Author's note: Not too much longer to go now guys! Thank you for being patient with me and hanging in there. I hope you'll enjoy these next few chapters as much as you've enjoyed the first four. I hope that by the time you reach chapter 7, it will have all been worth it!
Disclaimer: Once again, these characters are not mine, but Ms. J.K. Rowling's.
Chapter 5
Where There's Smoke, There's Fire!
"The fates must hate me," Harry Potter groaned. He lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. I was trying to comfort the poor boy by snuggling up against him, and he showed his appreciation by absently scratching behind my ears.
"I don't think they hate you, mate," Ron said. "I just think you're having a string of bad luck."
"Bad luck!" Harry sprang off the bed, jarring me from my comfortable place at his side. I gave him an affronted look. "Bad luck! This whole plan has been a disaster from the start!"
He began pacing the floor of the boys' dormitory. He had rarely left his room since the debacle with the statue, and my human was beginning to get worried. She had sent me to his room to keep an eye on him and make sure everything was all right. Normally she would have checked on him herself, but since they had begun their romance, she felt odd slipping into the boys' dormitory. As a prefect, she had to set a good example. Besides, she had spent a lot of time recently investigating the strange occurrences that had been happening around her.
"I think I'm just going to give in and propose in the traditional manner," Harry said.
"No, you can't do that," Ron cried.
"And just why not?"
"I told you this before, mate. You're the Boy-Who-Lived! People expect bigger things from you, Harry Potter, and all that!"
"He's right, you know," Dean chimed in. "You do have a reputation to live up to."
"Don't remind me," Harry groaned. "I've still got first years coming up asking to see the scar! I don't think I've ever been more tired of being Harry Potter than I am right now."
The Conspiracy sat and pondered his words. I began to see how all his fame could be a burden to him. After all, unlike myself, he was only human.
"I've got it!" Seamus called out. He had been sitting quietly the whole time. Everyone looked over to see him holding the bridal magazine. Harry groaned even louder.
"No," Harry whined. "Not another plan."
"Hear me out before you reject it," Seamus said and began reading. "'Magical Proposal Number Four: Words of Fire. The wizard in love writes a letter to the witch who has captured his heart and casts a series of spells on the parchment. Once she opens the letter, the words leap from the page to spell out his request in the air in flames.'"
"Sounds cool," Neville said.
"I don't know," Harry said. "With the way my luck has been going, I don't know if I trust myself to work with flame spells right now."
"Don't worry about it," Seamus replied. "I'll cast the fire charms for you."
The rest of The Conspiracy looked at one another. Although I wasn't here at the time, word had spread that Seamus used to have some trouble with fire after he had first come to Hogwarts. Whenever someone needed a laugh, it was frequently told around the Gryffindor common room that he had burned his eyebrows off while attempting to change a goblet of water into rum.
"Oh come on guys!" Seamus cried. "I've come a long way since my first year. Professor Flitwick says I can perform some of the best fire charms he's ever seen!"
Harry looked at the others, who all shrugged, then back at Seamus. "All right. But I'm only doing this because I don't trust myself to cast the spell at this time. If I did it, Hermione would probably end up setting her hair on fire."
I had my doubts about this, and from the look on his face, Ron did as well. I always hated it when Ron and I agreed on things. It always made my fur stand on end.
"Great," Seamus said. "When do you want me to cast the spell?"
Harry pondered for a moment. "Tomorrow night. Give me a day to write the proposal. That will also give you the time to study up on the spells."
"No problem!"
With the next plan agreed upon, the boys left their room. No problem, Seamus had said. Then why did I feel like there was going to be a problem?
* * * * *
The next day I was sitting with Harry in his dormitory as he finished his letter to my human. I had decided to stay with him for moral support. Ron was having to serve detention with Filch, something about having set of a dungbomb in the potions dungeon, Dean was off chasing after his latest conquest, and Neville had the task of keeping my human busy in the library.
Harry had just finished the letter when he turned and looked at me. "Well, Crookshanks," he said. "I think I'm ready." He picked up the letter and read it to me:
"My dearest Hermione,
My heart burns for your love. Please do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me. Marry me, Hermione.
All my love,
Harry"
"What do you think?" Harry asked me as he finished.
While it certainly wasn't Shakespeare, it was definitely from his heart, and I knew my human would love it. I laid my paw on his leg and meowed my approval.
"Thanks," he said and looked at me.
We sat there and looked at each other for a few moments, and for the first time in the four years that we had known each other, I think we were finally starting to communicate. The moment was short lived, however, as Seamus came bursting into the room.
"Harry!" he cried. "You'll never guess what!"
"Malfoy got caught in an embarrassing position with Snape and now they're both gone from Hogwarts?" Harry asked with a smile on his face.
I chuckled at this. It was no secret how Harry felt about those two individuals.
"Eww, gross, no!" Seamus said. "This is even better."
"I don't see how," Harry replied, "but go on."
"You remember that 'water to rum' spell I was working on our first year?" Harry nodded. "Well, I finally got it! Watch!"
He walked over to the pitcher by the window and pulled out his wand.
"Eye of rabbit, harp string hum, turn this water into rum." There was a pop and a flash, then I could smell the strong scent of rum permeate the room. Seamus quickly picked up the pitcher and poured himself a glass. He quickly downed it and with a grin on his face, poured another.
"Uh . . . Seamus," Harry said. "You might want to go easy on that stuff." I nodded my head in agreement. Seamus shook his head and looked at me, then at the glass in his hand.
"Don't worry," Seamus said. "I'm Irish! We know how to handle our alcohol. Just wait until I find a rhyme for whiskey!"
"Well, before you get too deep into your cups," Harry said, "why don't you go ahead and cast the charms on this letter?"
"Right," Seamus said and started trying to remember the incantations.
This made me feel uncomfortable, so I walked over the magazine and pawed through it until I found the right page. As the boy began to cast the spells, I followed along in the magazine, making sure he said them correctly. I wanted to make sure nothing went wrong this time. Seamus paused and looked at me.
"Harry?" he asked. "Is Crookshanks reading?"
Harry glanced my way and shook his head. "Nah. There's probably a bug on the magazine."
I snorted. Bug indeed!
Seamus continued, and amazingly enough, performed the spells correctly. Perhaps those stories about his eyebrows were exaggerated.
"Now what," Seamus asked.
"I'm going to tie the note to Crookshanks collar and have him deliver it for me."
Excuse me?!
"That's bloody romantic," Seamus said and promptly belched.
Harry got up and grabbed his broom from underneath his bed. "I've got Quidditch practice. Keep Crookshanks here, and when I get back, I'll set the plan in motion."
"Wicked!"
Harry left us alone and Seamus turned his attention back to the pitcher of rum. A few minutes later, and the pitcher was empty. He staggered into the bathroom to refill the pitcher. I could hear his slurred speech from my position on Harry's bed.
"Eye of rabbit, harp string hum, turn this water into rum!"
He wobbled back into the room and refilled his glass. In no time, the second pitcher was empty. Seamus started to go back into the bathroom when he saw Harry's letter.
"Did I cast those spells like Harry wanted? Oh well, better safe than sorry!"
Before I could do anything, the inebriated lad had cast the spells a second time. I shuddered to think what would happen when my human opened the letter.
Seamus continued his drinking, and I settled down for a nap. Some time later, I was rudely awakened when I felt a wetness on my fur. Seamus was standing over me with the pitcher sloshing rum all over the place. He blearily looked at me and spoke.
"Shookcranksh," his speech was slurred. "I tink I f'got to casht the shpellsh. Better do dat now."
Again, the drunk Gryffindor cast the spells on the letter. Surprisingly, he said the words correctly and the envelope glowed as the magic settled itself within the parchment. A thought occurred to me; what would happen when my human opened the letter? Seamus had put three times the magical power into the parchment, and two of those were after he was already drunk. My human would be lucky if the envelope did not explode in her hands. I knew I had to do something.
I ran over to the desk and grabbed the envelope with my teeth. Seamus only stared at me dumbfounded. I bolted for the door when I had the sudden realization that I had no way of opening it. For one as intelligent as I am, this thought was rather disconcerting, for this is not a mistake I would normally make. However, as luck would have it, someone was opening the door just as I approached. I gathered my speed and took off through the opening . . . and right into the arms of Harry Potter.
"Whoa, Crookshanks," he said as he picked me up off the floor. "Where do you think you're going? I know you're as anxious as I am for Hermione to get this, but let's do this right."
With that, he sat down on his bed and took the envelope from my mouth. I reluctantly let go. Although I was infinitely more intelligent, he was much larger and stronger than I. He then pulled out a piece of red ribbon from his robes and began threading it through the envelope. I started fidgeting as he tied the ribbon around my neck.
"Crookshanks!" Harry said. "Calm down!"
Seeing there was no getting around this, I did as he asked. My only hope was that I could avoid my human long enough to remove the letter myself; until I could dispose of it properly.
Once the letter was securely tied around my neck, Harry picked me up and we headed downstairs to the common room. There were only a few people present, mostly the younger students. I thought this would be my opportunity to escape, but Harry walked over to where a group of first year girls were studying.
"Amanda," he said to a cute girl with blonde hair. "Would you do me a favor?"
The girl looked up, surprised that he had spoken to her. "S-sure, Harry!" Her eyes were wide and she had a silly grin plastered on her face.
"Could you run Crookshanks up to Hermione's room for me? I would really appreciate it."
"No, p-p-problem," she answered and took me from Harry's arms. She headed for the girls' dormitories, but kept looking back at Harry so much I thought she was going to run into the wall. As we started up the stairs, I started squirming to get down. The girl only tightened her grip on me. "You be still, kitty! Harry asked me to deliver you and that's what I'm going to do!"
We reached my human's door, and the young Gryffindor knocked timidly on the wood. A moment later, and it opened to reveal my human's head staring down at us.
"Hello, Amanda!" my human said. "What can I do for you?"
"H-Harry wanted me to bring Crookshanks to you," Amanda whispered. I caught the slight smile on my human's face. She knew full well the effect her boyfriend had on the younger female Gryffindors.
"Thank you," she said, taking me from the young girl's arms. "Will you do me one favor?" she asked with an impish grin on her face. "Will you give Harry a hug to say 'thank you' for me?"
The blonde girl's eyes widened and she blushed to the roots of her hair. "Okay," her voice came out in a barely audible whisper before she turned and scrambled down the stairs.
My human chuckled and shut the door. "What's this?" she asked looking at the letter hanging around my neck. She set me down on her bed and began untying the ribbon. I saw my chance and bolted from her grasp. "Crookshanks!" she called after me, but I continued scurrying around the room. "Get back here!" I dove under the bed, barely evading her grasp. "Don't make me hex you!"
I paused, pondering this. Would she hex me? She had never threatened to do so before. However, her curiosity was so piqued about the letter, that she just might. Before I could fully form an answer to the question, I heard her mutter an incantation. "Locomotor mortis!" I felt my legs snap together, and I unceremoniously fell over. I mewled softly as she pulled me from under the bed. I cannot believe she did that! To me!!
"Sorry Crookshanks," she said as she laid me on the bed. "I had no other choice."
I kept thrashing my head about to keep her from the letter, but her deft fingers were unable to release the red ribbon from around my neck. She smiled as she stood and opened the letter. I meowed once, but it was lost in what happened next.
There was a loud "whoosh" as flames erupted from the letter lighting the bed curtains on fire. My human screamed and pulled her wand to cast a water summoning charm. In her excitement, she overdid the spell, and soon the entire dorm was flooded.
Wet hair hanging down her face, my human looked at me and released the spell holding my legs together. I trotted over and rubbed against her calves. She bent down to pick me up. Scratching behind my ears, she whispered, "I think someone's out to get me!"
I sighed. Harry was not going to take this well.
Post script: I want to thank my aunt Becky for providing me with the proposal ideas. I wouldn't have a story if it wasn't for her. And to David Tatum, I did get the basic format of this story from AKScully's "Assault of the Senses". I loved that story and how each chapter was another disaster. I'm glad you picked up on the similarity.