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My Urge to Tickle Hermione Granger by Viopathartic

My Urge to Tickle Hermione Granger


My Urge to Tickle Hermione Granger


WARNING The Author's Note is REALLY long.

A/N: This my first time writing from first person point of view. It will be from Harry's. This has no DH spoilers and I guess you can say it's my version of Book 7 but not really. There is no reference to HBP or Horcruxes or anything.

This is unbetaed and yes, I know I should have sent it away before posting it but honestly, you cannot know how giddy I was when I finished this. I was smiling widely and due to my excitement, I could not hold it any longer. So I posted it.

Hopefully you'll find this amusing.

ON OPERATION COJACKS: Erm...don't blame me. Blame Mr. Writer's Block who's hovering over my shoulders right now.

I know, I know. I'll explain so put away the rotten tomatoes, please.

See, I kind of have an idea on how Harry and Hermione (and Slit) will answer Ben but everything after that is kind of blank. Sometimes, I'm a bit discouraged. The series is finished and H/Hr had officially sunk. I know, you're screaming DON'T GIVE UP!!! I won't. I'll never stop loving Hermione and Harry, but I'm a bit sad that Rowling couldn't see what I saw for the first three books into the series.

Second, it's very hard for me to depict the underground, espionage aspect of the world. I mean, I'm only 15 years old...not a secret female Agent Cody Banks. I still have to take the SATs, lol. So when I read this:


Very limited operational parameters that for the most part can better be served by tapping into any of the several hundred spy satellites that are orbiting around out there. It's also harder than hell to operate and maintain without the umbrella of an extensive military infrastructure, and while it would be a fast way to move agents around the world, using what is probably the most recognizable spyplane in the air is probably not the stealthiest way to go about it.


I was like...Whaaaat? lol

Anyways, yeah, I'll get a beta who can work on the plot holes with me or something...I really need betas. Even though I have two already, I think I seriously need maybe three more, lol. Yes I'm that bad.

So if anyone wants to beta for me in addition to the wonderful Veronica and ever so patient SkyHighFan, contact me at I know, cool e-mail address.

Hopefully some of you reviewers will have some insight on this one-shot and Operation CoJacks for me; I'd greatly appreciate it.

And let the story begin here.

I've always known I was one weird kid. I mean, c'mon...who fucking kills the scariest, darkest sorcerer at the age of one and after 16 more years, kills him again (odd, yes)? Who makes their hair grow back after a day from a haircut? Who can teleport themselves away from Dudley and his gang and end up on top of the school roof when they were in primary school? Who can blow up their aunt to a size of a hot balloon?

What kind of sick, mentally unstable person talks to snakes?

Oh wait. That's me...

Anyways, on to the fact that I'm one weird wizard.

That same fact had dawned on me when I was out with my then girlfriend, Ginny Weasley, and sitting quite serenely in the courtyard. As I was sitting against the trunk of a tree, I had my arm across her shoulders and Ginny was leaning against me. She was completing her homework for Defense Against the Dark Arts--not that anyone would need to take it anymore because of the fact that...well, I already killed Lord Voldemort. I had already finished my homework; Hermione also finished hers, at the same time...cough.

So there I was, sitting in silence with my girlfriend, not even questioning why we never talk about things that mattered. Why she never seemed to be listening to me anymore. Why I want to strangle her sometimes...

Yeah, our relationship was just peachy.

I don't know what happened. Before the war, I was completely infatuated by her mere presence. I loved spending my time snogging with her because everything--my life as Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived--disappeared and I was just a normal boy spending time with his girlfriend.

After the war, I couldn't-still can't-fathom the relationship I had established with my best mate's little sister. So many people like McGonagall, Slughorn, Charlie, Dennis died. I saw horrible things in my battle and Ginny, who stayed behind to aid healers with wounds and injuries, couldn't even begin to understand how much it scarred me. Only Hermione and Ron could.

To continue such a relationship of oblivion was just like attending a dear friend's funeral and then the next day partying until the sun falls. Like forgetting everything that happened in between.

I sighed audibly and glanced over at Ginny, arm still around her shoulder. I noticed that she noticed but she didn't say anything. Apparently, I sigh often.

This was what we've been doing lately. One day snogging, the next sitting in uncomfortable, 'like ants in your pants' silence.

Maybe 15 minutes passed before I heard Ginny's voice again.

Oh god. She's singing something under her breath.

I'll interrupt here because seriously, you do not want to hear Ginny Weasley sing.

See, people get cravings or urges. It's normal because it's human instinct. Sometimes you think about to eating some chocolate cake even though you're currently in a class. Sometimes you have the urge to scream out loud because everything around you was silent. Sometimes you want to hit a person in the back of the head because they're walking too damn slow.

Well, you see...I have an urge. But it has nothing to do with food or violence. In fact...

Er...just read on.

Now I'm sitting there and thinking about strangling my girlfriend...again. Instead, I act as if I don't hear the sound that resembled a drunken Mundungus on karaoke night and look beyond the courtyard. I spot Neville Longbottom perched on the stone wall of the area, reading a Herbology book. That boy was seriously gifted with plants. In fact, I bet he'll be the Herbology professor one day.

Sitting next to him was Susan Bones. I've never seen her with Neville. I would always connect her with Hannah Abbott and Ernie Mcmillan. But ever since their deaths in the battle, she had to find knew people to hang around. She had a book on her lap but instead of reading, she kept on stealing glances at the boy next to her.

Oh, Neville. You are so dense.

I see Ron having a picnic with Luna Lovegood. He was nervously pouring her a goblet of pumpkin juice while the Ravenclaw just stared at him with her dreamy smile. He accidentally spilled some on her skirt and hastily grabbed a napkin. Luna, still smiling, waved his hand away and with a swish of her wand, the stain disappeared. Ron continued to apologize but I see Luna waving her hand again. I observe my best friend's embarrassed smile and I feel relief when I see them continue their lunch together. Oh boy, first dates.

There were a lot of people from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff in the courtyard. Zip from Slytherin. Yep, those slimy gits decided to join the dark side because they thought it'd be good for them. Hope they're having fun in Azkaban.

But I don't see her. Usually she would be here. Either with a book or hanging with Ron but since Ron was occupied -Luna just whipped out a box of chocolate frogs-my best friend was probably with the first choice.

Let's see...Hermione will be the only one with a bag bulging from the books stuffed…oh, there she is, yonder, er, sorry...I could never speak Old English.

I was right. Hermione Granger, smartest witch of our age, was reading a book that looked to be about a thousand pages thick. She was smiling slightly as her eyes scanned the text and that was when I thought how Hermione Granger was the only one who would do that. I feel a corner of my mouth lifting at the sight of her.

She was something else. She was neither my sister nor my friend. No, she was my BEST friend. Ron was my best mate; another person who I played Quidditch with and do other manly, macho stuff with.

Hermione was the person I would always go to for anything from sentimental to silly things. She would never laugh at me; she'd laugh with me. She would never blow me off even though she'd have a load of homework to do. Instead she'd listen to me first and then for the rest of the night, I would sit by and watch her as she finishes her homework that she put off to the side just for me. She would be the person who I know would hand me a tissue if I ever decided to break down and cried in front of the whole bloody school population.

Some people think it odd for a person like me to hang out with a person like Hermione. Every time I hear someone say that to me, I would have to suppress the urge to punch them. See, what's so wrong about me loving to spend time with Hermione Granger? I see nothing wrong. In fact when I hang out with Hermione, everything is right. She reads my mind and I read hers. I feel comfortable around her, like I'm just Harry. I'm pretty sure she feels the same about me.

Far away but still close from Hermione was a pair of lovey-dovey Hufflepuffs. Benny and Shirley or something. They're not kissing or anything but I could hear the girl giggling. When I narrowed my eyes, I saw why. Benny was tickling her without mercy. She wriggled under his hands, red in the face. Boy was looking at her, his face happy and with an expression that only people in love could sport. Hermione had looked up from her book. At first I thought she would tell them off. Head girl and all that. But no, instead she stared at them. Not hatefully, mind you but I know her well enough to read what's happening in her eyes.

There's some annoyance but it's so miniscule that only I could read it. But then, there's something like...longing?

Hmm. Hermione Granger wanted to be tickled. How about that?

But then I thought of something interesting. Never in my 5 years of being friends with her have I seen Hermione get tickle attacked. It may have happened in the girl's dormitory in slumber parties or something but the image was just not right for me. She didn't really get along with her roommates and didn't seem particularly close.

It would be funny to see her get tickled. I mean, I would laugh too. But I know it's impossible because Hermione would never let someone she didn't trust touch her in such a way. I think the only people Hermione would ever let tickle her would be me or Ron because we have this sort of trust.

Even though Ron has her permission, I don't think he wants to tickle Hermione. They're close as in brother and sister...not in that way...oh, wait.

So where does that leave me?

Confused, I look back at Hermione who has now gone back to her reading. The couple was gone and I assumed they left in search for a broom closest. Her forehead was creased in concentration and all of the background noises were seemingly blocked from her hearing. Suddenly, the image of Hermione in concentration was quickly replaced by Hermione on the floor, laughing as I am on top of her and tickling her sides without mercy.

Wait. What was that? I shook my head, banishing the thought from my mind and focused on something that had caused my interest. I look at my fingers but they appeared to be normal from the outside. It was what was happening inside-and inside of me-that caught my attention. I don't know who to describe it. It was sort of like a tingling or like thousands of tiny, microscopic creatures tickling my fingers.

So yeah. There it is, I said it. I have the urge to tickle Hermione shhhh!

There it was again. A tingle in the tips of my fingers. In shock, I droped my hand and let it touch Ginny's shoulder. I immediately pulled my arm from around her. My face burned in embarrassment. In doing so, I caught Ginny's attention and brought it away from her homework.

"What, Harry?"

"Nothing," I answered a bit too quickly. Before she could say anything else, I turned my head again and back to Hermione. She's still reading.

Wow, I AM weird. I want to tickle Hermione but not my own girlfriend.

I feel Ginny's hand on the lower part of my arm, sliding to my hand. It wrapped around my wrist. Suddenly, I'm forced to look into her eyes. I see curiosity in her brown eyes, flickering with annoyance as well. She has grown prettier in the years, which was one thing that had attracted me to her.

Her red hair was loose from its ponytail and fell on her shoulders. I already knew it would feel soft without having to even feel it. She was wearing the required school robes but even so, managed to make it look fashionable to some degree.

If I have that in front of me, why was I thinking of Hermione?

She's not letting me look away. I know Ginny never liked it for me to not tell her the truth.


So I did. Told her the truth.

"Do you think Hermione has ever been tickled?"

There. I said exactly what I was thinking...and bloody hell, I am not only weird but also stupid.

Idiot Potter.

Ginny blinked. Just once.


Try to play it off or keep your bloody mouth shut. I couldn't do either. "I said...has Hermione ever been tickled by anyone?"

"N-No, not that I know of. Harry, why are you asking me that?"

"I dunno. I was just thinking," I answered, making sure that the irritation was clear in my voice.

"Thinking about tickling Hermione?" I knew Ginny would try to use her ratiocination. She just never lets up when it comes to interrogation time with Harry Potter.

"I was...well, I just felt like tickling someone," I further explained oh-so-eloquently.

Yes, I am aware of how stupid and creepy it sounded.

Ginny shifted uncomfortably in her seat and then, for some reason, she scooted closer to me.

"Well, you can...tickle me if you feel like it," she suggested nervously, worried as to why I was thinking about Hermione.

Ugh. Ew. I'm suddenly mortified at the thought of tickling Ginny and having her underneath me.

"I don't want to tickle YOU," I suddenly said, not even thinking as the words flew from my mouth, "I want to tickle Hermione."

Complete, utter silence suddenly fell between us like an anvil dropped from the sky. I heard the catch in her breath when I said the last word and felt the way she physically moved away from me. And the worst part was that I felt nothing but relief. Maybe she'll leave me alone.

But then, something inside squirmed when I heard a tearful sniff. I turned to her and saw her with her head down and fingers tangled in her lap. She wasn't crying really, but she wouldn't let her tears fall.

"Shite...Gin, I didn't mean what I said," I tried to say but she held up a hand, signaling me to just stop.

When she did look up, all traces of tears were gone and she was now frowning at me.

In a shaky voice, she said, "I-I asked what you were thinking and you told me. You don't have to explain."

"But I--"

"I think we should break up."

Woah, wait. She's the one suggesting it?!?!

I cleared my throat. "Breakup? Well, yeah...I think that would be best."

Ginny nodded again. She wasn't showing any emotion. For my sake or her own...I don't know. But I know that inside, passed the hurt, passed the betrayal, there was anger. Anger as in bat-bogey hex. I hope Zacharias Smith or Malfoy doesn't plan on visiting her anytime soon. Well...actually, I hope they do because, you know, I hate them.

Calmly, she packed up her school supplies, stood up, and straightened her skirt. Without looking at me, she mumbled, "Bye Harry."

I raised a wave of goodbye that Ginny won't see because she was already walking away from me. I stared after her.

Was I supposed to feel relieved when breaking up with the girl I've been with for months? I don't know because Ginny was my first girlfriend. She's the first that ever broke up with me. With Cho, she didn't even say anything. It was just...Boom, she's no longer my "girlfriend".

At least two good things have happened. One, I'm not longer obliged to awkward, alone time with Ginny Weasley.

And two, somehow, my sudden urge from before seemed to have gone awa--

Hermione was no longer at her bench. Instead, she was currently standing right in front of me.

She still had bushy, uncontrollable hair but let's just say it was better than when she was younger. It seemed to fit her just right; bushy hair was a trademark quality of Hermione Granger just like my scar was a trademark for Harry Potter. She was wearing her cloak like me but unlike me, it was buttoned all the way up, leaving only three or four opened. I let my cloak hang loose because it's really uncomfortable when you can't breathe.

At once, the image came back.

I grasped my right hand with my left to keep the fingers from wiggling.

"Ginny and I broke up," I stated. One look from my best friend made me say it without hesitation.

"I know. I was watching," answered Hermione simply.

"Why were you watching me?" I teased her and was glad to see a small blush appear in her cheeks.

"I take it you're okay with the breakup between you and Ginny," she said amusingly. Without needing my invitation, she sat down to the left of me, leaned against the trunk like Ginny had, and sighed. I turned my head and sighed too.

Hermione chuckled then turned serious. "So how do you really feel?"

"I'm fine actually."

She raised her right eyebrow in a cute way. "You look a bit guilty."

I think I let my surprise show on my face because I can see Hermione smiling slightly. I mentally shook my head. She could read me like a book.

Hermione titled her head in a questioning fashion. "Why are you feeling guilty?"

Oh no. I can't fall for that again. I already told Ginny the truth and that led to potential danger to male persons who come near to the red-headed witch.

"Well...Ron will probably kill me because I hurt his baby sister."

"Harry, even though his first priority is to protect his little sister that doesn't mean he would want to see you unhappy by continuing a relationship that was going nowhere."

"Ron knew that?"

Hermione rolled her eyes; another trademark of hers. "I think I graduated from having an emotional range of a teaspoon a long time ago, Harry. Yes, he noticed."

"Then why didn't that wanker bloody tell me?" I said in mock anger.

"Don't you think he's a bit busy?" She nodded towards the picnic where a Gryffindor and a Ravenclaw was.

I sighed. "You're right. Anyways, I'm gonna be fine. And I mean it." I looked at her in the eyes, straight into her brown ones so that she could see that I was serious.

Hermione reached over the small gap that was between us as we sat next to each other and squeezed my hand.

Meanwhile, my right hand was jittering inside like crazy once again. Thank god that only I could feel it and that she couldn't see it. Hermione was back to reading her book, which she had magically shrunk inside her robes, and she still held my hand.

I was fine with that. She always held my hand...well unless Ginny was around.

I discovered her touch to be very comforting...very good for the soul. Haha, snerk.

You can say that Ginny's taking our breakup pretty well.

You can also say that Voldemort was only a poor, tortured, and confused soul and in his confusion, he accidentally killed hundreds of people.

At least she wasn't hexing me every time she saw me with Hermione. Hermione, of course, was oblivious to as to whyGinny was sending me glares of doom and merely told me to wait a little. And that Ginny was an accepting girl.

Pssch. Obviously Hermione never dated Ginerva Weasley...which I'm kind of relieved because that would be awkward.

Another frustrating thing is--again--how Hermione is oblivious to the fact that every time I'm near her I want to tickle the living daylights out of her. She never noticed how my right eye kind of twitched every time she reached over me to fetch a piece of paper or get a bun off from the serving plate. Never even blinked when she reached to hold my right hand but then I would snatch it away and replace it with my left.

So this is what it feels like to have ADHD.

I mean, I sit next to her. But I don't know what to say. How can I tell her that I have the urge to...

takes a look around Good, all clear.

The urge to...tickle Hermione Granger.

Actually, I've rehearsed numerous scenarios of how things would turn out if I ever confess.

Okay. clears throat

Let me rehearse it one more time.

We'd be in the middle of the library, deep in the back room. Madam Pince is all the way in the front and cannot eavesdrop. We're alone.

I'd walk up to her table and Hermione smiles when she spots that her bestest friend in the whole fucking world is here.

"Hello, good lady. May I take a seat in the chair opposite to you?"

"Why yes, good sir. You may."

I'd give her a smile and pull a chair from underneath the table, the legs making a horribly screeching sound as it does so in the awkward silence.

I put down my bag and smile again. Girls love it when Harry Potter smiles, right?

"What a surprise to see you here, harry. What can I do for you?"

I stare at her, plastic smile still on.

"I would like to tickle you."

Eh, hold on. Take 2.

How about I just say it. No pleasantries or fake shite and I just tell her the truth? Girls like the truth, right?


I'm sitting on the love sofa besides the fireplace and Hermione is reading next to me. I should be doing my homework but I'm not because I'm too busy staring at her, thinking how different her laugh may be when she gets tickled.

Then she'll catch my gaze and her eyes will immediately be filled with concern. She puts a hand on my thigh...twitch and she'll ask, "What's wrong, Harry?"

I'd mumble something and Hermione would say, "Speak louder."

I'd take a very deep breath and say, "Hermione, I want to tickle--"

"What's wrong, Harry?"

Her face suddenly comes into focus and with a shock, I remember that me and her were in the Gryffindor room before I had escaped into La-La Land. Like in my head, her eyes clouded with concern but now her hand was on my forehead, checking if I was burning up or something.

I shake my head again to make sure that I'm not stuck in my own daydream because it was just so similar to the scene in my head.

With my own hand, I reached up and grabbed hers, slowly lowering it so that our entwined hands were on my lap.

"Harry?" For some reason, Hermione was blushing. Maybe it was because we were sitting so near to the fireplace.

"I, er…" I stared at our hands. I was acting like a blubbering fool.

Then something snapped inside me. Why was I hiding my urge? I should act on it, damnit!

I lifted my head so that I could stare into Hermione's eyes. She was so confused.

Then, I whispered, "Sorry."

And I lunged at her.

My hands immediately attack her sides, fingers wiggling away their tickling tension. I feel a laugh crawling up my throat and suddenly I feel complete. Happy. Deliriously so.

The two of us fall off the couch and I think 'thank god everyone has gone to sleep'. As my hands continued, Hermione rolled to the side, facing away from me and she's squirming.

I stopped when I realized that I couldn't hear Hermione.

Oh shite.

No, I did not just kill Hermione Granger. Sure, we fell off the couch but…

But then I looked closer and my ears picked up a small sound. It was coming from Hermione.

She was laughing. So hard that she couldn't even speak let alone laugh. Her face was turning a funny red and her mouth was wide open showing all of her teeth. Her arms were clutching her stomach and she rolled towards me.

I finally breathed and smiled my widest. She distracted me and now I was paying for it. With speed that I've never seen from a bookworm before, Hermione leapt onto my body, pinning me down by holding my arms above my head with one hand. The other--the wicked one-was torturing me as I was left vulnerable.

It was my turn to fill the room with the sounds of a person being tickled to death. Hermione's giggling-and I realized how different it was from a "conversation laugh". It was like a little girl's laugh when she's swinging on the swings or when she's dancing through the sprinklers on a summer's day. And I realized that I would do anything to hear it again.

We had a tickle war until we could tickle no more. Hermione was underneath me and I was on top of her, arms supporting me so that I would not crush her. The sound of the logs in the fireplace crackling filled the empty Common Room. The clock tick-tocked at an indescribable pattern.

"Harry?" she whispered, smiling a bit. I looked down at her and saw that coy, knowing smile.

I froze. Now that I had...overcome my urge, another one was coming to replace it. And it's totally different, believe me.

Her laugh had faded from my mind and now the image of her lips bombarded my whole system. I see a bit of her straight white teeth as her mouth was slightly opened and I'm grateful Pomfrey's work. She looked gorgeous with her hair going in all direction, thoroughly messed up from the tickle fight. My body sensed her hand which gripped my shoulders.

Earlier I had the urge to tickle Hermione Granger. What did I do to cure it?

Well, I tickled her.

Now I have to urge to snog Hermione Granger. And so, what do I do now?

I kissed her.

A/N: I also would like for you to check the latest chapter of A Club and if you want, Out of Breath¸ which is one of my latest one-shots.

Anyways, thanks for reading.