The Diary

Chapter Twenty-nine - The Attempt

Disclaimer: Take note: I am not a middle-aged British woman.

Dedication: Ciara, the Emily scene was written immediately after I found out what you did. ;) Huzzah! Thanks to Holly for the fantastic beta.

0 0 0

Testing 1, 2, 3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?
”Testing, 1, 2, 3” by Barenaked Ladies

0 0 0

“Emily? Are you busy?” Lily asked, wrapping an arm around Emily's bedpost.

Emily was stretched out on her bed, her hands behind her head and her feet crossed. “Oh yes. My schedule is just overflowing with things, like the exam we have in oh, twenty minutes.” She cracked open an eye. “Feeling more… normal today?”

“You could say that,” Lily said evasively. “I just wanted to tell you that… I did overreact.”

“I'm aware.” Emily sighed and sat up straight. “Come to your senses, then?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“Lily's mood today is noncommittal.”

“Emily's mood today is sarcastic,” Lily said with a quirk of her lips.

“That's every day,” Emily said, swinging her legs around the side of the bed. “But I'm happy to hear you've done some introspection.” She raised an eyebrow and waited for Lily to explain.

“I was…” Lily sank down next to Emily. “He reminds me of someone I dislike even more, so I… He just bothers me more than he should.”

“Dislike?” Emily raised an eyebrow. “Interesting choice of words, considering some of the things you've called him.”

“The only person I hate,” Lily began, smoothing her skirt, “is You Know Who, and I don't expect to hear any complaints about that.”

“And you'll get none.”

“Good. I would hate to have to persuade you on that issue.”

“I wouldn't want to debate you there,” Emily said, bouncing the soles of her feet on the ground. After a moment, she asked, “The question is, are you still going to overreact when you meet him again?”

Lily ducked her head into her chin. “I don't plan to, but when does anyone ever plan to overdo something?”

“Good point.”

“I suppose,” Lily said, “that I'll just have to have you around at all times so that you can try to temper me.”

“Always?” Emily cocked her head. “Well, I'll see if I can fit you into my busy schedule. Which right now says we had better get going if we're going to be on time to Transfiguration.”

“Oh, exams. Right.” Lily pushed herself off the bed and went to collect her schoolbag.

“Did you ever help Linda last night?” Emily called to Lily.

“I didn't!” Lily said to herself, surprised. “After the… thing, I completely forgot about her.”

“Don't worry about it,” Emily said, standing by the door. Lily walked over to join her and they began to descend the stairs. “She was going to fail anyways; she's shit at Transfiguration.”

“I know. Thanks for signing me up for that.”

Emily sent her a wide grin. “You're welcome.”

0 0 0

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The pads of Lily's fingers rapped against the stone floor outside of Professor McGonagall's office. She'd been sitting there for a little over five minutes, awaiting the arrival of the office's owner so that they might discuss… Lily didn't know. All she knew was that McGonagall had stopped her on her way out of her Transfiguration practical and instructed her to meet in her office in five minutes. So, after a quick explanation to Emily, Lily had hurried off to the first floor, but now McGonagall was nowhere in sight.

Of course, the instant Lily stood up to go take a look around for her, who should stride around the corner but the professor.

“I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, Miss Evans,” she said as she approached Lily, pulling out her wand to unlock the door. McGonagall held the door open for Lily and closed it behind herself, then lowered herself behind her desk. “Have a seat.”

“What did you want to talk to me about, Professor?” Lily took the seat she'd had the last time she'd been in the office, and she was suddenly struck by what would likely be the topic of their conversation.

“I suppose there's really no point in beating around the bush.” McGonagall clasped her hands and rested them on her desk. “Despite my recommendations, the Board of Governors has requested that your parents be informed of the matter involving Mr Stoddard earlier this term.”

“You mean you haven't told them?” Lily asked, crossing her ankles.

“Surely you wondered why you hadn't received a letter from them,” McGonagall said, her head inclined ever so slightly.

“Oh, right.” Lily gripped her right hand with her left. “I did wonder that. I thought they hadn't been able to get their hands on an owl.” She ran McGonagall's penultimate statement through her mind once more and furrowed her brow. “Wait, why do they have to know now, Professor?”

“The Board,” McGonagall said with great distaste, “has decided that you are to inform them of what occurred.”

“I have to tell them?” Lily asked, shocked. Discussing the caretaker matter was certainly not at the top of Lily's To Do In The Indeterminate Future list, especially not with her parents, of all people.

McGonagall nodded gently. “I'm afraid so, Miss Evans. You've already behaved wonderfully, and I'm sure this was not something you had anticipated, but it must be done.”

“Well, why didn't the school tell my parents when it happened?” A hint of outrage slipped into Lily's voice unintentionally.

“At the time,” McGonagall explained, “the Board was afraid your parents would pull you out of Hogwarts.”

“They'd never do that,” Lily assured her.

“While I am inclined to believe that, Miss Evans, the Board believed that your parents' lack of magical ability would somehow also manifest itself in a lack of rationality.”

“That's stupid.”

“I agree with you wholeheartedly,” McGonagall said, the corners of her lips tugging back slightly. “However, our opinions mean little to the Board of Governors, and we are forced to comply with their rulings.” She leaned forward in her seat. “So, Miss Evans, are you capable of telling your parents?”

Lily swallowed deeply. She'd had a brief sex talk with her mother one time, and that had been too awkward for Lily to really learn anything, but the issue of harassment had never come up. And she'd never considered her parents taking her out of Hogwarts, but they wouldn't do that, would they? They'd never shown a prominent fear of magic, but then again, it wasn't a magical issue. Lily would have to ask Roscoe about it later. For now, though, she said, “I'll make sure they know what they need to, Professor.”

McGonagall smiled softly. “You've truly proven yourself to be a Gryffindor, Miss Evans. If you or your parents have any questions, feel free to contact myself or Professor Dumbledore.”

“I will,” Lily said, uncrossing her feet and reaching for her bag. “May I go now?”

“Of course. I imagine there will be a celebration tonight for the end of the exams. A quiet celebration, I might add,” McGonagall said, giving Lily an amused but pointed look.

“I'll try to keep a lid on things, Professor.” Lily sent a smile of her own back at McGonagall on her way out the door.

0 0 0

“Fancy a game of chess, Moony? Last one of the year?”

“Do I fancy being clobbered by your superior skills?” A twitch passed over Remus' lips. “Not especially, but I will play if you agree not to end it too early.”

“I'm not falling for the humble act,” James said, sorting through the pieces that had been carelessly piled up on the ground and shoving the black ones across the board. “I haven't won a game against you in… Have I ever beaten you?”

“Not that I'm aware of, but I also haven't been keeping track,” Remus said, lowering himself onto the ground.

“Of course not. Mister Moony would never claim to be superior to anyone,” James said with a faint smirk.

“Excellent analysis,” Remus said softly, setting up his row of pawns, each piece placed down with precision.

Silence reigned while the two boys arranged the pieces and began to play.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Remus asked quietly, as if to retain the solemnity that came with being in an empty common room late at night.

James directed his bishop to take Remus' pawn. “Does there need to be a reason for me to play chess with one of my best friends?”

“Not necessarily, but your loquacity gives you away,” Remus said wisely, his knight taking out James' bishop.

“I fail to follow your logic, Moony.”

“You haven't said anything, which I interpreted to mean that you would like me to act as a consult.”

James had no response for that, as he did indeed want Remus' opinion of something. No use disguising it anymore.

“How do you get someone to stop being afraid of you?” he asked bluntly.

“Afraid?” Remus looked up from the chessboard. “I have to admit, I was not expecting that.”

“Neither was I,” James muttered under his breath.

Several turns passed, in which James lost two pawns and a rook, before Remus answered.

“The best solution I can think of,” he said thoughtfully, “is to show her that she's nothing to fear from you. You're only intimidating when you're a giant stag, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say you haven't done that in front of her.”

“'Course I haven't,” James replied primly. “And I already knew that. Problem is how to do that.”

“Is this the same girl you were attempting to be nice to?” Remus asked.

“Erm, yeah, it - wait.” James paused to eye Remus. “How'd you know it was a girl?”

“Instinct,” Remus said smoothly. “I have an overabundance.”

James grimaced. “Furry little problem, eh?”

“Call it what you will. It doesn't change anything.” Remus sat up straighter and rested his palms on the table. “Assuming it is the same girl, you must not have succeeded in the nice arena. Thus, I recommend not only being kind, but also not acting like a prat in front of her. Which -” he held up a hand - “means no hexing other students in front of her. Girls are maternal and don't find that particularly endearing. Especially any girl you set your sights on.”

“So what you're saying,” James said, leaning forward, “is that I need to essentially change my personality?”

A faint crease formed between Remus' eyebrows. “Nothing so extreme, mind you. I'm advising you to watch your behaviour around her, and to not offend her. It's not exactly a Herculean task.” He spared a glance at James and murmured, “Then again…”

James opened his mouth to speak, but before he could defend himself, someone else cut in.

“You winning, Moony?”

“I'm letting him win, Padfoot,” James said without turning around. He heard Sirius leap onto the couch behind him and settle in.

“What does Mister Moony think of that statement?”

“Mister Moony believes that Mister Prongs is entitled to his own opinions regarding this chess match,” Remus commented. “Furthermore, he would like to add that it is Mister Prongs' turn.”

James quickly scanned the board and moved his queen to block an attack from Remus' knight. “Mister Prongs would like to say that he is doing just fine, thank you, and would like to know where Mister Wormtail is.”

“Mister Wormtail,” Sirius responded, “is in the process of locating his Transfiguration book and would like to enlist our aid in his quest.”

“Mister Moony would appreciate it if Mister Padfoot would inform Mister Wormtail that he will be up in a moment.”

James gave Remus a perplexed look. “Mister Prongs would like to point out that Mister Moony has yet to officially defeat him.”

“Mister Moony,” Remus said, grinning slyly as he directed his bishop into place, “would like to announce `Checkmate'.”

James stared at the board, stunned. He hadn't seen that move coming at all. “Mister Prongs would like to commend Mister Moony on such a spectacular move.”

“Mister Padfoot would like to share his belief that Mister Prongs was overconfident, as always.”

“Mister Moony would like to thank Mister Prongs for a game well-played,” Remus said while standing up, “and suggest that everyone go help Mister Wormtail find his book.”

“Mister Prongs would like to register his agreement, but he would first like to pack up his chess game.”

“Mister Padfoot will help Mister Prongs,” Sirius said, making no move to get up from his perch.

As Remus started to walk away, James added, “And Mister Prongs would like to thank Mister Moony.”

Remus paused but didn't turn back. “You're welcome,” he said before continuing on up the stairs.

Leisurely, James began to pack up his chess set for the train ride home the following day. He looked over his shoulder to ask, “You sorted everything out with your mum and dad for tomorrow?”

“If you mean did I arrange things for the summer? Then yes,” Sirius replied, a little too smugly and a little too mischievously for James not to take notice.

“I hope your plans don't include simply tossing a `Bugger off' to them before disappearing with my family,” James said slowly.

Sirius smirked. “And if they do?”

“Then I suppose,” James said, half-forcing a smile, “that we'll just have to be extra quick, won't we?”

“I would have told them,” Sirius said, as though he had given the matter great thought, “but they'll have to come for my little bastard of a brother anyways, won't they? This way, I simply get a little payback for years of glares over the dinner table.”

“You think they'll just let you not go home with them?” James stood up, tucking his chess set under his arm, and looked down at Sirius.

A familiar devious glare passed over Sirius' eyes. “I'm counting on it.”

0 0 0

“You're getting a job this summer, right?”

“Hmm?” Lily wrenched her gaze away from the window to look at Matilda. She'd been preoccupied with the prospect of telling her parents about Stoddard, which she had yet to consult Roscoe about. They'd only written once since the meeting in McGonagall's office, and Lily had forgotten about her obligation until she'd boarded the Hogwarts Express that morning. “Yeah, I'm working in my parents' shop.”

“Your sister's not working there, too, is she?” Emily asked.

“Actually, I'm not sure if Petunia's working with me,” Lily said, creasing her forehead. “She's probably not; she's never done a day of work outside the house, and I can't see that changing over the course of a few months.”

“Still, at least you're working for your parents,” Matilda said as she tucked her hair behind her ears. “That's better than working for a couple of strangers.”

“I'd think the opposite.” Matilda's boyfriend, Adam, wrapped his fingers in hers. “You can't skive off work if your parents know for a fact you're perfectly fine.”

“But they'll also be more likely to give you more money,” Matilda argued.

“I'm sorry, you meant my dad?” Lily asked. “He can't bear to part with any of his money, ever, unless it's spent so that he directly reaps the rewards.”

“Sounds like you could use a better job, Evans.”

Lily's head swivelled around to the doorway and her eyes narrowed. “Potter,” she said coolly. “What do you want?”

“Wanted to see how you're faring.” Potter leaned casually against the door, as if he had no place better to be. As if it were perfectly normal for him to stop by to see how she was doing.

“Fine, until you showed up,” Lily said. An elbow jabbed into her right side, and a quick glance reminded Lily that Emily was in that seat. Lily gave her a puzzled look, prompting Emily to whisper, “Be nice.”

Lily briefly closed her eyes and turned back to Potter. “I'm fantastic,” Lily bit out. “How are you.” She threw a look to Emily that clearly asked if she was satisfied; Emily smirked.

Potter's eyes widened momentarily. “I'm just fine, thank you.” One of his classic smirks began to pull at his lips, sending Lily's blood boiling until she attempted to reign in her anger. “I always knew you'd come around, Evans.” He spoke with such unbelievable smugness, and then his hand leaped up to his mop of hair. It was too much for Lily.

“I haven't come around to anything,” Lily said sharply. “Now get out of here.”

“All right. I can tell when I'm not wanted.” He half-waved and spun around the corner, saying, “Have a good summer, everyone.”

Once he was out of sight, Lily lightly whacked her head against the wall behind her.

“At least you didn't cause him any bodily harm this time,” Emily said, slipping a Chocolate Frog into her hand.

“I wanted to,” Lily groaned.

“You mean you did tackle him that day?” Matilda asked, surprised. “I thought that was just a rumour.”

“I did, and it felt bloody amazing,” Lily admitted. “Wish I'd done it again just now.”

“Why?” Matilda asked her. “All he did was ask how you were.”

“Because he's James Potter. Lily doesn't like him,” Emily explained.

“I knew that,” Matilda said, rolling her eyes. “But if he hasn't done anything today - which I don't think he has - then why would you be such a bitch?”

“She wasn't being a bitch.” Emily scooted closer to Lily. “She has her reasons.”

“Would you all shut up about Potter?” Lily snapped, covering her eyes with her palms. “He and I have a bad history. That's all. Now let's talk about something else.”

“Predicted OWL scores?” Emily said immediately. “No Outstandings for me.”

Thankfully, her friends picked up the topic right away, but Lily didn't join in. Potter was gone, but she still felt restless. She needed to get up, to move, to be with someone who understood because her friends didn't.

Abruptly, she stood up, moved to the compartment door and said, “I'm going to find Diana.”

“Don't be too long,” Emily said as Lily slid the door shut.

The only problem with being on the Express was that there was an excess of people. People Lily did not feel like conversing with. The one person she wanted to talk to was probably unavailable, and she couldn't exactly whip out her diary in front of Emily and start scribbling away. The woes of having a magical friend.

Lily took a few steps to her right and leaned her back against the wall. The happy chatter of other students drifted through the doors, and if the distant rattling was anything to go by, the lunch trolley would be coming around soon.

The door slid open again, and Matilda stepped out. “I'll be right back,” she said, closing the door. She turned and cast a sage smile at Lily. “Thought I'd find you out here.”

“Why's that?” Lily had not bothered to move away from her resting place.

“You looked… sort of uncomfortable.” Matilda moved to occupy the section of wall to Lily's left.

Lily examined her feet and replied, “I just felt like being alone.”

Apparently Matilda was either dense or didn't care much for alone time, as she made no sign of departure. “I know that feeling.”

Lily said nothing. She was friends with Matilda, but she'd never spent much time with her and only her. Matilda was more Emily's friend than anything - they'd known each other before Hogwarts. There were certainly benefits to not being a Muggle-born, besides the obvious one of already knowing a subculture's customs.

“You've been alone a lot lately,” Matilda said, picking at her fingernail. When Lily threw her a strange look, she clarified, “Or I thought it had to be that. You haven't been talking to Emily that much lately and, well, I haven't seen you making any other friends, so I know it's not that…”

“I've been talking to Emily plenty,” Lily said defensively.

“Well, in a way. Not like…” Matilda grasped for the words. “I don't know. Not like before.”

They both fell silent as a couple Slytherins passed by them.

“Why would you think that?” Lily asked once they were out of earshot. “Did Emily say something?”

“She's been talking… well, to me more. About things I think she used to talk to you about.”

Lily wasn't used to seeing this hesitancy from the brash sixth-year. Matilda had never been the most eloquent person - she was much more comfortable with the clean-cut nature of Runes - but she'd always seemed much more self-assured.

“Like what kind of things?”

“I can't really… Things you talk to your best friend about. Emily's best friend is you. So I was wondering why she was coming to me.”

After a minute, Lily said carefully, “I've been working through some issues this year, and I didn't want to burden her with them.”

“See, that's it right there,” Matilda said, her speech coming much more fluidly. “Those are the kind of things you're supposed to talk to your best friend about. It's not a burden - it's what they're there for. It's not that I don't like Emily, it's that I want to know if she's flailing because you're igno- yeah, ignoring her.”

The lunch trolley, manned by the same old witch as always, clattered onto their carriage and to the compartment next to their own.

Matilda faced Lily, who had spent most of the conversation investigating the floor, and said quickly, “Look, I know we're not close or anything, but you should try to patch things up with Emily, even if you don't think they're broken. Everyone needs a best friend.”

The witch pushed her trolley up to Lily's and Matilda's compartment.

“Think about what I said, okay?” Matilda said, pushing off the wall with her forearms.

“Yeah, I will,” Lily said, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Might want to go say hello to Diana,” Matilda muttered as she inspected the goods on the cart, “before they come out.”

“Right,” Lily said quietly. “And thanks.”

She wandered down the train, glancing into the other compartments full of boisterous students devouring more than a healthy amount of sweets. On the ride at the beginning of the year, that had been her and Emily. Now it seemed like everything was ripe to break the détente they had created between them. Matilda had alluded to another friend - Lily didn't need anyone to tell her who that was - but Emily didn't know about Roscoe. Nobody did. But was it fair to blame Roscoe for the state of her and Emily's relationship?

Before she knew it, Lily was standing in the first compartment. Well, first after the Prefects' carriage. Diana liked the quiet that came from being near the base of authority.

Diana opened the door just as Lily raised her hand to knock. “Hello,” she said, stepping aside to allow Lily in. “How are you?”

“You need to ask?” Lily said, taking in her surroundings. “How'd you get a compartment to yourself?”

Diana gave a wide grin. “If you sit with the power-hungry Prefects, they will inevitably leave you to go do their duty, leaving you with a distraction-free compartment.”

“Different priorities, you and I,” Lily commented, taking an empty seat.

“Not at the moment,” Diana said, settling back into place. “Right now we both could do with some time away from everyone else.”

“You should've been named Cassandra,” Lily said, more to herself than anything.

Diana smiled beatifically and stretched out on the seat. “Too many syllables.”

“You could have had a nickname.”

“I'm not fond of nicknames.”

“Neither am I.”

The two sat in silence for a while, merely enjoying the company that did not demand much.

“I was just talking to Matilda,” Lily finally said. “She said I've been treating Emily poorly.”

Diana nodded wisely. “That's an accurate assessment.”

“Is it? I didn't mean to do that.”

“No one ever means for these things to happen - they simply do. People change, for one reason or another.”

“So what happened to me?” Lily inquired.

“There's the rub - I'm not sure.”

“You don't know?” Lily sighed. “There go my plans to interrogate you about my behaviour.”

“I can't figure it out,” Diana said, tapping her fingers against the side of her face. “Something's there that I don't know about. Either you have a secret boyfriend or… I don't know. You're a strange one, Lily Evans.”

“I was always told to march to my own drumbeat, or some equally trite colloquialism.”

“And you've succeeded. You've officially baffled me. For now,” Diana added. “I intend to solve this mystery.”

“What if there is no mystery?”

“Then you are quite possibly the most isolated person on the planet.”

0 0 0

“See `em?”

“They're by the end of the train. Regulus is already with them.”

“Waiting for you?”

“Definitely.”

Sirius pulled his head back inside the train and tossed a smirk at James. “Your parents around yet?”

“Yeah,” James said, tilting his head towards the entrance to King's Cross. “They're over there, but I don't see how we can get there without your parents seeing.”

“Ah, but Prongs, the point is for them to see us making our escape,” Sirius told him. “And if we know where our destination is, what's to stop us from making the journey?”

“An excellent point, Padfoot.” James picked up the handle of his trunk. “Ready?”

Sirius grabbed his trunk and positioned it behind James'. “Ready.”

“Go!” James cried, leaping off the Express. His trunk landed behind him with a heavy thud, and he nimbly turned to insure that it landed right side up. Once Sirius and his trunk were stabilised, the two boys dashed for the entrance pillar, laughing the whole way.

“Come on,” James called over his shoulder. “I think I see your mum coming this way!”

Sirius grinned roguishly and continued to run after James, albeit lopsided from the heavy weight he was dragging along with him.

They didn't slow down upon approaching James' parents, instead darting past and yelling for them to follow, and quickly. Luckily, Michael and Theresa Potter were used to their son's antics and hurried after them as best they could.

Just before ignoring the wizard regulating who could pass through the pillar, Sirius stopped, spun around and yelled, “Piss off, Walburga!” He then promptly took a deep breath and rushed through to King's Cross, James at his side.