A/N- This author's note goes for all chapters. This is an AU L/J story. I don't know if that many people will actually comprehend why I am trying to write it this way or what feelings I'm having Lily express. I will warn you now that this will get disturbing and truthfully this isn't fluff, not in the least bit. Flames are more than welcome and I hope to those that do understand the meaning of this story can appreciate it. I will say right now that I am proud of this story and it's style. That is all.
DISCLAIMER- This goes for all chapters. The only thing that is mine is the plot, for once I am claiming this.
September 7, 1980
I fear that dark days are coming for us muggle-borns. My name is Liliaña Marie Evans and I attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Yesterday was my birthday and my dear friend Katie Lee gave me this diary. She says that it will help me on my quest for great things. I always dreamed of making a difference but now as the Dark Lord is rising I know there is little hope for me, a muggle-born from Ravenclaw. I know that I am safe as long as I am in the walls of Hogwarts but this is my last year of sanctuary as I am now seventeen and entering my seventh year. Maybe I am paranoid and Andrew is right about how we have nothing to worry about. Oh poor sweet Andrew! He has nothing to worry about after all he is pureblood. He is trying ever so hard to make sure I'm not down. How I love him so much! I am right to guess that in every dark cloud there is a silver lining and he is my silver lining.
September 11, 1980
Should I be naïve to believe everything Andrew says? All these promises of things getting better, us staying together, and then getting married! It's hard not to believe them. Everything that comes out of his mouth is full of love. Katie had the silliest idea that my dear journal would some day be famous! How absurd. The thought cheers me so though! Silly Katie. She has such little faith in herself but all the faith in the world invested in me. She truly has a heart of gold. Her description of me makes me sound beautiful but in truth I am just another lost soul wandering this earth in search of who I am.
"Her hair is red, the color of love,
and her eyes sparkle with emerald fire.
Her skin glows with the rays of heaven."
Whatever. I mean I just have plain red hair, pale skin, and green eyes. I miss the carefree days of first and second year when everything was perfect. Times like these make me reflect upon my family who I love dearly. There is my dad who is my other light in this dark world. He loves me ever so much and always has pride in me. I remember all his words of wisdom that he gave to me when we sat out on the porch on cloudless nights and stars shining brightly. My mother. We haven't always gotten along but I love her dearly. I was always to practical for her but no matter how many times we fought I know she still loved me. Petunia on the other hand has always despised me. She is my sister, my own flesh and blood, and I love her but sometimes she just is so selfish. I just wish she could look outside of her own world and see the dangers she is putting herself in. If only we could share a bond most sisters share…
September 14, 1980
Dumbledore has been taken! The school is in an uproar. I knew dark times would come. Someone by the name of Malfoy has taken over and now I fear for the worst. He is one of the Dark Lord supporters. I think they are called Death Eaters. I know it's a funny name. Well it's true but I shan't utter a word like that around here anymore or I'll be killed. Things have changed so much and us muggle-borns are being treated badly. A girl in fourth year was attacked by some Slytherins because she was muggle-born. It's just so horrible! I have heard of some Gryffindors and Ravenclaws creating some escape plan but it's only for the younger students. I must go now for muggle-borns are required to clean the kitchen now…
September 16, 1980
Ok so I lied. Things have gotten worst. I hate to get angry but the Dark Lord has not right doing these things to muggle-borns. We are just as powerful in magic as they are or maybe even more powerful! The name mudblood is just vile and disgusting. The blood that flows through our veins is not polluted! We have magic in us! I used to think Hogwarts was the safest place on Earth from the dark uprising. But now…I am not sure that is so. We have been branded! That nefarious Malfoy character has had us muggle-borns branded for easier identification. Not only have they sewed the sign of mudblood onto our robes but also they have branded our skins. The sign is just wrong. It is a "M" that is dark brown with blood dripping off of it and a knife stabbed into it. I shall forever have a reminder of what I am on my back. For they have tattooed my skin with the word mudblood and my ID number 13. I am the 13th muggle-born student going down in year and alphabetical order. It is sick that I know their system but I despise them so much now. Andrew is furious but he is still the same loving man he has always been. I just hope he never changes and his promise to stay together stays true. How I love him so!
September 21, 1980
How I'd love for me to be able to write that everything has turned out fine and we are all doing well. I'd even give for one chance to write some senseless girl talk in this diary but it seems reality is to harsh for that! Today at dinner they made an announcement that I shall forever hate. The Dark Lord is using male students from Hogwarts as his new soldiers. Today all male pureblooded Slytherins and Ravenclaws from years 3rd to 7th were taken away. My dear Andrew has been taken and I can't stop these tears of sorrow. So many of us have been separated from loved ones. Why he takes from the side of good I shan't understand but I will always hope that my dearest Andrew will be save and not forced to do any deeds of evil. His heart is so pure that I would simply die if he was corrupted. I must forget about my troubles in life now and focus on helping everyone else. Sweet Katie's four brothers were taken and I have heard that the Dark Lord is also taking the men in pureblooded families. I never thought I would see such dark times in my life but I must be brave for others who need my loving care. I do hope my family is ok and that no harm comes to them. The common room seems empty for most of Ravenclaw was made up of male purebloods. Most of the first and second years don't comprehend the dangers that lie in store for us but I do hope they make it out ok. Poor Katie is on her bed crying. I must write more later but for now she needs my companionship.
September 22, 1980
Today the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff male purebloods were taken. The halls are almost empty and only now am I realizing just how big of a minority the muggle-borns are. That horrid Malfoy character is training the first and second year purebloods, of both sexes, non-stop so they to can be drafted into the dark army. I spent last night recalling an old history lesson in my old muggle-school about the Holocaust. The resemblance between these two events is astounding. It makes me think that the Dark Lord was once in Hitler's army and gets his ideas from there. In truth my theory makes perfect sense but I shan't tell anyone for there is no one to talk to besides Katie and Bella. They are both the only purebloods in my dorm who haven't turned against me because of my origins. The other three Stephanie, Caitlin, and Rose are a shame to Ravenclaws. Their hearts are cold and black as night. Stephanie's brother and dad were both killed by the Dark Lord and she praised him for it. The thought of people worshipping him sickens me just like the cold heartless acts they do against their own families. I miss Andrew greatly and I hope he is fine. I still love him and I know we'll end up together…..
September 25, 1980
It has gone too far. The Dark Lord has ordered all the muggle-borns to be taken out of Hogwarts! Tomorrow we shall all be sent away on a train to some camp outside of Thurso. You know in the northern part of Scotland? I must think of a way to get out of this. I know what fate would await me at that kind of camp. Starvation, cruelty, loneliness, and worst of all death. If I can figure out how to escape them, then I shall be able to be alive and find Andrew. The morn of tomorrow won't shine brightly but for tonight I must plan my escape and say my good byes for tonight may be my last night here with my family of friends. Those who remain at least. Maybe doing what I do best in a time of crisis would help.
Ways to escape
I'm brilliant! Everything is perfect! I'll just dye my hair blonde, find some contacts that change my eye color, and use some muggle makeup to hide the hideous mark. If I use muggle products they shan't be able to see through it to my real appearance like they could with magic. I must go prepare for my escape but as always I hope Andrew can hear my prayers for his safety and know that I still love him…
September 26, 1980
I must say I am really proud of myself. It worked very well. As I sit here near the stables writing before I start out on my journey I would like very much to count my blessings because what I just accomplished has put my life up for stake. At 5 'o-clock they came around collecting the muggle-born students. By then I had already hidden in the Hufflepuff 7th year's closet. I chose there because most of the Hufflepuffs' can't remember their own names and surely wouldn't notice a new person in the room. So at seven 'o-clock this morning I officially became Samantha Briers a Hufflepuff seventh year. The stupid Death Eaters believed me. I do hope my disappearing doesn't harm a soul. I told no one. Not even Katie. She must be miserable thinking that I was herded off with the others. I am safe for now and tonight I will begin my journey to the outskirts of Plymouth. So far there have been no attacks there and I feel that I will be safe there. That and Andrew is station nearby. I am acting like a silly love sick girl but I love him so much! I know my name is on the death list now so I must be careful. Oh no! I hear noises! I must stop writing and hide!
September 30, 1980
I've been caught…by Malfoy…