Chapter 8 - All the Way
A/N: Okay, so first of all, a warning…this is the chapter that lives up to stories R rating. I don't think is extremely explicit, but you guys have been warned ;)
Sorry, for taking a bit with updating. I'll stop blabbering so you guys can get on to reading the chapter.
Thanks as always to my fabulous beta LydiaCarol!!!
Disclaimer: Canon Harry Potter is not mine, it all belongs to JKR.
When somebody love you, it's not good unless he love you all the way.
Hermione refused to leave the hospital at all the first night Harry spent there, even after being told several times that visiting hours were over. Stubbornly refusing to leave, she eventually fell asleep bent over Harry's beside in a chair.
She finally submitted to Mr. Weasley's plea to go home and take care of herself. She had spent almost two days at St. Mungo's without showering and hardly eating anything at all. Harry had been slumbering most of the time that she was there; often put into a magical sleep by the Healers in order aid the healing process. This hadn't deterred her from staying by his side. She had insisted on being there, so that he could see her and talk to her when he wasn't sleeping peacefully.
Neither Ron nor Ginny had yet come to visit Harry. Hermione guessed that they were trying to be respectful of her feelings, despite how little they had cared about her emotional well-being in the past.
On Harry's third day in the hospital Hermione heard a soft knock on the door of his room. Wearily she looked up, her gaze meeting two very nervous freckled faces. Ron attempted a smile.
"Mind if we visit with Harry for a bit?" he asked, taking a step forward into the room, hands in his pockets. He shifted his weight back and forth nervously as her watched Hermione's face, waiting for the answer.
She leaned over and gently shook Harry's shoulder. "Would you like some company?" she asked him softly. His eyes slowly opened and he looked around to see who else was in the room. The expression that crossed his features was indecipherable, but he nodded calmly.
"Not my first choice, but they'll do," he answered her with a wry smile. Hermione grinned. She turned to Ron and Ginny, the smile melting away quickly.
"I'll give you guys some privacy," she said, getting up from the chair next to Harry's bedside. "I'll be back," she whispered to Harry, gently squeezing his hand before leaving the room. Harry's eyes followed her out the door.
Ginny elbowed Ron sharply in the ribs, urging him forward. He glared back at her, but approached Harry's bedside.
"Hi, mate. How are you? Still feeling like rubbish?" Ron asked, his voice filled with genuine concern.
"No, I feel great, you foul git," Harry responded with a smile that Ron gratefully returned.
Ginny appeared at Ron's side, beaming at Harry. His expression darkened slightly when he saw her. Not that Ron hadn't been just as responsible for the mess between him and Hermione, but it had been her idea, and he was still having a hard time forgiving.
"Harry, I'm so glad to know you're doing so much better," she said kindly. Awkwardly she patted his hand. He resisted the urge to jerk his hand away from her touch.
"Thanks Ginny," he replied stiffly.
The two Weasleys stayed with Harry a few more minutes before leaving.
Ron lingered a moment and Ginny stood at the doorway, giving him space.
He looked very solemn as he leaned over and whispered into Harry's ear, "I realized during this entire thing how stupid I was to even try and make Hermione love me. The night you almost died she was a wreck. I've never seen her like that, and it was bloody terrifying really. So don't mess up okay? I made a right mess of things as it is, so don't question whether or not she loves you, because she does."
Harry nodded and gripped Ron's hand and their eyes met. They understood each other at last, seeing in each other's eyes how much each of them cared about the bushy-haired witch waiting out in the hall.
Hermione saw Ron and Ginny exit the room together. She nodded at them as they walked past her on their way out.
Hermione had insisted on having Harry stay with her his first week home from St. Mungo's despite his claim that he would be fine at his own place. After almost loosing him, she felt uneasy letting him out of her sight. The events of the past week had shaken her. She still didn't know where things stood with her and Harry. She knew that he loved her, but she was unsure if he knew the depth of her feelings for him. She had whispered to him several times at the hospital how much she loved him, but she'd been unable to get the nerve to tell him when he was awake.
They ended up getting home from the hospital rather late and both decided to head to bed, despite Hermione's insistence that Harry should eat something first. He, however, had told her that he wasn't very hungry and that she could use some rest herself. Being dead tired she had given in.
Now, however, sleep didn't want to come. She tossed and turned under the covers, which had become tangled around her legs as a result. Sighing heavily she looked at the patterns the moonlight was making on the wall as it shone through the curtains. She closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind. Sleep still wouldn't come though. She got out of bed, sliding her feet into a pair of slippers, and walked out into the hallway. Maybe some warm tea might help.
As she passed Harry's half-open door she paused. She could hear him moving around restlessly in his sleep, the springs of the mattress squeaking slightly. She quietly pushed the door open, feeling the urge to check on him. She hated that he was still plagued by nightmares; she had been herself lately and had discovered how horrible they could be. Impulsively she entered his room, forgetting all about a snack.
The moonlight was not as bright in his room, but a beam of silvery light was illuminating his handsome face. Slowly she walked over to the side of the bed and tenderly brushed some strands of hair away that were stuck to his sweaty face. She gently shook him, wanting to wake him up from the nightmare he was trapped in. His eyes flew open and he looked up at her worried face.
"Hermione," he whispered, seeming embarrassed that she had witnessed him in the middle of a horrible dream.
Hesitantly she leaned over, resting her hand on his chest. She could feel his heart scrambling wildly beneath her palm.
"Are you okay?" she asked anxiously. "I couldn't sleep. I heard you moaning and I wanted to see how you were doing. I was worried you were in pain."
Harry smiled, but grimaced as the smile stretched a healing cut on his face. "Don't worry about me Hermione. I'll be fine, I swear." She smiled feebly back at him, but felt a tear escape as she thought about how she'd almost lost him.
"Oh, Harry …" she began weakly, the tears building in her throat preventing her from continuing.
He grabbed her arm, gently pulling her in one swift motion onto the bed and into his arms. Hermione forgot her tears and what she had been trying to say, surprised by Harry's actions but far from objecting to them. Harry moved closer to her, pulling her into an embrace. Sighing contentedly, she rested her head on his chest. They lay like that quietly for a few moments; she didn't want to speak, fearing that words would end the moment. She could feel Harry's warm breath on her face and the heat from his body, which gave her a strange but wonderful feeling.
She drifted off for a moment, waking up as she felt his lips press against her forehead, and then her cheek, and then her neck. Hermione heard herself let out a soft gasp of surprise and delight. Her eyelids fluttered as he continued. When she looked up at him, he leaned closer and pressed his lips to hers urgently. She clung desperately to him, thankful they were lying down, as her knees surely would have buckled if they'd been standing at that moment. She ran her slender fingers through his raven hair, soft despite being still damp with the cold sweat from his nightmare. The dark strands felt amazing beneath her fingertips, like she had dreamed they would. Harry pulled away for a moment. Both of them took a second to catch their breath.
He looked at her questioningly but said nothing. Hermione stayed silent as well, giving him wordless permission to continue. Maybe this was wrong, but maybe for one she didn't care about doing the right thing.
Harry kissed her again and then moved his mouth along her neck, down to the hollow of her throat. She felt herself melt under the touch of his lips, her body silently begging for more. Slowly he moved her onto her back, then gently rolled over and rested his weight on top of her. The contact of his body against hers was electric; she could feel all of him through her rumpled nightgown. His heart was pounding as hard as hers; she could sense it against her chest. She stirred slightly underneath him, enjoying the new sensation of his body pressed against hers. Harry moved his mouth back to hers, the kiss deeper than before.
Hesitantly he pulled up her nightgown. Hermione helped him move it up the rest of the way and off, wordlessly urging him to continue. She tenderly kissed his forehead with her warm mouth, moving her hands to his back. Curiously she ran her fingers over the rippling muscles of his back, then his chest. Harry shivered with pleasure at the contact. He began to explore her body tenderly with his hands. His touch was amazing. She never wanted him to stop. A strange sort of cross between a sigh and a moan escaped her throat. She looked up at Harry, but he seemed not to care and actually appeared rather turned on by it.
She felt his hands on her hips as he went to remove her panties. Her heart leapt in her chest, but she had no reservations about what they were about to do, none at all. She was glad that the room was dark enough that he couldn't really see her face, as she was sure she was turning bright red at the moment. This was her first time, though she wasn't about to tell him. He probably assumed she had been with Ron, and she didn't want to make him unnecessarily apprehensive. She and Ron had been close several times, but she'd always held back. Looking up at Harry, she smiled. Perhaps in her heart she had always meant for this to happen with Harry.
With slightly trembling hands she reached out to divest him of his boxers and remove the final barrier between them. Harry gently grasped her hands and helped her slide them down past his narrow hips.
They both paused a moment; in the silent darkness their heavy breathing seemed abnormally loud. Hesitantly she opened her legs, urging Harry forward. After a few moments of awkward attempts he was making love to her. It hurt a little when he first began, but not for long. Harry seemed far from a practiced lover and thankfully was being slow and careful. Never had she felt so content, and so glad that she had waited to share this part of herself.
She clung to him, her fingers digging into his shoulders, as the two of them became more comfortable with the feeling of each other, and they fell into an easy rhythm. Both were breathing very quickly. After a few minutes she gasped as an incredible sensation began to course through her body.
She felt his warmth fill her, and Harry slumped forward onto her. Tenderly she reached up and laced her fingers through his sweat soaked hair, and he smiled down at her. Gently he rolled over and she crawled into his arms. He kissed her sweetly on the nose, and beamed down at her, tired but content.
"Hermione…um, I was your first time, wasn't I?" he whispered nervously.
Hermione rested her head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart contentedly.
"Yes," she admitted softly.
Harry hugged her tightly.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I um, really haven't done this before either," he admitted with a blush.
Hermione looked up at him tenderly, trying to hide her surprise. With Ginny as a girlfriend she'd have figured that he'd at least had a little experience.
"You've made this the most amazing night of my life, Harry. Don't apologize for it," she admonished him softly.
The worry in his face vanished.
"Harry, I don't want to freak you out, but I have wanted to tell you something for years. I told you before you went to the hospital when I thought you were dying, but I doubt you heard me … it's just that I - I love you" she exclaimed hastily. She closed her eyes afraid of his reaction.
Before she opened them, she felt his warm breath and he was kissing her passionately.
"Hermione, I love you too. I always will," he said breathlessly after the kiss ended. "I wanted to tell you before I left, but I didn't think it would be fair to you, and I knew I couldn't say no to you coming along if I you were to tell me that you loved me too. So, I told you in the note, as you know, but I should have told you again the night you read the note that I still felt the same as I did the day I wrote it. "
"Oh, Harry, it broke my heart to see you go. And then we never really talked about how things were going to be between us. I feel like we lost so much time together for such stupid reasons," she cried.
"It will be okay, Hermione. At least we're not being idiots about this anymore," he said with a laugh.
She grinned and snuggled back against him. Harry sighed contentedly, and they fell asleep in each other's arms.
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