Hola!! ^_^
How are you dears? I should have posted this one ages ago, but I've been busy, my beta's being busy, and so and so…lol.
This little scene takes place after The Bench by the Fence, which takes place after The Girl Sitting on the Grass. You don't need to read them in order to understand this one, but you know how these things go: you'll understand everything better if you do and blablablabla ;)
Although marked as COMPLETED, I'm thinking about a two-shot. We'll see.
As always, a HUGE bunch of thank yous and flowers and bows to my lovely beta Stephanie I've been telling for ages: you should see my Before-Steph writings… By the way, it's been impossible for me to contact her lately. Steph, if you're reading this, every mail I send you fails and get back to me! So you know that every big and small mistake you find, it's all mine. Sorry in advance!
And thank to you, for reading and telling me what do you think!
Oh, yeah. The disclaimer: No, I still own nothing, which -unfortunately- means that standard disclaimers apply.
oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo
IT COULD HAPPEN
oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo
The sound of loud snores nearby finally breaks her concentration.
Her eyes leave the pages of the dusty book she's been reading for the last couple of hours to look at the source of her distraction. Smiling, she stands up and walks toward him.
"Ron," she says gently, but, as expected, nothing happens. She tries again. "Ron," and this time she delicately places a hand on his shoulder. "Ron, wake up."
She feels the red-headed boy tense a bit before opening his eyes, blinking in confusion.
"Hermione," he says with his voice still hoarse from sleep, and looks around the gloomy room, noticing immediately that something's missing.
"What's happening, Hermione? Where's Harry? Is everyth--"
"Yes, everything's ok, Ron," she assures him, who seems confused, looking around in alert mode. It happens all the time now, to all of them. "Harry will be here in a minute. You just fell asleep."
Only then she feels him relax.
"No, I just… I was resting my eyes, you know, for a moment," he mumbles while turning a page of the book that was serving as a pillow.
She smiles again, squeezing his shoulders.
"Ron, you've been snoring for the past fifteen minutes. Just go to bed."
"Hermione, I haven't finished this one, and I was supposed to go through that one too before going to bed," he protests, pointing to a little book resting on the table. She can hardly believe this is the same Ron Weasley she had to literally threaten to do his homework over the past six years. He's not just saying it to make her believe he wants to. He actually wants to.
Because things have changed so much in so little time. They have changed so much.
It all began that day. The day of Dumbledore's -it's still hard to say it-- funeral. But after they moved in together to start this new and dark journey, somehow it was just there. The Bond. There was no spoken rule of any sort for this development. It was simply there.
Their now constant physical displays of affection are newsworthy. Even through all the years that they had known each other, not one of them were physically affectionate, save Hermione's occasional hug or kiss. But nothing else.
But again, things have changed. Life has changed. And now it's like the three of them have a constant need for assurance; the need to feel -to know- that the others are still there, the ones it seems they were born to be with. That they'll be safe as long as they'll stay together.
That's why an hour without seeing Harry makes them nervous.
"I know, Ron," she tells him softly. "But you are really tired. You'll waste your time trying to focus instead of actually focusing, and then tomorrow you'll have to start all over again. Go to bed and take your rest."
He frowns, looking from one book to another, and then to her again. "You don't sleep?"
"Don't worry about me, I'm quite awake right now. I took a nap earlier," she lies, and he lets her. "I'm sure I will even finish your books before my eyes get tired."
"Ok," he obliges, reluctantly. "But promise you'll sleep too, ok?"
"Yes, daddy," she laughs, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "Good night, Ron."
He stands up and hugs her. "Good night, Hermione."
She watches him disappear through the doorframe, and before the sound of his steps fades away, she's sitting before her books again. A quick glance at the old clock makes her realize that it's much later than she thought.
And that Harry's been gone for more than forty minutes.
Let him be. He needs his time alone.
Taking a deep breath, she tries to focus again on her research. But, after a while, she realizes that the page before her hasn't changed in the last ten minutes, and in spite of that, she can't remember what she's been reading. So, when her gaze turns to check the clock for the tenth time, she resolves to take her own advice; there's no point in feigning the concentration she doesn't have at the moment.
Rising from her chair, she heads towards the door, missing, in her hurry, the sound of footsteps approaching. Only when she bumps into another figure she notices.
"Hermione, what's going on? Are you ok?"
Breathing hard, almost panting, she looks up to see Harry taking her by the arms, his eyes showing concern.
"Oh, Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you coming." She's suddenly very aware of him; of his hands on her upper arms. Of his eyes looking into hers. "You scared me half to death!"
"So did you," he replies, half smiling, and squeezing her arms. "Is everything ok, Hermione? Where were you going in such a hurry?"
She shrugs. "To find you."
"Well, you did find me."
He smiles at her. His smile is so kind, she thinks.
But she also thinks she's being silly. She does every time she can't control her blushing, just like now, as her pathetic thirteen year-old self used to do after one of Lockhart's infamous smiles. She can't look at him straight in the eye, the same way she can't stop blood from rising to her cheeks. They are close. They are too close. She bets Harry can feel the heat.
He has dark circles under his eyes. He looks thinner. He hasn't slept properly in weeks, but he still can manage to smile at her.
Before she can reply, she finds herself being pulled into a tight embrace. It definitely feels so good to be in Harry's arms. Even if she is quite aware that this means something entirely different to him. Because, to him, it's only part of The Bond.
Sometimes she's sure he notices. Sometimes she would even swear he knows, because, sometimes, she can be such a stupid and blatantly obvious giggling girl- except for the giggling, that is. Or that's what she thinks.
But then she always discards the idea. There's no way he can suspect anything.
Three weeks ago, at the Burrow, she had taken a resolution, sitting on that bench by the fence, and she intends to stick to it. She's focusing on their quest, on their friendship, on their genuine love. The three of them. But there are moments, like this, when she gives in a little, and let's herself believe that these little gestures between Harry and her are special to him, too. Something he shares with her and only her. She lets that kind of thought linger her head from time to time, because the feeling is too wonderful to cut it off for good.
Not that she has looked too hard for a way to do it, anyway.
And she's ashamed to say it, but sometimes, when she's feeling particularly good after a caress, a hug, a look… she even dares to think that Ginny never got this kind of caress, this kind of hug, this kind of look. Sure, Ginny got other things….other wonderful things that she will never get, because they just are not meant for Hermione, his best friend.
No. She can't think of that. She promised.
She caringly squeezes him in return before they slowly let go of their embrace.
Harry smiles once again before his eyes go checking the room.
"Where's Ron?" he says as he walks towards the couch in front of the fire.
"I forced him to go to bed. He was exhausted and fell asleep. It took me a while to convince him to go, though."
She looks in silence at how Harry tries to make himself comfortable on the sofa. His gaze is fixed on the table, full of books and parchment. Then it turns to the clock.
"He's working so hard…" he says very softly, almost to himself, before looking at her again. "And you should go and rest, too, Hermione. It's been a long day."
"I'm ok, Harry," she begins, too brightly to be telling the truth. "I took a nap this aftern-"
"No," he cuts her off. "You didn't."
He's staring at her, a serious look on his face. Sometimes she wishes she could hide things from him. Not every thing, you know. Just some.
"No," she finally admits, plopping herself beside him and rubbing her tired eyes. "I didn't."
She's expecting -almost hoping for- some good old nagging. She even thinks she deserves it; but it doesn't come. He just looks at her in silence. Shaking his head slowly, his gaze turns to the fire.
A dense silence falls between them. It's unusual for her to be at a loss of words. But this is also a part of their Bond. They discovered that, somehow, sometimes, words are not necessary. That sometimes silence is a much better way to communicate thoughts. Feelings. Hopes.
But now is not one of those moments of quiet silence, because she can sense something's troubling Harry.
Of course there's something troubling him. How about `saving the world' for starters?
He's so tired, she reflects as her gaze caresses his profile. His hair, as messy as the first day she met him (an eternity ago), will make him look younger no matter how old he'll become. His glasses, almost as famous as his scar, which sometimes allow him to hide those wonderful eyes; his nose, which she knows by heart after so many years...
His mouth…
Stop.
She simply has to stop.
Suddenly, she sees his hands covering his face. And she panics.
"Harry, are you -"
"I'm scared."
She suddenly wonders where all the air of the room went, because she doesn't think she can breathe. Harry turns his head toward her, as in slow motion, his hands still covering half his face.
"I'm scared, Hermione."
He almost breathes the words. And she, Hermione Granger, doesn't know what to say to his heart-wrenching confession. All she wants to do, she realizes, is take him in her arms and kiss his forehead, telling him that everything's going to be ok. But she can't. She only can tell the truth.
"Of course you are. We all are," she says in her softest voice. "It would be stupid not to be scared."
He looks up, searching her eyes. She feels she must keep talking.
"You're not any less brave for feel-"
"I don't want to die, Hermione."
Silence.
His words make her stop thinking, stop breathing, stop being. There's nothing more than silence around her. Not only because she has forbidden her own thoughts to follow that path -even though they always find a way out in her nightmares. She stops breathing because he has spoken these thoughts out loud.
She knew he had to be scared. Terrified. But hearing it from his mouth, with his voice trembling, it's just much more than she can take.
And the worst part is that she knows she can only understand Harry's feelings to a certain point. She's scared to death too. But she's not Harry Potter. And it literally kills her not to be able to save him from himself.
So she says the only thing she can think of. The words she repeats to herself first thing every morning. The words she whispers every night.
"That won't happen," she brusquely answers. But she can't say the word. She just can't.
Harry turns his face to her.
"You can't prove it won't happen," he says with the slightest hint of challenge in his voice. He just needs to hear it again, she thinks. Because she needs to hear it again.
"No, Harry, I can't," she replies firmly. "But I know it won't happen." And then she knows of something she can do. "Come here."
Before she knows what she's doing, she moves to the farthest seat on the couch, gesturing with her hands to her lap. He doesn't need further explanation.
Lying down, he places his head on Hermione's lap, just where she pointed.
A little while ago, Harry let slip that the thing he missed the most was how relaxed he felt when Ginny played with his hair. When he had said that, Hermione had fought the painful kick in her stomach, and maybe Harry noticed, she thought, because he went red and never mentioned it again. But one day, after he had had a very bad day, she couldn't help it. She just walked towards him, made him lean his head back on the sofa, and started to caress his messy locks. He had been a bit shocked at first, but then he leaned in her touch. After that, she did it from time to time.
Only occasionally, though; and only when she thought Harry was on the verge of losing himself again.
Now is definitely one of those times.
"Close your eyes, Harry," she says softly, her fingers starting to trace a lock of hair. She feels him sigh, and then, he closes his eyes obediently.
"You are not going to die, Harry. You're not prepared for that. I'm not prepared for that. So you're not going to." She explains it as it was some Arithmancy logic equation. He has to believe that.
She looks down at the face in her hands. His breathing agitated, his jaws clenched, those dark circles around his troubled eyes. One of her fingers touches his scar delicately, as her hand roams through his famous black hair. He's so amazing.
And his hair feels so good between her fingers.
"And as you're not going to die," she continues, taking off his glasses, "I want you to envision your future. Because there is one, of course. You have a wonderful, happy future waiting for you, just on the other side of this nightmare."
He doesn't open his eyes to contradict her, and she hopes it's because her words are having the desired effect on his mind. She knows it then; she has to give him a future. She still can help him.
"You apparate in front of a yard," she begins, unsure of what she's just about to tell. "It's been a very hard day at work, so the sight of your beautiful house is a balm for your eyes." She pauses, envisioning the house of her dreams. "Near the porch, watering some flowers, there is the most beautiful little girl you've ever seen. Her bright green eyes lighten up the moment she realizes you're home. She forgets about flowers then, and runs towards you, smiling."
She pauses for a moment. Harry's face seems to be relaxing. It's working. I'm helping.
"You take her in your arms, placing kisses all over her hair," she continues, and then pauses again. Because she doesn't want to think about the red mane Harry must be certainly seeing in his visions. "Taking her hand, you walk towards the house, where a little boy is waiting for the two of you. He announces in a loud voice that you are finally home, while you ruffle his hair. He had to get your mess, the poor thing."
She sees how the corners of Harry's mouth curl. She's smiling too.
"You can hear steps coming closer. And then, there she is, walking out from the kitchen, where she's been cooking dinner for your children just before you arrived."
Her voice quivers against her will, unable to speak the name aloud. That would be stabbing her heart once more. Because she, Hermione Granger, is not the one coming out of that stupid kitchen. But it's Harry's happiness. She must go on talking. "…you…you stare at her then. She's smiling at you, because she loves to watch how you treat and love your children, what an amazing father you are, Harry. You smile back at her, your heart jumping inside. She's so beautiful...and you can't do anything but stare at her in awe. As if you can't believe she actually said I do that day. As if you just can't believe it's her: the one who's there with you, the one who has chosen to be with you for the rest of your life."
Before she can go on with her tale, Harry startles her. His eyes suddenly open wide, and he turns up to look at her. His expression is serious, so serious, and unreadable.
She stops caressing his hair, and by Harry's face she is sure she said something that just ruined the mood. Maybe it was my voice. Maybe he noticed. Oh Merlin, maybe he knows…
"Harry?" she finally asks nervously, finding her voice. He doesn't say anything. He's only watching her in silence, with his big green eyes wide open, and with that odd expression on his face. It's only after she calls his name once more that he shakes his head in a couple of almost undetectable shakes. Taking a deep breath, his eyes close again.
"Keep talking, Hermione," he whispers.
"Harry, are you ok? Did I say someth-"
"Hermione, please. Keep talking,"
And so she does. She keeps on talking about Harry's friends, Harry's home, Harry's children…Harry's future. She keeps on talking about a future that seems so far away right now, but that she has envisioned more times than she can count. He will never know that they are her own dreams the ones making him smile as she strokes his hair on that couch. Dreams: they are what they always will be to her, because she's not the one in his. But at that moment, feeling Harry relaxing and smiling, she can't care less.
After a while, she stops talking, her hands playing with his locks being the only sound in the room. She looks at the clock again, and then down at his peaceful, sleeping face. She doesn't want to wake him up.
"Hermione," he says with his eyes still shut. She thought him asleep.
"Yes, Harry."
He opens his eyes, and finds hers. "You were right."
She stares at him, a frown forming on her brow.
"What are you-?"
"I can't prove it won't happen."
She remains silent, because she really doesn't know what to say. She still doesn't when Harry stands up, taking her hands for her to do the same.
"We should really be going to bed. Tomorrow's going to be a long day, we need to sleep a bit," he says, and she can sense that there's something different in her friend. She's about to ask when she feels his arms wrapping around her.
"Good night, Hermione," he whispers in her ear before placing his lips softly, ever so softly, on her cheek. "And thank you."
After waving her wand to extinguish the fire and put some order to the books they're going to check tomorrow, she finally goes upstairs and climbs into her bed, her cheek still tingling. And a few minutes later, she's asleep too, without knowing that there, in the next room, her best friend is placidly sleeping, his nightmares being replaced by dreams about his new discovered hope.
Dreams about his home, his yard…about his son, looking so like himself, but with those big and intelligent eyes which have read more books than any other kid his age. And his daughter… his beautiful daughter… with her bright green eyes, so like his and his mother's, and her bushy mane of light brown hair, looking just as beautiful as the woman she got it from.