Chapter 13: For the Better
The only paradise is paradise lost. Marcel Proust (1871 - 1922)
Harry knew he had not been working with Ron too much. He knew that he hadn't been that good of a friend. That was partly the reason he had set up a meeting with Ron today. He also wanted to see how far Ron had progressed. He had set Ron up with some simple training, similar to what he had given to Hermione, but a little more constrained.
"Its great to finally see you mate," Ron said, shaking his hand as he sat down in front of the desk in his office. Harry quickly marked the page in his book, noting that he still needed to finish the lesson plan for third years. "Can hardly pull you away from all the work you have to do for even a pickup game of Quidditch." Harry could not help a laugh.
"Yeah, it would be fun to do that some time," Harry said. "Maybe you could help organize something, you know to help boost morale a little before we head off." His eyes lit up at this, and Harry figured that Ron was getting bored. "So how have you been? I'm sorry I haven't made too much time."
"Besides my head hurting every night from that damn book of yours, not too bad," Ron said with another laugh. "Been doing like you asked, looking up anything we could find on Horocruxes." Harry nodded, making a quick note for the house elves to bring them some food. Knowing Ron, he figured that maybe a light snack might help would be hardly refused. Placing the note in his out tray, he held back a smile at Ron's amazement.
"I set it up with the house elves. Interoffice memos and such," Harry said. "Well, actually I didn't, just thought of the idea, Minvera was the one who set it up." He thank the elf who appeared. Dobby certainly had been hard at work getting the elves to come back. "Help yourself," Harry said motioning to the platter now on his desk. As expected, Ron dove into the food, taking some of the small finger sandwiches off the plate even before it had fully settled on the desk.
"That's what I really wanted to talk about, the Horocruxes," Harry said. "Well, mainly our mission." He leaned forward on his desk, making sure Ron was looking at him before he started again. "I want to know how your magic is coming along. And if you think that alone will be strong enough."
"What do you mean?" Ron asked. He had swallowed for speaking, not a surprise to Harry, but a welcomed gesture nonetheless.
"I mean, how much mana can you draw, how big of a creature can you summon," Harry said.
"Well, I've gotten through the walls and strengthening exercises. The book suggested I wait until I was supervised to summon something, so I guess now is as good as any," Ron said. Harry nodded, wanting to see where this was going. Ron stood from his chair, moving to the center of the room.
Harry watched as Ron began to draw his mana. It was quite different from Hermione did, by collecting it in the form of a ball. It was no where near like Harry's, a simple thought and push and the powers he weld released. No, this seem more naturalistic. Which as he watched, Harry thought it made more sense.
There was a strong green coming through the light now gathering around Ron. By no means was his method instantaneous, but rather, Ron seemed to be able to draw the mana faster than he had seen Hermione do it. The mana radiated out from Ron, a lantern set in his stomach. Harry could feel the hungry of the green mana, a thirst to survive, to evolve, to become. The smile that grew on his face only betrayed the fear as he watched formation of Ron's creation. Fear not for himself; he knew that his creatures, if pushed, could defeat the strength of the forests, but fear that his room might be too small. Harry would worry about that later.
The creature was a beast, or at least had that simple appearance of one. If he had to wager, Harry would have wolf, or at the very least, a large dog. The snow gray color of the wolf shown with a green light, yet even before the light was gone, Harry could make out the image of several other wolves, fading into existence. By the time the light had faded from all of the wolves, there was a total to eight of them. The largest, Harry had to assume was the alpha male.
"Your family?" Harry got out as the wolves began to move around the room. He watched the alpha wolf try and stare him down. The other wolves were scouting out the room.
"Yeah," Ron wheezed. Harry could see Ron hold onto the edge of the chair. He certainly had used a lot of mana to that.
"You okay?" Harry did not move his gaze from the alpha wolf, though his mana was already beginning to pool. He did not like the gaze of the wolf at the moment, and his mountains were beginning to boil with fury, his plains rallying the troops. There was a challenge in the wolf's eyes, and one Harry did not feel like backing down from.
At least it wasn't any snakes. More than that, he began to relax and let his magic dissipate into a healing wave toward Ron as the wolves became to move around him. The alpha wolf nodded, the predatory gaze locking onto him still. "Well done Ron. Keep working on the summoning, and you might be able to stand summoning them again if you need to."
"I just need a few moments," Ron said. Harry could tell that immediately Ron was getting better. Such was the nature of the forest, quick to expend energy, quite to recreate it. Yet the energy used for large creatures often took everything with it, leaving little to assist when needed.
"Would you care for a duel later?" Harry asked. He was interested in what the forests could do. Having never used them himself, he felt the need to see what they could do when someone actually understood the strengths of them.
"After the raid," Ron said, finally regaining all of his breath. "What do I do with them now?" he was looking at the wolves, surprised that he had managed to summon them. Harry wasn't though.
"They are comprised of energy, like all other things," Harry said. "They will dissipate in time, or you can dismiss them yourself, however, understand it will be quite some time before you may call upon them again." Ron nodded, thinking for a moment before he closed his eyes. Harry watched the green light that had originally surrounded the wolves return, before fading into the ether with the wolves. "Feel better?"
"A bit," Ron said, grabbing another sandwich off the plate. After a few bites, he turned his attention back to Harry. "You going to tell me what is going on between you and Hermione?"
"Was getting around to it," Harry said. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to relax. Another problem of his that he found time did not solve. Probably only made it worse. "I guess the best way to put it would be to say its simply complicated." Harry gave Ron a smile before cracking up at the face Ron had made.
"What's THAT supposed to mean?!" Ron got out after a few moments.
"It means that while things are simple between us, there are still some rough patches we're working out," Harry said. They had started to talk about their last fight, but had never gotten around to finishing the conversation. He had been pulled away, needed by the army for a rundown on the attacks again. That had nearly started another fight between them. Harry got lucky though; he managed to convince Hermione to talk to him about it later today, before dinner in fact.
"I guess you can just say that we're getting along well and still working out the boundaries of this relationship," Harry said. He shrugged his shoulders, knowing he had not given a complete answer, but he really did not have one. "How's Ginny?" He had not spoken to the youngest Weasley in a long time, even though he knew she had forgiven him. He forgave her, but he did not forgive himself yet.
"She's doing better, been trying to help Snape where she can," Ron said. "Though, I don't think he's too happy about."
"Course he isn't, but I told him to shut up about complaining or I'd boot his ass," Harry said. "He never learned to play well with others so I'm teaching him." Ron started laughing at this, giving Harry a moment to write another note. Neither Hermione nor Ron had really spoken since she had returned. With a quick note, he sent it off to Hermione. Now would be a good Trio time.
"Yeah," Ron said, wiping away a few tears. "But seriously, she's doing better. Keeps saying how Hermione shouldn't forgive her, which I agree with her on that."
"Who, Ginny or Hermione?" Harry couldn't help asking.
"Ginny," Ron said. "Hermione was far too lenient on her for what Ginny did." Harry shrugged his shoulders, knowing that forgiveness was something worth searching for in the end.
"It's her choice," Harry said. He caught Hermione's smile as she entered the room. "Glad you could join us." He stood from his chair as Ron nearly fell out of his. She let out a laugh as Ron struggled stand up. Hermione gave him a strong squeeze, their bond conveying her lack of anger with him. As he let out the breath he was holding, Hermione giggled into him chest.
"We still need to talk," Hermione said, moving over to his chair. Harry gave her a smile, shaking his head. She did this every time she came over to his office. She always took his chair.
"So what did you call me here for?" Hermione asked, leaning back in his chair. He could feel her comfort and his smile grew slightly as she relaxed.
"I figured now would be good Trio time," Harry said with a shrug of his shoulders. "That and there is a few things we need to work on." He reached across his desk, pulling out a file. Flipping through it, he found the sheet he wanted. "We need to expand the wards."
"I thought you were almost done with that," Ron said. Harry shook his head. While most of the wards had been laid by Neville, the twins, and Moody, the expansions still needed to be done. The four of them had gotten the expansions as far as they could, but it earned them a stay in the Hospital wing for a couple of days.
"I want one more push, to completely retake Hogsmeade and some more of the forest," Harry said. He waved his hand as a map appeared over his desk, thankful that his magic had grown. He known that it would be back to this in time, but it still felt as a relief that he could do the basics. As he grew older, he hoped that he would find that his magic would return to what it was at his prime, when he was solely Death. Now though, he was content with his advanced theatrics.
Hogswarts in a pale green appeared before them. "How do you do that?" Harry looked at Ron for a moment. "I mean, wandless magic like that."
"To be honest, if I really had to, I'd use my wand, but stuff like this, simple charms are too easy for me," Harry said. "I also rely on my mana more than this. I probably should find a balance, but I find that mana is so much easier to use."
"I know what you mean," Hermione said. Harry looked at her, not shocked but intrigued. "My healing abilities are ten times better then they were this time last year. Most of my protection spells are easily done, and I'm almost at the point where I can cast all of the defensive DADA spells without a sound, and some even without a wand." Ron nodded, looking puzzled.
"I figure you'll be able to handle most magic animals without a second thought, maybe even talk to them too," Harry said to him. Hopefully snakes as well. Hermione looked over at him, questioning his thought.
"Think so?" Ron asked, sitting up.
"Forests are filled more with creatures then with spells," Harry said. "Seems only natural that you know how to commune with them."
"Luna said something along those lines too," Ron said, shaking his head. Harry looked over at Hermione, giving her a smile that she didn't return. She stared at him, trying to delve meaning into his words. Reaching through their bond, he tried to comfort her anxiety at her questions.
"Back to the matters at hand," Harry said. He waved his hand again, a blue line showing the existing wards. "We've gotten about within a hundred meters of edge of Hogsmeade, and probably only that much into the forest." He waved his hand again, this time a red line appearing several inches away from the blue one. The red line stretched further into the forest, covering even a little of the mountains and a river hidden there. Hogsmeade was completely covered now by the line.
"I'm hoping to get about that far. In fact that's our minimum goal," Harry said. "I'm hoping to get to the top of the mountain, most of that river and some of the lake. Hosmeade is fine, but if they are going to be coming here by train, then I want those children safe far before they reach here."
"What kind of wards?" Hermione asked. He knew the distance was troubling her, and rightly so.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you two about," Harry said. "I want your opinions on the type of ward. I don't want apparation, or portkey. The notifying ward is a possibility, but I don't need another protection line for the students. The one we have is pretty strong as it is, and I doubt we really need to extend that one beyond the school boundaries." There was a moment of silence, as he watched Ron and Hermione think. Each had their own way about, and he could feel the cogs tunning in Hermione's brain over the problem. Finally after a few moments Hermione spoke first.
"Maybe something that would strengthen us if we become under attack."
"Or at the very least hurt them a little," Ron said. Harry nodded, liking where the idea was going.
"Much better than mine," Harry said. "I wanted to place something that made them explode or something, if they had ill-intent against us." Looking at the map, he did not need to see their shocked faces to know they were there.
"You wanted them to explode?" Hermione managed to get out.
"Well, it'd stop them from coming here to do damage," Harry said. He knew that probably was the wrong thing to say, but the thought had crossed his mind. "Though, I think the ward might take out too much of us if we do even something simple like direct assistance for us or harm to them."
"Why not a lighter protection?" Ron asked. "It doesn't even have to stack with the one around the castle. Just something that would give use enough time once they cross the notifying wards to prepare." Harry nodded, understanding that point.
"Like something that slows them down, maybe change their perception," Hermione offered.
"It'd be difficult for the affect to be permanent, but maybe for a set time," Harry said. "Yeah, that could work." He scratched his chin, leaning against the bookshelf as he looked at the map. "Course, now that we know what we want, or have an idea, I don't think we'll be able to use magic for this."
"You're think about us using our mana?" Hermione asked. She sounded shocked by the idea. Harry nodded, glad she was catching on.
"I'm thinking that Ron provides a good deal of the base source, you shape it and I'll infuse it with the penalty," Harry said. "that way, we can cover all bases, and the mana source should be balanced enough that it won't need us to create renew the ward each time."
"When do you want to do this?" Ron asked.
"I believe the first question is how do we do this?" Hermione asked, glaring at Ron. Harry smiled at Hermione, causing her to blush under his gaze.
"That my dear, is where we need to think a little on," Harry said. He waved his hand, dissipating the map. "But I want to get back onto the Horocuxes for a moment. We are going to have to be the ones that do most of the work. I want the army here to protect the school, except for key instances like the one at the end of the month."
"So what do you know?" Ron asked. Harry shrugged his shoulders. He did not know anything about them, and really only found the goblet by mistake.
"What do we know about them, which are left?" Harry asked, listing his questions.
"The locket, something of Rowena's and then something either of Gryffindor or Nagini," Harry said. He turned his back to them, grabbing a book as he spoke. He had repressed most of the shudder at the thought of the snake, but he felt Hermione's gaze on his back. She had felt it through the bond, and now he definitely would have to talk to her about it. "Do we have any leads on the locket?"
"We think Mundungus took it from Grimmauld," Ron said. "But nothing definitive." Harry nodded, knowing that they would have to find the bastard who inadvertently caused the death of their Headmaster. "We have a few leads on what the Ravenclaw Horocrux could be. But again, nothing is for certain."
"What I want to know is how you destroyed Hufflepuff's," Hermione said. Harry never explained to them how he did it, or what he suspected the gem to be, but figured that they deserved to know, at least now that they understood things a little better.
"I melted it," Harry said. He pooled his mana, drawing upon his plains and a single mountain. He felt the flames reach his hands. "Just took it in my hands and fought the demon inside to destroy it. Then it melted." Waving his hands, the mana flared and fell apart. He felt the jolt through his body, but he did not let them see it. They would not learn faster if he told them, as he learned quickly the same lesson. It him saddened to think that would need to learn not to use mana so fruitlessly, but they did. They understood the use, not the why it was used yet. They would in time.
"What demon?" Hermione asked, almost immediately before the words were out of his mouth. He snapped out of his thoughts, answering her question.
"A swamp mana-based creature designed to sap the strength of those that attack it," Harry said. "Took me a bit of mana, and nearly kicked my..." Harry paused at this point, withering slightly under Hermione's glare and felt her annoyance. "butt." She smiled slightly at this. "I had to crawl my way out of the building, but I figure I was alive, so it's okay." The pause in the conversation
"You think Riddle can draw mana like we can?" Hermione asked. Harry looked away, out the window. This was a question he avoided asking. He did not want to think that the man could. If so, then his powers would have had to grown exponentially. When did the man have time to search for the strength or the knowledge though?
"I wish I knew," Harry said. He felt through the spectrum, trying to find if Riddle held the strength to use mana. The path was clouded, he could not tell, which worried him.
"Don't worry about it now, mate," Ron said. "We've got time to worry about that later."
"Right now, we need to work on find the other horocruxes and destroying those as well," Hermione said. Harry nodded, drawing himself out of his thoughts.
"We'll need to go case by case, and take it from there I think," Harry said. "Keep concentrating on your studies, specifically manifesting protective walls."
"Why do that if we can go on the offensive?" Ron asked.
"By being prepared defensively we can assess situations and find the appropriate course of actions," Hermione said.
"That and neither of you can do direct damage," Harry said with a small. "I need you to to provide the cover for me and Moony while we work on whatever is in there."
"What is in there?" Hermione asked. He pushed back the fear that had managed to surface through their bond. She did not need to know what it was.
"Hopefully nothing too bad, but if it is, you and Ron should be able to hold it off," Harry said. "If you practice your walls." He looked at Ron for a moment. "I'll be by some time tomorrow to check them, Ron, so if you want to get in some more practice I suggest you start now." Ron nodded, standing from his chair. Harry held back a chuckle as he stole that last few sandwiches off the plate.
Harry turned toward Hermione, knowing that her walls would be strong enough, and she had a plethora of other spells to draw upon if she needed to. She gave him an all-knowing smile. She was about to dissect him. Wonderful.
"Oh Ron," Harry said, turning back to his friend as he left. Ron looked up, with a sandwich in his mouth. "You hurt her, and I'll kill you. See you tomorrow." He turned back to Hermione, who had started to shake her head. Ron stopped for a moment before leaving, confusion written over his face.
"You still have a lot of explaining to do," Hermione said. She crossed her arms and glared at him.
"Don't I always?" Harry said. He sat on his desk in front of her, knowing the he wouldn't get his chair back unless she moved first. "Where do you want to start?"
"How about this 'hurt her' stuff?" Hermione said. She leaned back in the chair, and Harry had to smile. She was trying to look stern, trying because she had a hard time keeping a smile off her face.
"Letting him know that if he hurts any woman, I'll kill him," Harry said with a shrug of his shoulders. "After what happened to Grace, I took a very dim light on those that hurt women. I'm not going to see it happen again." He felt the flare of anger pass through him as Hermione stood from his chair. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him tight against her.
"You're a good man," she whispered into his ear. "And for the record," she pulled back from his neck before kissing his cheek, "I think he'll treat Luna alright."
"He better," he said. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he kissed her lightly before pulling back. He wanted to continue, and with her biting his lower lip, it made it all the harder to pull away. "And your other question?" he asked once he received his lips back.
"Snakes?" Hermione asked. He hopped off the desk, stealing his seat back from her. She glared at him until he pulled her into his lap.
"That's another long story," Harry said, feeling a little embarrassed.
"You can tell me," Hermione said. Stealing another kiss, Harry began.
"It started back when I began my training in the monastery..."
I0I
Harry walked at a calm pace. He concentrated on his breathing, on his heart rate, on anything but his destination. The walk was constant, steady, his meaning. He would over come his anger. He would not become it.
"Well done Brother James." Harry turned to see his mentor standing off to the side of the well beaten path. He did not lie to them, upon giving his name, only he asked to be called by his middle name, the one he had used to hide under for so many years.
"Thank you Brother Patrick," Harry said, bowing slightly in the man's direction. They exchanged pleasantries as they walked.
"Are you ready for your lesson today, James?" Harry stopped at the voice, before turning toward the source.
Father Charles stood just under the archway. His starch white hair nearly reflected the sunlight. It was a huge contrast to the black shirt and pants he wore, so different from the brown cloaks and robes the monks wore. Although the man was a priest, there was something about him that did not sit well with Harry.
It may have been that his smile just seemed too big, and a little off center on his face. It may have been that Father Charles never seemed to look at someone when he spoke, more like through them. Or it may be that there was something in his eyes, something not quite right about the little black fleck in them. Whatever it was, Harry did not like it.
"As readily as I'll ever be, sir," Harry said, bowing toward the man slightly. He may not particularly like the man, for no reason beyond his gut feeling, but he had to respect him for the work Father Charles did in the monastery.
"Very good, come with me then," Father Charles said. He gave a look to Brother Patrick, and had Harry not held his suspicions of the father, he would have missed the disdain in the look.
Harry walked again at the calm pace. He was taught here not to rush anything, to grow patient with life. After finding his mountains, the patience was helping him develop his plains.
It was strange, this new form of magic. While using his wand, and sometimes not, he found the magic taught at Hogwarts to be less restrictive, but sometimes unpredictable in the results. This magic, to draw upon mana seemed to be in tune with the soul more so, allowing him to do many of the same things he could with his wand. More than that, the mana was a reliable, stable use of magic, but the consequences for failure was something he still felt to this day.
To draw the mana without use was ancient taboo. Yet it was taught to ensure that the student learns why such action was taboo.
He passed that lesson, and still was paying for it. The ripples of shock waves ran through his arms still and the pain had not left his back and legs. Yet his pain was not over with.
His lessons had moved beyond just mana and back toward the use of pure magic. To become magic as they called it. Father Charles understood the necessary actions to be magic, to become what they called a totem.
The totem represented a secular school of thought for magic, whether pure and chaste like a unicorn or twisted and cunning like the snake. The totem combined with a person to become that school of thought. Or at least that was what the monks here thought. It intrigued him enough that Harry pressed them about it. Now the monks were pressing him to become a school of thought. Which one, he did not know yet, but he saw fire in his dreams at night, but he was not burnt. Whatever that meant.
"Today we see how well you can cope with a different type of stress," Father Charles said. Harry nodded, not trusting himself to speak to the man.
Father Charles lead Harry outside to what was deemed as the training area for mana practice. Harry was familiar with the area, using it daily to practice expanding his use of the mountains, and what little plains he had at his call at the moment. There was different feel to the air though, something was off.
"I believe I had found out your totem," Father Charles said. He moved toward a large pit that was practicing air techniques and levitation.
Harry perked up at this, moving his gaze off the supposedly bottomless pit before him to the unscrupulous monk before him. "Really?" He was surprised, after being told countlessly that he may not even be a totem.
"Yes, though, the others don't believe me, I know I am right." Harry paused at this. "The others" where the monks here, and he trusted them implicitly. So if they did not agree to this, then there was no way he was going through with it.
"Maybe we should wait then," Harry offered, his glare not leaving Charles. The stared down at each other for several moments. Harry unconsciously shifted his gaze as he saw several other monks rushing out at them from the inner sections. That was all Charles needed to take the upper hand.
Father Charles's trademark black wind blew at him, stealing the breath from his lungs as it pushed him back. Into the pit behind him.
No one knew the distance to the bottom, but that did not bother Harry. The fall was not important to him, nor the sudden stop at the end. What bothered him was the voice he swore came from there. Angry voices, disturbed voices.
The fall was not as long as he thought, and the crash at the bottom did not hurt as badly as he thought it would have either. It was too dark at the bottom for him to see anything, the light from the top only a speck in the sky. The ground behind was soft, and...moving...?
At once the shock left him and the pain surrounded him as the sound of hissing and voices smashed through it. Covering his ears, he felt the ground beginning to swallow him whole.
Who issss thissss? More food for precsssioussss? Yessss. Masssster will be sssso proud of ussss.
Harry let out scream he was holding in out as fangs sunk into his torso. His scream awoke the rest of the ground as he felt them moving faster. The more he struggled, the faster they moved, and harder they snapped at him.
The speck in the sky got smaller.
Foolissssh boy. Think you can win? You losssst already.
His screams grew in numbers as he felt the fangs puncture his side again. And again. And again. That was not the worst part. It was the moving, the slithering ground around him. The scales scraped against his skin, giving him something like a rug burn as they moved past. When he tried to grasp at something, he felt the dry rough scales move in his hands.
Why do you sssstruggle? There issss no one to ssssave you. Give up, child.
Harry began to thrash about, trying to removing the feeling of scales up against his skin. His heart felt like it was going to escape, without him. His head grew heavy, but he knew to keep fighting.
He couldn't stop the voices, he couldn't stop the burns against his skin, he couldn't stop the....
I0I
"I don't remember how they got me from down there, or what happened next," Harry said, not looking into her eyes. He still felt foolish for his reactions, and knew that it was normal to feel like that. It didn't make the embarrassment any easier to deal with.
"So when you faced the baslisk as Fawkes?" Hermione started.
"I don't think I've ever been so scared before," Harry said, shivering at the thought of the giant snake. Hermione's arms tightened around him and a wave of comfort over flowed though him. "But I knew I had to go there, and I knew I had to save myself."
"You saved us all, both times," Hermione said. She kissed him lightly on the lips before leaning back to look at him. "And you're still the bravest man I know."
"No I'm not," Harry said.
"Yes you are," Hermione said, kissing his nose before glaring at him lightly. "I'm trying to defend you to yourself, so no more talking."
"Yes ma'am," Harry said. She let out a small giggle, one that Harry could nothelp but smile at. Those still surprised him from time to time.
"Now, you're brave because you face your fears." She paused her, letting it sink in. Her touch was comforting, but through the bond, he felt safe, secure as they held each other. "You were afraid of the Dementors, and you fought against them. You were afraid for Sirius, but you fought." She kissed him, a deeper kiss than he had ever felt from her before. She was pushing through their bond all the emotion she felt for him, and he nearly collapsed from the onslaught of love and emotion in general. "And you fought for me, even when you thought you could loss me."
"I almost did," Harry commented. He thought back to the battle that had happened only a few short weeks ago. He felt lucky to find her again. Hermione smirked, catching the feeling through the bond.
"For the better or worse," Hermione said, kissing him again. Harry pulled back staring at her for a moment. She began to blush under his gaze, reading his thoughts, and him reading hers. She hadn't meant to say that, but she did.
"For the better or worse," Harry whispered back. He reached through the bond, flaring it wildly as she grasped her mark. "While that may not be a proposal, it was a promise." She nodded, barely sitting up right as he held onto her. She had a euphoric look upon her face, and he blushed as he felt her feelings rush back across the bond. He hadn't meant to make her speechless.
"A promise is a bond," Hermione said, kissing him deeply. "We've already got one promise, Harry. And we'll expand upon it when we need to." He nodded, resting his head against her forehead. "We need to talk about this relationship of ours." Hermione leaned back, far enough to look at him from a distance, but still in his grasp.
"I want to know what you've figured out first, before I start yelling at you," Hermione said. Harry looked at her, surprised. "Weren't expecting that were you?" She nipped his bottom lip for a moment, nearly shutting down all of this thoughts. "Now, talk." He nodded, gathering the breath she stole.
"I was wrong," he said, looking into her eyes. "I...I push people away when I should hold them close. I don't want to need you as badly as I do, but I can't help it. And it hurts to know sometimes that I never gave you a choice is this matter." He looked at her for a moment before ducking his head down. "You don't fully understand the bond."
"I think I do," Hermione said. He closed his eyes at her gently caresses, but kept his mind upon his words.
"No you don't," Harry said, sending the caress back. "When I said it was a strong bond that would take over from the one to Lestrange, I was not lying. Nor was I lying when I said that our destinies were one. What I left out was that this, all of this," he placed his hand over her mark, "is all up to you. You'll carry this mark, but unless you want it to, it won't go any further. As for mine, it just means I'm connected to you.
"Yesterday, when I said I had no family, it was my way of reacting to this, because for the longest time I didn't," Harry said. "And it scares me to have to learn to let people in. My words were meant to give you an out." He closed his eyes at this, not wanting to see her anger at him, or worse, her disappointment. He felt her get up, out of his lap.
"You're an idiot," she said. Her voice was neutral, and she had shut the bond to a minimum. "You think that I'll just drop you?"
"The thought had crossed my mind," Harry said. He felt a sharp slap to his arm, but said nothing more.
"Then cross it out," Hermione said. "And get this through your thick skull. My choices are my own, and my actions are my own. If I choose to be with you, then you damn better accept that." Harry nodded, opening his eyes for the first time.
She was angry, that much was obvious. It was in the way her eyes flared at him and the way her hips were pointed at him, as if to fire an arrow from a bow at him.
"Now, are we going to have to fight again over this?" Hermione asked. Harry didn't want to say it, but he had to.
"Probably, but you'll always win that argument," Harry said. Hermione's anger faded slightly and she opened the bond up once again. He shuddered thankful, he knew she didn't like it when the bond was shut down, but it took damn near everything he had to stand sometimes when she did that.
"You okay?" Hermione asked. She rushed back to his side, holding a hand to his forehead. He nodded.
"As long as the bond is open, I'll be fine, but it becomes difficult for me, with the bond as new as it is, to stay strong without it," Harry admitted. "As time goes by, you'll be able to hide small things, but emotions will stay. But the bond will keep me going."
"You need the bond to live?" Hermione asked. Fear filled her eyes as the tears reached her cheeks. Harry shook his head.
"No, I need you to live," Harry said. His hand wrapped around her neck, pulling her close to him. "The bond is just my way of showing it." There was silence for a while, though Harry felt Hermione thinking.
"Silly boy," Hermione said. He felt the chair fall back as Hermione bear hugged him. She began to nuzzle into his neck, holding onto him for dear life. "We'll have to work on this some more you know." She nipped his neck, her smile resting against it.
"You're going to be the death of me," Harry said, kissing her again.
"Not unless I go first," Hermione said. He pulled back at this, staring deeply into her. The bond was open, and he reached through it. His mental hand grasped hers and held on tight. He was not letting go, not for a long time. Words crossed his mind, and he felt them reach his lips as they touched hers.
"For the better or worse."
I0I
October 30th, the day before their attack. Hermione had watched Harry prepare furiously for this, and knew he worked himself to exhaustion only the night before. Now he stood before them, his grin sober as he looked out across the Great Hall.
They had several talks after the one in his office about their relationships. What it all came down to was her, and her choices. Her anger nearly eclipsed the passion she felt for him at this notion. While he was the strongest man she thought she had ever known, his gentle way with her was breathtaking. He gave her control, not of him, but of their relationship. He placed the ball in her court, as the phrase goes, and it was hers to shoot. And she had no idea what to do with him.
Yet the man before her was different than the one that let her control their relationship. Harry dressed in his duster, as he called it, and wore his gunblade, again his word, - she would rather name it hideous. He stood, addressing the army that apparently he commanded now, a shock to him too.
The power that surrounded him was extraordinary though. He stood, giving them a speak that she knew she would forget. The speech did not matter; his tone of voice mattered.
He spoke distinctly, refined, and with a well oiled tongue. The words rolled off his lips, into each and every person. More than that though, he spoke in no more than a whisper, yet the all heard.
"I don't know how tell you this any better than what I've already said. All I want is for you to return the favor of what has been brought here. Only give mercy to those that ask, and quarter to our prisoners. We are not them, and I will never let us become them." Harry stepped away at this, motioning for Hermione to follow him.
The General was now speaking, and she could care less what the bastard had to say. No matter what anyone said, she'd never trust that man again. Not after what he tried to do to Harry.
"You were great," she said, after catching up with Harry. He gave he a sad smile, he thoughts off somewhere. She pulled him into a hug, reaching through the bond. "She'll always be with you." Her hand reached and touched his mark. He had already given his life for hers; she was not going to make it in vain. "What are you going to do tomorrow?"
"Give you three enough time to investigate," Harry said. "I think I can hold back the dark long enough for you to find if we need to go deeper." He shrugged his shoulders, though Hermione did not move her hand from his mark. In the back of her mind, she already was going over what Harry had given her on phoenixes. She need to know more, and he just did not know enough.
"How long to expect us to be in there?" Hermione asked. They began to walk back to the castle. Although Hermione knew most of what Harry was already telling her, she needed to confirm what spells she wanted to prepare. Beyond just her wand and mana, Harry had restricted what they could take with, only saying that he did not want to leave anything that could be traced back.
"No more than a few hours, though I gave Ron a book on conjuring on food and water just in case," Harry said. "only reason I told him that was so he'd stop pestering me about not bring food. Told him if he wanted something, make it." Hermione giggled at this, knowing well that despite the lack of food, Ron's legendary appetite had only grown as he started studying the use of mana. Something about forests using more energy or something.
"We ready for it?" Hermione asked. She didn't realize they had made it to her office, nor did she want to leave Harry's company.
"Honestly, I don't know," harry said. "We'll see how it goes tomorrow." Hermione nodded, holding back her fear. She knew she had to be strong, because if he could be strong, then so could she. Her gaze lowered to the floor as she tried to steady her breathing. She arms being wrapped around her. Hermione knew she didn't have to be strong any more; she collapsed into Harry's chest, leaning against him.
"You want me to stay the night?" Harry's words were soft, comforting. She nodded, breathing in his scent: a mix of a cool mint and mountain air. She lifted her gaze to his eyes. Their bond flared as she stared deeper into his soul. So tortured, yet so peaceful.
Kissing him, she felt his flames meeting her cool waters. She pulled him closer, knowing that she could not get close enough. She felt a tug upon her stomach, but it only made her hold him tighter. She didn't know where she was going, but with Harry's arms wrapped securely around her, she knew he'd protect her.
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