Any lyrics embedded within the story are not mine, and are from the song.
Chapter 2
If You Never Try
The rain began to fall faster as Harry walked along the empty cobblestone sidewalk. A muggle car stood parked on the side of the street here and there, appearing as ghosts, void and metallic, their tint darkened in the night. As he walked, Harry felt they were watching him, judging him on his decision, as the downpour bombarded their exteriors, and water ran down the front headlights, much like how the rain was streaking down Harry's face.
Harry paid little attention to the jury of stagnate metal forms that littered the streetsides, and continued on. A wind started up, pushing up slightly against Harry as he walked. He felt it was as if nature itself was telling him he was doing the wrong thing. He tilted his head down, and all the wind accomplished was strengthening his resolve to get to Hermione's.
The wind and rain battered against Harry as he moved down the long empty street, pleading with him to turn back. Harry would not let it win however. He wanted to face this day for a long time, and would not be stopped, now that he made the decision. He would not let the rain clouds that stood high up above, nor the puddles below, come in his way tonight.
The memories of when he was with Hermione, the times he spent with her, good and bad, flashed through Harry's mind through this journey. So many times he could have said something, however did not. He hated himself now for it, and not just for keeping in his feelings, but also for loosing so much time in the process. He could have been spending all these years with Hermione, living the life he always dreamed of, even before going to Hogwarts.
His mind however started questioning if he was doing the right thing. He could ruin everything by doing this. He could destroy his friendship, both with Hermione and Ron, just by this act. It would ruin him too, loosing his best and longest friends in the world, leaving him only with Ginny. The rest of his mind however, remained totally focused, knowing the truth of Harry's needs. He was too in love with Hermione to just let it go and try and forget. It was what he had been trying to do for years, and it only increased with the time, leading all to this night.
He knew it could, and probably would have disastrous consequences on the three of them, but he needed to know. If he didn't try, he would be left never knowing, and would stay in this depression, watching people move on and not even noticing him. He needed to know how much he was worth to Hermione, and tonight he would finally know.
He was so deep in his internal torment, when he looked up from the dancing puddles on the sidewalk in front of him, he was surprised to find he was only a few buildings from Hermione and Ron's. He stood, the rain pelting him from above, his thoughts jumping in every direction, and his feet, though cold and soaked, tingling at how close he was.
The buildings here seemed more inviting than those on his street tonight, the street lamps allowing the light amber, scarlet and tan that coloured their exteriors to stand out against the blackness of the night. The building that Hermione lived in was bricked, and only a few floors tall.
Was he ready for this? Should he think it through more before acting so rash?
Harry shook his head, willing his mind to not be so negative, and crossed the empty street, his footsteps sounding in the vacant road against the steady drizzle from the rain.
His mind was pounding, screaming at him to turn back and run to his flat, or at least away from here. He had been to Hermione's many times before, but this time was different, since his purpose for visiting had obviously never been what it was tonight.
He looked up at her building, and hope dawned in his heart. A subtle and quiet lamp light was set in the middle window on the second floor. Hermione's flat took up the front of the second floor, and Harry knew the second window was their sitting room. The drapes were drawn, but he could imagine Hermione was sitting down, reading a book while curled up on a couch. It was something Harry always loved to notice. He found it peaceful seeing her read.
He exhaled, and walked up the stone steps slowly, the falling rain extenuating the chip visible in the second step. He slumped his feet onto the base at the top of the stairs, and looked to his left, were the buzzers hung against the wall. Harry noticed all the names as he made his way to Hermione's buzzer.
Apt. 101 - G. Farley, Apt. 102 - C. + H. Tupper, Apt. 103 - W. Green + K. Wynes, Apt. 201 - M. Trytrokov, Apt. 202 - R. Weasley + H. Granger, Apt. 203 - . . .
Harry stared at Hermione's white buzzer button, his hands shaking. His mind was everywhere, trying to pull him to any place except here. He closed his eyes, and raised his hand, opening them to see his finger was pointing exactly at the button for apartment 202. He closed his eyes again, and plunged his finger forward, depressing the button and hearing the buzzing sound.
He took his finger off after a few moments, and his mind instantly started telling him he had done the wrong thing. There was no turning back now, he would have to tell her. Seeing her now would make him do nothing but tell her, or run away as fast as possible. Harry was brought back to the present when he heard the click of someone responding to the buzz he just gave.
`Hello, who is it?' Harry heard, his chest radiating at the sound of her voice. Even though it was through an intercom system, her voice just made Harry tingle. He cleared his throat, and moved close to the speaker, where he assumed the microphone was.
`It's me, Harry, can I come up?' he asked. He waited for a response, but instead heard the noise of the door lock opening. Harry took a breath, and determinately pushed on the door, and moved into the entry, and to the stairwell.
Every step echoed in the stairwell as he climbed up. He was at a quick pace now, knowing there was only one direction for him to go. He came out of the stairwell on the second floor, and moved through the doorway, and into the hall. The hallway was carpeted, and the walls painted a warm shade of mustard. As Harry made his way towards Hermione's door, his clothes dripping water all over the maroon carpet, he found his hands shaking. A mix of fear, anxiety, and coldness spread through Harry's body and mind, and sooner than he would like, he was standing in front of the wooden door, marked with the gold numbers 2, 0, and 2. He felt like only five minutes ago he was saying goodnight to his Auror Professors, and putting on his rain cloak.
Harry studied the door, and raised a hand to knock. His fist stood motionless in the air for a moment, and he reassured himself.
This is your Hermione. You have to tell her his mind stated clear and precise. He took a deep breath, as if preparing to dive under water, and knocked twice.
Harry heard shuffling from behind the door, and found his heart was racing. He wasn't prepared for this, not at all. This was the hardest thing he would have to do, harder than fighting Voldemort, harder than passing his Auror entrance exam, harder than anything. `Why couldn't love be easy' he asked himself. The door opened up, and Harry's chest instantly erupted into fire and emotion at the sight.
She was beautiful, beyond beautiful actually. She was something Harry could not describe. To most people, Hermione would probably look tired and ready to go to sleep, however to Harry, she seemed so much more.
Her hair was put simply, the soft brown ripples and waves cascading down the side of her shoulders and back like a chestnut waterfall. Harry dreamt of running his hands through her hair, allowing the fine layers to pass between his fingers. Her face was simple and bright. The way her cheeks sat slightly, yet perfectly rounded, and how they rose with her smile, and the small dimple she had made Harry's heart ache. Her nose was the cutest Harry ever observed on a human being. It was small, but carried the most wonderful and constant curve, which pinnacled to a rounded and smooth end. Her lips, which Harry for years wished to experience against his own, were full, yet nicely balanced with her face. She never wore lipstick, but instead lip gloss, something Harry wished more women would do, because it looked so much better. She was wearing a simple white t-shirt, and blue cotton pajama pants, which in it's simplicity, made the rest of her form look all the more beautiful.
There was one part of Hermione that Harry loved more than any other. It wasn't the curves that drove Harry crazy, and made him feel warmer by the second. It wasn't her hair, or her lips, or that wonderful nose; it was her eyes.
Harry looked into her eyes many times over the years, and just thought of them as Hermione's eyes, brown and simple. Over the last while however, he found they were so much more. They were not a simple brown, but every shade of auburn, chocolate, and hazel. He noticed how they started dark and contrastive on the outer layers, and became warm and soft half way to the pupil. He noticed how the interior burned brighter, and gave the faintest hint of tan and hazel. Her eyes were not just brown, but loving and tender. Through the years, in times of worry and confusion, talking to Hermione had helped, but her eyes did as much, if not more, as her words. Looking into them made Harry drown in the peace and warmth they carried. And no matter how many times he looked into her eyes, and found that tenderness, he knew he would never tire of it.
Harry looked at her, and was surprised by her reaction. At first, she had no noticeable emotion, but after she gave Harry a quick look over, she looked concerned.
`Harry, oh my goodness, what's the matter?' she asked, motioning him to quickly come inside. Harry slowly made his way into their flat, and turned to see Hermione closing and locking the door.
Their flat was small, but a good size for two people, as long as they didn't need a lot of space. The doorway opened up to their sitting room, with the kitchen and a small dining area sitting off to the right. The bedroom and washroom were found down a small hallway that moved off of the sitting room to the left. The walls were all painted white, with various paintings and photos hung around to try and give more colour. Harry looked into the sitting room, and found the noticeably comfortable chair Hermione must have just vacated, the lamp behind lighting it, and a book sitting open on one of the arms. Harry looked back to Hermione, who was still looking at him concerned.
`Harry, what's wrong?' she asked again, sounding very worried. Harry slumped his shoulders again, and looked to the floor.
`I've just been . . . walking' he answered weakly. Hermione reached over, and took off his drenched coat, taking her wand out, and giving a flick, steaming it dry. Once she had gone over it enough, she hung it up and looked back at Harry, who still had his head hanging low, water dripping off his soaked clothes and hair. Being here with Hermione, he thought, would encourage him to tell her, however he found it just reminded him more of how he would be getting his hopes crushed, making him realize that this trip would more than likely end in him feeling worst than he started.
`Harry, what's wrong? Something is bothering you, what is it?' she questioned again. Harry gave a sigh, and his doubt and pessimism started to take over. He was now realizing how bad a decision it was to come here.
`Nothing's wrong. Actually, I should get going home' he said glumly, moving over and making to grab his coat. Hermione however moved in front determinately, and grasped his arm and pulled it back down.
`Harry, don't give me that. You don't just come to my place, totally drenched and shivering cold, to tell me nothing is wrong. Did you and Ginny have a fight?' she guessed. Harry closed his eyes, and sighed again, allowing his head to fall to his chin. He was glad that she wanted to help, but sighed at how monumentally wrong she was with her guess.
`No, we didn't' he answered pessimistically, keeping his eyes closed, giving his forehead a wipe, and rubbing his eyes. He was so tired.
`Well, you're not leaving until you tell me what's wrong' she stated assertively. Harry opened his eyes, and found Hermione looking at him hard.
`No . . . no, this was a bad idea . . . I should . . . I should go' he stuttered, using his other hand to reach for his coat. He was almost there, when Hermione grabbed that arm as well, and pulled it down, making Harry face her directly. Harry looked into her eyes, and found his heart aching painfully as he saw the worry and care in them.
`Please, stay, and talk' she pleaded quietly. Harry thought she sounded as if she was the one with problems, wanting him to stay to hear her talk. He looked down, and found her face sad, but hopeful that he would agree. Harry lowered his head again, and closed his eyes again, taking a few breaths.
His mind was again flashing with memories, this time of Ginny and Hermione, all the while reminding him how he would never be happy. Events with Hermione started flashing more and more, until that was all that ran through Harry's mind. Seeing her after graduation at Hogwarts, or when she got her acceptance to St. Mungo's for Healer training. Harry remembered these moments like they were yesterday, and with each passing memory, he felt his chest hollow more and more, the torment of his love building as his mind kept reminding him of his depressing situation. He gave a sniff, and felt a warm and lonely tear brim on his eye, and fall slowly down his cheek, purposely moving around the water that was already placed on his face, making its path all the more evident.
It was all too much.
`Harry' Hermione whispered. Harry opened his watery eyes slowly, and found Hermione on the verge of crying herself, her eyes pleading as much as her voice for Harry to say something. The sight made Harry feel even worst at what he was about to admit. He took a deep, long sigh, and closed his eyes for a moment. He was about to say something that had been waiting for years to come out. He looked up, right into her eyes. His whole body was shivering, not from the cold, but from what he was about to say.
`I love you Hermione.'
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