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Shame on Me. by Azure Black
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Shame on Me.

Azure Black

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot, all the characters, places and references belong to the almighty J K Rowling, we salute you!

Chapter 2: Memories of Darkness.

Draco slammed the door into his flat. Well, the Landlord called it a flat, it was more like a room. Not bothering to turn the lights on or draw the curtains, he sat on the small single bed. He groaned, leaning over putting his head in his hands.


'How could I have been so stupid? Has the last year meant nothing? How could I risk everything, risk Ginny?!'


He had gone to Snakebite, knowing full well she would be there. He had only wanted to see her. Not talk to her, certainly not dance with her! He only wanted to see her, it had been so long, but when he did see her, he knew it isn't enough. But he had nearly kissed her! He had always prided himself on control, on being able to mask his emotion and rule his actions. The again Ginny Weasley had always been his down fall, he should have known tonight would be no different. He had worked so hard though, why couldn't he have waited that little bit longer!


Lying down he put his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling, letting memories he had blocked out for a long time flood his mind once again.


***


Malfoy Manor had become a dark place. Yes, it had always been cold and formal, but since the war began an evil had settled over the mansion.


Draco strode through the corridors, anger radiating off him.


"Draco, please?" but his mothers pleading fell on deaf ears. He had had enough, enough of the lies, of the violence. He had returned to the manor that evening to find his mother sobbing in the front parlour room, a large purple bruise already starting to show across her pale cheek. It had been the last straw. A week ago he had caught his father in bed with a young girl, the week before torturing muggles in the dungeons of Malfoy Manor. His father had drilled control and honour into him from such a young age, his father was nothing but a hypocrite.


He threw the door of his father's study open, not bothering to knock. His father stood by the fire place talking to a masked face in the fire.


"I'm sure we have already had the talk about knocking Draco, where you four or five at the time? I would hate to have to repeat myself." His father drawled, raising a blond eye brow at his son.


"But I, father, have had enough of your talks, enough of you actually." Draco drawled back, but unlike the other Malfoy there was no amusement in his eyes.


"Leave us." Lucuis spoke with out taking his eyes form Draco. Draco knew he wasn't talking to him, this was too important. The death Eater in the fire however, did not possess the Malfoy intelligence. He looked from father to son.


"But Sir, the Dark Lord?"


"I am aware the Dark Lord is waiting, this shouldn't take long." The Death Eater vanished from the fire.


"This had better be good Draco." Lucuis sat down.


"That's all you care about isn't it," Draco spat out, "The Dark Lord and the fucking Mark." Lucuis said nothing, just stared at Draco his eye brow raising again.
"Well I won't be like you Father, I won't worship that, that…"


"I'd be very careful how you finish that statement Draco."


"No, you can't control me anymore, Nor Mother. How could you do that her, hit her?"


"She spoke out of turn. I won't tolerate cheek from anyone."


"We're not anyone," Draco exploded, "We're your family!"


"It doesn't matter, if anything that's worse. The Malfoy honour is paramount. Draco you know this! What is this about? The Dark Lord does not like to be kept waiting, especially about something this trivial." The older man made a move but stopped at his son next word.


"I won't be you, father. Fuck the Malfoy honour, you don't know what honour means."


"Be very careful what decisions you make, Draco, you may only have one chance to choose."


Draco left the manor that day, he had never returned.

***

The trademark Malfoy smirk appeared on Draco's face. How naïve he had been. He didn't regret his decision; he knew he would have become some thing he hated had he stayed. He just wondered sometimes if he could have saved more lives if he had stayed, could he have saved his mother? But he couldn't change that now.

***

He had gone to Dumbledore that night, trading his alliance. The old headmaster had sat there with a knowing look in his blue eyes. Dumbledore had known the young Malfoy would come to him at some point. He would admit he hadn't expected him so soon, but was neither here nor there.


The other members of the Order weren't so accommodating. Potter had been the only one not to greet him with open hostility. By no means was he there with open arms, but it was obvious Potter had more important things on his mind. The Older members of the Order thawed first, especially Mrs Weasley.


This did not mean he hadn't had his fair share of run-ins with the fiery red head. Their first and real argument had occurred when Molly asked him to do his share of the housework. Draco had dismissed it as 'House elf work.' This resulted in Draco not only having to clean the entire kitchen, without magic he might add, but also been subjected to a 'Hermione- on- S.P.E.W' rant. He learnt quickly though, and soon found the natural rhythm and routine at the Order's house causing him to think of it as the first place he had ever really considered home. The War was coming though, although it had not yet start, officially, they could all feel it coming, the calm before the storm.


He had been living with the Order for nearly six months when the news of his Mothers' death came through. Ron and Harry sat in front of the fire, playing a game of wizard chess. Draco and Hermione sat reading on the sofas, with Ginny on the floor flicking aimlessly through a copy of witch weekly.


Molly Weasley walked in, her eye red, her gaze drifting to Draco.


"Draco dear, Professor Snape has just sent a report to Dumbledore. I'm so sorry…"she didn't need to finish. Draco already knew what had happened. He calmly shut the book he had been reading and uncrossed his long legs as he stood up.


"Thank you, Mrs Weasley. Ladies please excuse me." He offered a small nod at the women in the room before he exited the room.


That was the first night she came to him. Nothing happened, she just lay next to him in his single bed, shedding the tears he could not. This routine had continued for two weeks before Draco acknowledged her presence. She crept into his room as usual. Slipping under the blanket she was confronted with not the bare back she was used to, but a pair of silver grey eyes.


He didn't say anything just stared at her. Leaning forward he captured her lips in a tentative kiss. She immediately deepened the kiss, seeking permission into his mouth, which he granted willing. He pulled her closer so she was now flush against his body, her fiery curves a startling contrast against his icy solidity. He ran a hand over her hips and thighs, groaning with pleasure. He had been racked with dreams of her for days, but he knew now they had no where near prepared him for the real thing. He rolled her over, pushing her into the mattress with his weight. Her long t-shirt she wore as a night dress was rucked past her stomach. He ran is hand over her breast through the thin material and was amazed as she arched up into his hand.


He broke apart from her, both staring at each other, both breathing heavily. He rolled on to his back, swearing under is breath.


"Draco, what's wrong?" it was the first time she had said his given name, and he decided then she should be the only one to ever be allowed to utter it.


"Just go to sleep." She said pulling his head onto her chest, stroking his hair. It was the first good night's sleep he had had in months.


***

The smirk changed into a true smile, a rarity reserved only for Ginny Weasley. His body now ached for the warmth his mind had been thinking of. Every night she had come to him. Always he was the one to pull away before it went too far. He couldn't understand why himself, she obviously wanted him and Merlin knows how badly he'd wanted her. A Malfoy never truly denied himself something he wanted. Maybe this was why he always pulled back. Maybe he hadn't wanted to be a Malfoy with Ginny. Or maybe he hadn't wanted to get close to somebody again. The only other person he had been close to had been his Mother and she had left him. He knew it was childish and if anything he'd left her, but for some reason he still couldn't forgive her.

The first major battle had started soon after. Draco shivered involuntarily at the thought. Many lives had been lost since then. It had all started in Diagon Alley. It had been truly the first time Draco had put some one else before himself. Suddenly

Draco was lost in a darkness that he had fought off for many years now.

***

Authors note: I know the first chapter of this story was quiet confusing but I would really love your feed back on this one. I have tried to reveal enough of the plot that it comes across but doesn't ruin where the story is going. Have I done this? Please tell me. Thanks Azure.