by Xelan (devote Harmonian)
Dislaimer: I own nothing. All recognizable characters are owned by their respective owners.
A/N: I have begun to actively dislike Ron Weasley and now wish Jo had killed off Ron in OoTP, but that's just my opinion.
Takes place Post-Hogwarts with DH never taking place. Non canon compliant. Mild to moderate Ron bashing ahead. Harmonious ending. I also take a few potshots at Jo. Thanks to Seel'vor for inspiration.
I reference some of the Goblet of Fire but this is an AU and this Harry took his Hermione to the ball. I generally dislike the last two books as well as parts of OoTP and I refuse to acknowledge the existence of The Epilogue.
I should apologize in advance. I'm not British, but I do try and keep my characters souding as authentic as possible. My command of British English is imperfect to say the least, so take everything with a grain of salt and if I stumble, please politely correct me.
A/N Succinct version: Hated Jo's ending, my Hermione's middle name is Jane, dislike several Weasleys, and Harry and Hermione are fated in my opinion.
Please review as comments and criticism help fuel the creative process.
<::::}]Present Day[{::::>
"Hermione! Come out, Hermione. I have WONDERFUL NEWS!" shouted the red-headed fool. He glanced around the empty flat. His key hadn't worked and the only unlocking spell he'd ever bothered to learn (courtesy of Hermione) had been necessary to enter the small one bedroom flat. Undaunted by the changed lock, lack of furnishings or signs of inhabitation, he dashed through the rooms looking for Hermione.
After searching through each room 3 times, opening and inspecting each closet 5 times, and peering into the strange muggle version of a wood burning stove 10 times, he finally gave up searching and sat on the floor to wait for her to return home.
Ron waited throughout the night and into the next morning. The only respite to his vigil was when he stopped into the loo to do his business, the half dozen short naps he had taken, and when he apparated over to the leaky cauldron to order take out. Unfortunately for him, the water had been turned off and he never quite got the hang of the waste banishing spell while at Hogwarts; the WC was really starting to smell like a bog now. Harry and Hermione had usually done the difficult spellwork, leaving him more time to devote to the finer things in life. Ah Quidditch, chess and food. Where would he be now if he hadn't devoted so much time to those noble persuits? To his dismay, the floor was too hard to be comfortable and he couldn't rememeber the incantation for the cushioning charm. To top that off, Tom was not as terribly keen on providing free food to a war hero as he should be. Finally, after pestering him for several hours, Ron was given several abandoned food orders so long as he promised to leave.
Standing up from where he had sat himself down to wait and gobble his food, Ron stretched and brushed crumbs from his robes. He wiped his greasy finger on his pants and straightened his collar. "Can't meet up with Hermione looking like something the kneazle dragged in, especially with the exciting news I have for her."
He decided to put to work his mighty brain and puzzle out the mystery of why Hermione wasn't home yet. Truly a quandry that only his incredible noggin was capable of solving. He began to pace and talk aloud to himself. "Let's see now. The lock's been changed, her furniture is missing as well as all her clothes and other muggle nicknacks she's so fond of." Gosh, such a difficult mystery. "No bellybision or fellytone, no food in the icebox and neither the WC or any of the taps work."
Small wisps of smoke began to float from his ears as his scarce and seldom used brain cells began to warm up from long disuse. A tiny candle appeared over his head and at that moment, it all became clear to him. "Of course! I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. Hermione must have been robbed!" He nodded to himself. That fit all the available facts. Hermione'd be so proud of him when he told her how he'd puzzled it out. Now all he had to do was find her so he could tell her his news and then she could be suitably proud of him. Yessir, once Hermione heard what Ronald Bilius Weasley had to say, she could finally stop working as a prosecutor for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Sure, Harry'd probably miss seeing her every day seeing as he was an auror captain last time Ron had checked; though, that was a few years ago so it was possible he'd made Head Auror by now. But that was neither here nor there. He just had to find Hermione.
He began to pace again. Of course, he was still thinking out loud. "Okay. Hermione was robbed. Where would she go if every single thing she owned was taken from her? Hmm... the burrow? Naw, she and my mum haven't been getting along since... well, I guess since never. Her muggle relatives? There's just no way. I mean, they're muggles. Why in Merlin's name would she willingly hang out with muggles. Yech! Wait a minute. I seem to vaguely recall Harry spending a lot of time here at Hermione's.
Lord knows I kept bumping into his things around her flat whenever I came to visit. Why muggle borns insist on keeping one goosebrush per person on tiny little shelves by the sink is beyond me. I remember asking her once why they just didn't share one if they were so determined to hold onto their muggle roots. Then they just looked at each other with peculiar expressions and the next time I visited there was only one. What would they do without me? Probably a toilet full to the brim with useless muggle stuff. Come to think of it, I never did understand why she got so excited about that huge set of monogrammed towels Harry gave her for Christmas one year. She mumbled something about them coming in handy in the future, but it's so easy to conjure towels and monogramming isn't that hard. At least that's what mum says. Anyway, monogrammed towels with the initials HJ slightly offset can't match the 3 boxes of Droobles best blowing gum I bought her. If I didn't know better, I might suspect Harry cheaped out and just gave her a set he hadn't used yet. Besides, anyone can see how much she loves chewing gum, I mean she was always chewing at meal times back at Hogwarts... can't specifically recall if it was gum or not, but she WAS chewing."
"Getting distracted... gotta focus. Have to think like Hermione. After all, no one knows her better than me." A little voice in the back of his head that suspiciously sounded exactly like Hermione whispered 'Harry does...' but Ron had always been good at ignoring the real Hermione's advice. He wasn't going to let some figment Hermione ruin his unblemished record.
"Now what was I saying before Hermione interrupted me? Oh yeah. Have to use my intimate knowledge of Hermione's life to figure out where she's gone off to." Considering the matter carefully, another candle lit about his head and an answer came to him even more obvious than the last. Harry Potter. "Of course! She must be at Harry's place. He has all that room up in Grimmauld place, even more so since Hermione helped him clean house, knock down some walls and redecorate. In fact, as Ron thought back, he could recall a room that was close to Harry's that Harry had offered for Hermione to use back when she was first apartment hunting. Ron didn't know why she needed a room there, after all, she was still rooming with her muggle relatives at the time and as far as Ron could tell, she never slept there. The room was always too pristine when he'd seen it. All she seemed to use was the closet, and Ron had begun to joke that with as many clothes as she had at Grimmauld, she probably was running low in her own flat.
Funny, to his amusement his unbelievably powerful mind had returned to the topic of bath towels, he idly wondered if Harry's gift of towels had also been stolen by the thieves. On reflection, their color matched the tiles in the toilet that was shared between Harry and Hermione's rooms at Grimmauld. What a coincidence - now it really would be a shame if they had been stolen.
Shaking his head to rid himself of the peculiar thoughts of towels, he wiped the last of the grease from the fish and chips into his already greasy hair and apparated to Grimmauld to find Hermione and deliver the good news.
At least he thought he apparated to Grimmauld, when he bounced off the wards and found himself on the front lawn. Chalking it up to Harry mucking about with the wards and forgetting to add him back in, he went to the door to let himself in. Again his key didn't work but this time neither did the Alohamora. Reduced to needing to knock, Ron did so then he waited.
<::::}]2 Years 9 Months 3 Days Previous[{::::>
"Harry."
"uugh?"
"Harry."
"Waah?" *snore*
"Harry wake up."
"Wa - Hermione?"
"We did it again. "
"Oh bugger."
"I know. I really thought we had it this time."
Harry absently nuzzled the top of Hermione's head as he pondered the situation. In turn, Hermione nestled herself deeper into the crook of Harry's arms.
Harry had yet to open his eyes as he began to gently stroke Hermione's back through her sheer nightgown. "I'm guessing I'm in your room this time?"
Hermione chuckled. "Yeah, how could you tell?"
"Easy. Your bed's a bit lumpier than mine."
Hermione lightly batted him on the shoulder. "Prat!" she said in a joking tone.
Harry breathed in deeply, enjoying the sweet and spicy scent of Hermione's hair. Shower or no shower, God she smelled good.
Hermione just sighed contentedly and started to trace a pattern on his bare chest with her fingertip. "What are we going to do, Harry?"
He eyed the bedside clock, squinting to see without his glasses. "I don't know about you, but it is still the middle of the night and I really don't think I can come up with any reasonable ideas until morning."
Hermione yawned cutely and Harry tried valiantly to suppress a smile at how perfect and how awful their situation was at the same time. He drew her closer to him and he heard her let out another contented sigh.
With legs intertwined and a profound sense of peace and a tiny twinge of dread, Harry began to feel himself drifting off to sleep.
"Night night, Harry James..."
"Sleep tight, Hermione Jane..."
They would just have to deal with it in the morning.
<::::}]To Be Continued[{::::>