Chapter Four
No One is to Blame
"You can see the summit but you can't reach it
It's the last piece of the puzzle but you just can't make it fit
Doctor says you're cured but you still feel the pain
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame"
(Howard Jones "No One is to Blame")
There was definitely something wrong. She was too quiet. Under the circumstances and given their current location---the library---he wouldn't usually think that this wasn't normal behavior for her. She'd been quiet most of the day, though. There was a sort of sadness in her eyes that he picked up immediately upon seeing her that morning. It had lingered most of the day.
Shortly after dinner, they'd grabbed their books and headed to the library to finish their homework. Since they'd arrived in the library and planted themselves at one of the back tables, she'd hardly said one word. She'd busily thrown herself into her book and had yet to look up from it in the hour they'd been there.
He reached across the table, and placed his hand on the book and closed it. She looked up abruptly.
"What's wrong?" she asked innocently.
"You tell me," he said.
"Nothing," she said, her eyes avoiding his. "Are you having trouble studying?"
"Yes," he said.
"Anything I can help you with?" she asked, finally looking up to meet his gaze.
"Yeah, I think you can," he said. "You could start by telling me what's wrong. And don't tell me 'nothing' because I've known you long enough to know when something is bothering you."
She gave him a half-hearted smile.
"What is it?" he pressed. "You can tell me anything, you know that don't you?"
She nodded, and her eyes focused on the closed book before her.
"I'm not so sure I can tell you this," she said softly.
"It it's troubling you like this, you have to tell me," he said. "Your problems are my problems, and vice versa. We're in this together."
He gave her a reassuring smile, and took hold of her hand.
"Tell me what it is," he said his voice barely above a whisper. "I hate to see you upset. Tell me, please."
She looked up at him again, her eyes shining with tears.
"If I tell you this," she began, her voice cracking, "you have to promise me that you won't fly off the handle. That will only make things worse. I think we should just leave well enough alone and cut our losses where he's concerned, I really do. I mean, if I didn't know it before today, I certainly know it now. I never want to speak to him again."
"Is this about Ron?" he asked her. He could feel himself tense up. She nodded.
"Hermione," Harry said, his voice rising, "Did he say something to hurt you? Did he do something to
hurt you? Because if he did, I can't promise you that I won't fly off the handle about it."
"Please," she said, gripping his hand tighter. "Promise me. Promise you won't do anything."
He looked at her and could see that she needed his word that he wouldn't do anything. He hated promising something like that when he had no idea what had made her so sad and upset. Knowing Ron was responsible for it, made it even harder.
"Okay," he said, reluctantly. "I won't do anything. Tell me what he did, Hermione."
She let go of his hand and ran her fingers nervously through her hair.
"It's not really what he did, per se, it's really more of what he said," she said.
"What did he say?" Harry asked, trying to keep his voice down.
He hadn't been too successful, as within moments Madame Pince came around the corner and threw a scathing glance at Harry and Hermione.
"Shhh!!!!" she said, raising a finger to her lips. With one last look at them, she turned on her heels, and they were left alone again.
Hermione took a deep breath.
"Well, this morning, I woke up a little earlier than usual because I had some reading I had to finish, so I thought I'd just go down to the common room. Well, when I got down there, I found Ron. He'd apparently been studying, too, and he seemed to have been there most of the night. To make a long story short, I guess, he started to talk to me, and at first it went surprisingly well. He was almost like his old self, but he became angrier as the conversation went on. He said some terrible things about me and really horrible things about you. Anyway, I slapped him and told him I never wanted to speak to him again."
"You slapped him?" Harry asked. "He must have said something pretty awful for you to slap him. What did he say?"
She looked at him intently before continuing.
"He said that I was just another one of your 'groupies' or some rubbish like that. He said that I only loved you because of who you were," she said, a tear running down her cheek. "Then, he said-" her voice trailed off.
""What is it, sweetheart?" he asked her.
"He said that if he'd been responsible for the deaths of his parents or his godfather," she said, her voice breaking, "maybe I'd have given him a chance."
Harry let go of Hermione's hands and felt the weight of what she'd said sink in. He looked as if someone had punched him in the stomach.
"Harry," Hermione said, her voice full of concern. "You know that isn't true, don't you? You know Ron just said those things to hurt us."
He nodded and felt a myriad of emotions run through him. He wished he hadn't promised Hermione that he wouldn't do anything. At this moment, he wanted to find Ron and kick him, punch him out, and hex him into next year.
He knew Hermione was right. Ron had said those terrible things to hurt them, to get back at them for the great wrong he thought they'd done to him. Yet, on some level, he'd managed to touch a raw nerve of Harry's. Whether justified or not, Harry had the bad habit of taking things too internally. He had a way of blaming himself for the bad things that happened.
"What are you thinking?" she asked him.
He couldn't speak. He couldn't find the words to tell her exactly what he was thinking.
"You know Harry that you weren't responsible for any of that," she said. "The deaths of your parents and Sirius-"
He cut her off. "Sirius was there because of me, Hermione. He was at the Department of Mysteries because of me. It was my fault he was there, and it was my fault he was killed."
"No," Hermione said, loudly. "I will not allow you to do this! I'm to going to sit here and listen to you blame yourself for something that you had no control over. Sirius went there because you were in trouble, Harry. He loved you like a son! He would have stopped at nothing to ensure that you were safe and that you were protected!"
"He wouldn't have had to do that if I'd listened to you instead of rushing out to play the hero like I always do!" he retorted sadly.
"Voldemort did this. Bellatrix LeStrange did this! Not you, Harry!" she said. "If you want to get mad at someone and if you want to blame someone, look no further than them! You see, this is exactly what Ron wanted to do. He wanted to make you feel bad. He wanted me to feel bad. Well, look at us. He succeeded! He knew exactly what to say to push our buttons and we're just falling into that trap."
Harry nodded. She got up from her chair and walked around the table to sit right beside him.
"Look at me," she said, taking her hand and cupping his face in her hands.
"I love you," she said softly. "I love you more than I ever dreamed it was possible to. You do believe that, don't you?"
"Yes, of course, I do," he said. "I love you, too, Hermione. Sometimes, I think it would have been better if you'd stayed behind in America. You'd be safe there."
"So safe that I was hit by a car?" she asked, giving a slight laugh. "Sorry. Pathetic attempt at humor."
"But honestly, Harry," she continued. "I didn't belong there. I belong here with you. You knew that. That's the reason why you came to see me. I know there's a risk, but it's a risk I'm willing to take."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you," he said, planting a kiss on her forehead. "I really don't know what I'd do without you."
"I'm not going anywhere," she said, smiling at him. "I'm right here because right here is where I need to be. This is where I want to be."
He leaned in and kissed her softly. She placed her arms around his neck and relaxed into the sweet, soft kiss.
"If you're going to do that, you can take it elsewhere," came an irritated voice from behind them. "The library is not a place for that type of behavior. If you want to do that, you can do it somewhere else besides the library!"
Harry and Hermione broke apart and saw an angry Madame Pince standing before them, her arms crossed.
They nodded and hurriedly gathered up their books and other belongings. Madame Pince gave an exasperated sigh before walking away.
"You know," Harry said, his mood a lot lighter than it had been a few moments before, "I think there must be an alarm or warning system that goes off in this school that alerts the teachers whenever we start snogging."
Hermione laughed.
"Merlin's beard," she said. "I hope not!"
They walked back to Gryffindor Tower, holding hands and talking. They exchanged good-natured banter and private jokes. Hermione still felt as if Harry was still upset over what Ron had said, but she was relieved to se that he wasn't letting it take over like it might have done in the past. He was definitely making an effort not to dwell on it. She hoped he believed what she told him.
"Your first match is tomorrow afternoon, isn't it?" she asked as they stood outside the portrait of The Fat Lady.
"Yeah," he said. "You going to come and cheer me on?"
"I would love to, but I can't. I have a test for McGonagall. My last one! I will officially be caught up after that. Can you believe it?" she said, her smile infectious.
"I know you'll hate missing those extra lessons with Snape," he teased her.
"More than life itself," she said, rolling her eyes. "Maybe you'll still be playing by the time I finish and I'll be able to catch the last few minutes."
He nodded and took her in his arms again. "Then we can celebrate?"
"What did you have in mind, Mr. Potter?" she asked cheekily.
"A little of this," he said, kissing her neck.
"Oh," she said softly. "I think we could definitely do that."
"And maybe a little of this," he said, kissing her lips.
"As much as I enjoy this little preview," she said, her voice a hoarse whisper, "we better head upstairs. I do have a test tomorrow and you have a big match, Mr. Quidditch superstar. So, unless we want to get caught down here doing something we could get into serious trouble for, we'd better call it a night."
"Alright," he said, pulling her close to him again.
Neither of them moved. Harry leaned in to kiss her again.
"We should probably go ahead and go upstairs," she said, smiling at him. This time, it was she who leaned in and tenderly kissed him.
"Yeah, well good night, Hermione," he said breathlessly.
"Good night, Harry," she said, before kissing him again.
Hermione didn't see Harry much that day. She'd spent nearly every free moment she had, including lunch and class breaks, to cram some last minute studying in. The longest conversation they had that day had been a quick last minute one before he headed off for the match and she'd run off to her test. They each exchanged a quick good luck with each other, before heading off in their separate directions.
Hermione had been relieved to find that Harry and Ron hadn't exchanged any words. They'd been successfully avoiding each other. The only time she'd seen Ron had been in class and she'd only glanced at him a couple of times. He looked a little different when she'd seen him. He didn't seem as angry and confrontational as he'd been these past few weeks. He seemed somewhat sad and had an overwhelming sense of melancholy around him. She brushed these thoughts away. She reminded herself that she was washing her hands of Ron.
She said a silent prayer that nothing would happen at the Quidditch match. She didn't fool herself into thinking that things would go swimmingly. She knew that there wasn't a good chance of that, but she did hope that the match would go well and that Harry and Ron could put aside their differences to work together to win the match. It might just be a pipe dream, Hermione thought, but she hoped everything would be okay.
She finally made it to Professor McGonagall's classroom and exchanged a quick hello with her mentor before taking a seat at her desk. She took out her parchment and a quill and ink bottle and took a deep breath. Professor McGonagall told her that she'd have two hours to complete the exam and that there were 100 questions. The test would encompass every lesson they'd had since the start of term. It would be a harbinger that would show that she'd finally caught up with her fellow classmates.
She knew that Professor McGonagall wished she could be there to watch the match, too. Gryffindor's first match was against Slytherin. McGonagall was a Quidditch fanatic underneath it all. As Hermione began her exam, she couldn't help but smile as she watched Professor McGonagall go over to the window every now and then to catch a glimpse of the Quidditch pitch.
Hermione tried to focus on the task at hand, and dug into the test. She really needed to do well on this. She had to concentrate all her attention on this, now. She tried to block Harry, Ron, and Quidditch out of her mind for the moment.
The two hours went by quickly and Hermione had just answered her last question when Colin Creevey came running into the classroom.
He was out-of-breath when he rushed into the classroom. He stood there for a moment trying to catch his breath as Hermione looked on amused and McGonagall looked on impatiently.
"For Merlin's sake, Creevey," McGonagall said. "What has you all out of sorts like
this?"
Colin clutched his side, and tried to stand up straight. He continued to try and catch his breath.
"Sorry…Quidditch match…bludger….Harry…..hit him in the head…out cold," he said, between ragged breaths.
"WHAT?" Hermione asked him. "Harry's hurt?"
Colin nodded solemnly.
"Where did they take him?" McGongall asked. "Did they take him to hospital wing?"
Colin nodded. "Madame Hooch wanted me to come and get you…said you should know since you're the head of our house."
McGongall nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Creevey. Ms. Granger, you and I should probably go on down to the hospital wing."
Before McGongall could finish this sentence, Hermione dropped her test on the floor and rushed out of the classroom. She didn't care that she was running in the halls. She had to make sure Harry was okay.
When she finally made it down to the hospital wing, Harry's teammates were gathered right outside the ward.
"What happened?" Hermione asked, looking around at them.
Ginny came forward and placed a comforting arm on Hermione's shoulder, but Hermione shook it off.
"What happened, Ginny?" Hermione asked forcefully.
"I don't know," Ginny said. "One moment, he was okay. He'd caught the snitch and the next thing we know, the bludger comes racing at him and knocks him off his broom. He must have fell over 100 feet."
"Is he okay?" Hermione asked. "Please tell me he's okay?"
"I don't know," Ginny said. "He had the wind knocked out of him. They put him on a stretcher and brought him here. Madame Pomfrey's with him now. Hopefully, we'll know something soon."
Hermione nodded.
"He'll be okay," Ginny said soothingly. "He's Harry, after all, right? Falling off his broom isn't going to finish him off, right? Come on, sit down, Hermione."
Hermione didn't protest as Ginny led her over to one of the chairs. Hermione sat down beside Ron, who looked about as worried as she'd ever seen him.
"I'm sorry, Hermione," he said softly. "I'm so sorry."
"Did you have anything to do with this?" she asked him, turning angrily to face him. "Did you cause him to fall off his broom?"
Ron looked shocked. He shook his head vehemently. "No, no. Of course not! Hermione, I'd never do anything like that. You know me."
"I thought I did," she said coldly.
They all watched as Professor McGonagall finally walked in. She looked at the assembled group of students, and made her way back into the hospital wing. Hermione wished she could go back there with her. It had to be serious if they weren't letting anyone back there.
"Please let him be okay," she whispered aloud. "Please let him be okay."
Ginny looked at her older brother, who looked almost stricken. She got up from her own chair and walked over to Ron. "Come outside with me for a second, Ron."
Ron nodded and reluctantly got out of his seat.
When they were out of everyone else's earshot, Ginny asked him how he was doing.
"What difference does it make how I'm doing?" he asked her.
"It does," she said. "You know, Hermione didn't mean that. She knows you didn't do anything to cause Harry's accident. She's just worried about him."
"I know," Ron said. "I'm worried too."
"You need to apologize to both of them," she said.
"I don't know if I can," he said. "You don't understand. I said some really horrible things."
"Like what?" Ginny asked him.
She looked on in horror as he told her every thing he'd said the previous evening to Hermione.
"Oh, Ron," she said.
"See," he said, holding his hands out. "Do you think they'd even want to be in the same room with me, let alone hear me talk?"
"Why did you say those things?" she asked him. "You know that none of that is true."
"I know," he said. "I was upset. I wanted them to feel as bad as I did. I went a little too far. I hate what's become of the three of us. This isn't what I wanted. Now, it's too late. There's too much water under the bridge as it were. They aren't going to want to talk to me, Ginny."
"Well, if you tell them how you feel, maybe they will," she said. "And it's never too late. As long as the three of you still care about each other, it's never too late."
Ron nodded. From his vantage point, he could see Hermione. She looked about as worried as he'd ever seen her. The two of them could probably teach a course in how to be worried about Harry. That was part of being his friend, you worried about him. He wished he could tell her how bad he felt about everything. He wished he could tell her that he wanted to take back everything he said. He didn't know if he'd ever be okay with them being a couple, but he still wanted them to be friends. He was willing to try and salvage the friendship. He only hoped that they would be too.
A couple of hours later, Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall came out into the waiting area to a group that now consisted of Hagrid, Dean, Seamus, Neville and Luna Lovegood. Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown had come in sporadically to check on Harry as well.
"How is he?" Hermione asked, her eyes red from crying.
"He'll be alright," Professor McGonagall said. The room gave a collective sigh at the news. "He's a little sore and had some sprains, but Poppy has given him some ointment and some healing potion and he should be fine in a couple of days."
"Thank you," Hermione said. "Can we see him?"
"I think it would be best if he just had one visitor now," Madame Pomfrey said. "He's going to need his rest. He's been asking for you, Miss Granger."
Hermione nodded.
"Tell him we're thinking of him," Ginny said.
Hermione turned to face them. "I will."
She followed Madame Pomfrey past the row of beds until they reached Harry's. Madame Pomfrey pulled back the screen and then left Harry and Hermione alone. He was sitting up in his bed, his face scratched and he had a bandage around his left wrist.
"Hey," he said.
"Hi," she said, sitting down at his bedside. She took his right hand in hers.
"Are you okay?" he asked her.
"Me?" she asked him. "I should be asking you that. What happened?"
"I'm not really sure," he said. "I caught the snitch and the next thing I know, I wake up in here."
He flinched as he tried to sit up further in his bed.
"Owww," he said. "That's going to hurt in the morning."
She gave a half-hearted smile. "You think?"
"How'd you do on your test?" he asked her.
"I just finished when Colin came running in to tell us what happened. I have no idea how I did. Right now, the only thing that matters is that you're okay."
"Well, I had to keep my steak in force, didn't I?" he said to her.
"You're streak?" she asked, bemused.
"Yeah," he said. "Either I, or someone close to me, has ended up in the hospital wing every year since I've been here. I didn't want to stop that. I mean, there was your accident, but that wasn't the hospital wing, that was a Muggle hospital."
"Well, it's good to know you have your priorities in line, you git," she said, playfully slapping him
on the chest.
"Ow!" he exclaimed. "Watch it!"
She put her hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry!"
"Yeah," he said. "Handle me with care."
"You," she said, smiling despite herself.
They hadn't noticed that another person had made his way back into the bed area. Ron stood back, watching them from afar. He didn't know if this was the best time to try this, but he had to do it now, while he had his nerve. Hesitantly, he took a few steps closer.
He cleared his throat and watched as Hermione turned to see who was behind them. The smiles that both of them were wearing faded when they turned to see Ron.
"I, um, " he began uncomfortably, "I was wondering if we could talk?"
SORRY FOR THE SEMI-CLIFF HANGER! I SWEAR I'M TRYING TO BREAK THAT HABIT---but it's a hard thing to do! What will Ron say to apologize to Harry and Hermione? Will they accept his apology? And what about Voldemort…did he have something to do with Harry's unfortunate accident? Tune in, same Hogwarts station, same Hogwarts time….ha ha ha…forgive me…GO BRAVES!!!!!!