Ok, just so everyone is on the same page here...the italics in this chapter denote a dream sequence, although the section that is the dream is also a flashback. Everyone has had those dreams, right? Where you dream about something that's happened that has given you stress or joy or some other high emotion? Well, that's what this is.
Awesome, just fyi. Enjoy!
Silence filled the room once more. It seemed louder than the laughter that had filled it just a few minutes ago. Remus shifted uncomfortably under everyone's gaze.
"Your mate?" Lily repeated, almost certain that she had heard him wrong. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. Then again, those eyes…she was sure they had been Remus'. This was insane. "Mate? That's just so…"
"Sexist?" Emilee filled in the blank, shaking her head in disgust.
"Animalistic?" Sirius added, shrugging. As outlandish as it all seemed, it made more sense to the marauders as to anyone else in the room.
"Fucking psychotic?" James spat out of his mouth, also giving Remus a disgusted look that matched Emilee's.
Lily looked at James, a little shocked. "I was going to say archaic, but yeah. That was my second thought." James didn't acknowledge that she spoke.
Remus pulled at his hair, wondering for a second how much force it would take to pull it all out. It might be less painful than the scrutiny he was enduring now. "I can't control myself when I'm in that form." He looked up at James, saddened by the look on his face. "You of all people know that, James."
James' face contorted, as if he had smelled something particularly rotten. "You're really going to blame biting Lily on your control issues? You've never bitten one of us!" His voice rose as he gestured around the room.
"This is different!" Remus' face turned a shade of red. "You're always animals. It's not the same if I bite you."
"Exactly. Then why did you bite the one person it would affect?" James snarled.
Lily opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the now vicious argument being conducted between the two best friends.
"Don't you understand? There's nothing I can do. I marked her. I can't take that back! For all intents and purposes, she's mine!" Remus' words were followed by another silence before he broke it. "Technically." He blushed.
James looked at Lily, her mouth still slightly open from being interrupted. "And what if she doesn't want to be yours?" He asked, softly.
Lily closed her mouth and let herself look at James. She could read something in his eyes, but she didn't want to interpret what it meant. Swallowing hard, she turned to Remus. "I need to sleep."
There was a general outcry from everyone surrounding her bed.
"Lily…"
"But, we need to talk!"
"This wasn't supposed to happen, I swear."
"This is insane. Fucking, bloody, hellishly insane."
Lily shook her head, the voices making the pain in her body worse somehow. She brought her hands up to her head, placing them over her eyes. "No!" She moaned at the crowd. "I. Need. Sleep. Just leave me alone."
She looked from James and Remus to Sirius and Emilee. Peter wouldn't look her in the eye. "Please."
"Fine." James said shortly. He motioned to Sirius and Peter. "We'll be in the cafeteria." The three moved to leave, Sirius tapping Emilee to follow them.
Only Remus stayed standing, looking rather moody. "Lily, I-"
"Just go away, Remus." She laid back down, her head turned away from him now. She didn't even know he had left until the door clicked loudly behind him.
It wasn't until she released a few tears that Lily finally found herself succumbing to sleep.
She dreamed of that day. The day that everything changed, as cheesy as that sounded. It wasn't her first kiss, but then again her first kiss was from a muggle boy who lived down the street, so she wasn't really sure that counted.
It wasn't sweet. In fact, it was incredibly awkward. Lily was in the library yet again, stacks of books surrounding her on the table. She felt skittish, like a squirrel who had forgotten to store any food for the winter. Half-heartedly she was working on Charms and Transfiguration essays, but she kept drifting off, her eyes peering over the smallest stack of books before her.
When she spotted Remus at the row of books across from her, she immediately looked away. Then she looked back, flicking her eyes back and forth from his profile to her defiantly blank piece of parchment. He was refusing to look her in the eyes; she was sure he knew what she was doing. His concentration was impressive, but he gave up after the tenth time she looked at him.
"Do you need help with something, Lily?" He asked icily. Lily felt as though snowflakes were falling across her spine and the room seemed to drop below freezing.
She kept staring at him, unable to speak for a moment. He sighed and took a book from the shelf, turning to leave. Lily found her voice. "I'm sorry." She blurted, which stopped him dead in his tracks.
"I'm sorry about the other day. Here. In the library. I didn't mean to…to make you uncomfortable." The words tumbled from her mouth at a rate she couldn't stop. "I shouldn't have done that." She finished lamely.
He turned back to her, upset. "Why are you apologizing?"
Confused, Lily continued to stare at him. "Uh, because I feel terrible?" She explained hesitantly. It didn't feel like enough of an explanation, and she continued hurriedly before Remus could say anything. "And I know it was wrong. But I'm not displacing anything, I swear. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry." Lily put her head in her hands. "That doesn't make any sense."
Remus slammed the book down on a nearby desk, harder than he intended to, and Lily jumped. "I want you to figure out your real problem here, not try to gloss things over with me."
"I'm not glossing over things!" Lily felt her pulse rise as her temper reared its ugly head.
"I'm trying to explain-"
"Explain what?" Remus interrupted, now closer and looming over her and the fort of books she had made for herself.
"Explain that…" Lily's voice dropped and she could feel her face flush, a wonderful inherited gift that came with the hair color. "I like you. I don't know why. I just do. I'm sorry."
Remus scoffed. "That's not your problem."
She stood up, crossing her arms. "What exactly is my problem, do you think?"
"You're in love with James." He answered immediately.
Lily's eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared. For a moment Remus considered taking a step back because he thought she might curse him then and there. She didn't say a word, but instead grabbed her bag at her feet with such force that she knocked the table and a few books toppled over from their precarious positions.
Instantly Remus felt guilty and he bent down to pick up the books. Lily slapped his hand away and took out her wand. "I've got it." She flicked her wrist and instantly the books rose in the air, flinging themselves back to the shelves they came from.
Remus stood, but was knocked off his feet as one of the books propelled itself into his chest. The wind was pushed out of him and he couldn't muster an outburst of pain as the corner of the book was imprinted on him.
Within a few seconds the rest of the books were gone, but this one sat fluttering on Remus' chest, like a broken butterfly. The back cover and inside pages flopped helplessly. Remus tried to focus on breathing. Lily shoved her parchment, quill, and ink in her bag, then looked down at him. He looked pathetic, touching her heartstrings and annoying her simultaneously.
She knelt over him and gently removed the offending book, tossing it aside. It faltered, and then hit the shelf it was aiming for, bouncing off and landing on the floor once more. Lily helped him sit up. He was clutching the place where the book had landed and he coughed a little.
Lily laughed. "You're such a pansy." She said, and Remus tried to smile back.
"I think you're getting too good at charms." He retorted. Lily smiled wider, dipping her head in a bashful fashion, even though she loved hearing the praise.
Remus had a moment of weakness. She looked at him again, her eyes piercing, and he damned himself for reaching out to her. He couldn't help it. He cupped her cheek, like he promised himself he wouldn't. Then he froze. He literally couldn't move anymore, his hand stuck to her face.
Lily was reacting on pure instinct. For a moment she forgot that they had just been fighting over the fact that she might be in love with his best friend. She only leaned forward a little, but that was all she needed to do.
The feel of his lips on hers was strange; she had never been this close to someone before. The thought occurred to her that she should be enjoying this. It was her first real kiss, and not only that it was with someone she actually liked. Someone she was sure she liked not more than a minute ago. Someone she had wanted to hit less than thirty seconds ago.
The kiss was short; it felt like they had only just met when they parted again. It was sweet, awkward, but cute. Suddenly she had the insatiable feeling that something was missing.
Remus had released her, but when she looked at him again she found that his face had been replaced with James'. She screamed and pushed him away, touching her lips. This isn't right! It didn't happen like this. I didn't want to kiss him! She thought briefly, before the dream shifted and she found herself in an entirely different position.
She was running. She felt speed, the wind in her fur. Fur? She looked down to find that she was running on four legs, with fur the color of dried blood. It was unreal. It was wrong. This wasn't supposed to be happening. But it felt so amazing.
Something caught in her peripheral vision and she swiftly turned to the left, her claws catching in the dirt as she did so.
It was a rabbit and her mouth watered at the sight of it. She sped up. The rabbit sensed her presence and ran ahead to elude her. Adrenaline coursed through her body; she seemed to fly through the air, leaping like the animal she was. It felt bloody fantastic.
Her mouth closed around the rabbit's tiny neck, her teeth sinking into the small frame. There was a snap and it ceased to move, hanging limply. Blood had drenched down Lily's frame, more seeping out of the rabbit every second as she slowly chewed it before spitting it out and letting the blood fling itself across the ground.
She began to pick it apart tendon by tendon, savoring every ligament. It was raw and better than any meat she had ever tasted. She brought her mouth down for more, not able to get enough of the sweet taste when she realized that she was crouching down, her hands mixed in the animal's intestines, blood under her fingernails. She released it in horror, her hands finding her face and discovering more blood.
She tried to get it off, wipe it all off. Her hands found themselves in the dirt, but that only mixed the liquid and created something altogether more difficult to clean. Panicking now, she clawed at her hands, her throat, her face. Nothing helped. Her chest tightened and she let out a cry of anguish.
Lily sat bolt upright in bed, quite sure that the scream has escaped her lips through the dream. This was insane. It was all fucking insane. She had to get out of here; she had to leave, now. The room was dark, but she was alone. Mustering all the strength she had, Lily bolted out of bed, taking her tangled sheets with her to the floor.
Quickly she found her clothes and rushed to put them back on, trading the hospital gown for something a little less freeing. Dimly, she thought of her parents and where they were, but the thought left her head as she stole into the hallway. The night nurse was asleep and very easily Lily found her way out.
The coolness of the night made her hair stand on end, but she relished in it. It felt like coming home.
This chapter needed major revision from its original form…needless to say; I plum forgot about it and was stuck for a while. I'm sorry for the delay. I actually started writing it last semester, so I definitely owe you all an apology! I hope you enjoyed it.
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