Title The Tale of the Pushy Bint
Name of Volunteer: rainpuddle13
Name of Requester: maniacalmuse
Challenge: A Murphy ficlet! I'm dying of curiosity on how he got together with Meredith, and
what strings (if anything) that manipulative wench of a Stephie pulled in regards to them :D
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG
Word count: 1868
Characters/Ships: Liam, Lucy Ann, Murphy, Stephie, Mere, Gareth
Warnings (if applicable): language
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various
publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Summary: With friends like these, who the hell needs enemies?
The Tale of the Pushy Bint
Liam threw his quill down on the table, making a show of stretching his long legs out as far as they would go and arching his back exaggeratedly. He needed a break from his Potions assignment. They'd only been in the library working on it for the past four hours at Murphy's insistence.
"Only your uncle would give us a ridiculous assignment three days before Christmas hols," his best friend said with a sneer, breaking the silence of their immediate table. Hushed whispers and the scratching of quills ruled the cavernous room.
"For the last time, he's not my uncle. I'm not even related to him, technically speaking!" Liam said in his own defense. Ever since he'd started school, he found he had to defend himself from the attacks of his housemates who thought they would get a free ride in Potions because his `uncle' would let him, therefore them too, slide. If anything, Severus Snape demanded more from him, and thusly his unfortunate classmates, than he did of his other Potions classes just to prove that he was not showing favoritism.
"Will he be at the dinner table Christmas night?" Murphy asked, giving him that know-it-all look.
"You know he will be," he sighed.
"Then he's family."
"Not everyone who puts a foot under my mother's dining room table is family!" Liam cried, a little too loudly, causing the gaggle of witches two tables over to glance at him and start giggling.
"You could have fooled me," the dark-haired boy said with a smirk.
He gave his best friend a playful shove. "Just because she took in one stray puppy-"
"Are you calling me a dog?"
"If the shoe, err, bone fits!"
Murphy made a sour face at him, before stating, "So that means Lucy Ann is a dog!"
"No," Liam drawled slowly. "Lucy Lulu is a goose. Only you are a dog."
"You wound me," he cried dramatically, putting his hand over his heart. "And I thought you were my best friend."
Liam sat up ramrod straight, hitting Murphy's arm to get his attention then pointing towards a table of third years across the way. "Baddock."
Any jovialness dried up immediately. Gareth had been subjected to merciless ribbing by a gangly Slytherin boy by the name of Justin Baddock who was a year older. Liam refused to step in, firmly believing that Gareth should make the stand for himself; however, he always kept a watchful eye on the situation to make it didn't spiral out of control. He was ready at a moment's notice to come down hard on the little bastard with his rather large seventh year, Head Boy foot. It hadn't escaped Liam's notice that Lucy Ann was also keeping a close eye on the situation from her position two tables away.
"I'm going to kill that smarmy little arsehole before the year is out," Liam ground out as he slumped back in chair after the boy in question had moved on without a word to his brother.
"He's not worth the dragon shite on the bottom of your Uncle Charlie's boots," Murphy said.
"Yeah, I know, but I just wish Gareth would deal with him already."
"You and me both, but you know how slow his anger is to burn."
Liam caught the pointed look Stephie was giving him over top of the bent heads of her compatriots. "Huh-huh," he said as casually as possible, giving her curt nod. "What's the rush with the essay any way? It's not due until we return from hols."
"I don't want to waste my holiday writing a Potions essay." Murphy picked up his quill after finding a relevant passage in the thick, dusty tome and began scribbling.
"Got a hot date then huh?" Liam needled, knowing good and well he didn't.
The glare his best mate leveled at him could have frozen the naughty bits off of Voldemort, but Stephie's appearance saved him from near certain death. She sat in the chair next to Murphy, plucking his quill away before leaning back and crossing her legs.
"So what are you boys talking about?" she asked brightly, a Cheshire cat smile gracing her full lips.
"Homework," Murphy said sullenly.
"Who he's taking to Sloane Peterson's party," Liam volunteered helpfully.
"So, Murphy Wurphy," she purred, "just who are you taking to Sloane Peterson's party?"
He tried to snatch is favorite quill away from the witch sitting next to him, but she was quite adept at keep it away from him. Upon his resignation of his failure to recapture his quill, he gave up in order to glare at Liam. "No one!"
She looked completely aghast at the notion that anyone would pass up a party, especially the first major social event of the new year. "Well, we'll just have to remedy that."
Liam knew just how determined Stephie really was in her pursuit to play matchmaker for their mutual friend. She had cornered him on more than one occasion to pump him for information concerning which witches tickled the elusive Mr. Anderson's fancy. Liam, being the good friend that he was, tried to be as uncooperative as possible. That is, until Stephie blackmailed him with something very naughty, forever cementing her reputation as an evil bint in his book. And of course, he meant that in nicest possible way.
"You should be more worried about who Liam's escorting," Murphy curtly informed her, bending once more over his homework.
"Lucy Ann," she said without missing a beat. It was difficult for Liam to contain his snort; as if that was going throw her off the trail. She was worse than a niffler after a gold piece. "Yes, I know, we've already picked out her robes. They're midnight blue by the way, Liam, so you need to get a light colored corsage with midnight blue and silver ribbons. Wear your charcoal formal robes because you look so handsome in them. I'm wearing deep ruby red with silver accents. Mere…" Murphy's head shot up at the mention of the dark blonde witch, and Stephie could barely suppress her smile. "Mere had wanted to wear deep forest green, but alas, she has no one to go with…"
"Well," Liam chimed in right on cue, enjoying the panicked look on his friend's face, "then it's settled. Murphy will take her!"
"Oh, I don't know," Stephie drawled slowly. "I'd have to take that offer back to the girls to see what they say." She gave them a saucy wink before flouncing off to confer with the two witches who had not so covertly watched the proceedings with rapt attention. They immediately bowed their heads together and began whispering.
"I hate you, you know," Murphy said without any malice.
"I know," Liam replied. "I hate you too."
"What on earth does she have on you?"
"Nothing," he squeaked.
"Was it the two Ravenclaws in the Room of Requirement? You know the ones with the…" Murphy teased, making salacious gestures with his hands.
"No!" he cried quickly; a little too quickly apparently because his friend gave him a knowing smile.
"Maybe I should tell her why you're taking Lucy Ann instead…" his supposed best mate said leadingly.
"Because I don't want her evening ruined by that arsehole Ravenclaw, Frye?"
"Cameron's a nice bloke, but a bit of a rake maybe."
"Just a bit?" If anyone had a worse reputation with the witches of Hogwarts than he, Liam Malfoy, it was definitely Cameron Frye. The tall, brown-haired, seventh year wizard had blazed a trail through the hearts and reputations of the witches of Hogwarts, and recently, he'd set his sights on Lucy Ann. It would be a cold day in hell before he would allow that to happen to his best friend.
"Okay, maybe a lot," Murphy said, giving in.
"That's what I thought," Liam stated smugly.
"And the most important reason: because you secretly love her!" Murphy said sing-songy.
"I do not!"
"Do too!"
"She's just a friend!"
Murphy was obviously enjoying his squirming. "Denial doesn't change the facts."
"Yeah, well, you're in love with Mere so HA!" Liam said triumphantly.
"At least I own up to it." Murphy smiled.
Liam sneered. "Well, why don't you do something about it?"
"Why don't you do something about Lucy Ann?"
"Shhhh!" he shushed quickly as Stephie rose from the table just across the way. "Here she comes." The dark-haired wizard's mouth snapped shut.
"Boys," she said dramatically as she sat down, "I took your idea back to the girls and Lucy Ann and I have decided to accept on Mere's behalf."
Murphy looked somewhat affronted by this notion. "Mere doesn't get a say?"
"Of course she does. We took a vote," she answered.
"And the verdict?" Liam asked upon the panicked look on his adopted brother's face.
"Unanimous," she replied without hesitation before launching into lengthy instructions on what he was to wear, how he was supposed to style his hair, what kind of flowers to bring; finishing with, "We will be at my house since Mere lives too far way and Lucy Ann's mother is a royal pain in the arse. The Portkey activates at nine sharp. Do not be late."
"Pushy bint," Murphy uttered as she walked away.
"Get used to it," Liam sighed. "This is just a preview of what marriage is like."
"Then I swear off marriage."
"We probably won't have a choice, you know?"
"Probably not," Murphy agreed solemnly.
"We'll just be told when and where to show up."
"If we balk, they'll send in Stephie to bully us to altar."
"Probably, and I don't know about you, but she frightens me a bit," Liam admitted.
"I guess it's just easier that way," Murphy mused. "No thought required."
It wasn't really all that surprising to him that Murphy would give in so easily to the witches that seemed to overrun their lives. Liam had known about Murphy's crush on the cute Mere for over a year, and found it frustrating that he "didn't want to mess up the group dynamics" to do something about it. Despite the fact that he was a notorious flirt, his best mate had issues with the opposite sex, much of which stemmed from being raised in a household where his parents couldn't stand to be in the same room. To say that his mum was a frigid bitch (as Liam's own mother referred her when her Irish charge was out of earshot) was an understatement.
"There isn't a witch alive that is going to bully me into anything I don't want to do!" Liam proclaimed.
"Not even Lucy Ann?"
"She has no power over me!"
"Those are bold words, my friend," Murphy said in awe.
"Damn right! One of us has to make a stand!" Liam cried.
Murphy snorted. "I suggest you get that essay done because you know that all of our free time will be monopolized by the girls until after the party, then we're right back at school."
He sighed, reaching for the thick tome on medicinal herbs he'd discarded earlier. Only a foot and a half more parchment to go. "I suppose you're right," he muttered, inking his quill and getting back to work.
~*~
Author's Note:
This was originally posted as part of a ficathon over on livejournal.
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