My Unreality

Hermione paused to catch her breath. She could feel the beads of sweat gathering on her forehead and wiped her face irritably. Her gaze fell on Harry resting against a tree as he watched her through his emerald green eyes. She loved seeing the warmth in his eyes, warmth that did not exist in the Harry of her world. It had been a wonderful feeling when Harry had first noticed her. She had always admired him, though she was reluctant to admit it, and then when he had acted so kindly, and looked at her in that way, she felt her heart finally let go of its restraints and just fall in love with him. It was a nasty shock to realise the Harry she had fallen in love with was not Harry at all, but a boy from another world. He had loved the Hermione of his world, but she had died, and Hermione knew that it pained him, and that was the only reason why he noticed her, because he missed his Hermione, the one who he had loved.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked, pushing himself off the tree. Hermione nodded and took a firmer grip on her wand. She continued to follow him, her mind still preoccupied with what Harry thought of her. She wondered how much different she was from his Hermione. Whether they wore their hair the same, or enjoyed the same things. She couldn’t help but hope that maybe he could fall in love with her, just like he had fallen in love with the other Hermione. Maybe then he would stay in her world, and they could be happy. She knew it was selfish to think that way but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop her feelings for him. He was so kind, so caring. He was everything she wanted in a boy, but he wasn’t hers to love. He didn’t belong here, and deep down she knew that no matter how much she wanted him to stay, he would never would. Not only that, the Harry she knew was somewhere in this forest, and it was too much to ask that two Harry’s could live in the same world. They looked identical, except this Harry had a scar on his forehead that her Harry did not.

“We’re getting closer.” Harry said, halting her thoughts. “I think we’re almost there.”

Hermione nodded, trying to put on a smile for him. She knew that he wanted to go back home, but in truth she did not want to find the other Harry. He had been cruel to her, he had mocked her. Finding him would mean saying goodbye to the Harry she loved.

Hermione sniffed slightly and to her surprise, felt a tear slide down her face. She didn’t know why she was getting so upset. She had only known him for a few days and yet knowing that he was going to leave made her heart ache. She loved him, with every fibre of her being, she loved him, but it seemed her love was not enough.

“Hermione, what’s wrong?” Harry asked, coming to stand in front of her. She looked up into his warm, green eyes and almost sobbed at the tenderness in his voice. Why did he have to be so nice? Why couldn’t he just be a jerk like the other Harry so she wouldn’t have to feel this way?

“I-it’s nothing. Forget about it, let’s just keep going.” Hermione said quickly, pushing past him to keep walking. She felt her heart sink as he grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back to face him. She could see the worry in his eyes and felt the tears once more come to her eyes. How could she not love him when he treated her so good?

“Don’t lie to me, Hermione. I know you’re upset, just please tell me what is wrong.” Harry asked kindly. Hermione found it hard to resist the gentle request, but she did not want to admit how hard she had fallen for him. How could she tell him how she felt when he was mourning for his lover? It would be cruel to do it, but the feeling she felt inside her was so hard to control. It was like a fire that could not be quenched. She knew she would have to tell him, if not to let it out of her system.

“Please don‘t go.” Hermione said sniffing slightly, her eyes downcast to hide her tears. “I know you want to go back to your own world, but can’t you just stay here?” She lifted her honey brown eyes, her lashes glistening with tears in the dim light, and stared into his face, pleading for him to listen to her. “I know I could never live up to the Hermione you know, but I could try. I could try to understand what happened. Just please don’t leave me here alone.”

Harry placed his hands gently against Hermione’s face, his emerald eyes staring straight into her own. She was shaking slightly from crying but she couldn’t help herself. Her emotions would not be repressed and she needed to know if he could love her back. Looking into his eyes, she almost found hope. There was warmth in his eyes, there was tenderness, surely he could find it in himself to have love there too?

“Hermione.” Harry said firmly, his fingers brushing away her tears. “You know I can’t stay here. I don’t belong in this world, and besides there is another Harry who has to live his life here.”

“But I love you.” Hermione responded tearfully. She didn’t want to listen to his excuses, she just wanted him to stay with her.

Harry sighed and pulled his hands away from her face. “I’m sorry.”

Hermione felt her heart clench at his words. She had been right, he only cared about her because she was like his Hermione. She was just a cheap copy of the girl he loved. She could never be the one he loved.

“So, you don’t care about me then.” Hermione said hollowly, her eyes once more downcast to hide her regret and shame.

“No, I do care about you. I just….” Harry sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m confused, Hermione. Can you understand that?”

Hermione looked at him curiously. What did he have to be confused about?

“You look so much like the girl I love. You sound the same, you laugh the same…you even cry the same.” Harry frowned at her, his eyes once again filling with that unexplainable sadness. “Do you know what it is like, to have lost someone you love and then to see someone who looks just like them, and even acts just like them right in front of you?”

Hermione shook her head. No she had lost no one close to her in her life. She did not understand where Harry was coming from at all.

“It hurts me every time I see you.” Harry said in a strangled voice, as if every word he said pained him just as much as it hurt Hermione to hear it. “It hurts me because when I look in your eyes, I want nothing more than to kiss you and hold you in my arms, just like I held her…” Harry wiped his eyes and turned his face from Hermione’s gaze. “But I know that you are not the girl I love, so I have to hold myself back, for your sake, and for mine.”

Hermione took a tentative step towards him and placed her hand on his arm. She was the one who had caused him this pain. By allowing her feelings to get the better of her, she had fallen in love with him, and even pushed him for an answer when she knew he loved someone else. “I’m sorry, Harry. I shouldn’t have brought this up at all. Forgive me.”

Harry turned his face towards her and placed his hand over hers. He smiled at her gently, the same warmth reflecting in his eyes. “I should be the one forgiving you, Hermione. If I hadn’t let my feelings get in the way, you probably wouldn’t have to go through all this.”

Hermione shook her head, her own watery smile coming to her lips. Even though she was upset right now, he still managed to cheer her up in a small way. He was just so nice. She wished that circumstances could have been different for them.

“She must have been a lucky person to have you as a boyfriend.” Hermione said softly. Harry glanced down at her briefly and placed a comforting arm around her shoulders.

“The person who has you as a girlfriend, Hermione, will be the lucky one.”

Hermione smiled to herself and leaned against him, taking comfort in his solid body. It still hurt her to know that he would be leaving when they found the Harry of her world, but at least she had told him how she felt, so that she would never have to wonder ‘what if?’. She thought it was sad that he would not be able to go home to the girl he loved. He deserved to have someone. She could tell that he had suffered a lot in his life, and she so wished that he could just be happy.

“C’mon. We’d better keep going. We still have to find this world’s Harry.”

Hermione nodded and pulled herself away. She once again lifted up her wand so they could see, and together they continued their trek into the forest. It was strange to think that she wasn’t so upset anymore. Perhaps Harry had been right in saying that he didn’t belong here. She really didn’t know much about him. All she knew was that he made her feel warm inside by just looking at her, but even then she could see the sadness in his eyes. She didn’t think that his world was a very nice place if the Hermione there had been murdered, but he didn’t seem bitter about it. On the contrary, he seemed to be handling everything quite well. Maybe that was just the way he was though. He seemed to be one of these people who just kept fighting. No matter what problems, or trials came in his way, he would continue to fight. Hermione couldn’t help but admire that.

Looking at him now, Hermione realised how glad she was that she had met him. Sure, she had fallen in love with him and then realised that it would never work, but he had taught her an important lesson. To keep fighting.