Authors Notes: Ok so I'm back with an update, sorry it took so long- real life, yet again!!!
Before we move onto this update, I just want to warn you… in television, there is a thing called 'jumping the shark'. It refers to something from 'Happy Days' and it's used when a show does something so unbelievable (like jumping a shark on a surf board) that it can never recover.
I am very fond of this chapter and how it impacts the story. My intentions become very clear in this chapter (though there is still a lot to come!). This is the point where you will decide if you continue or if you say 'stuff this'. Personally, I'm not bothered either way. I'm writing this fic to make myself feel better about the epilogue, because as much as I may hate it, it is still canon and canon cannot be ignored. All I'm trying to do is have something before it to make it more enjoyable.
So I've had my say, I hope I haven't made you worry about this update and I hope you enjoy it…
Fourteen
Harry stood perfectly still, staring at his mother who was standing in front of him, crying but smiling. He remembered seeing her in the Mirror of Erised, standing the exact same way, crying but smiling. He took several small steps and then, for the first time since he was a baby, felt his mother embracing him. He clung to her tightly, burying his face into her shoulder and smelling a sweet scent of apples and vanilla that he'd always been able to smell, but never knew where it had come from.
'Am… am I dead?' he asked, breaking away from her. Lily smiled and shook her head.
'No.'
'Are you?'
'Yes,' Lily was still smiling.
'But-'
'This is being created by your sub-conscious,' she said softly. 'Your mind allowed you to visit a place that has given you not only answers, but people you have lost.'
For the first time, Harry noticed that there were other people moving around out of sight in the shadows, unable to make out their faces or anything specific about them.
'Can I see them?' he asked and Lily shook her head.
'No, you can't. They are here, but you cannot see them. But they send their love, especially your father.'
They started to walk then, Lily holding on Harry's hand tightly. He noticed that he was slightly taller than she was, but not by much.
'So why am I here?'
'You need answers,' Lily said simply as they walked. 'You might not know that you need answers, but your mind does.'
'And what do I need answers about?'
She didn't speak, just kept leading him along. Eventually, they came to a door. She smiled at him mysteriously and opened the door.
'Come with me.'
Harry was torn for a moment- he wasn't quite sure what was going on and he had a feeling that following his mother would be bad. But he didn't want to say goodbye to his mother just yet, and so he followed.
His jaw dropped as he looked around the room they had entered. It was a smaller version of the Gryffindor common room, decorated in the scarlet and gold. However, instead of many chairs for the students, there were just two of the softest, most comfortable and, in between them, an old battered table. As they approached the chairs he could see what was on top of the table and felt even more mystified- it appeared to be a jigsaw puzzle with hundreds, thousands of little pieces that had tiny pictures on them, and then lines coming from the pictures and criss-crossing to other pieces, other pictures.
'What is that?' he asked his mother as they sat down in the chairs.
'That, Harry, is your life.'
'My life? So I am dead?'
'You are not dead,' she said firmly. 'This is a fate puzzle.'
'A what?'
'A fate puzzle,' she said, waving her hand over it. 'Everything we do, even from just deciding what to eat, affects our life in some way. Everything happens for a reason, Harry. And the reason for it may not be clear for some time, but it will become clear. This puzzle shows those reasons, and it shows what may have happened.'
Harry bent forwards and took a closer look at the pieces right in front of him. He saw that it was not a tiny picture as he first thought it was, but more like a tiny TV screen. He could see himself in the screen, deciding to apparate to the Ministry instead of walk, as it was cold out. He remembered doing so just the other day. Two lines trailed away and he followed them with his finger. One led to the day he knew he'd had- the other had him running into his Aunt Petunia on the street.
'Why am I seeing this?' he asked, looking up at his mother. She looked troubled for a brief moment.
'You are seeing this because you wanted to,' she said, shifting slightly in her seat. 'Your mind has forced you here.'
'But why?'
'You are needing answers,' Lily said softly. At her words, several of the pieces of the puzzle reorganised themselves into a larger screen. Harry watched the night, almost a year ago now, when he had first kissed Hermione.
'I'm needing answers about Hermione?' he asked and she nodded. Harry's confusion doubled. 'But I don't need answers- I… I love Hermione.'
'I know,' Lily said, smiling again. 'And she loves you.'
'So what do I need answers about?' Harry said, and the puzzle, much like a pensieve answered for him. The scene of him kissing Hermione was replaced by Ron and Ginny, looking out curiously at him.
'You love Hermione, yet you will not share your love with those others that you love,' Lily said, as the puzzle fell back into what it was when Harry first saw it.
'Because-'
'Because you are afraid,' Lily finished for him. 'You do not want to lose the Weasley's, your only family. And you do not wish to lose Hermione. You are torn between them.'
'And that is why I am here?'
'That is why your sub-conscious brought you here,' she said, with another smile. 'This has been lingering in your mind, yes?'
'Of course it has,' Harry said. 'Every time I look at Ron I feel guilty about keeping secrets from him.'
'You have been trying to think of a way around this, yes?'
'Of course I have,' Harry said, feeling angry. 'So often I wish that I knew it would all be alright, but I know it won't! I know what will happen!'
'Yet you do not choose family over love- you're at a stalemate. You do not wish to lose either.'
'I know all this,' he said through gritted teeth. He was starting to feel pain in the back of his head where the bludger had hit him.
'There is a way to have love and family,' his mother said, her voice fading. 'You know this.'
The puzzle changed yet again and he found himself looking at one of the stolen moments he had shared lifetimes ago at Hogwarts with Ginny. Then it changed, and he found himself watching Hermione fling herself into Ron's arms, before they went searching for the diadem.
'You may love Hermione and she may love you, but you are not real loves,' Lily said slowly. 'You are true loves.'
'What is the difference? It's all love!'
'True love is a love that can never be,' she explained as the puzzle once again returned to normal. 'True love will endure through time and the ages, but more often than not, it is never fully realised. It does not make it any less, it is still love and is perhaps the strongest of all loves. But more often than not, you will never be able to be with your true love for very long, though they will always be in your heart.'
'So what is a real love then?' Harry couldn't see how this was the answer to the secrecy that was enveloping him and Hermione for almost a year now.
'A real love is one who you can love and be comfortable with. A real love will walk step with step with you, but in the background.'
'Who was your true love then?' Harry asked his mother before he knew what he was saying. Lily sighed.
'I know you know that answer, Harry,' she whispered. 'I loved Severus. He is my true love. But your father is my real love- I died with him and I have spent the years since, in death, with him. I do not love Severus any more, nor do I love your father any less. I love them the same, and your father knows this.'
His surrounds then flickered; his mother vanished for a moment, but then came back. He could feel pain in his head again where the bludger had hit.
'You must choose your real love,' she said, sounding like she was a lot further away from him than she was. 'You will never lose a true love, but you must choose your real love so you will not lose everything…'
Everything flickered again, his mother vanished again, but she didn't come back. The pain in his head was the worse it had been yet. He could hear voices, not sure where they were coming from. He wished his mother hadn't gone, he wanted to see her again…
'Harry!'
He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he was not in that room, but rather in the living room of the Burrow. He looked around wildly and saw that Ron and Hermione were kneeling on the floor, right next to his face. Bill and Charlie were behind the lounge, looking down on him. George was sitting at the end of the lounge and Percy was pacing, looking frantic.
'It's all right Perce,' said George, looking up. 'You didn't kill him.'
Percy stopped pacing and a little colour flooded back into his face. At that moment, Fleur came in from the kitchen, carrying a tray. She sat it down on the table and handed Harry a small goblet of potion.
''ave this, 'Arry,' she purred. 'It will 'elp.'
Harry gulped the potion. The pain in the back of his head subsided and the sick feeling in his stomach, which he hadn't even noticed, had gone.
'What happened?' he asked, sitting up slightly. Hermione looked like she'd been crying.
'It was Percy, mate,' George said, rolling his eyes. 'He used to whine that we never let him play- and this is why. He's a bit dangerous. Knocking out people on his own team, honestly.'
There was a laugh around the room. Percy even joined in. When it died down, he opened his mouth as if to apologise, but Harry shook his head.
'Don't worry about it,' Harry said and Percy looked taken aback. 'I'll live- I've had worse.'
This caused another round of laughter. Harry shifted himself further into a full sitting position, and whilst he felt a little dizzy at the movement, he didn't feel pain anymore. At that moment, Mrs Weasley appeared in the doorway, with Ginny and Mr Weasley was behind them, dragging Ginny's Hogwart's trunk behind him.
'Good heavens!' Mrs Weasley exclaimed, looking at Harry, who realised he must look pale or sickly. 'What happened!'
Charlie explained to his mother about the bludger, whilst Ginny came and knelt on the floor with Ron and Hermione. Hermione got up suddenly and went into the kitchen. Harry found this slightly odd, but then a females voice spoke in his head.
'You will never lose a true love, but you must choose your real love so you will not lose everything…'
~*~
Mrs Weasley refused to let Harry leave the Burrow that night. Ron had returned to his flat, Hermione to her parents house, but Harry remained and was forced by Mrs Weasley into Ron's old bedroom, where she had set up a camp bed for him. She had fed him up and then marched him to bed herself. But Harry didn't sleep. He lay and stared at the ceiling, thinking.
He was still not quite sure where his mind had taken him to when he had been knocked out. And if it was in his mind, why did it seem so real? Why did his mothers touch and scent seem so real? Or was it because he knew it on some level that his mind connected it all together. He wasn't even sure how long he'd been knocked out for. All he knew was that a long standing question in his mind had been answered. Every time he closed his eyes, Hermione's face swam into his thoughts, but it would then change slowly into Ginny's.
And the 'fate puzzle'... was that real or was it his mind, creating a visual aid for him. He didn't know what to think about any of it.
Was his mother right about true love and real love? Was Hermione his true love, the woman he was destined to love and long for his entire life? And was Ginny the one he was supposed to be with, to keep family and friends together? If he was with Ginny and Hermione with Ron, they were all going to be family and no one would be angry or mad about it. But could he explain all this to Hermione and not have her feel hurt? Could he force himself to feel what he had once felt for Ginny?
It was a very restless sleep that he finally had that night and he didn't even feel like he had slept when he made his way downstairs. He ate the bacon sandwiches that Mrs Weasley forced in front of him and then excused himself before anyone else woke up. He disapparted straight to Grimmauld place, and went upstairs and had another attempt at sleep, which was more successful than his overnight attempt.
When he woke up, feeling a lot more refreshed and a lot less dizzy, Hermione was sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling at him.
'Have you been watching me sleep?' he asked and she smiled at him lovingly.
'I got here about 3 hours ago,' she said, taking hold of his hand. 'I was worried about you, so I wanted to be with you.'
Harry held her hand tighter, feeling glad she was there.
'What time is it?'
'It's almost 3 o'clock,' she told him, checking her watch.
'Weren't we leaving for the ball at 5?' he asked.
'I didn't think you'd want to go, after being knocked out,' she said cautiously. Harry smiled at her.
'Yes, but you want to. So we're going.'
And, not showing exactly how much he wanted to stay in bed, Harry climbed out and headed over to the wardrobe, and pulled out some clean underwear.
'Aren't you going to get ready?'