JKR owns.
Don't Let Me Go
Chapter Two: Light at the End of the Tunnel
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[AN] Yesssssss, positive feedback! I hope this chapter ends well for you all. :]
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Hermione quietly packed up her notes as her economics professor released them from class. She hadn't gone to school all week, but there had been a test today, so she knew she'd have to begrudgingly attend.
She was just beginning to join the line filing down the stairs when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Hermione turned and saw the smiling face of her biochem partner, Colin.
"What's up brainiac?" he asked, using the annoying nickname he reserved solely for her.
Hermione forced a smile, "Hi."
Colin immediately picked up on her tone, "Everything okay? I missed you in class these past few days…"
Hermione shrugged. The only person she had told about her situation with Harry was Ginny, and that was only because the red head had threatened to go over and hex Harry herself if she didn't spill. Honestly, she didn't think she was ready to talk about it yet. Harry had meant the world to her, and to talk about their relationship in the past tense killed her. She had spent the past three days analyzing their relationship and what she could've possibly said or done that would cause him to cheat. Maybe it was just the way she looked- Cho Chang was so pretty. Or maybe it was the fact that Hermione always shied away whenever their snog sessions got too heated. She never gave him sex, so Harry probably went to Cho knowing she would…
"Hermione?" Colin asked, waving a hand in front of her face. Hermione blinked and looked around the lecture hall. Everyone else had cleared out already, so she and Colin were left all alone.
"Oh, sorry. Um yeah- I just got a little sick and had to stay home for a couple of days."
Colin gave her a look, not believing a word she'd just said, "Was this sickness physical or mental?"
Hermione sighed. Maybe she did need to just talk to someone about everything. And who better to do that with than Colin, an innocent muggle who'd never heard of Harry's fame or importance.
Finally, she relented, "It's my boyfriend- well ex-boyfriend now."
Colin instantly perked up, "You and you're boyfriend broke up?"
"He cheated on me with his first kiss. We haven't talked since."
Colin blew out some air and then gave Hermione a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry Hermione. I know what it's like to be cheated on and I'll be the first to tell you, it's not going to be easy."
Hermione shrugged, "I don't know how it can get any worse. I mean, he didn't even come after me and try to explain himself. It's like he doesn't care at all."
"I think the best thing to do in a situation like yours is to try and forget about him as much as he's forgotten about you," Colin offered, taking the first opportunity he could.
Much to his displeasure though, Hermione shook her head.
"It's not that simple. Harry and I have been best friends since we were eleven. We've experienced and shared everything together. I can't even go see my friends without wondering if he's going to be there too!" Hermione finished her ramble, shaking her head like she always did.
Colin grinned at her flustered appearance, "Well, you don't have to worry about me hanging out with the tosser. I-"
"Harry's not a tosser," Hermione chided him quietly. It was instinct for her to defend Harry. She was so used to his insults being undeserved, that she couldn't help herself.
"Hermione," Colin said, giving her a gentle look, "He cheated on you. Therefore he is a tosser, and a bloody idiot as well."
Hermione unwillingly blushed at Colin's concealed compliment, "Er, okay…"
Colin gave her a look before glancing around the now empty lecture hall.
"What do you say we get out of here? Maybe go talk some more over a cup of coffee?"
"Um…" Hermione trailed off, trying to find a good reason not to say yes to him.
'Why not? He's your friend, and he's offered nothing but good advice so far…'
"Okay," she finally agreed.
Colin gave her a bright smile, and for once, she felt relieved that someone was doing the smiling at her.
"So where do you want to go?" Colin asked, holding the door open for her as they walked outside.
"I know this good little coffee shop a couple blocks over," Hermione replied, almost hesitantly. Bringing a different bloke to the café she had only ever frequented with Harry would surely be a good way to get over him. Right?
Nonchalantly, Hermione glanced over to Colin. She knew she had never felt anything more than lab-partner friendship with the bloke, but she found herself wondering if the potential was there.
"That's sounds great," he answered engagingly. She tried to hide her sigh as thoughts of Harry crept back into her mind.
'Oh, who are you kidding? You love Harry! And no matter how badly he betrayed you you're not going to just forget that…'
…
Hermione quietly walked up the stairs to her bedroom about two hours later. She didn't want to give her parents any indication that she was home, in case they wanted to start back up on the whole "what's wrong with you" marathon. Right now, Hermione just wanted to lock herself in her room, crawl in bed and not come out until she absolutely had to.
Coffee with Colin had been anything but comfortable. He pretty much talked about himself the entire time, giving Hermione little chance for input. She had actually toned him out somewhere around the time when he was ranting about his musical aspirations. Unfortunately, her mind had gone straight to Harry, and she hadn't been able to stop thinking about him since.
Well that wasn't entirely true. Towards the end of their coffee date, a pretty Asian girl had come into the shop. Hermione watched the girl as she ordered her latte and by the time the girl had left, she was on the verge of tears.
Hermione sniffled again as she opened her bedroom door, trying to hold off her sobs until she was safely behind the barriers of a strong 'silencio'.
But Hermione was in for a shock. As she closed her door and dumped her book bag on the ground, she heard her bed creak behind her. She spun around and let out a startled gasp at who she saw.
"Harry!"
Sure enough, Harry stood a couple feet away from her, holding a white lily and giving her a cautious look.
"Hey," was all he said. He didn't move his eyes away from her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked instantly, trying to keep her voice hard. Her mind was a mess seeing him for the first time in days. She glanced down to the flower in his hand and her stomach panged.
Was he here to apologize?
An awkward moment passed before he took a small step forward and held out the flower, "This is for you."
Hermione didn't take it. "Do my parents know you're here?" she questioned, asking the only thing that wouldn't make her get emotional.
"Um," he started, bowing his head slightly, "No. I didn't know if they would let me in or not so…"
"So you just snuck in?" Hermione asked him in an abrasive manner.
Harry gave her what only could be considered as a pleading look, "I wanted to talk to you-"
"About what?" she asked shortly, biting her lip.
Harry looked at her with piercing eyes, "You know what."
Hermione let out a shaky breath, "Are you here to apologize?"
"Sort of," he replied vaguely.
"Well I don't want an apology," Hermione tried to say firmly, "What's done is done. There's no saying sorry to what you did."
Harry shook his head, his stomach turning at her severe words, "Hermione, if you'll just let me explain-"
"You don't have to explain. I get why you did it."
Harry suddenly gave her a sharp look, "You what?"
Hermione tried to come off indifferent by shrugging, "I understand why you slept with Cho. She's beautiful, and I wasn't giving in-"
"Hermione that's not it at all," Harry cut her off intensely. His voice was thick with emotion; he couldn't stand the thought that he had made her so self-conscious.
Hermione blinked, taken aback by his statement. She recomposed herself after a second or two, "I don't really want to know details Harry. I just think you should go-"
"Hermione, I didn't have sex with Cho."
Hermione was about to tell him that her parents would probably be up to check on her, but stopped at Harry's words. She blinked, "What?"
"I never cheated on you. Cho and I never had sex."
"But… but," by the look he was giving her, she knew he wasn't lying. Harry couldn't verbally lie to her. She supposedly read him too easily. But if he was telling the truth, she was having a hell of a time trying to figure out why it's taken him so long to tell her that.
"But I saw her fixing her skirt. And what she said-"
"Hermione listen to me. That night after your parent's dinner, I came home and Ron had some people over. I went straight to bed, and when I woke up the next morning, Cho was asleep in my bed," Hermione frowned but didn't interrupt Harry as he continued.
He went through the rest of the story as thoroughly as possible, telling Hermione how he immediately woke her up and how Cho gave him the excuse of wanting to get away from her ex-boyfriend. When he finished, the two stood there in silence for some time. Finally, Harry gave Hermione a pleading look.
"Hermione, you have to believe me."
Harry felt his stomach drop when Hermione merely shook her head.
"Why didn't you explain that morning? Why did you just let me run away?"
Harry let out a careful breath. No matter how much he had been dreading this conversation, he knew it was one he'd have to have if he wanted to salvage his relationship.
"Hermione, I… I-"
"What?" Hermione didn't move her eyes from Harry's.
Harry sighed. He didn't know how he was going to explain himself, but he felt like Hermione's patience was running low.
"Hermione, I wanted you to think that something had happened. I wanted you to… not want to be with me," he said quietly in an ashamed tone.
"What?" Hermione asked, this time incredulously. Her eyes narrowed and she gave Harry a studious look, "Why?"
"It's stupid-"
"Why Harry?"
"I thought you'd be happier if we broke up," he finally confessed.
Hermione froze for a second, taking in the insanity of his statement. Shaking her head, she spoke in a firm voice, "Harry, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
He let out a laugh at her words, finding it ironic that he had warned her of his stupidity. Hermione didn't relish in his laugh, so he continued somberly, "I know it is. At the time, it seemed like a good idea."
"Why would you want me to break up with you? So you didn't have to do it for yourself?" Hermione guessed, her eyes betraying the hard tone she was trying to convey.
"No! Hermione, I didn't want to break up with you-"
"You're kind of contradicting yourself then," Hermione told him before she could get a grip of herself.
This time it was Harry who gave Hermione a firm look, "Let me finish."
Hermione sighed, mentally telling herself to calm down. She nodded, and Harry continued.
"I- I thought I'd be doing you a favor. It's just that lately, you've been putting so much effort into me, that I don't know if you're really happy anymore."
Harry noticed the shocked look on Hermione's face, but he didn't stop, "I know that I haven't been the easiest person to be around since the war and everything… You've been there for me 24/7 trying to cheer me up. I- I…" Harry sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. Once upon a time it had actually been very easy for him to share his feelings with Hermione. He'd give anything to go back to that time.
As he continued, Hermione looked on as intensely as ever, "I know you just want the best for me, and that you wanted me to move on from the war. But for a long time, I wasn't ready to get over it. But still you were there constantly, willing to do anything to put a smile on my face."
Hermione had been shaking her head for the past few seconds. Everything he was saying was so… well, whatever it was, Hermione couldn't keep quiet anymore, "Harry, I never went out of my way trying to make you happy. I just thought you were happy with me."
Harry gave her a sharp look, "I am happy with you."
Hermione looked away, shaking her head, "Obviously not. Or else you wouldn't have even thought of doing something like this."
"Hermione, why I tried to end our relationship has nothing to do with what I felt about you. It's about what I thought I was doing to you."
Hermione frowned, "Which is supposedly what?"
Harry shrugged. "Holding you back," he mumbled quietly.
"What?"
Harry forced himself to look up into Hermione's probing gaze. He sighed, "I just thought, with me out of the picture, you'd finally be able to focus on what you wanted to do in life."
"And that's it? You think it'd be easy for me to just forget about you? Like you never mattered to me? Do you really think I'm that shallow?" Hermione finished, her questions getting louder and louder as the emotion started to numb her logic.
"No, of course not-"
"Then how could you possibly think that I'd be able to move on, just like that?"
Harry shook his head in shame, "I wasn't thinking."
"No, obviously not," Hermione scoffed, now fighting the tears back, "Because if you were, then you'd realize I love you. I've been with you through the good and the bad like nobody else has. You say you wanted me to focus on what I wanted to do in life, but the only thing I thought I wanted was to be with you."
Harry's eyes widened in shock at her revelation, "Thought?"
"Relationships only work if both people want it," she said, now deadly quiet, "I can't make you want to be with me."
"I do want to be with you," Harry tried to tell her with as much conviction as possible.
Hermione shook her head, "How am I supposed to believe that? After you worked so hard to make me think differently."
"Hermione, I want to be with you," Harry repeated, taking a step forward to her, "I know, what I did and how I've acted over the past couple of days is unforgettable, but I did it because I thought you'd be better off."
"So you're saying, that you made me believe that you had cheated, to save me from your depression?" she questioned, trying to make sure that she was understanding him. Either way he put it though, his scheme sounded crazy.
Harry gulped, "Yeah."
"But all it did was make the both of us more miserable," she whispered, not trying to hide the bitter tone in her voice.
Harry nodded, unable to deny what she'd just said. He sighed before looking her straight in the eye, "I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else. And no matter how much I don't want to involve you in my pain, I can't live without you," he finished, finally admitting the cold truth.
"So that's it?" Hermione again asked dubiously, this time not waiting for an answer, "I'm supposed to just forget about the past few days- forget about all the pain you put me through, because now you realized it was stupid and you want me back? Do I ever get a say?"
Harry let out a shaky breath. He'd stated his case already, but Hermione still wasn't having it. He knew he'd have to dive further into his own insecurities if he wanted any chance at winning her back.
"I just… I didn't think I was ready," he confessed, looking down to the floor as Hermione narrowed her eyes at him.
"For a relationship?" she asked, fighting back the bile rising in her throat.
"No, to let go of everything. But I'm ready now," he said more strongly, forcing himself to look up into her eyes, "You made me realize that I can be happy if I just move on from everything. I just… I still need your help."
A tear finally leaked out of her eye and streaked down her face, as Hermione shook her head, "I've been trying to help you this entire time…"
"Please don't give up on me," Harry whispered, taking another step forward so that he and Hermione were only an inch or two away.
Hermione scoffed lightly as she wiped the tear from her eye, "I obviously can't." Honestly, he was daft if he thought she could turn away from him now…
"I do love you, Hermione," Harry said again, just in case he wasn't making himself clear, "I'm so sorry for making you feel otherwise."
"You know, we'd be able to get through these things a lot easier if you just talk to me about your problems," Hermione mumbled, thinking of how this all could have been avoided if he just would've come clean sooner. He was supposed to trust her…
Harry bit the inside of his cheek, "I know. You're the only person I can really talk to about anything, anyway."
"Will you start making the effort?" she asked, staring shamelessly into his shining emerald eyes.
Harry didn't even hesitate. He knew this was what he wanted, "Yes."
"Okay…" Hermione was at a lost for words. The pain and confusion she'd felt within the past few days, was suddenly cleared away. Everything made sense now- well, sort of. Harry was always one to do anything for someone else's happiness, yet all Hermione wanted to do was give that same feeling back to him. Hopefully now he would let her do that.
"I love you too, you know. Even if you can be really, really stupid and brash at times," Hermione finished with a quirk of her eyebrow.
Harry couldn't help but smile at the little grin planted on her lips. His stomach fluttered at the thought that she still loved him too. But still, there was something he needed to hear.
He reached forward and gently grabbed her hand, "Will you give me a second chance?"
Hermione smiled, "What do you think?"
Without thinking twice, Harry closed the distance between the two and pressed his lips gently to Hermione's. He couldn't describe the feeling of happiness and relief washing through him as Hermione kissed him back just as eagerly.
He knew that with her help, he'd be able to move on from his unfortunate childhood. It was time for Harry to focus on his future- and Hermione was definitely a part of that.
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I don't think it's my best, but it's definitely my first with PTD Harry. Still, you'd make my day if you left a review expressing your own opinions.
Thanks :]
Oh, and fun fact: Colin is based on a real life person. And yes, he is that much of a douche-bag in real life. :]