A/N: Greetings. I know it has been quite awhile since I last posted anything, but life is amazingly busy. I still keep writing, it just takes time to get everything prepared for posting. So here is my next contribution to HP fan fiction. I hope you enjoy it. Oh, and to those who are reading my previous stories you have my undying gratitude.
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, they belong to JKR, but then everyone knows that.
Harry Potter sat at the huge mahogany table, in the beautifully renovated kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He had officially taken up residence there three years before, when he had turned seventeen. Just days before his birthday, Professor Dumbledore had explained to him that his godfather, Sirius Black, upon his death, had left the entire Black family fortune and the house at Number 12 Grimmauld Place to Harry.
Before Harry moved in, Professor Dumbledore and a crack team of Spell Breakers went over the house with a fine tooth comb so Harry wouldn't have any second thoughts about living there. He wasn't sure how they did it, but they were even able to remove the portrait of Sirius' mother that had been attached to the wall, supposedly with a Permanent Sticking charm. Once the house had been cleared of all Dark Magic, it was completely renovated. After all the work was completed, the house looked nothing like it had during the first time Harry had set eyes on it during his fifth year at Hogwarts. In no way did the house resemble the dark, foreboding, evil place it had been back then.
Harry sat at the table trying to relax from quite an intense day of Auror training. Today he had to practice repelling spells and protective charms with Senior Aurors Shacklebolt and Moody. He had started out doing rather spectacularly at blocking or shielding himself from everything they hurled at him. However, as it had been of late, his mind would stray from his training, causing his concentration to falter. This would allow the occasional spell or hex to get by him, and now he was paying the consequences for his lapses of concentration. Every square inch of his body hurt. He would have to remind himself later to take a dose of pain potion he kept on hand just for such an occasion.
He knew he had become more distracted in the last few months, he realized what was wrong, but was at a total loss as to what to do about the problem. After Hogwarts, he knew full well the real world would be a challenge. He and his best friends had gone off to train for their respective fields they had chosen for themselves. Ron had been picked up by his favorite professional Quidditch team, the Chudley Cannons, as their new keeper. Between the intense training program and their busy schedule, Harry had hardly seen his best mate ten times over the last three years. However, to make up for it, Ron kept in touch on a regular basis by owl post.
Hermione, his other best friend, had chosen a profession where her training remained in London, for which he was eternally grateful. She had entered the Healer program at St. Mungos Hospital. This situation definitely had its advantages. Since the hospital wasn't that far from Grimmauld Place, and she had rented a small flat very close to St. Mungos to be near her training, it was quite easy for them to stay in touch. It also made it more convenient for them to get together on occasion when their busy schedules allowed such a diversion.
Harry missed his friends greatly. Being together nearly every single day for seven years at Hogwarts had spoiled him terribly. With life being so busy, he really missed the times he'd spent together with Ron and Hermione. At least this was the excuse he tried to convince himself was the cause for his distractions of late.
However, he knew he couldn't keep trying to fool himself. Now, it was true he missed spending time with his friends, but, the truth be known, it was one particular friend that he desperately couldn't stand to be away from. This was Hermione Granger. Somehow, when they first met, he had this strong feeling that they would become close friends. But, as time passed and they experienced so many emotional, life threatening situations together, he realized his feelings for her had changed dramatically. It came a time when he finally accepted the fact that he had fallen deeply in love with the know-it-all, bushy haired witch. She had helped him so many times and stood by him fiercely when others thought him mad or a liar. She had risked her own life for him more times than he wanted to remember and that just made his love for her that more intense.
However, regardless of his feelings, he dare not mention this to her. He was convinced that she did not feel the same way for him. He was deathly afraid that if he revealed his true feelings to her, he would lose her as his friend because she could not return his feelings. So Harry resigned himself to being alone and heartbroken the rest of his life. In his mind it was a small price to pay to keep Hermione as his friend. At least this way, he could still see her occasionally when they both weren't too busy with their training.
When they did have time to be together, they would go out to dinner and sometimes they would go to see a Muggle movie. Both of them could appreciate such things as each of them had grown up in a Muggle household. When he was with Hermione his feelings of happiness and joy were overwhelming, he felt like they were a real couple. But, when it came time for the evening to end and they would go their separate ways, the loneliness and pain would come back. Once he returned to his huge, empty, lonely house, all the happiness he managed to experience with Hermione melted away. All the pain, anguish, and depression would return.
No matter how bad it hurt though, he knew it was better to keep her as his friend and still be able to see her, than to tell her his true feelings and possibly lose her forever. So, here was the great Harry Potter, sitting at his big bloody table, in his big bloody lonely house being sad and depressed. Also, as had been his habit lately, he was sitting their trying to drink as much butter beer as he could, hoping it would make the pain go away. Right now he was putting the finishing touches on his tenth bottle.
As Harry sat there, thinking how bloody wonderful his life was, starting bottle number eleven, he heard someone walk into the kitchen. He looked up in the direction of the sound trying to focus his eyes, but there was no mistaking the spikey, bubblegum pink hair of Nymphadora Tonks. Tonks, as she preferred to be called, was an accomplished Auror, member of the Order of the Phoenix, and she had helped Harry out of numerous situations over the years. She was one of the few people he trusted his life with and considered her a loyal friend.
He had allowed the Order to continue using the house as they needed. He felt this was rather convenient since he had joined their ranks as soon as he was of age, and now that he was training to be an Auror, he felt that would be something of an added bonus he could offer them as a member of the Order.
"Wotcher Harry," said Tonks cheerfully.
"Hi Tonks, how are you doing this bloody fine day?" said Harry, slurring his words a bit.
Eyeing the collection of butter beer bottles on the table and hearing the slight bitterness in his voice, Tonks was now concerned about her friend and future fellow Auror. In the few years she had known Harry, she had never seen him in this condition before, and she had seen him in some right foul moods.
"Harry, what's wrong? Has something happened?" she asked gently.
"Well, uhm, it's not so much that something has happened, it's more like something hasn't happened and most likely won't ever happen. But, you didn't come here to be regaled with stories about my sad life's bloody problems," said Harry with much despair in his voice.
Obviously the butter beer had taken a toll on Harry, not that it's very strong but in quantity it can be. Tonks had a feeling he was trying to talk about something, that under normal circumstances he would have kept to himself. The butter beer must have caused the walls he kept around his feelings and emotions to crack just a little.
Not that she wanted to pry into his business, but her curiosity was piqued now, and just maybe, if she could get him to talk about what was troubling him it would help.
"Harry, I'm not trying to nose into your business, but you would be surprised how talking to someone about a problem can be very helpful. Sometimes another person's perspective can help you work out what's bothering you. I'd be glad to help you any way I can. What's wrong Harry?" said Tonks smiling reassuringly at him.
"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt. But, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone else what I'm about to tell you. It's a secret. Swear to me Tonks you won't tell anyone," said Harry still slurring his words a little but looking quite serious.
"Harry, I swear I won't tell a soul whatever you have to tell me. This is between you and me. I just want to help you," said Tonks sincerely.
Harry closed his eyes for a long moment, took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. He looked up at Tonks and began telling her what was bothering him so much.
"Okay, here goes nothing. There's this person I care a great deal about, well it's actually more than that really. Uh, you see, hmmmmm, I, ahhhh! Bloody hell! All right! There's someone that I'm deeply, head over heels, can't live without in love with and have been for a number of years. But, I can't tell her. I just know she doesn't feel for me the same way I do for her, and I'm afraid if I tell her my true feelings she wouldn't want to remain my friend any longer. I can't live without her Tonks. So you see, I'm living a miserable, desperately lonely life to keep her as my friend. Does that make any bloody sense at all?"
Tonks walked over and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and looked at him, hoping he could see the understanding in her eyes.
"So, you are in love with Hermione Granger," said Tonks matter of factly.
Harry's jaw dropped as he looked at her in awe. She had said it as if it were some old, well known, accepted fact.
"How did you know?" asked Harry incredulously.
Tonks gently removed her hand from his shoulder and took the seat right next to him.
"Harry, it's very obvious that you are in love with her. The way you have protected her and cared for her over the years pretty much showed how you felt about her, but the most obvious sign is how you look at her. Your eyes are so full of love whenever you look at her, it's a dead give away. Let's just say a blind man could see that you are in love with Hermione," said Tonks.
"Merlin, am I that bad?" asked Harry with a hint of a smile.
"I'm sorry Harry, but, yes you are," said Tonks with a grin.
He just sat there and shook his head. Tonks leaned forward and again put her hand on his shoulder, but when he looked back at her he noticed there was quite a difference in her demeanor. She had a very serious look on her face now and her eyes felt like they were boring into him.
"Harry, something this important needs to be addressed. You really need to tell her how you feel. You can't go through life like this. It's affecting your training, your health, and your sanity. Damn it, Harry, you didn't go through all you did fighting Voldemort and finally destroying him to end up like this," implored Tonks.
"Tonks, you have no idea how many times I've tried to convince myself to do that, just walk up to her and tell her. Do you realize that during my whole life I've never had anyone tell me that they love me. I'm sure my parents did, but I have no recollection of it. I've never had anyone really show me physical affection. I mean, Hermione hugs me quite often and occasionally kisses me on the cheek, but, I've never even kissed a girl in any way that could be looked at as meaningful. I've never had any kind of relationship with a female, not that there would be any other females. There is Hermione, and there will only be Hermione. You would think the hope of her having feelings for me would be enough to alleviate my fears and convince me to ask her. But, my fear is too overwhelming. I just know I will lose her if I tell her. I'm so sure she doesn't feel for me in that way. There's never been any signs of anything more than just being best friends," said Harry sadly.
"Do you know for a fact that she doesn't feel the same way about you? Maybe she does feel the same, but, for whatever reason, maybe she's been waiting for you to make the first move. The reason I say this is because, everything I've said about your feelings for her being so obvious, I can say the same thing about Hermione. Over the years she has cared for you, worried herself spare over you, helped you fight Voldemort at great personal risk to herself, and it's exactly the same when she looks at you. The look of love is unmistakable. I'd be willing to wager a year's salary that Hermione is every bit as in love with you as you are with her," said Tonks.
"Do you honestly and sincerely believe this is so?" asked Harry sounding hopeful.
"Yes I do, Harry. You just need to have confidence in yourself and go tell her how you feel. I truly believe that you will be pleasantly surprised," said the young Auror.
"I don't know Tonks. I couldn't bear to lose her as my friend. I'll have to think about what you have said. I appreciate you sitting here and listening to the ramblings of a love sick, not quite sober, idiot," said Harry.
"Harry, you are not an idiot, this is a very important decision. You sit here and think on it for a bit. I'll go take care of what I had originally come by here to do. I need to get some papers for Remus he left upstairs in one of the Order's offices. I will be back in a little while to see if you have decided on anything," said Tonks.
She stood up from her chair and gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze then swiftly exited the kitchen. However, once she was out of the kitchen, the last thing she was thinking of was Remus' papers. She hurried to the nearest fireplace that was far enough away from Harry that he couldn't hear what she was doing. She hated to mess in Harry's private affairs, but she felt compelled to do something to help him. He was so depressed by his conflicting emotions and the pain it was causing him that he had just about given up on everything. She had to help, and if that meant talking to Hermione, then she would just have to do it. She would face the consequences of what she was about to do later, whatever they may be. She looked up at the clock and saw that it was exactly five o'clock in the evening. That was definitely not too late to drop in on an old friend.