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"How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?" ― Dr. Seuss

Chapter 4 - The Worst of all Worlds

Harry lay on his side and watched his daughter sleep. Considering all that she'd been through, she slept remarkably well. She didn't seem to suffer from nightmares like the ones that had plagued his teen years. She was a remarkable young woman and his heart burst with pride even as it broke with the knowledge that he had very little to do with how she'd turned out.

She'd never been to Hogwarts, or played a quidditch game. She'd never even learnt how to fly.

He'd been blasé about his job, his lack of vigilance had cost him his life and his friends and family had all suffered for it.

His wife and his daughter, the two people he loved most, had suffered most of all.

At least for his parents, Remus, and most of the others it had been over quickly. One moment they'd all been celebrating happily and the next they'd been dead. It was horrific, but at least it had been quick. For Rosalind and Hermione it had been nearly nineteen years of suffering, uncertainty, and deprivation. Yet through it all Hermione had raised a daughter that anyone would be proud of and Rosalind was a testimony to the intelligence, courage and grace of her mother.

Harry rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Since Rosalind had fallen asleep he kept going back over in his mind the time leading up to his death, or near death. He kept looking for the clue he should have seen that would have warned him of the danger brewing, but he still couldn't see it.

He remembered the very last time he'd seen Sabine Lupin so clearly.

It was about three o'clock in the afternoon on the 27^th of July, he'd been hoping to leave early because his parents were hosting a birthday celebration for him that night. He wanted to have time to sooth any fears of looking awful that Hermione had (she had been very sensitive about her appearance in recent weeks) and get over to his parents place in time for a quick game of quidditch with his Dad, Ron, Sirius and whoever else happened to be around.

The afternoon sun was streaming through the windows in the Auror department of the ministry and Harry was antsy to be gone. So when Sabine Lupin called him over to her desk he'd really hoped it had been in order to give him a fabricated excuse to go home. On the surface that's exactly what it had appeared to be.

He remembered her calm smile so clearly, as she handed him a document, `I've got a lead on those muggle baiters we've been getting reports on.' She told him.

Harry took the document from her, it was blank, but she winked at him so he played along. He'd thought she was giving him an excuse.

`The one's with the biting teacups?' He asked, vaguely remembering something about biting teacups from a few weeks earlier.

She smiled, `that's the one, according to our information the magical signature on them has also been found on some goods waiting to be shipped to France, they're in a muggle dock yard right now. It'll probably take you the rest of the afternoon to investigate it thoroughly.'

Harry almost laughed, it would probably take him all of two seconds. But he nodded seriously, `I'll get right on it then, you'll let anyone who asks know where I am.'

She smiled, a big genuine smile, `Of course I will.'

She was probably thinking that she'd be sure to tell her boss Voldemort all about it. Harry thought bitterly. How could he have guessed though that she was anything other than genuine? Moony was married to her for Merlins sake… was he supposed to never trust anyone new at all?

Harry flopped on to his other side, now facing away from his daughter, and let out a big sigh. How was he supposed to sleep when Voldemort was out there right now doing Merlin knows what, killing and torturing people probably, and he was stuck in a library with only one ally, no resources, and no plan for fixing this problem.

It was pretty clear to him that the solution to all of this mess lay in the past. He and Hermione had missed one of the Horcruxes, either the ring or the locket might not have been a Horcrux (they were they only ones that Harry hadn't been able to examine prior to their destruction). Unless Dumbledore had been wrong and there was another Horcrux that they didn't know about, it could even be both of those things. Maybe the locket (or ring) wasn't a Horcrux at all, something else was, and there were others they had no idea of.

It was enough to make Harry's head spin and he yearned for Hermione.

To be able to talk all of this over with her, the way he always had with all of his problems, seemed an unimaginable luxury right now. Even just to be able to hold her in his arms while he fell asleep, as he had every night for the past seven years, would be heaven. He missed her soft warmth snuggled up close to him. After a few minutes his thoughts of Hermione, sleeping next to him, were enough to relax him until, at last, he was able to drift off to sleep.

***

The next morning dawned bright and clear and Harry jumped out of bed feeling refreshed and keen for an early start. His depression from the night before had lifted and he just felt eager to get on with things so he could get rid of Voldemort (again) and get on with his life.

Feeling better than he had since arriving in this nightmarish vision of the future Harry went to the broom cupboard that Rosalind had indicated the night before to retrieve his beloved Firebolt. It was about time they got started and the first thing they needed was potion supplies.

His old broom looked just as good as he remembered it, Hermione had obviously placed a charm on it to keep it dust-free and ready to fly. As his hand closed around the handle Harry became aware that a dust free charm wasn't all she'd done. As soon as his skin touched the wooden handle of his broom an envelope appeared, stuck to the back of the handle. His name clearly written on it in green ink. It was Hermione's handwriting.

He didn't hesitate, he pulled the envelope off the broom and tore it open.

Dear Harry,

I've waited as long as I can for you but have now come to realise that however it is you survived, you didn't do it on your own. Someone from the future must have gone back to the past and saved you.

You might be wondering how I know that you're alive and it really is very simple. Your invisibility cloak is still here. I still remember everything you told me about the last time you died, when we'd gone back to the past to save your parent's lives, and I remember the deal you struck with death.

Our clock may not be able to find you, and I can't either, but I'm sure it's because you're time-travelling.

By the time I realised what had really happened to you it was few years after your `death'. It was such a horrible shock, your death, and the massacre at your party, and having a baby without you and while in hiding…

The point is, by the time I realised that you must still be alive your death was a long established fact. Most of our friends were dead and those that weren't were in hiding or potentially a traitor. I had no idea what to do. Surviving was as much as I could manage.

When Rosalind started to get a bit older she started to resemble you so much, I started to suspect that eventually it would be she who went back to get you. I didn't know who the traitor was still, but it was more than likely someone who knew of our secret potion. How much they knew was a mystery.

I was never so glad that Snape had never told anyone about it and that we had never revealed the location of the recipe to anyone at all.

I had to be so careful in collecting all the ingredients, these things are monitored very closely these days. I believe that Spain is still an independent state, though I can't be sure how long that will last. It's beyond my apparating distance, but for you it might be possible (you always had more raw power than I do and if I'm correct you'll still have the Death Stick).

I would apparate there to get whatever you need.

I can only hope that it is you who saves us all again, and not Rosalind. I want so much for this life to be one she has no memory of. I know how much it hurts you that you didn't get to experience the childhood you had with your parents and I dread Rosalind having to live with that same pain.

She is an amazing girl, so strong and brave. She was such a happy baby Harry, I missed you so much during that time, I know how much you were looking forward to meeting her and being part of her childhood. The pain of losing you has never grown less, even after I realised that you weren't really dead. That knowledge made it a little easier to sleep at night but it didn't reduce how much I missed you. Not even a little.

I'm getting ready to leave our little girl now, Harry, I only pray that I'm right. We need to know who the traitor is and there is only one way to find out. A sacrifice needs to be made and I'm the only one who can make it.

Hopefully, once we know for sure who is betraying us you will be brought back and you will find a way to fix this. If I'm wrong and our little girl is left all alone… perhaps she'll be able to start a new life somewhere far far away.

I don't even know if you'll ever read this but I figured that if you did get brought into the future your broom would be one of the first things you would go to.

If I'm wrong and this winds up in Rosalind's hands then I can only hope that it spurs her into action. To try to somehow build a life for herself rather than spend it holed up in a dust library.

I know this letter has been horribly disjointed but it's the most difficult thing I've ever had to write. How do you say I love you, I'm sorry, please take care of our baby girl, and all the other things that need to be said to someone who may not even be alive?

Whoever it is that reads this letter, know that I love you and I only wanted what was best for you. I tried to do the right thing.

All my Love

Hermione.

Harry wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and put the letter into his back pocket. Even though reading Hermione's letter had all but ripped his heart from his chest and torn it to pieces it had also strengthened his resolve. He needed to fix it so that his daughter would never remember any of this and could have the childhood she deserved.

He wrote a quick note for Rosalind to explain where he'd gone (to Spain) and why (for potion supplies) and he mounted his broom.

While he was being tortured by Voldemort's little pets he'd been so annoyed that the Death Stick had still been in his boot holster and his invisibility cloak had been with Hermione, just in case. The first thing Voldemort's goons had done, when they'd attacked him from behind, was to bind him so tightly that he couldn't move his arms even a millimetre. Now couldn't help but be glad.

Hermione was probably only able to survive as long as she did because she'd had the cloak.

Also, it meant that now Harry had a completely untraceable and very powerful wand to use. He pulled the Death Stock out of his boot and used it to affix his invisibility Cloak the way he had so many times before, so that he was able to fly while remaining completely invisible and no amount of Accio spells would reveal him.

With all that done, Harry took to the air (or as close as he could get to it while still indoors), and apparated to Spain. Hermione had been corrected on many counts. Firstly, Spain did still seem to be free and it was ridiculously easy to get all the supplies he needed while there. Secondly, he was able to apparate there and back without any trouble at all. His mission, if it could really be called that, was over and done with in about an hour.

However, what he didn't anticipate was how his daughter would react to this.

The noise of Harry apparating was almost silent but it was still enough to wake Rosalind from a relatively light sleep. Waking to find her father missing, a father who'd died 19 years ago from basically being careless (at his own admission) and who'd only just been returned to life a few short days ago, was nothing short of terrifying for her.

Reading the note he'd left for her had done nothing to change that.

Dear Rosalind,

Just going to Spain to get potion ingredients, will be as quick as I can.

Love Dad xx

The note was still crumpled in her fist, while she angrily paced the library, when he returned. He was lucky really, if he'd not taken the cloak with him (or if he'd been gone any longer) she'd have set out immediately for Spain herself to try and find him.

As it was she was furious. The noise of his appartion back into the room startled her as she paced, but Harry casually jumping from his broom as he pulled off his cloak startled her even more. However, she was not so startled that she did not immediately light into him.

`Where the Hell have you been?' she demanded angrily

`What are you talking about?' Harry was confused and somewhat taken aback by the level of anger she displayed, she was practically throwing spells at him with her eyes.

`Where. The. Hell. Have. You. Been?' she demanded again, her voice raising even higher.

`I left you a note, didn't you get it?'

`I got your bloody note "Gone to Spain, back soon", you couldn't have been a little more vague? How the hell are you planning on getting to bloody Spain anyway, why aren't you going to take me with you? How can you be so reckless?? You almost died a few days ago! You would have if it weren't for me!'

`Um,' Harry didn't know quite where to start with all that but Rosalind didn't give him a chance. She was on a roll now and all the anger and frustration she'd harboured towards her father over the years came pouring out.

`Everyone talks about how bloody brave and noble you were, but it's just bloody reckless and thoughtless, isn't it? You don't care about anyone, how worried they might be, or what might happen to them if you died. Did you ever think that perhaps you should have stopped taking dangerous assignments while your wife was heavily pregnant? Did you even care about me at all?'

She paused then to take a breath and probably would have started yelling again but Harry didn't give her a chance.

`That's enough.' His voice was strangely calm, belying his inner turmoil, `I might have been a bit reckless when I was younger but I loved your mother very much and I loved you too. Even though you weren't born yet. I want, wanted, nothing more than to be there for every single day of your childhood. I did stop taking dangerous missions, from the moment Hermione told me she was pregnant that was the only thing that mattered to me at all. Sabine Lupin was a trusted friend, and I thought she was sending me on an easy job to get me home early. If I had suspected it was anything other than that I would have been fully prepared and they would never have been able to get the drop on me so easily. I have only ever wanted what is best for you.'

He took a deep steadying breath.

`As for how I expect to get to Spain, I apparated, while invisible, and while mid-air on my broom. It's the safest way to travel. I've already been there and am back. I got everything we needed and I didn't get into any trouble at all.'

Rosalind looked shocked, `You've already been?'

`Yes, as for why I didn't take you… two of us going would have only made it more difficult to hide. I am not doing anything reckless, especially not with your safety.'

Rosalind sat down heavily in one the libraries chairs and they were both silent for a moment.

`I'm sorry' Rosalind said at last, her eyes downcast, `I shouldn't have said all those things.'

`it's okay, I understand,' Harry went over and crouched in front of her, `You feel like I abandoned you, you're angry, I get it. Don't forget, I probably understand how you feel right now better than anyone. I went through almost exactly the same thing with my parents. At least they died saving my life, you didn't have that consolation.'

`You died trying to though, that meant a lot,' she looked up at him and their eyes met, `Mum and Uncle Ron always said that.'

`I'll keep trying too, I want you to have the life you deserve and you deserve a hell of a lot better than this.'

Rosalind didn't respond, just bit her lip and stared at her hands again.

Harry put his arms around her and gave her a squeeze, `I love you, you know.'

Rosalind nodded against his shoulder and whispered back, `I love you too, Dad'

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