Chapter 2: Unable to Live in the Present
She was hovering in the air, it was late afternoon, and she was holding on so tightly to the handle of the broomstick that her knuckles were white. Even with Harry sitting right behind her, pressed against her back, his arms around her shoulders and his hands on top of hers, she was frightened. Although it wasn't as bad as the Hippogriff in 3rd year, the idea of her being on a thin piece of wood holding two people 20 meters above the ground wasn't much better.
"Hermione relax" whispered Harry in her ear soothingly, and a shiver ran up her spine that had nothing to do with the temperature. Even though her mind was screaming against it, she trusted Harry with all her heart, and knew that he would never put her in danger. She loosened her grip a bit, also relaxing her thighs, that were tightly squeezing the broomstick.
He squeezed her hands slightly to show support and leaned forward a bit, pushing her at the same time, making the broom move forward slowly. Hermione began to shake a bit but kept her eyes staring in front of her, determinedly not looking down.
He leaned in even more, and they started gaining speed. Hermione shut her eyes tight, and regained her exaggerated grip on the handle, backing into Harry as much as she could.
"I don't like this!" she shouted, her voice shaking. Harry simply chuckled and spurred the Firebolt on even more.
The wind blew harder as they went against it, her hair being blown back and their robes billowing behind them. If it wasn't for the binding fear she was feeling, she might have found it enjoyable. The speed made her heart beat faster, giving her an adrenaline rush that would've made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, if they weren't being blown all over the place.
Her heart felt weightless, hovering somewhere in her chest, a strange feeling of freedom inside her. She thought it must be the ability to go anywhere with Harry that gave her that feeling, because that's what a broomstick was, it wasn't a slim piece of wood, it was freedom, a way to get away from everything and just admire the scenery change around you, even if Hermione wasn't really doing that last part. She finally understood why Harry loved flying so much.
"Hermione!" he shouted through the wind and the billowing of their robes, "Open your eyes!"
"I'm doing great like this, thanks" answered Hermione, shivering as a light spray of water hit her face.
"You don't want to miss this" he insisted.
"Uhhhh," she hesitated, "Oh alright" she said finally, opening her eyes a few millimeters.
"Woah…!" she exclaimed, and opened them wide.
They were flying at the edge of the water, leaving a small wake behind them, and waves were splashing in front of them, water splashing up and spraying them lightly from time to time. But what took her breath away was the size of the sun setting in front of them. They were flying straight towards it, a big bright red semi-circle floating on top of the horizon, making ripples in the clouds, and the water reflecting them, made it look like there was nothing but sky around them. It was incredible.
"Happy Birthday Hermione" said Harry kissing the side of her neck. Hermione had never gotten a better birthday present in her life.
But then, strangely, the sun got brighter and brighter, and shone white. She heard someone calling her name, muffled somehow, as if miles away. She turned around to ask Harry if he heard it too but was left staring at the wake behind her. He had disappeared, his embrace was not there, his hands had left hers, and his eyes were no longer staring back at her.
The voice got louder and louder, now she recognized it as a woman's voice, and the light grew brighter and brighter, encompassing everything around her so that she was just floating in a great white emptiness.
She snapped up, sitting up in her bed in the hospital wing, her head banging into the white lamp that had been shining over her bed, and making Madam Pomfrey, who had been standing next to her bed, jump.
"Are you alright dear?" she finally managed to say, regaining her senses.
Hermione turned to look at her, and saw worry etched in her eyes. She got up.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be al- " Her face froze. She saw a body lying on the bed next to hers, a boy, with black untamable hair, and a scar on his forehead. Suddenly, it all came rushing back to her, like an old movie being played in her mind, but in fast forward, so that it all looked even worse. And then, at the end it cut, and all that was left in her mind were Harry's eyes, those startlingly green eyes, so alight with passion, slowly fading away, becoming those she remembered from that night.
She sat back down, tears forming in her eyes. All the emotions drowning her once more, and her world collapsing around her once again. The dream she had was stabbing her painfully in her heart, like all the fond memories she had of Harry. Now all of them were just sad reminders of what her life used to be, relics slowly being buried under the sands of time, that part of her life withering away.
She simply sat there, staring at Harry's body resting peacefully on the hospital bed that he had occupied so many times before.
Hermione remembered all those times she had been up there, sitting by his bed, while he rested and recuperated from whatever accident he had managed to get himself into.
Had it been a happier time, she would've smiled thinking of all the adventures they had had. But there was one heart-breaking difference this time. Normally, when he would get hurt, when he would lie in the hospital wing for a few days, his chest would rise and fall rhythmically. But this time, there was no rhythm, there was no movement, he just lay there, immobile.
Whatever used to happen to him, he would be up and about after a few days, smiling as if nothing had happened and walking with Ron and her in the corridors as usual. But this time…he was not getting back up.
Looking back, her time with Harry now seemed so short lived, even though it spanned over 6 years, though it took five and a half for them to realize how they both felt for each other. It all passed through her mind, as if projected in front of her eyes. She wished she had made more of her time with Harry. To know him like all those books she had read so many times. She scolded herself for spending so much time reading books and learning her lessons, when she could've been learning Harry, all his ticks and habits, all his likes and dislikes. She wished she had been more daring, and had just up and kissed Harry one day, so that they could've spent more time together.
And now the tears cascaded down her cheeks, in a constant stream of salty water, as she realized what she had lost.
She would never again see his lips curl into a smile…
She would never again see his eyes light up at the thought of a new adventure…
She would never again hear his voice, which used to capture the attention of so many…
She would never again feel the touch of his skin on hers, whether it be his hand lightly
brushing against her forehead as he pushed her hair away from her eyes, or whether it be on a larger scale of contact…
She sat there for hours, tears falling freely, and Madam Pomfrey, deciding against bothering Hermione just yet, had returned to her office. Harry was all Hermione could think about.
She couldn't live without having him in her life; she couldn't live with a great big void in her heart. She needed him. She loved him too much to be able to move on. But he wasn't part of her life anymore. He was there, on top of the bed, unable to get up ever again. That was her present now, and it would be her future, he would never get up.
How she longed to be able to live in the past, even if just for a day, just to be able to experience Harry again. But it was impossible. No one could go back in time.
Unless….
"God bless magic…" she thought, a very weak smile appearing on her face and her eyes coming alight. She got up and started pacing.
There was a way, and she had used it countless times already.
"But how to get it?" she questioned herself. How would she be able to obtain such an object, when to do so you needed special permission and a valid reason, of which right now she had neither. And to add to her complications, their "rescue team" had destroyed the whole stock of them at the ministry in 5th year, and she didn't know if more had been created since then.
"Professor McGonagall" she whispered to herself, a realization dawning on her, and she paused her pacing momentarily.
Indeed it was her Head of House who had obtained her time-turner in 3rd year, but there was a slim chance she would be able to obtain it once more for her, especially without a good rational reason to explain her needs.
"But what if it was still in her office? Maybe she still had it somewhere in a drawer or something." It was an extremely slim chance, but Hermione wouldn't give up, she absolutely needed a time-turner, and this was the easiest shot she had.
It meant that she would have to search the professor's office, without getting caught going in or out. What she needed was a way to go unseen, and her answer was only a few towers away.
She finally stopped her pacing, and ran towards Gryffindor Tower.
++
Half an hour later, she was rushing towards Professor McGonagall's office, carefully hidden under Harry's invisibility cloak. As she neared the door, her heart started beating faster, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She opened the door carefully, and entered without making a sound, not being careful to check for any wards set on the entrance of the office.
It was very dark inside, the curtains blocking out the dim glow of the rising sun that had helped her see in the corridors of the castle. She ignited her wand, and began searching the desk in the room. She rifled through all the files, pulling the drawers out forcefully, discarding any stealth she had managed to maintain up to now.
She found nothing in the desk, and began searching the nearby cupboard. She finally found it, hanging on a sort of mini hat rack under a case of glass on the top shelf. She lifted up the case, and placed it slowly on the floor, careful not to break it.
Her heartbeat slowed as she calmed down, finally having found her prize. "I've found it" she sighed in relief. But her relief was very short-lived, because she light footsteps were suddenly heard behind her. She quickly grabbed the time-turner that up to then she had just been staring at and abruptly turned around.
Professor McGonagall was standing in the doorway, her wand alight, and her eyes darting to every corner of the room, looking for a culprit.
Hermione's heart jumpstarted and began pounding her chest in overdrive. "Thank Merlin for invisibility cloaks" she thought. She inched closer to the door as her professor moved away from it, both women moving in opposite directions. She was careful to stick to the wall as she got closer to the door, McGonagall's wand only inches away. She took in her stomach and held her breath as she carefully and silently stepped out of the office, leaving her Head of House still inspecting her ransacked desk. By the time she realized what had been taken, it will have been too late. Hermione didn't care about the consequences of her actions anymore. All she cared about was Harry.
She quietly walked away and as soon as she turned the corner started running as fast as she could, back towards Gryffindor Tower. After about ten minutes of running around (it took her longer because she didn't know the secret passages and it was quite dark), she ultimately arrived in her dorm room, all the other girls sound asleep, Lavender snoring like a hibernating bear. Her heart was still racing, but not because of the close call with the Deputy Headmistress, well slightly because of that, and because she had run all the way, but mostly because it dawned on her that she would be seeing Harry again.
"This is it..." she whispered ,closing her eyes, and began turning the tiny hourglass, her heart lifting with every turn, as they brought her closer and closer to Harry.
[Dun Dun Dun….Thx for reading!]