didn't want to think about Voldemort anymore, and there you were, looking up at me like an angel, trying to make me feel better and… what have I done? Oh, 'Mione, you were only trying to help me and there I go and force myself upon you like-
Harry stopped, realizing that during his ramblings, Hermione had wound her arms around his neck and was just as close as she'd been minutes earlier.
What are you doing? He asked.
If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right.
She kissed him. It was gentle this time, soft and warm. Hermione deepened the kiss, teasing him with her tongue. She felt Harry's hands go to her waist, encircling it like it was nothing at all. One hand slid up her back and pulled her even closer. She felt like she was in heaven. And then it stopped.
Hermione, we can't do this! Harry sounded furious.
"Why not?!" she asked angrily, crossing her arms and glaring at him. He'd taken a few steps back.
"It's not right! I don't deserve to feel normal! And I certainly can't keep doing this with you! You're my best friend and I-"
"Still want to be with Ginny." She finished for him.
He gaped at her, shocked. Is that what she thought? Before he could argue with her, she had fled the room. Harry sat back down on the bed, thoughts running through his head. I can't believe I just did that to her. She must think I'm some kind of animal or something. Dammit, I knew if she touched me this would happen! I should've seen the warning signs, but it felt… different this time. Not like with Ginny.
When Harry had kissed Ginny in the Gryffindor common room, it had been an accident. Not in that he didn't mean to kiss her and ended up doing it somehow, but that he hadn't planned on doing it. He'd finally begun to feel normal with the day's events, but something deep inside was driving him to do what normal boys do. It sounded so awful to think of it in this manner, but it was really a matter of convenience.
Harry had felt terrible for doing it. He thought that perhaps if he kept things up with Ginny he would eventually fall in love with her, but it didn't feel that way after two weeks. Yes, he liked her, and under different circumstances he would've continued the relationship, but he knew that if he continued to give it a chance that Lord Voldemort would eventually find out and try to use her against him. That was why he'd ended it. It just didn't feel right. She was Ron's little sister, and he was practically using her to make himself feel better. He'd known from the beginning that the relationship was doomed to fail, and yet he kept it going for two weeks.
That was so… different, his thoughts resumed. With Gin it was just a kiss, and this was… wow… is there any way to describe it other than that? Even now, Harry's lips still felt as though they were on fire, and his body was tingling. Maybe I should go find her, and try to explain. She's going to think I'm horrible for what I did to Ginny, but she needs to know. She needs to know that I've fallen-No! Harry couldn't think that. The last thing he needed was to be in another relationship. If Voldemort found out how much he cared for Hermione, he would definitely use her to get to him. He'd enjoy it! Hermione was Muggleborn, which would make Voldemort hate her already. Harry could only imagine what kind of hell he would put her through. He wouldn't do it; he wouldn't let anything happen to her.
I can still hear your thoughts; he heard Hermione's gentle voice in his head.
Hermione, please come back, he begged, his voice full of emotion.
I never left. Hermione opened the door. "I was sitting in the hallway, trying to calm down."
Harry rushed over to her and wrapped her in the tightest embrace of her life. "'Mione, I am not letting you go until you let me explain." He said fiercely.
"Then you'd better talk fast, 'cause I don't know how much longer I can breathe like this," she said, a faint smile crossing her lips.