Hey, Harry!

Notes: This was originally posted as a challenge, but it won't leave me alone. It's a "Hey, Arnold!" influenced story.
This is AU Seventh Year. Voldie was killed off ridiculously easily in my story, maybe you can laugh at that.
Warnings: OOC-ness, and canon was thrown to the toilet.
Pairings (eventually): Harry/Hermione, Ron/Luna, slight Neville/Ginny.

Chapter One - The Troll and the Gryffindor Claws

Harry Potter was a young man, just starting his seventh year at Hogwarts. Behind him were the days of worries about Voldemort and prophecies. All that had been taken care of in the past year. Now, all he had to do was relax and enjoy a Voldemort-free life.

The capture of Peter Pettigrew in his third year had led to the uncovering of Voldemort's slow process of returning to a physical body. Fortunately, Dumbledore had sprung into action and within three years, they managed to destroy five Horcruxes (pieces of Voldemort's soul that he inserted into random objects). Finally, a minimum Reductor had killed the grotesque baby-like creature that was the once feared Dark Lord.

N.E.W.T. level Potions class proved to be as cruel and painfully slow as it had been on his previous years. And, if you added spit balls being thrown at you all day, it only made it worse.

Now, Professor Snape rarely missed anything that could disrupt his classes. He lashed out on the Gryffindors, students rivals of his own House, Slytherin, as if it were a sport. But it seemed ironic that he would allow a Gryffindor to behave so... questionably during his classes.

Of course, Harry thought bitterly. If Hermione did this to anyone else, she'd be in trouble. It was no secret that Professor Snape didn't like Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. He would allow a Dementor glide into the classroom and perform the Kiss on Harry, continuing on as if nothing were happening, if he could.

For the last seven years, Hermione Granger, the Gryffindor Claws (as students, including her Housemates, not-so-fondly called her), had been annoying, belittling and shoving him around. Why? Harry didn't know the reason for her behavior. Heck, he and Ron Weasley, his redheaded best friend, had saved her from a troll in their first year! She never thanked them, instead, she started acting mean to him after that.

On their second year at school, despite her teasing and mean attitude towards him, Hermione had been one of the few to believe that Harry wasn't an evil wizard because he was a Parselmouth. In her own strange way, she supported him.

That same year, a basilisk had been on the loose. It petrified unsuspecting students, and also a cat and a ghost. Since no one knew what it was causing this, Harry was blamed for it (he seemed to have an awful timing, always finding the victims before anyone). Among the petrified students had been Hermione. But what most surprised him and Ron was the fact that she had been investigating and had realized what it was before anyone else.

In her hand had been a piece of parchment with the information Harry had needed to go after the creature and find his deadly enemy, Voldemort, in the form of a Horcrux and memory. Of his friends, only Ron knew about that.

Harry often wondered what had gotten into him the night he went to see the petrified Hermione Granger in the Hospital Wing. He had held her hand and had asked out loud why did she hate him so much...

It was one of those mysteries that would never be solved, Harry figured.

As Potions class came to an end, he and Ron packed their things. "Out of the way, Four-Eyes!" Hermione snapped as shoved past him as she headed out of the classroom, with a chubby young man quickly following her, carrying her heavy bag and his own, with great effort.

One peculiar thing about Hermione Granger was that, despite her icy attitude, she had two friends (if you count being ordered around as friendship). Her friends were a chubby Gryffindor boy of their same year, and a blonde Ravenclaw of a year below. They both had one thing in common: they were outcasts.

Neville Longbottom had always been picked on by the Slytherins. And, while his fellow Housemates defended him, they had not tried to become his friends. So Hermione had "Marked Him As Her Property" (as Ron jokingly used to say, paraphrasing the prophecy that had doomed Harry before his birth) at the end of their first year.

Even though she ordered him around and treated him as a slave, Neville had gotten good grades since then. He was slightly more confident, even. When Luna Lovegood, the young Ravenclaw, had become another friend (or slave, depending on your point of view) of Hermione's, he had another person to talk to.

Luna was another thing. She had been called crazy by her own Housemates and others. She never got defended, until one day an older girl saw a group of Ravenclaws making fun of her. Hermione Granger had made sure they'd never do that to the blonde again.

In gratitude, and because Hermione had demanded so, she became her best friend. And Luna found out that even if the bushy haired witch seemed mean, she was a good person, and heavily insecure. She had found a real friend in Neville, and an escape to Hermione's frequent mood swings.

Over the years, they both got used to it. And, over the years, Hermione slowly opened up to them and didn't snap at them as much. Especially after they found out her deepest secret...

Hermione Granger, who publicly hated Harry Potter... was actually deeply madly in love with him. Since her first year.

Harry sighed as he rubbed his arm, before swinging his backpack over his other shoulder. "You'd think she'd loosen up a bit," he muttered to his best friend.

Ron nodded, frowning in the general direction where Hermione had gone. "Mental, that one," he said.

"Come on," the raven-haired boy said, also leaving the classroom. They still had Divination with those who kept assisting to Professor Trelawney's classes. Sometimes he wondered why he kept going to that class, since he had no Seer powers. But, at least, Hermione Granger wasn't there to throw spit balls at him. She hated that subject with a passion, and he quite agreed with that opinion.

"One more class, and then there's food," Ron said hopefully. "I'm starving!" Harry chuckled. When was his best buddy not hungry?

Hermione stomped through the halls, with Neville closely behind. They were on their usual routine of picking Luna from her class, to make sure no one was stupid enough to make fun of her. Not that there was anyone who would forget who protected the blonde Ravenclaw.

"Luna!" she called out sharply as the younger girl exited from her Charms class.

"Coming," Luna replied cheerfully, following after the older Gryffindors. "Hello, Neville," she said, turning to the struggling boy. "You want me to carry her bag?"

Neville shook his head and smiled. "Don't worry, Luna. I need the exercise."

"Luna, you have Transfiguration next, right?" Hermione asked the blonde, who nodded in response. "And you, Neville?"

"Divination," he answered. "Maybe it's best if I take Luna to her class so you get to Ancient Runes on time."

Hermione looked thoughtful while they reached a point where they would have to split, and finally nodded. "Fine. See you both in the Great Hall," she said as she took her backpack from Neville.

"Bye, Hermione!" Luna said, waving energetically after their friend. "Don't hex too many people!"

Neville took her other arm, gently pulling her so she'd start walking. "Come on, Luna. Or I'll never get to Divination on time..." he said with a tired sigh.

Notes: I've had this idea playing in my head for a while. Only when I finally started writing it did I add Neville, though. Initially, it was just Hermione and Luna as friends.
There might be flashbacks to other years as Harry remembers all the weird things done by Hermione. :P