Life Begins at 40
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe and all the characters in it belong to J.K. Rowling. This story is a work of imagination and is directed solely at readers of this website. No infringement of any rights is intended and no criticism of J.K. Rowling or her work should be considered to be stated or implied.
Author's Note: The penultimate part, brings us back to where we came in. I also knew that I would get the Chudley Cannon's colors wrong in Part 2! I should have checked. I am informed that they are orange and black. Apologies.
Part 5. Dinner with Hermione
Harry sat in the small, dark restaurant in the back room of a pub in Hampstead waiting for Hermione. He had chosen this restaurant because of the low lighting and the generous space between the tables, giving diners more privacy than in virtually any other restaurant that he knew. He was anxious that he and Hermione shouldn't be recognized or overheard tonight. It was just over two weeks since Ginny had suddenly demanded that he leave their house and although he had been back to pick up a few things and had met up with Ginny a couple of times, she didn't seem to be in any mood for a reconciliation. Harry was almost certain that Ginny had deliberately sought a confrontation on the night that he had left, in the hope of finally cutting off his ties with Hermione. However, after things hadn't gone quite as she had expected, she was now too stubborn to back down. As Harry also had no intention of giving way this time and was convinced that his separation from Ginny should be permanent, he had decided to take the next seemingly logical step. Disregarding Ginny's views about Hermione's duplicity and trusting his own judgment for once, Harry had phoned Hermione from his office a couple of days ago and asked her to meet him here tonight. When she had tried to press him for an explanation, he had pretended that he had to dash off for an urgent appointment, leaving Hermione confused and frustrated.
As the meeting was his own idea, it was difficult for Harry to understand why he felt so nervous tonight; it was only a dinner after all. Ginny had often said that one of the things that had attracted her to him was that he was so brave in the way that he had pursued Voldermort. Harry had tried to explain to her, as he had tried to tell Ron and Hermione many years before, that bravery had little to do with it. Most of the time it was just bloody mindedness and sheer blind panic that drove him on during those years. Harry thought that to be brave you had to act out of choice and he felt that he had never really had that opportunity. He hadn't chosen to seek confrontation; it had been forced on him like a part of his genetic programming; something that he had no voluntary control over. In Harry's opinion, Snape had been brave, as he had chosen to act against Voldermort for Lilly's sake, being fully aware of the dangers involved. By this reckoning, Ron and Hermione had also been braver than Harry, since they had chosen to stick with him, when they could have walked away at any time. Neville had been brave, leading the resistance at Hogwarts and perhaps even Ginny. He also regarded Luna Lovegood as braver than himself, since she always stuck to her convictions, no matter how much abuse she took; something that he had never quite been able to manage. Even now, he wasn't really being truthful with himself. He knew why he was nervous. It was because this meeting tonight was potentially very important to him and he really had no idea what he hoped to accomplish or how to go about it. He just knew that things had to be brought out into the open with Hermione, but Harry was well aware that if the meeting went badly it could deal a major blow to their friendship.
Harry glanced up as Hermione entered the room. She always appeared beautiful to him, but tonight she looked stunning, wearing a close fitting, sleeveless, calf-length dress of a soft, pale turquoise material; a double strand of pearls around her neck and her hair hanging loosely to her shoulders. It was clear that she had made a special effort. Harry stood as Hermione was shown over to their table.
"Hello," she said a little nervously, looking around the room. "This is a nice place; I didn't even know that they had a restaurant here."
Harry leaned forward and kissed Hermione lightly on the cheek in greeting. "Yeah, I've used it a couple of times to meet up with Muggle VIPs. It's very private and the media don't seem to know about it."
"What's this all about? You aren't usually so mysterious," Hermione asked anxiously.
Harry smiled, indicating the chair opposite and waited for Hermione to sit down before retaking his own seat. He took his time, forming his words carefully. "I just thought that we should meet up and clear the air. Things have been moving very quickly recently and we haven't really had the chance to catch up with each other."
Hermione grimaced. "That sounds ominous," she said lightly.
"Look, I'll get straight to the point," Harry continued decisively, ignoring Hermione's flippant remark. "It's to do with your break up with Ron. Ginny and Ron have both said things to me about you that made me start thinking and… I just need to know whether what they suggested is true or not. If it is, it means that I have been a total idiot for longer than I care to remember."
Hermione fell silent, the color draining from her face, suspecting and dreading what was to come next. Whatever she had been expecting from the evening, it hadn't been this.
"The thing is," Harry continued, oblivious to the change in Hermione's expression, "we've been friends since we were just a couple of kids; really good friends. In fact, I don't know what I would have done most of the time if you hadn't been there for me to turn to. Well, Ron and Ginny both hinted that… at one time… you perhaps hoped that we might be… more than just friends." Harry's voice got gradually quieter as he struggled over his words. "I need to know whether I should believe them," he finished, almost inaudibly.
Hermione exhaled deeply and looked away, appearing to study the room and the other diners. Harry was horrified to see her eyes moistening and she ran her hand roughly over the top of her cheeks before turning back and looking down at the place setting in front of her. She was quiet for a long moment, her breathing rapid and shallow as she struggled to regain her composure.
"Things were never really that simple," she finally began tentatively. "Look Harry, I won't try to deny that I always liked you. Even before we met, I knew so much about you. It was obvious that we were about the same age and I hoped that you might be in my year at Hogwarts. But then we met and you weren't at all what I had imagined. You were skinny and wore silly round glasses. Your hair stuck up, you didn't seem to know very much, and you were annoying and slightly arrogant." She paused and smiled. "But you were also sincere and kind. You were the only one who thought of me when that troll got loose on Halloween; don't deny that it was your idea, Ron told me all about it when he was drunk one night. How could I not like you after that? And then, we became friends. In fact, you turned out to be the best friend that I had ever had and we appeared to understand each other so well." The wistful expression on Hermione's face was replaced with one of resignation. "But that was how you seemed to want to keep things. Just as friends and, I have to admit, I wasn't particularly overjoyed to see you chasing after Cho and then Ginny, when you didn't seem interested in me; especially after I stuck up for you and helped you out in fourth year. I suppose that I hoped that once other boys started to take an interest in me, you might follow suit. But it didn't happen; even though Victor Krum was really jealous of our friendship. Then Ron made it clear that he fancied me and I suppose that I thought that might be enough. And it was for a while." Hermione paused again and she became more serious. "But the thing that you must understand Harry is that those feelings were over a long time ago. They had nothing to do with Ron and my break up. So you mustn't feel guilty about it."
Harry frowned. "It isn't that. I don't feel guilty; I just feel incredibly stupid. The thing is, when I was growing up with the Dursleys, I was a nothing; the lowest form of life. It's hard now to remember just how bad things were. But then I came into the wizarding world and suddenly I was famous and I got attention. It just seemed to me that all my dreams had come true and really good looking girls, like Cho and Ginny, were interested in me. That had never been the case when I was a Muggle." Harry smiled and gave a deep sigh. "I suppose that it went to my head a bit and it was even fun to see how jealous the other blokes were, particularly Ron, who never was very good at hiding his emotions. I thought that I deserved it in some way. After all, my Dad managed to marry probably the best looking girl in his year at Hogwarts, didn't he?" Harry looked at Hermione, trying to judge her mood and decided that he might as well be totally honest with her. "But you know, all that time, if it came to a choice, you were more important to me than any of those other girls. I don't think that I've ever told you this, but whenever I was thinking of doing something particularly rash or foolish, I would actually hear your voice in my head telling me to think again. That's the real reason that Cho and I broke up you know; because she was jealous of our relationship." He looked down; avoiding the empathy in Hermione's eyes and his voice became more uncertain. "Then, when we went back to Hogwarts that last time for the final confrontation with Voldemort and I saw you kissing Ron, I felt a real sense of loss. I'd never expected to feel like that; I thought that I had become resigned to you being with Ron. But when I was walking off to face Voldermort, believing that I wouldn't be coming back, I thought of the people that I would like to see one last time." Harry looked up again, needing to study Hermione's reaction to the confession that he was about to make. "And do you know who I thought of first? It wasn't Ginny or Cho. It was you. I think that was when I finally realized just what you meant to me; but it was too late. You were with Ron and, once it was all over, I didn't have the heart to say anything to you. I never dreamt that you might have some of the same type of feelings, so I just took up with Ginny again." Harry shrugged. "What an idiot I was, eh?"
A waiter approached their table, notepad and pen in hand, but Harry waved him away, miming that they needed more time. He looked at Hermione, who returned his gaze with an expression of bewilderment. "You probably know that things aren't too rosy between Ginny and me at the moment," he continued. "She didn't take your break up too well and all of these issues suddenly came out into the open. The truth is, I've been staying at the Leaky Cauldron for the past two weeks. So you see, you and I are both at a bit of a loose end." He paused, wondering how he should phrase the request that he had been leading up to. "I know that you said that those feelings were over a long time ago for you…" Harry pressed on doggedly, reaching across the table and resting his hand on one of Hermione's "…but they aren't for me. And so, I was wondering… whether it's too late, or whether we could try being a bit more than just best friends after all?" He stopped and looked at Hermione hopefully. She sat shaking her head in disbelief, with a puzzled frown now creasing her brow.
"This is a bit much to take in, Harry. What is it exactly that you want to happen?" she offered after a long period of silent thought.
"I don't know," Harry wondered hastily, not wanting to say anything that would seem inappropriate and spoil the mood, now that he had come this far. "I need to find somewhere else to live. Perhaps we could consider moving in together. Nothing heavy; separate bedrooms and all that. But I really can't think of anyone that I would rather spend time with than you and I can't see how any other relationship is going to work, when I have such a beautiful woman as my best friend," he finished with a weak grin.
Hermione didn't answer immediately, her frown deepening. Harry felt his heart beat quickening and found that his senses suddenly kicked into overdrive as he strained to gauge her reaction. He was conscious of the soft ticking of a grandfather clock through in the adjoining hallway, a muffled curse coming from the kitchen as someone accidentally touched a hot surface, and the distant rumble of a local train heading towards Kings Cross. Hermione looked away and Harry thought that he noticed an unexpected expression pass across her face that he didn't quite understand; but when she turned back towards him, her gaze was hard and unsympathetic.
.
"So let me get this straight," she began, sounding harsh. "After you messed me about for all of those years, you come to me now, at a time when you know that I'm going to be feeling vulnerable, and propose that "because we're both at a bit of a loose end" you would like to be "a bit more than just best friends," whatever that's supposed to mean." Hermione's tone was scathing and the last vestiges of hope disappeared from Harry's face as he recognized the growing anger in her voice.
"And you want us to move in together, but "nothing too heavy." This is the best that you can come up with after all this time and all the things that I have done for you over the years." Hermione appeared to be approaching boiling point and Harry could scarcely remember when he had ever seen her react in this way. "Well, I've only got one answer to give to you, Potter!"
Hermione paused for dramatic effect and Harry opened his mouth to plead forgiveness, like an anxious fish coming to the water's surface to feed; but then closed it again as Hermione's fierce expression was replaced by a radiant smile.
"I think that it's a brilliant idea," she said happily. "When can we start?"