Unofficial Portkey Archive

Chapter 2. How Not To Lose A Friend

Steam had already clouded the bathroom mirror completely as Hermione shut off the shower. She felt so tired. She looked tired. She had a long day at work and an even longer night with Ron. She did not know what to do about him.

Hermione had long ago realized that they should stop seeing each other romantically. She came to this conclusion near the end of their last year at Hogwarts and had since then tried almost everything to get Ron to see it too. She cared for him very deeply, and she did think that at one point she was in love with him. But over time the arguments, the differences in outlook and the disparate views made it clear to her that that they should not be together.

She tried, several times, pointing this out to him and telling him they should break up. Ron disagreed, and in the end just refused to listen. Ron finally said that the only possible reason he would agree to break up with her was if she was in love or if she wanted to start seeing someone else.

It still puzzled her why Ron would want to stay with someone who did not want to stay with him. She wondered if he was hanging on because of a perceived chance that she would realize how much he wanted to stay with her and that would be enough for her to change her mind. It was unfortunate that after three years, he still could not see that they had no future as a couple.

Ron was just being so unreasonable about this but Hermione did not want to lose Ron as a friend. That would mean not being able to see much of Harry, Ginny and the Weasleys, possibly forever, and they were the only family she had left. And it was for this reason that she allowed it.

She also agreed to this stupid arrangement because it was convenient. She was too busy at work and it helped that wizards thought her unavailable for any sort of romantic interlude. It was also a great excuse for when she turned down those who either thought poaching was acceptable or just did it for sport. At the moment, there was really no time for the frivolities of romance in her life.

Hermione remembered how it was with Ron during the early stages. There was the snogging, the dating, the jealousy, the demands, the arguments and all the emotional distraction it resulted into. It was a diversion when they were happy and a disruption when they had fights. She actually felt she would have done better with her NEWTs had they not had a big spat leading up to it, because Ron felt they were spending so much time studying for it.

They had a simple enough understanding; she would be his girlfriend until she wanted to be someone else's. At the moment, she really did not want to see anyone. However, recognizing that any decent guy wouldn't express any interest in her while she was with Ron, there was also Plan B; get him to give up.

Her plan on how to get him to agree to breaking up with her on his terms was to be the worst girlfriend imaginable. Though not the major factor, it made it easy for her to decide against joining him to become an Auror and went into a field she knew he would not pursue. She busied herself in training, which was not really hard to do because she was really busy, and as a result saw him less. The few times that she saw him, she avoided situations that would lead them to intimacy and argued with him about almost anything. Again, the latter just kind of spontaneously happened anyway.

She was hoping that by being that terrible he would be able to see other women and realize he could be happier. The only thing she could not bring herself to do was see someone else just for the sake of Ron letting her go. And true to his word, Ron was hanging on. Maybe she wasn't really being terrible enough.

Two years ago, though quite unexpectedly, she did have an interesting relationship with a Muggle boy she had known almost all her life. She first met him when, as a know-it-all precocious 6-year old, she was invited to his birthday party. They actually went to school together before Hermione came to Hogwarts and frequently saw each other during the holidays because their families went to the same social functions.

It was Christmas time; her parents invited his parents to vacation at the same ski resort. They were dragged to come, emotionally blackmailed actually. Hermione did not want to go because it was her first year in training and was afraid she would miss out on something really important; he did not want to come either because he was wrapping up his first major case as an Inspector at Scotland Yard. They were grumpy and miserable the first couple of days, really quite great company for Christmas holidays. Her impression of him while growing up (and during those first few days) was that he was a spoiled, mean, egocentric brat. Actually, that was her impression of all her parents' friends' kids.

Hermione suspected that their parents connived this elaborate vacation to give them a chance to know one another. They were left to fend for themselves as their parents went off to unknown and probably made-up functions that they supposedly could not join. His parents were constantly telling him to take her somewhere, to do something with her, which annoyed her because they assumed she was so lame that she would not be able to figure out what to do with herself. And more so, it annoyed her that he did as his parents asked. By circumstance, they ended up spending a lot of time together, and unexpectedly grew fond of each other.

He was three years older than she was, very charming, quite attractive and down to earth. From what his parents told her parents, which they made sure she overheard, they forced him to take some time off because he had just come out of a relationship that ended when his long-time girlfriend ran off with his partner, a result of him working too hard and not having time for her. That certainly was something Hermione wished could happen to her. Maybe she could draw a few good pointers from his experience.

She quickly changed her mind about him and liked him enough to consider having a more serious relationship with him. Towards the end of the two weeks, they had difficulty keeping their hands off each other, and were making excuses so they could spend more time alone. She owled Ron about him; his reply was a very hastily and forcibly written "Good luck!"

Unfortunately, the Muggle failed the ultimate test; freaking out when Hermione told and showed him she was a witch. It was the classic witch tragic love story - witch meets Muggle, likes Muggle enough to reveal self, scares Muggle off. As a credit to Ron, he did not take the opportunity to rub that in.

The conundrum she had about Ron was unbeknownst to others. She knew Ron was a proud man and it would devastate him if she started telling his family and friends about them. As a friend, she owed it to him to tell them himself. So for appearances sake, she let everyone continue to believe that they were still a couple, albeit a bad one.

To complicate matters, Hermione was noticing that Ron was becoming more persistent lately. She felt it was her fault, really. She did wonder if her lack of firmness with him would ultimately cause more problems and true enough it now was. After three years of tolerating their arrangement, what was Ron supposed to think? With his impending graduation from the Auror Academy, his younger sister and other siblings already starting families, settling down was the most logical next step for him.

She wasn't supposed to but on the one occasion she could not resist practicing her newly found Legilimency skills on him, she found out that he was going to propose to her. What was he thinking? Did he actually believe that she would say yes? Granting that she was a willing participant to the farce of a relationship they had, surely, he couldn't think she would be willing to make this lie permanent!

While she was too frightened to look into his thoughts again, she could tell when he was planning to propose and she felt it would be too unkind to have him go through with it. Last night, at the reception, Ron attempted to propose again, and again, Hermione sensed it was coming so she shot it down before he did. Ron stormed out, his face as red as his hair. Hermione thought his reaction was quite appropriate for someone who had been trying to get it out five times.

True, she could have just allowed him to ask and she could have said 'no'. But she did not want him to waste that moment on her. He deserved at least a chance the first time he popped such an important question.

She cried for him, she cried for them, and she cried for how they had ruined what once was a great friendship. She disappeared in the back to chat with Tom the bartender, after all, that's what bartenders were for, except Ginny had spotted and followed her. Then Harry came later.

She donned some pyjamas and set off to the kitchen to make some tea. While her body craved sleep and rest, her brain was still in overdrive. Taking a sip of warm Earl Grey, she hoped this would make it stop whirring. Her mind was chastising itself for inviting a guest over.

You shouldn't have had that much firewhiskey. If you didn't Ginny wouldn't have fussed and asked Harry to take you home. If he didn't take you home, you wouldn't have had such a great time with him and you wouldn't have invited him to spend the night. Hermione, you should know better. Did you just not say you didn't have time for this?

She looked over at the sofa and saw Harry fast asleep. Hermione walked over to the living room, lit the fireplace and sat on the couch opposite him with her knees drawn up to her chest, cupping her mug of tea with both hands. She wanted this opportunity, to look at him without anyone around, without him knowing, and allow her time to evaluate how she felt about him. Since their last year at Hogwarts, Hermione was quite sure that her feelings for Harry were not merely platonic.

The emotional bond was quite understandable. It was almost impossible not to have that after the many times they had both saved each other from mortal peril. They would do anything for the other in an instant, as Ron would too. Harry seemed to understand and trust her, and she definitely trusted him. Hermione's main concern was the physical attraction for him that seemed to have grown over the past couple of years. She first noticed it while screening potential girls to go out with him after his break-up with Ginny.

She could remember the exact moment; they were at Madame Puddifoot's on a double date. Harry's date kept fainting whenever he talked to her so finally, after the fourth time this happened, they, Ron, Harry and she, decided this wasn't going to work. The girl was so weak just from being around Harry so Ron had to take her back to Hogwarts to see Madam Pomfrey. Harry and Hermione stayed and were talking about all the girls he had dated and how he just did not find them interesting. He said maybe, he just wasn't ready yet. Very seriously, he asked Hermione to stop playing matchmaker and make better use of her time.

It may have been because of where they were, the smooching couples all round them, the scented candles, the romantic music, how they were seated so close to one another, and the seriousness of their conversation, but she all of a sudden noticed how attractive he was. For the first time she really looked into his green eyes and almost drowned in them. Her awareness was so troubling she had to hurriedly excuse herself so she could pull herself together. From then on, Hermione felt uncomfortable being alone with him.

At a safe distance, in the presence of crowds, and, like right now, when asleep, Hermione felt fine. She was alarmed by how she felt when they were alone or when Harry was within arms reach of her. She literally would have difficulty breathing, as if a force that she could not compete with was sucking all the air in her vicinity. So she avoided him, or escaped fast enough before fainting like that girl he had dated.

Some would argue that this reaction would be true for almost every witch of Harry Potter's generation. After all, Harry was a handsome man and he did rid the world of the most evil dark lord ever born. He was For Witches Only's most eligible bachelor weekly since he became of age.

But still, Hermione wanted to put an end to her breathing problem and to the nice but totally inappropriate dreams she was having about him. She sought to spend time and talk with him like before, like tonight. His friendship meant more to her than anything else. This was Harry, a boy she had known when his having a scar was the only thing that made him famous, her best friend who she fought alongside with against the most evil dark wizard of their time. He would be revolted with the thought that she had become a groupie! Hermione felt that she should be above all that.

But smart as she was she was still at a loss on how to go about putting an end to this attraction. The onboard firewhiskey certainly allowed her to feel 'normal' that night, normal enough to talk with him; but she doubted taking a swig of firewhiskey whenever they were together could go unnoticed. She thought maybe it would go away if he was seriously seeing someone else and wondered whether he would allow her to start setting him up again.

What if he has the same feelings for you? That would be great!

I agree.

With that thought, Hermione decided to turn in just as Harry moved and his blanket fell to the floor. Hermione walked up to his couch and positioned the blanket back on him. As she did, he heard him moan what she thought sounded like her name. She leaned over him and moved her ear closer to his lips. She waited. Then she heard her name again, the soft warm air from his mouth evoking a tingling feeling deep within her.

She turned and found it impossible to move away now. She could see every detail of his face from where she was. His dark hair, the scar on his forehead and she found herself drawn to his mouth. She remembered that one time in their final year, they leaned over to kiss to congratulate each other on graduation day. By accident their lips met and she thought that they both held it longer than they had to. For a brief moment, warmth enveloped her entire being and she felt butterflies flutter inside her. Would it feel the same if she kissed him right now?

Now, her thoughts were battling again. About why she should and about why she shouldn't.

He's your best friend. This is not going to end well.

I can always blame it on the firewhiskey.

Finally, fed up with her thoughts, Hermione stopped thinking, leaned in closer and did what she felt she had to do.