Wants and Needs
Harry Potter had won. In the space of a day, he went from being "The Boy Who Lived", to "The Man Who Beat You-Know-Who" (The Wizarding community still had troubles with speaking his name).
He was a Hero.
A celebrity.
He, and his two best friends.
He had to admit that the adrenaline rush that came from still being alive exhilarated him. He reveled in the praise of the hangers-on, enjoying the positive comments for a change. Admirers shouting his name surrounded him, as the parade wound its way around Diagon Alley. He waved and grinned. It was so easy to get caught up in the celebration, so easy to forgive those who had forced the spotlight on him before. The weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He had his whole life in front of him.
Ron and Hermione had been a part of the celebration of course, at Harry's insistence, but everyone only had eyes for Harry. The parade ended at a raised platform and soon the two of them found themselves on the outside looking in. Ron was put out, and it showed on his face. Wasn't he the one who cleared the path for Harry? Wasn't he the one who watched his back? He should be up there as well. Hermione laid a hand on his arm.
"Let him celebrate," she said. "We know the truth. He deserves the spotlight for once."
Her eyes followed him proudly, knowing what he had gone through. They were so close now, that she felt that she knew every expression on his face, knew every characteristic of his being. They had a closeness that was shared by few.
Luna sidled up to Ron and Hermione and slipped her arm through his. Ron smiled down at her. He was so glad they had met. She made him feel complete.
"So my big, brave lion," Luna purred at him, "Now that you have defeated the bad guy, what are you going to do?"
"Hmmm…" he tried to say seriously, but the twinkle in his eye gave him away. "Sleep, eat, sleep some more, eat some more, and then lots of snogging with a beautiful blonde I know."
Luna smiled dreamily at him. "Sounds perfect."
The speeches had started, and Hermione turned from Ron and Luna's exchange to watch. The usual ministry people were there to expound Harry's virtues and describe their unwavering support. They had wanted to present him with a medal for "going above and beyond the line of duty," as the Minister had explained it. Harry had reluctantly agreed, but had been adamant that they not erect a statue of him in the square. The medal he could tuck away, the statue would be an eyesore, as far as he was concerned. The crowd roared as the medal was draped over his neck, and Harry smiled and waved. Hermione could see the look in his eyes, though. He had had enough.
As soon as possible, he made his way off of the platform and past the well-wishers. He was looking for the people who truly cared for him.
"Harry!" he heard and turned. He was attacked by a blur with red hair.
As Hermione watched, the lithe redhead took his face in her hands and kissed him for all he was worth. When she came up for air, Harry hugged her to the roar of the surrounding crowd, and whispered in her ear. They cheered their approval: the hero coming home to the waiting girl. He hesitated for a moment and then leaned over and kissed her on her head, and then smiled fleetingly as she wrapped her arms around his waist. The smile didn't reach his eyes.
Hermione felt her chest tighten, and she closed her eyes. She knew that there was a chance that the two of them could get back together, but she had always, perhaps foolishly, hoped Ginny would move on. Hermione felt her world crumble. She always thought she knew where she belonged, where her place in the world was. They had never talked about it, but she expected to be together with him, and Ron and Luna, forever. Now, she felt adrift. Ron had Luna, and by the looks of it, Harry had Ginny, and she had…nothing. It was sort of anti-climatic. It didn't feel like a happily ever after story. Not for her. She opened her eyes and looked around, refusing to take in the scene before her. Suddenly she didn't want to be here. It was a reminder that everything was over. No more adventures, no more spending time together, no more Harry. He didn't need her anymore.
`But,' she suddenly realized, `I need him. He was what kept me going. Now, I don't know what to do.'
A single tear started down her cheek and she wiped it away. Suddenly, to Ron and Luna's surprise, she Disapparated.
Hermione roamed the halls of Grimmauld Place. Everywhere she went she was reminded of Harry. He was smiling form the kitchen table over breakfast, studying some book for his quest in the living room, or just sitting and staring into the fire. She couldn't be here. It was too much. She needed to bow out now, before everyone came back. She went up to her room and packed her belongings, and within the hour, she was gone.
Hermione went home, to the warm embrace of her parents. She told them very little, but what she didn't say spoke volumes. They knew she was hurting, but they didn't know why. Hermione spent a lot of time in her room, doing a lot of nothing. Sometimes she read, but most of the time she just lay on her bed and stared off into space. She had lost the will to participate in the world around her. Her parents gave her time. They figured that it had something to do with her magical world and that she would bounce back. She had always been strong.
On day three the doorbell rang. When Mrs. Granger answered, there was a handsome young man standing there, looking both worried and uncomfortable. Mrs. Granger suddenly knew that this was Hermione's problem.
"Hello, Harry isn't it? Please come in," she smiled kindly at him.
He came in and immediately looked around hopefully.
"Is Hermione here?" he asked.
She's upstairs. Let me tell her that you are here."
Harry nodded, but didn't move from the foyer, almost fearful to enter their home. Mrs. Granger went upstairs, softly knocked on Hermione's door, and entered. Hermione was on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She went and sat down beside her, and Hermione turned and looked at her with sad eyes.
"He's here, isn't he?" she whispered.
Her mother nodded and stroked her hair. "Perhaps if you came down and talked to him," she said.
Hermione shook her head and whispered, "I can't," as the tears began to fall down her face. "I'm not ready."
Mrs. Granger nodded her understanding and put her hand on Hermione's shoulder and squeezed.
"I'll tell him you are not well," she said as she headed for the door. She stopped before leaving. "You do know you will have to face this eventually, dear."
Hermione nodded, her face buried in her pillow.
When Harry heard footsteps coming down the stairs he looked up hopefully, but saw that it was only Mrs. Granger. She smiled apologetically at him.
"I'm sorry, Harry. She's not feeling well. Perhaps I can get her to call you…" she trailed off at the crestfallen look on his face.
"Um, thank you," he murmured, and left dejectedly.
As Mrs. Granger let him out, she privately hoped they would work it out.
It was another two weeks before Hermione shook herself out of her self-pity and decided she needed to get on with her life. It was about this time that Luna came for a visit one evening. Hermione had to admit, she was glad to see her. They talked about everyday mundane things, and then Luna turned to look at Hermione very seriously.
"He misses you," she said.
Hermione frowned. "Who, Ron?" she asked.
"No, silly," Luna laughed. "Harry."
Hermione startled at the sound of his name. She had avoided talking or thinking about him over the past few weeks, and was surprised how that one word would make her heart lurch and her chest tighten painfully. She really didn't want to talk about him. She sighed, hugged herself, and closed her eyes for a moment before turning to look at Luna.
"The war is over, Luna. There won't be any more meetings, plans, or sneak attacks. We have our lives back. You and Ron can do whatever you please and so can I. Harry…" she swallowed past the lump in her throat. "He can do what he wants. He can continue where he left off in his relationship with Ginny. I'm not going to be in the way, like a fifth wheel. It always drove Cho crazy that Harry and I were friends. I don't want to do that to Ginny."
Merlin, she sounded like a martyr. She should get an award or something. Luna laughed, and Hermione wondered what was so funny.
"What if Harry doesn't want Ginny?"
"I saw them at the celebration, Luna. It certainly didn't look that way to me. They looked very happy to be together. No, it's better that I stay out of the way for a while," Hermione said.
"Yes, I had expected you to say that, you quite often rely on the wrong sense," Luna said as though explaining the obvious.
"Pardon?" Hermione said, confused.
"Do you think I could have a glass of water? I am a bit parched," Luna said suddenly.
As soon as Hermione left for the kitchen, Luna did a quick scan around the room, her eyes falling on a set of pictures on a table. She quickly went over and tapped her wand and murmured, "Portus." The frame glowed blue, trembled, and then faded. She went back across the room and was sitting on the couch before Hermione returned. She came back and handed Luna the glass of water as she sat back down beside her. Luna sipped it, enjoying the tinkling sound the ice made against the glass. It reminded her of some of the traps her father used when they were hunting. She sighed dreamily, lost in her memories for a moment before she remembered why she was here. She looked around, taking in her surroundings.
"You have a lovely home Hermione. I can feel the love and warmth vibrating through the room. I especially like the photos you have on the table. They sure are good at standing so still."
Hermione smiled. "Those aren't Wizarding photos, Luna, They don't move."
"Really?" said Luna, her eyes going wide. "How fascinating! May I see one?"
Hermione got up and walked over to the table, and Luna followed. She chose a picture of her with her parents and handed it to Luna. Luna looked at it for a moment, and then put it back. She gazed at the photos, seemingly interested in the people and the places in each picture.
"Oh! How lovely! I like this one!" Luna said, pointing to another photo.
Hermione looked at the picture Luna was pointing to. It was a picture of her parents on their wedding day. It was one of her favorites, because she thought her mother looked beautiful. Hermione picked it up, and promptly disappeared.
"Oh, dear, I wonder how that happened?" Luna said dreamily as she headed to the kitchen to tell Mrs. Granger about Hermione's disappearance. She would hate for her to worry.
When Hermione felt the familiar tug behind her navel, she panicked. All of her fears from the war surged forward. Before she could even sort it out though, she popped back out. One quick look around and she knew where she was: in one of the dark bedrooms at Grimmauld Place.
"Luna, I'm going to kill you!" she muttered angrily.
"What are you doing here?" she heard from one of the corners of the room.
She spun around and looked towards the chair. There, sitting in the dark, was a silhouette of a man. She knew at once who it was.
"Harry," she whispered, and dropped the picture, which smashed on the floor. All of the carefully concealed feelings that she had for him threatened to overwhelm her.
"I asked you, what are you doing here?" his raspy voice held a bitterness that she hadn't heard before.
She hesitated, wondering why he was so angry and sitting in the dark.
"First you won't talk to me when I came to see you, then suddenly you show up? What do you want? Were you a part of the plan to lock me in my room without my wand?"
"This wasn't my idea," she said, and then a thought hit her. "How did I get here with all the wards in place?" she asked.
Harry waved his hand as he stalked towards her. "I took them down. No need for them now that Voldemort is gone. Makes it easier to move about."
"Luna knew," Hermione realized.
"Of course Luna knew! She and Ron have been staying with me, you know, sticking with me. That's what friends do. Not like someone else I know," he snarled.
"Harry…" Hermione began.
"You left me," Harry said with such force, that she felt it and stumbled back.
"I…what?" she asked.
"You left me. Without saying why or goodbye."
"I…I couldn't…" she whispered, shaking her head, a lump forming in her throat.
"Why Hermione?" he asked angrily. "Was it going to be too boring now? No more bad guys to try to outwit? No more spotlight to stand in?"
Hermione felt her sorrow turn to anger. Was that what he thought of her? She turned and headed for the door. She didn't have to stand here and listen to this. She yanked on the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge. Frustrated, she grabbed for her wand from her back pocket, only to realize it was back at her house. She ground her teeth and balled her fists. How could she be so stupid! She banged on the door, completely ignoring the man watching her. There was no way she was going to ask for his help.
"Ron! Let me out!"
She continued to bang until she heard footsteps on the other side.
"Ron! Let me out!" she repeated. She knew it was her so-called friend. She figured the two of them were in on this together.
"Not until you've talked," came the reply.
Damn, she hated it when she was right.
"Ronald Bilibus Weasley! You let me out right now, or so help me, I'll hex you into next week!" she screeched.
"With what Hermione?" she could picture the smirk on his face. "Just talk, okay? You both need it." The footsteps faded away.
She kicked the door in frustration, hurting her stocking toe. She hobbled over to the bed and sat down, with her back to Harry, to rub the aching digit.
He watched her for a moment, and the silence between the two became deafening. Her anger preventing her from saying anything to him, his pride keeping him from saying anything to her. After several minutes, Harry's shoulders slumped as the fight left him. The tension and anger drained from his face, only to be replaced by sorrow.
"Why did you leave me?" he asked quietly after a few minutes.
Hermione closed her eyes and sighed. Her shoulders sagged in defeat.
"You don't need me anymore, Harry. We did what we set out to do. We defeated Voldemort. I knew that the day would come, and so did you. Now we can get on with our lives. You can go back to the way you were with Ginny. You deserve it. You don't need me around to complicate your life like I did with Cho," she let the tears fall silently down her cheeks.
"Is that what you think you are? A complication?"
"Yes, Harry! I can't do this anymore! I need to think about myself for a while! I don't want to be the fifth wheel with Ron and Luna and you and Ginny! I want…" she trailed off, not finishing her thought.
Harry came around and knelt on the floor in front of her and took her hands in his, sending a jolt of electricity up Hermione's spine.
"What do you want?" he asked quietly, as he caressed the tops of her hands with his thumbs.
Hermione shook her head, letting the tears continue to fall.
Harry sighed. "You're right, I guess it has been all about me."
Hermione opened her mouth to protest and Harry put up his hand to stall her.
"I know the past few months have been hard, and you gave up so much for me. I guess I just wanted to give you something for a change," he said.
"What do you want?" he asked again.
Hermione smiled sadly at him, and then closed her eyes against the pain she felt.
"It doesn't matter, Harry. I can't have what I want."
Harry let his shoulder's sag in resignation, and he stared at the floor, thinking. After a minute, he looked up at her tear-streaked face.
"I know what I want," he said in a small wistful voice.
Hermione nodded slightly in resignation.
"That's great, Harry. I'm sure that you and Ginny will be very happy together."
"I don't want Ginny," he said firmly, raising his voice in frustration.
He looked up at her cautiously. "I want…you."
It took Hermione a minute to register what he was saying.
"What?" she finally whispered, her eyes snapping open to look into his smoldering green ones.
"I'm not interested in Ginny. She was in love with `Harry the Hero'. I don't want to play that role for the rest of my life. I want someone who cares about me, not some title," he said bitterly.
He got up off the floor and sat beside her, not letting go of her hands. He couldn't meet her eyes.
"When you disappeared, at the ceremony, I panicked. I thought Death Eaters, or someone had kidnapped you. When Ron and Luna told me that you had just disappeared, I was hurt. I thought we meant more to each other than that, and then I figured maybe I was wrong. Ginny was quite pleased to carry on where we left off, but all I could think about was you. I missed you. That's when I figured that I needed to tell you, so I came to visit. When you wouldn't see me, I thought maybe I was right the first time," he sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair.
"I'm lost, Hermione, I don't feel like I have a future if you aren't here with me. I do need you, more than you could ever know. Please…" he begged, looking up, his eyes shining with unshed tears, "stay with me. Even if it's just as a friend."
Hermione looked at him, not believing her ears. She reached up and gingerly touched the side of his face. She had wanted to do that for so long. She let her hand move around to the back of his head and slowly pulled him closer. She closed her eyes and very softly touched her lips to his, marveling in the feel of them. Harry groaned and pulled her to him, deepening the kiss, crushing himself against her. Hermione felt the intensity of the emotions flowing from Harry, desperate and hungry. She slowly pulled away and opened her eyes to look at him.
"Hermione, I…" he started.
"Shhh," she said, putting a finger to his lips and smiling. "You've said enough, Harry."
She let her hand cup the side of his face again.
"I spent so much time worrying about you and fearing that I'd lose you when we were battling Voldemort. Then when we were safe, I had new fears, ones I couldn't deal with. You had become my life, Harry. I lived for you, lived because of you. And then, in a heartbeat, I saw it being taken away. I just can't be your friend, Harry. I want more. I need more."
Harry smiled, and turned to kiss the palm of the hand that was on his cheek.
"I think," he murmured, "that we are both finally on the same page."
He pulled her down on to the bed and held her to him, stunned by the feeling of righteousness. He finally felt complete. The two of them held each other, enjoying the newness of their relationship, and welcoming the strength and comfort of being back together again. They had become one. They didn't hear the lock click or the door creak open as two people poked their heads around the corner. Ron grinned as he looked at his two best friends.
"I guess we don't need to lock the door anymore."
"No," sighed Luna dreamily. "They are back on the right path again."
"Finally!" huffed Ron. "Now can we go to bed?"
"Yes, Ronald," Luna smiled. "I want to talk to you about future paths we can travel together."
The door clicked closed, but the couple on the bed didn't hear it. Harry pulled the comforter from the bottom of the bed over the top of them both, and pulled Hermione as close to himself as possible, holding her like he was never letting go.
And that suited Hermione just fine.
Fin
A/N: Okay, I know that some of you are going to say: "Why didn't Harry just use his wandless magic to get out of the room?" I say, "BECAUSE IT DIDN'T FIT INTO THE STORY LINE!" and because this was a one-shot, and because it was my first story. Now be gentle, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!
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