A/N- Thanks to my lovely betas, ginnygie and Eugenia. Hope you enjoy! Please review with your thoughts.
Theories on How Danger Finds Us - Chapter 4
I guess that the news of Blaise and Malfoy being in my Advanced Arithmancy class was a little too much for me to
comprehend at that moment, for the next thing I knew I was out the door, just barely hanging onto my bag as I sped
toward my dorm.
I could hear a faint shouting of my name being called, probably by Pansy, but I was already too immersed in my tunnel vision to notice, or even care.
I felt as though I were underwater - breathing became hard, as though the air around me was thinning by the second, and the only senses I recognized were how to see and how to feel. I was running fast, though, rather than the slow, graceful, gliding movements of swimming. But soon everything became a blur; the only clear object being the front door of Juno.
I took the steps by twos, leaping up to my room, bolting for my bedroom, where I shut myself inside.
About five minutes later, I heard a knock on my bedroom door.
"Ginny, open up. It's me, Pansy."
"No," I whinged, sounding very much like a petulant three year old.
"You're being very immature right now," Pansy called back, her voice slightly muffled.
"I really don't care," I replied in a sing-song voice, reaching back toward my bed for a pillow to squeeze. "Besides," I continued, "it's not like Blaise and Malfoy actually like me. They could probably care less."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Malfoy announced, swinging my door open with a flourish, twirling his wand in his left hand.
Blaise stepped ahead of Malfoy, so he was standing in my room. "Now before you get your knickers in a twist, Ginny dear, Draco and I were just curious as to why you ran off all of a sudden. We were thoroughly enjoying your company," he said with a pout.
"I know why," Pansy announced with a smirk, "Ginny's just too much of a Gryffindor to admit why though."
Pansy knew she had me. My emotions are so transparent, I might as well be a window, and Pansy knew a weakness when she saw it. As a Slytherin it was only her duty to exploit my weakness. Damn her.
"I am not!" I shouted back at her, defending my status as a proud Gryffindor.
"Then prove it. Tell Blaise and Draco why you ran off," Pansy demanded, placing her hands on her hips, making her angular body even more angular.
I lifted the pillow over my face, mumbling my answer into it, feeling the soft cotton against my lips.
"I'm sorry, we couldn't hear you due to the pillow covering your mouth," Blaise pointed out, raising an eyebrow.
I lowered my goose down shield, repeating what I had previously said.
"What was that? You might want to try enunciating your words when you speak to others," Malfoy taunted, a smile playing at his lips.
"I can't stand the idea of you and Blaise being in a class with me!" I yelled at the two smug boys, throwing my pillow at Malfoy.
I smiled when Malfoy didn't move his head fast enough, coming face to face with a mouth full of pillow. He let it drop to the floor, a ring of saliva showing where his mouth had been. I made a mental note to burn that particular pillow case lest I wanted Malfoy's DNA mixing with my own while I slept.
Another feeling of nausea swept over me.
"Is that all?" the blond boy asked, kicking my pillow towards me. "Pansy was right; you are acting rather immature."
What did expect me to do? Jump up and down like some hyper-active five year old that was given sweets? Run up to him and Blaise and give them each a hug, expressing my joy to have been lucky enough to get classes with them? No, I did not do a single one of those things, nor did I want to. Their treatment of me, as well as my friends, the years that we were in Hogwarts did nothing to garner my respect. Pansy was lucky in that I begrudgingly liked her then, but that was because she wasn't as bad as those two were. Almost every day, without fail, I was insulted by one of them, Malfoy especially. And the fact that Malfoy, of all people, was so willing to let bygones be bygones was just too unbelievable for me to comprehend. It seemed rather suspicious, too. Besides, I have a tradition to uphold, and we Weasleys are sticklers for tradition.
"Excuse me? I'm acting immature? You've insulted me and my family, not to mention my friends, at almost every chance you got in the years that I have gone to school with you. And now, you expect me to be happy that the one kid who tormented me is in a class with me? Not only that, but you want me to be friends with you. I'm sorry; I don't know how things work where you come from, but in the real world, most kids would feel the same way that I'm feeling right now," I spat, jabbing my index finger into Malfoy's chest for emphasis.
He pushed my hand away with ease, making eye contact with me and locking it. "Look -- I know I've done some monumentally stupid things in the past; many of them that I would rather forget. And I know that I tried my hardest to make your life, and the lives of others, a living hell, but I'm trying not to now. It's only been a year for me; I'll probably slip up every now and then and insult your oaf of a brother, like I just did. I'm not asking you to become my best mate; I'm just saying that, if given the chance, you might grow on me."
Well. That certainly changed things. This was all new and unexpected. I was expecting some rallying cry of outrage against who I am and what I stood for. Not this almost-defeatist attitude toward life. Not this self-loathing, self-pitying sap who actually cared about my opinion for once. I wanted the old Malfoy back. The one I could rile-up and hex, the one I could have an insult fight with.
I stepped back, suddenly turned off by his change in demeanour.
"Oh, ok," I whispered, turning away from the trio of Slytherins in my room. I grabbed my pillow off the floor, and threw it on the bed, my body following soon after. The pillow cushioned my head as I wrapped some of it around me, covering my ears, letting out a wail of discontent.
So much for burning my pillow case.
"Is - Is she going to be alright?" I heard Blaise ask, pointing at me, I assume.
"I think so," Pansy replied. "Maybe she's having a Tracey moment and just needs to be left alone for a bit to digest everything." She paused for a moment. "I think the two of you should leave. If anything of your concern happens, I'll let you know."
I heard not a peep from the two boys as they exited my room, only the click of my door shutting behind Pansy.
Now I felt conflicted. I had become so accustomed to the insults and the taunting and the jeering that when I was treated like something other than a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of their shoes, I ran, scared shitless as to why I was being treated as such. Because if everyone at that table had chosen the route that Tracey Davis did, then I would have been fine because I was used to nothing less than what she gave me. But, now; now I didn't know what to do. One would think that I would be happy right now, knowing that I already have a semblance of respect and acceptance from at least three of them, but my mind couldn't wrap around the idea.
Truthfully, though, my mind was more unaccustomed to Malfoy being civil to me, more than anything else. He was the one that stuck with insulting me and my friends more than Blaise or Pansy ever did. And thus, he had stigmatized himself in my mind as someone to be wary of, someone to never associate with. So imagine how I must have felt knowing that he was going to be in a class with me. It was going to be a completely different experience.
I turned over so I was lying on my back, lifting up slightly so I could flatten my pillow.
I stared listlessly at the ceiling, wondering if maybe I was over-analyzing the entire situation.
The more I stared at the ceiling, the more I grew to realise that I probably was making a big deal out of something so insignificant.
So what if Malfoy wasn't the self-absorbed prick that I grew up with? Like all teenagers, Malfoy had, more than likely, matured. I was slowly on my way there, but, as evidenced by my childish freak-out, I wasn't quite there yet.
Still, I didn't really like his new manner of talking to me -- that laid-back, nonchalant, aloof attitude to not just me, but everything around him. So he made a sarcastic comment every now and then, and maybe he smirked at something he found particularly amusing, but there was just something about this new and not-so-improved Malfoy that didn't sit well with me.
I furrowed my eyebrows, reaching up to place my hands underneath my pillow.
I began to feel like Demetrius and the gang at the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream -
"These things seem small and undistinguishable,
Like far-off mountains turned into clouds."
The more I thought about what had transpired, the more ridiculous my reaction seemed. It's a rare occurrence to
find people that are that willing to befriend you, no matter what your history with them may be. And
considering the fact that I knew close to no one at the Lufkin School, I was a fool for denying two possible friends
just because I was too immature to let some stupid prejudice and family feud take a backseat in my mind.
Pansy and Malfoy were right; I was acting immature.
I sat up suddenly, exited my room, and crept over to Pansy's in hopes that the blunt brunette could help me sort out the mess I had created.
"Pansy?" I asked, knocking softly on her bedroom door.
She didn't answer, but the door opened, my roommate looking out to see who was there. Upon seeing my face, she flung the door open, staring me down with all the fury contained in her slender body.
"What is it that you want?" she spat, a sneer marring her features.
"I wanted to talk to you, and apologize for my behaviour. But mostly to apologize, though," I replied, making an attempt at a sheepish smile.
"You don't have to apologize to me; it's Blaise and Draco that you need to apologize to. They're my friends and I trusted you to not act like a five year-old when I brought you to sit with us at dinner. And for most of it, you were perfectly fine; brilliant, even, with the way you handled Tracey. But as soon as you found out that Blaise and Draco were in a class with you, you ran like some snivelling brat who didn't get their way. And instead of accepting the fact that the two of them were actually making an effort to get to know you before rejecting you, you refuse them that chance; cutting them down and acting in the way that I feared you would. And you know what's funny?" She paused her, laughing bitterly. "They were actually concerned about your well-being when they left. When they had every right to say 'Fuck Ginny Weasley. Just because she's Pansy's roommate doesn't mean we have to associate with her.' But no, they didn't."
"Okay, Pansy, I get it!" I yelled at her, shutting her up. "I royally fucked up! And you shouting at me like some damn banshee isn't helping me out at all. I told you that I wanted to talk to you, and I do. I know I did all of the things you mentioned, but I was just confused is all. I've never been used to being treated like an equal by any Slytherin and I was afraid, I guess. But that's why I want to talk to you; I need your help in sorting out the confusion that's currently plaguing my mind. So do you think you can help?"
Pansy let go of the door, letting her arm fall to the side as she grabbed a hold of it with the other.
She sighed, allowing her perfect posture to crack slightly, letting her shoulders slump in defeat. She looked so tired. Upon closer inspection I saw that she had taken off her make-up - she didn't get all of the mascara off, the result being the even further pronouncement of the dark circles under her eyes.
"I don't know, Ginny," she told me after contemplating for a minute or so.
"Please, Pansy," I pleaded. "You told me you put your faith in me and I'm just asking you to do it again. I promise I won't let you down."
"Fine," Pansy replied with another sigh. "But this better be worth my time, Ginny."
I nodded fervently, stepping inside her room.
Pansy walked over to her bed, flopping down upon it. She patted a space next to her, motioning for me to lie down next to her. She flung her left arm across her eyes, mirroring the position I first saw her in today on the sofa. "Come on, Ginny. I feel like lying down while we talk, so hurry up and either sit down or lie down next to me. I don't bite. I swear; you can ask Blaise or Draco."
I nodded once more, scurrying over to the side of the bed that was not occupied by Pansy's prone body, deciding to lie down next to her with my hands clasped over my abdomen. It was uncomfortable and awkward as all hell, but I was determined to sort through everything and if that meant lying down on Pansy's bed, then so be it.
"Alright, you said you wanted to talk, so talk," Pansy announced to the ceiling, prompting me with her right hand.
"Oh, right. Well, I was thinking about what had happened and I do realise that I was acting incredibly immature, but I guess, more than anything, I just need someone to talk to."
Pansy looked over to me with a barely-cracked open eye. "Well, you admitted that you acted immature, so we're making some progress."
"Gee, thanks," I replied with a smirk.
"Anytime, Ginny. Now, continue."
I sighed. Gulping, I did as Pansy commanded. "I think out of everything that happened, the thing that surprised me the most was how Malfoy, I mean Draco," I corrected after receiving a harsh glare from Pansy, "treated me. Like I said before, I have not one Slytherin has treated me like an equal in the years that we were at Hogwarts. I think the only person who was close was Blaise, but even then, there was always the slightest hint of distain with him. But I've just been so used to having to defend myself when speaking to Draco that when he talked to me today, saying that he actually wants to get to know me, well, what else was I supposed to do? I've always had to be hostile and on my guard when around him, and to have a non-snarky conversation with him was just awkward. But the more that I think about it, the more silly I seem." I stopped, feeling like I was babbling, waiting to see if Pansy had anything to add.
She sat up, placing her hands on either side of her, turning her torso so she was looking down at me.
"Truthfully, I don't think you were being ridiculous, or silly, or any other synonym you wish to use. While I understand why you may have been wary when Draco spoke to you, I still stand by the fact that you handled everything in a very juvenile manner. But, again, I understand that after years of having Draco, the pain in the arse he is, berate you and your family, you did the thing that was most logical and most natural to you: you panicked. You probably thought he had something sinister up his blended silk sleeves, and when he admitted to you that he just wanted to put the past behind him, you regressed back into the familiar defence mechanism of trying to rile him up, and when that didn't work, you shut everyone out."
She was right. Didn't I tell you before that Pansy's theories on life and the universe are always right? Whether I liked it or not, she was bloody right. I really am just like a bleeding window when it comes to my emotions, but Pansy...she just knows how to read me. I don't know how, but she sees it all.
"Anything you'd like to add?" Pansy asked.
"No, I think you covered it all. I did panic. I chickened out because I too bloody afraid of what would happen if I did let the past stay in the past. I wanted my attending university to be a new experience for me - one where I was able to have a fresh start. I wasn't expecting such an assault to my brain, especially on my first day here."
"Do you feel better now?" the girl next to me enquired, raising a perfectly waxed eyebrow.
I sighed for what seemed like the billionth time in about five minutes. "Yeah, I do, actually," I replied with a relieved smile and a giggle.
"Happy I could be of service," Pansy responded, flopping back down on the bed, turning away from me.
"So what do I do now?" I asked, feeling the strangest urge to want to apologize to Blaise and Draco (have to make an effort to use his real name) right at that moment.
"I dunno," Pansy answered irritably.
I grabbed her hand, attempting to pull her up and out of her bed.
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" she very nearly yelled at me.
"Are Blaise and Draco rooming together?"
"Of course, but why does that --"
"Which dorm are they staying in?" By this point I was standing, heading toward the front door.
"Poseidon," my roommate replied, running out to follow me. "Ginny! Wait! Where are you going?"
"I'm going to apologize to Draco and Blaise; that's what I'm doing," I stated, making it seem like it was the most obvious thing in the world for me to be doing. And in my mind, it was.
Pansy tried to stop me, but I was already out the door, making my way toward Poseidon.
"Bloody crazy Gryffindor," I heard Pansy mutter not too far behind me, letting me know that she was following me, albeit on stilettos, so she was slightly slow in catching up with me.
"I heard that!" I called back, a smile playing at the corners of my mouth.
"You were meant to!"
Finally she caught up with me, hooking her arm with mine, steering me in the correct direction of where the dorm was located.
It wasn't that far from Juno, and at the rate we were walking, we got to the steps of Poseidon in about five minutes.
We ran up the wooden steps, racing to the third floor and to the end of the hallway, to number 310, and began pounding on the door.
No one answered right away and we turned away, figuring that the two boys were in bed for the night.
We heard a door open and turned back around, hoping to see Blaise or Draco pop their heads out to see who was banging obnoxiously at their door.
Instead someone from the room across from theirs, number 309, stuck their head out to see as to who was making all the noise.
"Ginny?" I heard a voice ask into the near darkness.
I whipped my head around, squinting to see who called out my name.
"Gareth?" I asked, realizing who it was.
Pansy and I approached Gareth, with my roommate becoming suddenly giddy at the prospect of meeting fresh meat.
"What are you doing here?" Gareth asked, stepping out into the hallway.
"I came here with my roommate, Pansy," I began, motioning to said roommate, "to visit two friends of ours who live in the room across from you."
Just at that moment Draco opened the door to his room, walking out into the hallway in a pair of black silk trousers and a grey t-shirt.
"What's going on?" he asked, rubbing his eyes. "Who was knocking on my door?"
Pansy let go of me, turning to face a sleepy Draco. "That would be the crazy redhead's doing. She wanted to talk to you and Blaise."
"Oh, well, can't she talk to us in the morning?"
I turned away from Gareth to answer Draco. "No, I can't talk to you in the morning. It's really important."
"Do you even have any idea what time it is?"
"No, and I don't particularly care."
"I forgot how stubborn you get when you set your mind on something," Draco sighed, moving out of the way to let me and Pansy into his room.
Pansy and I stepped inside, while Draco closed the door behind us, with poor Gareth standing outside in the hallway, looking like some fool, his barely whispered "Good-bye" just making itself known to my ears.
Draco prompted Pansy and I to sit down on the couch, while he went to fetch Blaise from his room.
Once Draco was in Blaise's room, Pansy tilted over on the sofa, bouncing slightly when her head hit the sofa's arm. "I'm going to sleep. Let me know when you're done," she mumbled, bringing an arm up to cover her eyes from any light.
"Can someone please tell me why I'm being dragged out of bed?" Blaise said to no one in particular, shuffling into the living room after Draco.
"That would be my fault," I announced, raising my hand in the air.
"Oh, well, what in Merlin's name do you want?" he asked, plopping down into a chair across from the sofa. "Is that - Is that Pansy lying down next to you?" he asked before I had a chance to speak.
"Shh!" Pansy answered for me, placing a finger over her lips. "Me sleep, you talk to Ginny."
"Wouldn't we all like to sleep?" Blaise said with a wistful smile.
"I'll make this really quick, I promise," I assured the two guys.
"Alright, Ginny. Let's get this over with, so we can go back to sleep," Draco mumbled, sinking further into his seat.
"I just wanted to apologize for my behaviour today, or yesterday; I don't know what time it is. Either way, I was being incredibly immature, like you said, but I've been so used to being look at with disdain by the two of you, that I didn't know anything different. I'm not going to lie; having the two of you acting civil towards me is going to take some getting used to, but I'm willing to have the two of you as my friends."
"Oh, thank Merlin," Draco replied, placing a hand over his chest in mock relief. "Blaise and I were so worried that we would never get to know you. This really takes a heavy burden off of us. We were sick with worry." He smirked at me, causing me to smirk in return. There was the Draco I was used to - all sarcasm and smirks. I sighed in relief.
"So is that all you needed to say to us? That you're sorry?" Blaise asked, his eyes flickering shut.
"Yeah, pretty much. Do you forgive me?"
"I think it's safe to say that you're in our good graces again," Blaise replied with a smile.
"Oh, good," I stated with a smile. "Well, I'm done here. Come on, Pansy; let's go back to our dorm."
She didn't stir right away, so I shook her prone form, a groan escaping from her lips. "Pansy, get your arse up. We need to get back to our dorm." I shook her again, harder this time, finally getting her to sit up.
I began walking to the door with Pansy following me after stretching her arms over her head languidly.
"Ta," she said to Draco and Blaise with a wiggle of her fingers, yawning afterwards.
"See you tomorrow in class!" Blaise called out to me with a chuckle, jabbing Draco in the ribs to wake him up.
I didn't turn around to acknowledge them, only gave them a little salute as I strolled out the door, a groggy Pansy trailing behind me.
"Are you satisfied?" Pansy asked, her eyelids drooping with each step she took.
"Yeah; I'm satisfied now," I replied with a crooked smile and a shrug.
"Good. I can finally get some sleep now."
The walk back to Juno seemed like a slow trek - Pansy nearly fell forward onto the pavement she was so tired, forcing me to grab hold of her waist and fling an arm over my shoulders, nearly dragging her back to our room.
She was knocked out by the time we reached our room, so before I was able to settle in for the night, I had to make sure that my roommate was settled. I placed Pansy's dead weight on her bed as gently as I could, pulling her comforter up over her body before I trudged over to my room, finally and blissfully tired.
As I tucked myself in for a dreamless sleep, I couldn't help but feel that maybe my life at the Lufkin School wasn't going to be as bad as I thought it was going to be.