Harry was sweating, his hands were shaking and as embarrassing as it was to admit he felt like he was about to faint.
"Don't worry about it, mate. She's just a girl." Ron said looking concerned. "You aren't going to pass out on me or anything, right?"
Harry glared at him, shaking his head. "She isn't just a girl, Ron, and you know it as well as I do."
They shared a glance then turned to look at their best friend. She was sitting with a first yea r on the other side of the common room. They smiled as she showed him the proper wand movement for the third time, both recalling times that seemed a million years ago now.
"Yeah well, this is it. This could possibly ruin our friendship forever." If possible harry looked even more green.
Ron gave him a look. "After all that we've been through? You couldn't get rid of her if you tried to. Just go over and do it."
Harry took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "Thanks."
Ron nodded and headed up to the boys' dorms.
Harry began to walk through the nearly disserted common room just as Hermione was finishing her tutoring session.
The first year was stuffing various books and scrolls in his bag when Harry walked up beside the table. Harry turned to look at the boy who had the good sense to scurry up the stairs after Ron.
"What is it, Harry?" Hermione asked him when no one else was within hearing distance. She reached up to touch the back of her hand against his forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"
Harry nodded glancing at the two sixth years sitting on the couch in front of the fire. They had apparently ended their snogging session in favor of picking up some new gossip.
"Can we take a walk?" Harry asked her finally, conjuring a cloak from the air in front of him with a simple hand gesture.
Hermione didn't mention the fact that it was the middle of the winter or that it was already past curfew. She slipped the cloak around her shoulders and followed him out the portrait hole.
They didn't speak until they got outside, both deep in thought. The snow crunched under their feet as Harry steered her toward the lake. They had been walking for a while before Hermione finally decided to break the silence. "Harry, tell me what's wrong."
Harry stopped and looked down at her. Brown eyes met emerald green. He seemed to be trying to read something in her face. Whatever it was, he did not seem to find what he was looking for because a few seconds later he looked away, looking even more sick to his stomach. He grabbed her hand, interlacing his fingers with hers and led her to a large snow covered rock near the right side of the lake.
Hermione remembered having a picnic at that very spot last year and smiled. Harry didn't notice. He brushed off the rock and sat down, pulling her down beside him. He straddled the rock so he was facing her, still clutching her hand in his.
"Hermione," he almost whispered. "You'll always be my friend no matter what, right?"
At this Hermione began to panic. "Of course, Harry, what happened? Is everybody okay?"
Harry smiled slightly. "Yeah, everything is fine." He assured her. "This isn't something bad… or at least I don't think it is."
Hermione relaxed slightly and loosened her grip on his hand, but didn't let go. "Well if it isn't bad then what is it?"
Harry looked down and pulled his hand out of hers. Hermione frowned slightly as he stuffed his hand into his pocket.
"The war is over," he began. "I never really thought I would live through it."
Hermione looked like she was about to say something, but Harry shook his head without looking up. He knew her that well. "I need to get this out."
Harry took a big breath and then started again.
"After I killed Voldemort last month, I have been trying to figure out what to do with my life. I had never thought about it before. I thought about your future and Ron's. I thought about how you would both make it through the war and get brilliant jobs right after school ended. You would get married to someone who appreciated you, have some kids and hopefully be able to forget I ever existed."
Hermione opened her mouth again to say something, but Harry continued. "After it was all over I started thinking about what I would do, what I could do now. I thought about my future and as much as I tried I could no longer picture you with another guy."
Hermione's eyebrows shot up and she smiled, but Harry's gaze was trained on his shoes. He continued, "Ever since the beginning of last year I have been out of my mind. I can't seem to help wanting to kill every guy you smile at that isn't me. I can't seem to think straight whenever you're around me. Every moment I'm with you is torture because I can't be with you the way I want to. I can't kiss you or hold your hand. I'm in love with you and I couldn't tell you. It was too dangerous and I was afraid that if you didn't feel the same I wouldn't have anything else to live for." He paused still too afraid to look up. "They call me the Man who Conquered and the hero of the wizarding world, but Voldemort would still be around if it wasn't for you… I wouldn't have come back if I didn't have the hope that you might feel the same way."
Her silence was torture. If he thought the last year had been bad, it was nothing compared to right now. He knew he shouldn't have told her. Now it would ruin things between them. She would never feel comfortable enough to fall asleep with her head on his shoulder. She would never pull his arm around her shoulders when she got cold. She would never look at him the same way.
He started when she grabbed his hand. He jerked his head up instinctively and found himself looking into her eyes. They were the same chocolate brown eyes that haunted him in his dreams. A few tears had slid down her face and she was smiling. Not the fake smile that seemed to be on her face so much after the war, but the one he had missed; his smile, the smile that reached all the way to her eyes and lit up her entire face.
His gaze glued to her face he slid his right hand up to cup her cheek wiping away any lingering tears with his thumb. She leaned into his touch involuntarily and this was all the invitation he needed. His left hand tangled in the hair at the back of her neck as he pulled her to him.
His lips touched hers once, as if he was testing the waters. He pulled back and then kissed her again, harder this time moving his lips against hers. She kissed him back and he deepened the kiss. When they pulled apart both were breathing heavily.
Harry rested his forehead against hers, trying to catch his breath.
"I love you." Hermione whispered. Harry smiled and kissed her again.
"I hoped you felt that way."
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A/N: I hope you liked it. I haven't written in a while so I might be a little bit rusty. Sorry about any errors. Let me know what you thought.
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