Chapter 4
Hermione would be here soon with Adrian and Harry didn't know how to face her. He knew he'd done nothing to feel guilty about…probably… but he was about to see his wife after sleeping with another woman…soon to be ex-wife, he corrected himself. Still, though, he preferred to avoid it. He found the whole idea disconcerting.
Finally, she was there. She took the sleeping Adrian up and laid him in his crib. She noticed that Harry was edgy. "Are you alright?" she asked.
"Fine…you?" he answered not meeting her eyes. He could not believe that today of all days she wanted to talk. He stared at her shoes. He hated the awkwardness between them. It angered him that it had come to this. He'd normally talk to Hermione about this kind of thing, but he couldn't do that this time. "So, I'll see you around…" he said hoping she'd get the hint and leave.
"Alright," she replied sadly as she headed toward the door.
Ron came over later that evening after Adrian was in bed. Harry found that he couldn't look at him either. He
poured them each a drink and sipped his slowly.
I Floo'ed you last night," Ron said casually while eyeing Harry.
"Perhaps I was already in bed…" Harry replied. He cringed inwardly at his stupidity. He didn't want to mention anything about beds.
"Perhaps…" Ron repeated. "Except for the fact that I came over and know you weren't…"
"Why would you do that?" Harry asked. He sounded guilty even to his own ears.
"I wanted to catch you before you made plans for next weekend. I've got tickets to the Puddlemere game. Want to go?"
Harry brightened. Maybe he wasn't caught out after all. "Yeah, sure, I can go."
"So you weren't back from your date at two in the morning?"
"Er…no…we were talking, see, and it got quite late…"
"Talking…" Ron repeated skeptically.
"Yeah, talking…" Harry got up to refill his drink that was still two-thirds full.
"Is that why there's a box of Muggle sheaths on your kitchen counter?"
"Oh shite," Harry said. He dropped the glass, shattering and spilling it on the floor. "What?" he asked.
"I asked why there was an open box of …"
"I heard you!" he shouted. He looked at Ron. "Sorry."
"So… How was it?"
Harry couldn't tell if Ron was okay with this or not, so he didn't know if he should speak frankly or deny it. "What did you want to know?" He Vanished the mess and hoped Ron would get to the point.
"You shagged her, right?" Harry remained silent and kept his face noncommittal. He kept up his hope that Ron would clue him in on where this conversation was going. "Was it fast and frenetic? Slow and meaningful?"
Harry relaxed as he returned to his seat. "It was a complete fiasco, now you mention it…"
"What happened?" Ron asked. Harry stayed silent. "Please don't tell me that 'little Harry' didn't get in the game…"
Harry smiled. "No, that's not it…Do not impugn 'little Harry'…"
"So, what happened?" Ron asked more urgently.
Harry sighed heavily before he began speaking. "It was great…for awhile… It was different, though… I mean, with Hermione…it's like she and I instinctively just know what the other wants… or needs. But with Corinna, I… had to sort it out on my own and…" He paused and looked at his friend. Seeing that Ron was waiting to hear the rest he continued. "Let's just say that there are certain times when a man can say the wrong thing…"
"What did you say?" Ron asked fascinated.
"I called her Hermione…"
"You didn't!" Ron gasped.
"It wasn't on purpose, I assure you!" Harry said in irritation.
"What did she say?"
"I apologized all over the place. She said she understood and that I wasn't ready to move on yet. She said that if that day comes that we could try again if she's available."
"At least she didn't cry…"
"Yeah…I suppose…"
"What are you going to do about Hermione?" Ron asked.
"There's nothing to be done. She's seeing that doctor…"
"You know about that? She wasn't going to tell you…"
"I saw them having lunch…" Harry answered.
"When was this?"
"Right after I got the divorce notice…"
"Think you two will ever get back together?" Ron asked.
"No, I don't," Harry said painfully. "She's moved on. I'll have to learn to do the same, I expect."
"That's what you think, is it?"
The two talked for short while longer. Finally Ron took his leave. Harry checked on Adrian, who was still sleeping, and went to bed himself. He was exhausted, but his mind was racing. His thoughts wanted to remember happier times, but the happiest he'd ever had were with his wife.
Flashback
"I love this house!" Hermione beamed. "Thank you!"
Harry grinned at her as he carried more boxes in. "Thank you," he responded. "Seems like the best times in my life involve you…" She twirled around enjoying the spacious bedroom. "Where are you going to want the furniture?"
She raced to the opposite wall. "I want the wardrobe here… and the dresser…here." She ran from spot to spot naming furniture.
"Where do you want our bed?" he asked.
"Our bed…that has an intriguing ring to it…" she laughed in a deep sultry tone and pointed to the space below the window. She lowered herself to the floor.
"Are you sure that's where you want it?"
"I think so…" she said, "but maybe we should test a few spots out to make sure…."
Harry looked at her in confusion. "What difference does it make?"
"You are right, of course. When I'm laying underneath your body…writhing in ecstasy…"
"Wr-wr-writhing?" Harry squeaked. He fingered his collar as he felt the room get warm.
She laughed. "Oh yes, writhing," she repeated. "And you are pressing me into the mattress as you fill my body…"
Harry relaxed as he slid down the wall into the floor. He listened to her words with his eyes closed. "You are very good at this…"
"That's not all I'm good at…" she teased. He looked at her. She began crawling toward him like a tiger stalking its prey.
"Very true," he replied as she came close enough to touch. He grabbed her arms and pulled her into his lap.
"I am also good at making you moan…gasp… pant…"
"Show me," he replied capturing her lips in a fiery kiss.
End flashback
Harry realized his memories were making it that much more difficult to fall asleep. Giving it up as a bad job, he returned downstairs. As he sat staring out the window, his fireplace roared to life. He raised his wand protectively. He dropped it the moment he saw her step from the fire.
"I'm sorry," Hermione said. "I had to come…"
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I wanted to talk to you…"
"Why now, Hermione? I've begged for nearly a year. You weren't so eager then…"
"I know and I'm so very sorry. May I come in? I just want to explain some things…"
Harry shrugged and turned back toward the window. If she wanted to tell him how she was falling in love with that doctor bloke, he wasn't sure if he was up to hearing it.
"Can we sit down?" Harry shrugged again and followed her to the couch. He sat on the end farthest from her. "I want to tell you everything, if you'll let me…" She waited for him to say something. When he didn't, she continued. "When Adrian was born, I was the happiest I've been in my entire life…" she said. Harry kept his gaze on the fire. "Soon after we were home, it got more and more difficult to care for him. I thought it was normal 'baby blues' and tried to deal with it. Do you remember that?" Harry nodded.
"It progressed to the point where I couldn't even face getting out of bed. While you were at work, I provided Adrian only the most basic of care and counted the minutes when you would come home to take over. I only wanted you to so I could go to bed and sleep…but I couldn't sleep. I just lay there reliving what a failure I was as a mother and how you'd both be better off without me." Harry raised his eyes and looked at her. "I couldn't bear the seeing disappointment in your eyes." She laughed sadly. "And, well I've never been able to handle failure properly…"
"It got worse and I couldn't handle being here anymore. Mum helped me to see that I had what's known as Postnatal Depression and that I needed help. It's taken awhile, but I am getting better. I see now that I handled things badly and I've been horrible to you. I thought I was trying to protect you, but I only hurt you more…over and over. I've been seeing a counselor and taking potions and…"
"Seeing a counselor?" he asked.
"Yes, seeing as in being the patient of…does that bother you?"
"No, not at all. It's just that…"
"What happened that day at that restaurant?" she interrupted. "Everyone said you were there…I didn't see you…I thought you might be avoiding me."
"I saw you walk in with that guy and I left, that's all…I've never avoided you. I thought…"
"You thought we were there socially?" she asked.
"Yeah, I was jealous." Harry scowled.
"I can see where you would be. I know how I acted over Adrian's doctor…that was part of the illness. It wasn't that I found him especially attractive; it was more that I found him safe. At the time, I felt like if he was close and something happened to Adrian, he'd be able to save him where you or I wouldn't. There's never been anyone else for me, but you…"
"You have a funny way of showing it…You've been avoiding me for months…"
"I know. I was horrible, like I said. I filed those papers to rid you of me. I was a failure as a wife and mother and thought you deserved better. I felt if I loved you enough, I should set you free."
"Yes, well, that makes no sense whatsoever…'you love me enough to divorce me,' besides what was the 'unreasonable behavior' that I supposedly did?"
"That's pretty much a catch-all phrase; sort of like, 'if none of the others apply, use this one.' I know you never did anything. I know how hard you tried. You had faith in us, even when I didn't. You never deserted me; you weren't unfaithful to me…"
Harry's face turned almost the color of ripe tomatoes. If what she was saying was true, then he had been unfaithful to her. He just didn't know it at the time. Still, he couldn't tell her that. He'd rather die first or face Voldemort again or…
"Harry…look at me…" she said gently. He shook his head and stared at the flames. "Harry, I know already…you don't need to tell me."
Harry's eyes got huge before he covered his face with his hands, mumbling about murdering Ron. "Ron didn't tell me," she continued. "He lied to me actually. He said you went out and nothing ever happened…" Harry scrubbed at his face with his hands. "I know him almost as well as I know you…he's not a very good liar. And if I weren't sure before, which I was, your body language is screaming it at me right now…" Harry continued the assault on his facial features. She reached out a hand to still his.
"It's all right…" she said in a soothing tone. "I know what happened…in essence, and I know why. It's entirely my fault. I have no one else to blame, certainly not you… If I had told you what was going on, if I had explained rather than hiding, it never would have happened. Look at me, Harry. See the truth in my eyes…"
"I'm so sorry…" he said in a feeble tone.
"Don't be. I take full blame. There isn't enough left to share with you…" she smiled.
He finally raised his eyes to hers. "Where do we go from here?" he asked.
"That's up to you…" she answered. "I'm feeling well enough to come home, if you'll have me. My doctor thinks I may be, but when Ron talked to me this evening…"
"Ron talked to you?"
"Yes, he wanted to explain how this all looked from your eyes. He told me I was going to lose you. I've been operating under the misconception that you understood what I was doing and why. I've been very selfish. I hadn't seen how it all looked to you and for that I apologize, as well. I'm sorry you felt I had abandoned you. I'm sorry you felt I didn't love you. From my viewpoint it was only because I loved you that I could do this. I expected you to know so much about it and understand when I didn't myself."
Harry remained silent. While he was trying to understand, he found it difficult to get past his feelings on her actions.
"Now, I'm going to make this easy for you, since I've made the last year so difficult. I'm going back to Mum's. When you are ready to forgive me, if you want to start again, stop by after work. I'll talk to you then, I promise. No more hiding… No more running." Harry remained silent. She picked up her bag and walked back to the fireplace to leave.
"Please don't go…" he said in a voice barely more than a whisper. He stood and stared at her.
She spun around and raced into his arms. He wrapped his arms tightly around her. He heard the sounds of their whispering "I'm so sorry," and "I love you so much." He wasn't sure which of them was saying what, but decided it really didn't matter. He brought his lips to hers.
They spent the next few hours talking, interspersed with quite a bit of kissing. Over the following days and weeks,
even while walking on eggshells around each other, they discussed the illness, the future, her counseling, everything.
One night as they were lying in bed, she shocked him by asking, "What was her name?"
"Hermione…" he complained. "You really don't want to talk about this, do you?"
"Yes, Harry, I want to know."
"Corinna, there…satisfied?"
"No…" she sighed. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, love, but we always talked about these things before we got involved. It just feels strange that you had this experience that I don't know anything about…"
"I cannot believe you want to talk about this… especially right now."
"Why not?" she asked as she raised herself up on one elbow to look at him, "We've always talked after making love…and this is what I want to talk about."
"Why?" he asked determinedly.
"For one, the curiosity is killing me. Secondly, I need to know the competition…"
"There is no competition…" Harry answered.
"And thirdly, I want it all out in the open… Did you use protection? I've always taken care of it for us, but…"
Harry rolled his eyes knowing she would badger him until he gave her everything she wanted to know. "Yes."
"Was it adequate? I mean, if she got pregnant, that would cause complications that we'd need to discuss…"
"Fairly adequate, I expect…"
"Which charm?"
"Hermione!"
"Just tell me. It's not that difficult. There are sixteen charms to choose from, which one did you use? I know your Infecundus Charm isn't the best…which one did you use?"
"Er…more than one…"
"Oh my, we were nervous, weren't we?" she teased. "How many?" Harry mumbled something under his breath. "What was that?" she asked. "I didn't catch it…."
"I cast every one I could think of, alright?" Harry was getting irritable, but when he thought about it, he noticed she was right. He felt the same as when they'd talked about his relationships before they got together. While he wasn't eager to discuss it, he understood that it made her feel involved in his life…as if even though they were separated, they were still friends. She laughed. "I'm glad you think it's funny…" he grumbled. "I won't have to tell you then that I had a Durex to boot…"
She laughed even harder. After a bit of grumbling, Harry joined in.
The Christmas Party for the Academy that year was a tense affair for Captain Potter. He spent the evening trying to
keep his wife and former lover on opposite sides of the hall. It wasn't as if he expected trouble, he just knew his
wife well enough to know that her curiosity wasn't sated on the matter.
The prior weekend, he'd taken her to Paris to search for a dress. He was glad he did. The dress she chose made her the most beautiful woman there. Corinna looked very nice, as all the women did, but his wife shined with a class the others couldn't begin to match. He knew he was biased in his opinion, but he didn't care.
"Which one is she?" Hermione whispered to him.
"Which one is who, love?" he asked in return hoping she wasn't asking what he thought she was asking.
"Corinna," she answered confirming his fears.
"Does it matter?" he asked. "Let's dance…"
Hermione chuckled and allowed him to pull her onto the dance floor. She knew he must be nervous to even suggest it. He'd wanted to skive off tonight, but neither her inquisitive nature nor her slight irrational need for a bit of revenge on the two of them allowed for that. She wanted to meet this Corinna and size her up. She'd just have to work a bit harder to get her husband to cooperate. She'd narrowed it down to five possibilities.
Once the dance was finished, Harry offered to fetch a drink for her. He walked to the bar and ordered for the both of them.
"How've you been, Captain?"
He turned around and was face to face with Corinna. "I've been really good, thanks. How about yourself?"
"Hanging in there," she smiled. "I heard about you and your wife. I'm really happy for you."
"As callous as this may sound, I'm really happy myself…" He smiled and looked for Hermione. Thankfully he didn't see her.
"Harry, love, care to introduce me to your colleague?" came a voice behind him. His eyes took on a deer-in-the-headlights look about them. Luck was not going his way this evening.
"Yes, yes of course. Hermione, I'd like you to meet Captain McVie's assistant, Corinna Andrews. Corinna, my wife, Hermione Potter…"
"It's nice to finally meet you," Corinna said politely. "I've heard so much about you."
Hermione beamed at her. "Likewise, I'm sure…" She gave her a sly, challenging look. "Did you bring a date this evening?"
"Yes, an old friend from school…" Corinna answered.
"I'm sure Harry would love to arrange for the two of you to be seated with us at our table…" Harry went into a coughing fit. "It's so much better up at the front…"
Corinna, never being one to back down from any challenge, accepted readily. Harry, on the other hand, wanted to Disapparate…the sooner the better. While Hermione greeted Corinna's date, Harry made the proper arrangements his wife requested before they found their seats. He saw that Hermione had placed herself beside Corinna and wondered what she was playing at.
The speech portion of the program went very quickly. Every so often Hermione leaned over to him and whisper mindless things. He thought he knew what she was doing. He was wrong. He thought she was putting on an act to show Corinna how happy they were.
"Corinna is very pretty…" she whispered. He gave her a slight nod as he pretended to listen to the Finance Director deliver his annual report.
"I'm sure most men would find her incredibly sexy…" she whispered again. Harry didn't react. He figured agreeing with her would be suicide and disagreeing would make him a liar.
Finally, the speeches were over and dinner was served. Harry ordered double firewhiskey. Hermione chuckled and ordered white wine for herself. "Corinna, you went out with my husband…how many times was it?"
"Twice…" Corinna answered warily. "Why do you ask?"
Hermione laughed. "Nothing sinister, I assure you. I'd just like to get the full picture and my husband is notoriously scant with the details."
"Hermione…" Harry cautioned.
"I have nothing to hide…" said Corinna daringly. "Why don't we send the blokes to the bar and have us a little chat…" Harry grumbled as he left the table with Robert, Corinna's date. "Now, Mrs. Potter, let's lay our cards out on the table…"
"I thought you'd never ask…" Hermione brazenly replied.
The two women talked for quite awhile. Harry kept watch on when it might be safe to return. His nervousness caused him to drink more than he usually did and he noticed about two drinks too late that he should have switched to butterbeer.
Soon Hermione approached him and kissed him deeply in front of everyone. "What was that for?" he asked.
"Because I have the most wonderful husband in the entire world…Dance with me…" She led him out to the floor and pressed herself tightly against him. "Corinna told me what happened…and how it happened…and how it ended."
"And?" he prompted.
"While I apologize for making you uncomfortable this evening, and I will make it up to you…" She gave him a saucy wink. "But I'm glad I did it. I like Corinna. If circumstances were different, we might have become friends. I can see why you chose her…I wanted to watch the two of you interact to see if I needed to worry. I am satisfied now that I don't."
"I told you there was no reason to worry…" Harry reminded her.
"I know, but it was something I needed to see for myself…Now, what I find so impeccably hot is that you said my name…"
"Hot?" Harry squeaked as he loosened the tie of his dress robes.
"Oh yes…most definitely hot…" Once the song was done, she led him off the dance floor and toward the exit.
Once they were surrounded by darkness, he turned her to face him. "Show me…" he panted.
finite