Dull green eyes stared out of the window. They weren't really seeing the endless green fields rolling by; it was just that he couldn't stand looking at the small train compartment he was in. Otherwise, that horrible empty feeling deep in his heart would overwhelm him again. He couldn't take anymore of that, not anymore after so many days of it. He was sure he would go mad if the terrible feeling came back.
His eyes swept across the silent compartment briefly. Ginny and Neville were seated opposite him, both asleep. Luna was beside him, reading her magazine upside down. A pang of guilt hit him again as he noted once again that Ron wasn't around, which led his thoughts to Cho. Both of them were lying at St. Mungo's, recovering from their injuries. His jaw clenched as he tried to fight back memories of how the recent events, where they had received their injuries. After a short struggle, he closed his eyes in defeat as he allowed the memories to once again play in his head, as it had done countless of times already.
It was his fault, his stupidity that had led them to this. If only he had practised occlumency properly, if only he had checked properly instead of being tricked by that bloody houseelf Kreacher, if only he had stopped to calm down and think, if only…. There were a thousand million `if only's running through his head. If only… Sirius was still alive…
There it was, that empty feeling again. Harry gasped for breath as he gripped the edge of the seat tightly. At the corner of his eye, he saw Luna peer at him over her magazine. He tried to squash the feeling down, back to where it came from but it was futile. It came stronger than ever. He felt the walls closing around him, overwhelming him. He needed to get out; he needed to run, to escape. Away from the guilt, the pain and the horrible emptiness. He managed to mutter that he needed the washroom before he hurtled out into the doorway. He ran. Past the compartments, the students, the snacks lady, past whoever who just called out his name. Harry ran all the way to the end of the train, until there was nowhere else to run to. He slid down to the floor, hands in his hair. He cried softly, angry at his feelings of helplessness and pain, at his situation, at his stupidity, at every damned thing in the world. Tear drops left darkened spots on his shirt as he sat there for a while.
"Harry?" A female voice broke through the sounds of his own panting and the noise of the train.
He looked up slightly to see Ginny kneeling in front of him, a concerned look on her features. He quickly looked away, taking deep breaths to calm his crying.
"Harry, don't be like this. I know you're hurting deep down inside. All of us are." Ginny said softly. "But it doesn't change anything, we've got to move on." She placed a small hand on his. "Treasure those around you more instead, people who love you."
Harry looked down at their hands, then up to look at her face. She had moved closer, much much closer. All he could see was her face . Her fiery red hair, her big chestnut-brown eyes, her freckles sprayed lightly on her cheeks…… like Ron……
He snatched his hand away from hers as though he had been jolted by electricity. He quickly looked away as he gasped. The image of Ron, bloodied and unconscious in the Department of Mysteries flashed in his mind. Ginny reminded him too much of Ron, they were siblings after all.
He couldn't, not with Ginny… and in a jolt, he realised. He couldn't, not with Ginny, not with Cho, not with anybody… He couldn't afford to, it was a weakness he couldn't afford. He was too embroiled in the war, a war that will only get bigger and bigger until that final battle between Voldemort and him. Love was a luxury he couldn't afford, love wasn't for someone like him… a person who was going to be killed or kill, if he was strong enough. Love was a distraction for him. He didn't need love, what he needed was to get stronger. To train and get stronger so that he could end this hell for everyone.
"I… I just needed to be alone, Ginny." He said distractedly. "I… I'm all right. You go ahead, I'll see you back at the compartment." He stood up dazedly, and Ginny slowly followed, disappointment plain on her features.
"But Harr-"
"I just need to be alone for a while, Ginny." Harry interrupted her, finally focusing his eyes on her. "I'm fine."
"If… if you say so. See you back at the compartment then." Ginny said uncertainly, before giving him a hug and turning around to walk in the opposite direction.
Harry entered the empty train compartment next to him and sat down. His mind felt clearer. He had a definite goal now - he had to get stronger. No distractions, no nothing. He just had to train and train to get stronger, so that he could defeat that bastard, avenge his parents, Sirius and Cedric and end this nightmare for everyone. He let out a grim smile. It is not his choice to deny what destiny had laid out for him, but it was his choice to accept it with courage or with defiance. He knew his choice, and he knew what he had to do.
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All she saw was pitch black, all she heard was silence. She stood in the middle of a room, straight and stable. Six men surrounded her in a circle, three holding weapons, three holding wands. Their robes suddenly picked up as a gust of wind blew around the windowless room. She knew where they were, she could feel them. Those useless blocks are just taking up space. Far away from her, she heard a distant click of stopwatch.
A small smile appeared under her blindfold. She gripped her own wand tightly as she suddenly threw herself into a backflip. Another backtwist and she landed with her back facing her first victim, directly in front of him. He raised his wand to shout a curse, but she sharply rammed her elbow into the left side of his face. His head snapped to the right, where she reached behind to wrap her hands around his neck before slamming him down in an overhead throw. Her body followed the momentum and she landed with her right knee ramming on his chest hard, between his ribs. She heard the breath forced out of him and knew he was unconscious.
Bouncing off the balls of her feet, she went into a roll on the floor as two spells flew past where her head was moments ago. She had heard the curses being shouted at the two ends when she was throwing the first victim. Her head jerked slightly to the right as she heard another curse being said in front of her, this time softer. She shot ice bolts out of her wand before rolling to the side to avoid the spell flying towards her. A cry of pain, and a thump. Number two was taken care of.
Another gust of wind whipped around the room. The four others were closing in on her, still in a circle. The two men who shouted the curses just now were standing nearly opposite each other, while the ones behind and in front were off centre. A Cruciatus curse was shouted from the right. A gun shot from the back. She quickly cast a shield charm as she spun on her feet. A streak of wind whipped her face as the bullet missed her narrowly. The man in front felt only a sudden gust of strong wind pushing him to his right before the bullet hit him in the neck. The Cruciatus curse ricocheted off her shield and sudden screams of pain erupted at the back. Front guy done and back guy almost.
Her blond hair whipped around her face as a third gust of wind blew around the room. The two on her sides were coming closer, the one on her right only a few metres from her. She dropped to the floor and slid to the right. A body bind spell was shouted from her left. Her legs split slightly as the man's feet came in between. She twisted her legs hard, causing the man to fall on top of her. She felt his body stiffen as he acted as her temporary shield. Four down, two to go. She was back on her feet in less than a second. Sounds of moaning were coming from her back, while another spell was shouted from her left. She threw herself into another backflip, missing the burning spell narrowly. Landing gracefully on her feet, she sent a stunning spell back to where the spell came from. A thump on the ground was all she needed to hear.
She stood there, calm and unmoving. Her robes rippled slightly as wind from nowhere swirled around the room for a fourth time. Behind her, the last survivor slowly got to his feet. Holding the dagger in his hand, he slowly pulled his hand back to throw at the girl standing in front of him, a smirk on his face. Before the dagger left his hand though, the girl turned a 180º to face him, her wand outstretched.
"I never had much respect for people who attacked from the back." She stated plainly.
A green flash was all it took to end the fight. Another click of the stopwatch ended her training for the day. She removed her blindfold to see her trainer walking towards her. Brown eyes moved down to see the timing on the stopwatch held out and a satisfied smirk appeared. Her trainer opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by the door creaking behind him. Both of them looked behind to see a man at the door.
"Mi… Miss Leah, H…He wishes to see you" He stammered out.
The girl looked back at her trainer before walking past him towards the door without a word.
As she brushed passed the messenger, she said "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
The messenger bowed again, "H…He says that you must see him immediately, Miss Leah."
"He has a mission for you."
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