Chapter 9: The Honest Truth
"…and that's why You-Know-Who was able to come back from the dead."
"So you think that the diadem is a Horcrux?"
"Well, that or we're on the completely wrong track here."
"Hmm…Well, it certainly is a clever fail-safe, isn't it?"
"Maybe for him, sure is making our lives awfully difficult…"
"I don't understand why he didn't just use an Orugula Potion…"
"A what?"
"An Orugula Potion! It's a rare elixir made from different parts of exotic animals which can make the imbiber invincible, or so Daddy said. However, no one has ever made one before…"
"Probably couldn't find enough eye of Loadarubbish…"
"Ooo, what kind of creature is a Loadarubbish, Ronald?"
"The Or-gwala potion, or whatever it was."
"The Orugula Potion is a Loadarubbish? How does that make any sense?"
"Never mind."
Luna blinked at Harry and Ron, unable to understand why they were holding themselves back from being overtaken with wild fits of laughter. Shrugging, she picked up the copy of the Daily Prophet from the table and started to read it, upside-down. Deciding that it was too late to exclude her, Harry explained to Luna why they had not returned to school that year. As he recounted everything from the prophecy to why they needed to destroy every last Horcrux, Luna listened with surprising intensity. To any other person the story might have sounded completely insane, but thankfully Luna had a tendency to believe farfetched tales. She had always been a loyal companion, and in retrospect Harry was glad to have another person backing them up, since he knew that their journey was not going to get any easier from here on out.
When they had finished entertaining themselves with their inside joke, the two young men took the seats closest to the fire. Harry was relieved and happy to have Ron back with them. He had an amazing time alone with Hermione, but Ron helped to lighten the load of being the savior of the world. His presence reminded him that at heart, he was still a free-living teenager.
They caught up on what else had been happening in the world outside them. Ron described to him how he had caught glimpses of the Burrow, Christmas decorations slowly coming up as the holiday came closer and closer. Harry sighed. It was amazing how even in war, the world managed to just keep going. To think that anything as normal and gratifying as Christmas could still occur amidst the constant fear and uncertainty of the times was unbelievable. His mind then jumped to Ginny. He felt sorry for her, having to stay cooped up in her house while her best friends were out trying to save the world without her. As his mind wandered on its own, he began to think how nice it would be to be there with her…comforting her…making her smile…kissing her…
But then suddenly Ginny turned into Hermione. If his body had warmed a few degrees when thinking about his ex-girlfriend, thinking about Hermione set him on fire. To be able to hold her, give her the perfect Christmas present, see her smile…to be able to kiss her like he wanted to a few nights ago…
Harry literally slapped himself in the face, causing Ron to drop the pages of notes he had been reading. To Ron's surprise, Harry repeated the action again. The first one was for thinking about Hermione romantically, mentally breaking his vow to never fall in love with her. He wasn't in love with her, after all.
The second slap was for thinking about Ginny in the same way. Ever since Hermione had pointed out the superficiality of their relationship, he became increasingly guilty whenever he thought about her. To think that at one point he couldn't see his life without her by his side made him seriously rethink his idea of a perfect romance.
"Are you out of your head?!" yelled Ron, holding down Harry's wrists to the arm rests in fear that he would start beating himself again. "I leave for a few weeks and all of a sudden you've taken a page from Dobby and Kreacher…"
"Sorry Ron, lately I've been thinking that I am going mental…"
"Well, don't ever let me see you slap yourself again or I'll slap the habit out of you." Ron scolded him, waving a threatening back hand by his face.
"Erm…Thanks I guess," said Harry, not knowing whether Ron's comment was a favor or a threat.
They both heard hard footsteps re-entering the main room, the color hastily falling out of Ron's face. Harry looked at him, concerned. His whole body seemed to tense up at the sound of Hermione's approach, and there seemed to be a gigantic lump in his throat. "What's wrong, Ron?"
"Can I speak to you in private?" whispered Ron, nudging his head toward the noise's direction.
"Uhh…sure, but first let me talk to Hermi…"
"No, NOW!"
Her foot had just entered the room when Ron jumped up and grabbed Harry's arm, dragging him towards the tent's entrance. As they passed her, Luna briefly put down the paper to watch them leave, completely confused.
Harry was grateful that he had not removed his extra layers, for the weather outside was less than pleasant compared to the coziness of their abode. Ron cursed as he took a seat on one of the boxes they used as chairs when on guard duty, regretting immediately not asking Hermione for his heavy coat back after he had used it as a makeshift blanket. As Harry took a seat on the box next to him, Ron lit a small fire in hopes that it would do something to stifle the bitter cold around them.
"Now what's this all about, Ron?" Harry demanded, shivering. He had just barely survived hours of unconsciousness in the winter weather, and his sudden return to the world outside was not making him too happy.
"Well, its Hermione…"
"Oh," Harry muttered under his breath, his heart beginning to race. "Wha…What about her?"
"Well," Ron started, stopping to formulate the right words. It seemed that he was having a hard time trying to tell Harry whatever it was that was on his mind.
"Come on Ron, you can tell me." Harry said encouragingly.
"Well, uh…I guess it's not just about Hermione…it's more about Hermione and me."
"Oh," Harry said in response, realizing what Ron was trying to say. He really did not want to be the advice-giver to Ron as to how to fix his relationship with Hermione, but being his best friend, he felt obliged. Fighting the pulsating idea in his head that awkwardness wasn't the only reason he did not want to help Ron out, he gave him his undivided attention as he began to talk again.
"Yeah…uh…I know this must be weird for you and all mate…I would feel awkward if you came to me to talk about Ginny…" Ron failed to notice Harry's shiver at the mention of his sister's name, thinking that it was probably a reaction the sudden wind which clawed at their exposed skin, "…but you were the only one who was here with her, and you're the only person I trust to talk to about this."
Harry took a deep breath and ran a hand through his messy locks. His face felt hot, clearly embarrassed to talk about their mutual best friend behind her back. "Erm…I guess I don't have much choice, do I?"
"You do, if you don't want to talk about it, I understand. I'll just handle it my way, I guess," said Ron, staring off into the forest with a puzzled look on his face.
Harry cringed. The last thing he wanted to do was trust Hermione's heart in the hands of Ron's logic. It was, after all, the same logic which had reasoned with him that the right thing to do was abandon him and Hermione when things had gotten tough. "No, it's alright, seriously. What do you want to talk about?"
Ron turned to face Harry, a relieved grin on his face. "Well, I…I'm not sure if you noticed, but we kind of had…well, that is to say…we had a sort of…thing going on before I left." He blushed beet red as soon as he finished his sentence, no longer able to look Harry directly in the eye.
"Really?!" Harry gasped sarcastically, "With all the jealousy, the compliments, the dating book you had your eyes glued to all summer, the sudden shift in character in order to be more accepting of her emotional needs, and all the cooing she did whenever you did something right?! And all this time, you guys fancied one another! Who would have thought that, with so little evidence indicating it…"
Harry's laughter was cut short by a clump of snow from Ron's hand. At first Harry had thought he had said the words a bit too harshly, afraid that his friend would no longer consider him a good confidant and stop talking, but he was relieved to hear Ron laughing too.
"Anyways, you git, I thought that we had finally gotten to a point where we could take it to the next level this year. I mean, we've kinda been heading toward this point ever since the Yule Ball a couple years ago, but I think a part of her was waiting for me to mature before she would go out with me."
"Ah, so in other words she was waiting for your emotional range to evolve from a teaspoon to, say, a tablespoon?" smirked Harry, his criticism met with yet another snowball to the face.
Ron dusted off his snowy gloves before continuing, proud of his exceptional aim. "And I thought I had gotten there. The book had some really great stuff in there, I assume you skimmed through it?" he said, glancing sideways at Harry. He simply nodded, although it was a lie. The truth was that he had discarded Ron's Christmas present with the rest of his belongings, reasoning that dating advice would be of no use in the fight against Voldemort. Besides, at that point he already charmed a witch without the aid of even one fail-safe tactic.
Although he questioned whether or not the red-haired witch he had charmed should be claimed as a victory on his part.
"Great stuff isn't it? But the more I read through it, the more I realized how…well, obvious they all were. I mean…complimenting the girl? Taking the time to listen to her? They were all things I should have been doing in the first place, but I had chosen not to…"
"What are you trying to say?" asked Harry, befuddled.
"But either way, the more I started to follow word-for-word the strategies in the thing, the more it seemed to work," Ron continued, choosing not to answer Harry's question directly. "I mean, you said it yourself, she started to really warm up to me. We started talking a lot more, just me and her, about her life, about mine…It was really nice. Closest we ever were, I swear."
Harry nodded, an odd feeling swimming around in his stomach. He recalled the morning he had awoken before them at Grimmauld place, their bodies lying close to one another, their hands almost as if they had been holding each other before they had fallen asleep. As the image replayed in his head, the feeling of loneliness that he had felt also returned. At the time he had brushed it off as a longing to have a hand of his own to hold, more specifically Ginny's, but now he could not bring himself to believe that that was the entire story.
"But then…"
"Huh?" blurted out Harry, his mind having been on other things when Ron had resumed talking. Ron raised an eyebrow at him.
"You sure you're alright, mate? Ever since I got back you've been…jumpy," said Ron, putting the back of his hand on Harry's forehead as if he was a sick child.
"Sorry. Must be the after effects of being possessed, I swear," explained Harry, hoping that it would be a satisfactory excuse. Ron grunted as he removed his hand, but he continued to eye Harry suspiciously.
"As I was saying…I thought that it…you know, our relationship…was about to happen, but then the days passed by without any progress in our little mission, and I got more and more frustrated with the both of you. As much as I want to blame it all on the Horcrux, I knew that it was only exemplifying the feelings I already had about the whole ordeal. Whenever we were alone, all I could seem to talk about was how we weren't getting anywhere and how hopeless a situation we had gotten ourselves into." Ron shook his head and put it into his hands, starting to shake. "I can't believe I actually left…you guys must hate me…"
Harry put his arm around Ron, hoping that the action would stop his muffled sobs. "Ron, we don't hate you. Yeah, we were pretty mad at you, obviously, but the longer you were gone the more we began to realize the void which had replaced you when you left. It wasn't the same without you, mate."
Ron sniffled and faced Harry, his eyes red and swollen. "I'm such a prat…Did you know that every time I talked about leaving Hermione would argue with me about how we promised that we would be with you the whole way? It got to the point that I was so frustrated with her for defending you and not taking my side that I would just march off in a huff and give her the cold shoulder. Even when she started to sob, I was too arrogant to do anything to comfort her. Did you know she never once agreed with me that we were going nowhere? She never lost faith in you, Harry."
Harry could no longer look Ron in the eye, his entire body filling with guilt. This whole time he was thinking that they were conspiring together to abandon him, and in reality he was tearing them apart. A part of him was proud that Hermione had defended him so vigorously, but he also couldn't shake off the feeling that he had caused Ron tremendous pain without even knowing about it. He couldn't help but feel that he was a gigantic part, if not the sole reason, as to why the two had broken up.
"Wait, did they even break-up? Were they even DATING?"
Ron wanted to stop, feeling that he was putting Harry into a very uncomfortable emotional position, but he had to vent his thoughts before he suddenly lost the courage to continue. "Sure, when I had finally mastered the technique of talking to girls from the book, she let me hear about her personal life, told me her feelings and such. But the more she talked, the more I began to realize that it took me so much effort just to get her to open up to me. Then, after listening to her, I couldn't squash this feeling within me, telling me that I had seen her talk like that to somebody before. The look in her eye, the way she smiled…it was almost like déjà vu. Eventually, I figured it out: She would only talk to me…want to be with me, even…well, as soon as I became more like you."
"Me?" Harry gaped, caught off-guard. "What do you…"
"Come on, mate, even I'm not that dense. I can't make assumptions as to why she never realized it, or whether or not she'll admit it at all, but she's been looking for a guy exactly like you. The facts are all there. Whenever she had a problem, who did she run to? Whenever we got into trouble, who did she automatically latch herself onto? Which one of us is she constantly concerned about? And don't forget the big one, whose side does she always take?"
"Ron, you're being ridiculous…"
He shook his head. "No, I'm not. I knew virtually nothing about her besides the fact that she was smart and her parents were dentists. I mean, I didn't even know that her favorite color is…"
"Periwinkle."
"…or that her favorite fruit is…"
"Strawberries."
"…or the fact that despite going to every single match since our first year and playing a bit with us during the summer, she still has no idea how quidditch is supposed to be played."
"Well, that's obvious. Every game she's too busy worrying about…"
Harry trailed off as he felt himself blush furiously. Ron responded by pointing his finger at him, waving it in front of him in triumph.
"Exactly my point," he said with a tone surprisingly lacking of jealousy. Harry wanted to say something to prove that what he had said was wrong, but he found no counterpoint coming to his throat. He had no idea how to respond to such an accusation.
"That night I left, when you two were having another one of your famous 'let's-finish-each-other's-sentences-because-we-can-read-one-another's-minds' rants, something within me just cracked. No matter how much I tried, I could never have that natural connection that you had with her. That jealousy, paired along with the feeling of hopelessness and hunger, just made me lose it. Once again, I was being outclassed by you, like I always have been, and when she said that she wasn't coming with me? I had to leave. I couldn't be in the same place with either of you."
Ron let out a frustrated shout which caused a few birds in the nearby trees to fly out of their nests. Harry felt terrible, but Ron must have noticed his downtrodden expression because he placed a hand over Harry's shoulder. "Don't worry mate, I'm madder at myself now, but at the time I really wanted to give you a good beating."
"I really don't know how you can sit here smiling at me," Harry said glumly, shaking his head. "I didn't realize how my friendship with her was ruining your guys' relationship…"
"I thought it was too," started Ron, stopping to adjust his cap as snow began to fall on them. "And those first few nights alone in the cave, after my feelings of regret left me and I started to think back as to why I left in the first place, I was feeling pretty content on not ever seeing either of you again. I was so angry. I couldn't believe that she had put you over me, even after years of chasing after her. And I was also furious at you. It felt like you had taken what had belonged to me, like Hermione was some prize to be won. I swear, if I had to face the locket the night I left, I wouldn't have been able to destroy it. That pent up feeling of inferiority..." Ron's fists clenched as he let out another angry sigh. "Let me tell you, there's nothing that will put things into perspective like fearing for your life, alone in a cold cave."
"I guess…" said Harry weakly. It wasn't as if he wanted the celebrity or the fame that he had. As much as Ron hated living in his shadow, he would have gladly given it all away to him if he could. However, as much as he had felt odd towards the prospect of Ron and Hermione dating, he had never wanted to be a hindrance to their relationship. He never asked Hermione to be so caring for him, she just was.
"Look, Ron. It's not like I ever intended to prevent you two from coming together…"
"Harry, please, you don't have to. I know you didn't, I figured that out myself. I had a lot of time to think about our relationship those first few nights."
"…but Ron, I was happy that you two had…"
"…I never realized it before, but just the way she talked about you…"
"…and yeah, it was going to take some adjusting to…"
"…you two are best friends after all…"
"…we just really understand one another…"
"…we fight too much…"
"…strictly platonic…"
"WE'RE JUST LIKE BROTHER AND SISTER!"
Harry and Ron blinked at each other. They had both said the exact same thing about Hermione at the same time. There was a moment where they just stared at each other, neither believing that what the other had said was completely true. However, before they could stop themselves they both broke into a fit of laughter.
"Girls, mate…" Ron stated, looking at Harry.
"Tell me about it," agreed Harry, rolling his eyes. He was glad that Ron had realized that there was nothing going on between him and Hermione, effectively ending the threat of being wounded by a revenge-driven curse while he slept. However, his momentary relief ended when he realized the implication given by Ron's statement. "Wait, does that mean that you…you two are going to break…are you giving up on her?"
Ron paused and thought for a moment before sighing and nodding his head, staring straight at Harry.
Harry just stared blankly back at him. Hermione had told him a similar statement of finality on the night her voice came out from the deluminator, but it seemed much more believable coming from a crying wreck than from someone who took the news with not so much as a tear. "Well, don't give up mate. Sure, she's mad now, but you two will get over it…"
"No," Ron interrupted, looking up in to the night sky as snowflakes continued their descent around them, "I've finally accepted it. We're not the right people for one another. I don't know, you might kill me for saying this, but I guess I only wanted her because I couldn't have her. And even when I knew that she was falling for me, a part of my heart kept telling me that it was wrong…that we were wrong. I mean, the way we fight? Do you realize how many times I've made her cry? I bet I made her cry for weeks after I left, putting her into such a terrible place to have to choose between the two of us…"
Choosing not to answer the obvious question, Harry decided to bite his lip instead. Ron understood the meaning of the gesture, though.
"Exactly. I hurt her too much, Harry. And if we continued on, I don't think it would get much better. I mean, we might be able to make it a long-time thing, but it isn't worth it if she's as hurt as much as she is happy. You know me, if some prat went around making Hermione cry, I would be the first to throw a punch, so to not defend her against myself…I would be a hypocrite. If I really loved her like I thought I did, I wouldn't be so jealous over her either. I mean, it got to the point where I thought you two were snogging behind my back…"
"WHAT?!" Harry screamed, falling off his chair. "And what brought you to that conclusion?"
He simply shrugged. "Come on, all those times you would hang outside the Great Hall or the library while I was eating…those chunks of time where you two just disappeared and no one knew where you went…Don't look so surprised, mate, I'm not the only one who noticed…"
"WHAT?!" yelled Harry, louder this time, missing his box completely as he tried to sit down and winding up in the snow again.
Ron was grinning, obviously enjoying the situation. "Oh let's see…Krum, Fred, George, Dad, Rita Skeeter, McGonnagal…" As Ron continued to recite the long list of people whom had thought that Harry and Hermione had been a couple at one point or another in their friendship, Harry felt himself sweating more and more in embarrassment.
"…Hagrid, Fleur, Seamus…"
"Alright, alright, geez…I don't know why everybody thinks that we are though…" said Harry honestly.
"Really? Do you want that list too? It's quite a bit longer, actually…"
"NO! Err…I'll take your word for it," responded Harry as Ron started to laugh.
There was a moment of quiet as Ron strengthened the fire between them, the flames turning a dark blue. He sighed, which grabbed Harry's attention. "Still, I'm going to miss her…"
"It's not like she's going to shun you out of her life, Ron. Like I said, she may be angry but she still cares more for you than you give her credit for," Harry reassured him.
"Yeah, I guess…but I didn't mean 'her' as in Hermione, I meant her as in…you know, a girlfriend. It's a nice feeling…having someone to talk to, a companion…"
"I know what you mean…but you get to be a bachelor again, that's exciting, right?" tried Harry, smirking.
"Oh yeah, because you know my luck with women is that great."
Harry shrugged. "Hey, if that book can hook Hermione, you can get anybody!"
They shared another laugh as they watched the freshly fallen snow melt away immediately as it hit the warm ground around the fire. Harry suddenly looked at Ron sternly.
"When did you get so mature?"
"Hey, like I said, being on a kill list kind of forces you to grow up."
"Well, Mr. Mature, you're going to be the one to break the news to her."
"Damn, thought you would say that."
"The sooner the better, you know," advised Harry, not looking forward to having to endure more bickering between the two.
"For you or me?" asked Ron, bemused.
"Can I choose both?"
"Sure."
Harry put his arm around Ron and he followed suit. He might not have ever had a real family, but Ron was definitely his brother. With him back, for the first time in weeks Harry was confident that he could take down the Dark Lord. Smiling, he gave Ron's shoulder a punch of appreciation.
"You know," Ron started, catching Harry's face out of the corner of his eye. "Krum was right. She never does shut up about you."
Harry blushed, standing up as Ron smirked at him. "You git."
Ron stood up and let out a small chuckle, turning to face the tent. He closed his eyes, trying to prolong confronting Hermione.
"This is not going to end well."
"She'll get over it…eventually. I promise."
"Any advice on breaking up with somebody?"
"Why are you asking me? You broke up with Lavender, didn't you?"
"Yeah, but Lavender couldn't kick my arse."
Harry gave Ron an encouraging pat on the back before letting him lift the entrance flap, both of them not too enthusiastic about what was to come. As Ron disappeared into the tent, Harry stopped and said a silent prayer for both of his friends' sake.
It was going to be a long night.