Thank you for my new reviews phoenix, MasterDeath, Dupond and Faeries Masquerade. MasterDeath, yes this was posted on FFN up until about this chapter now, but I'm changing it a bit, I will update on FFN too, or take it off altogether. Hehe dupond, lis et peut etre tu vas savoir. I hope I can keep you smiling phoenix! J Sorry the story may stretch out from time to time though hope you all enjoy reading nonetheless.
Chapter Three: After Thoughts
James and Sirius were deep into a game of wizard chess while Remus lay on his bed reading gently nodding off to sleep. The room was fairly large with three single beds on the far side of the room complete with lanterns on the bedside tables by each of the beds, James and Sirius were seated in the small yet comfortable sitting area of the room equip with a small fireplace. The game intensified and ended with James grunting, "Check mate buddy"
Sirius grinned, "What is it with you and her then Prongs?"
James sank back into the comfy armchair and raised his eyebrow though avoiding Sirius' inquisitive gaze, "What do you mean?"
Sirius sighed, "You like her don't you?"
James grinned, "Who?"
Sirius rolled his eyes, "Evans! You great Bernard!" he said, slightly annoyed.
James chuckled, "Oh her!"
"Yes! 'her' any other Evans we know of?" Sirius was starting to get highly agitated.
James looked almost convincingly thoughtful, "Weell… there is her sister, though I don't think she's really my cup of tea."
Sirius rolled his eyes again, "So you do like her then."
James looked taken back his face twisted in disgust and he appeared to be genuinely shocked though he was still grinning, "Are you MAD!? She looks like a horse gone wrong!"
"Not HER! Lily you idiot! Lily Evans." Sirius groaned.
"What about Lily?" James replied cocking his eyebrow in mock wonder and grinning like a fool.
Sirius looked like he was ready to thump James, "My God James! Will you please refrain from insulting me, I've known you since you've been wiggling around in your dads scrotums for Godric's sake! Spare me the whole I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-you-are-talking-about look and spit it out?! Merlin!"
"It would help if you told me what the fuck it is you want to know mate." James said, trying to look like he had no idea in the world what his best friend and closest thing to a brother was talking about.
Sirius threw his arms out in front of him punching the air at random, very likely wishing it were James' face that came into contact with his fists and let out a growl of exasperation, "For the love of Rowena! James, Lily Evans, God sent girl, blood red fiery hair, emerald green eyes, head girl, Ice Witch, DO.YOU.LIKE.HER?"
James chuckled, evidently enjoying himself, "Oh, well, now you come to mention it… I guess I do, have I been that obvious?"
Sirius sighed, resigning himself, sinking back into his chair "James, its been obvious that you've been wanting to get into her knickers since you knew what your dick was for and royally pissing her off in the process. What I mean is that you're serious about her aren't you? That its not just some game like usual, this one really is for real, init?"
James drifted off into thought yes, he was serious about this one as none of the other ones had made him feel anything like this before except her, but she was dead to him now, dead to the world. Lily Ice Witch Evans… the cold, distant, innocent, naïve and untouchable Lily Evans. Well, cold was probably a bit too harsh, she wasn't as cold as the whole school made her out to be. He and Sirius had dubbed her as the "Ice Witch" simply because she was so innocent and reserved, eventually it had become "Lily Evans; Ice Witch, Cold Bitch" but realistically she was The Goddess of Gryffindor. James knew better than that, Christ, he had been subconsciously analysing her since as far back as their first year. It was a Potter trait, to know ones company. Both James' parents were Aurors, well, all of his ancestors had been Aurors, the Potter family were one of Britain's Oldest Wizarding families, his heritage could be drawn back to the dawn of time.
James knew Lily like he knew the back of his hand, she was far from cold, no girl, no living human being with that much depth and feeling inside of them could be cold, and James knew of her flaming rage better than anyone as he had been victim of her fiery temper many times. No, Lily Evans was full of passion, torn between her emotions and what was expected of her and for that she strove to be in control of her wild and passionate emotions. Underneath her smile she was fragile, behind the vicious battles he had had with her she was threatening to break.
Sirius snapped his fingers in front of James' face, bringing him back to earth, "Huh? Oh, yes, I suppose you could say that."
Sirius groaned and headed for his bed, "I'll let you be Prongs, you're obviously in no mood to confide in me, regardless of the fact that I've known you since you wiggled in your dads scrotums." with that Sirius threw himself on his bed and went out like a light.
James chuckled, his best friend, his brother, Sirius Black… what girls would go through to have him, what guys would do to be like him. James sighed as his thoughts wondered back to Lily. She was in some ways like Sirius, seemingly so carefree, so fearless, but deep down they were nothing more than a bundle of emotions, threatening to bring them down and tear them apart from within.
Lily was an idol, girls hated her for her beauty and at the same time loved her for her genuine ignorance of it. Guys stared at her in awe and desire though never ventured beyond flirting with her lightly. Lily simply could not be touched, not only was she on a sacred dais but her aura was foreboding, and not in a bad way, it was more of a pureness to her. James could only simplify it to the absurd innocence that radiated from Lily. Cold and distant she was, yet at the same time she was warm, loving and kind.
Another thing that shielded so many suitors of Lily was her two friends, Michelle Amoretti and Siobhan McPherson, Lily was never seen without one or the other and they themselves were like titanium wall defences, keeping all men at a certain distance, aye, but she was alone today, without the other two members of the trio, that had to count for something. In their previous younger years at Hogwarts everyone had looked down to Lily as a little sister who needed protecting and help, since their fifth year when she had been a prefect until now in their last year she was looked up to by the younger years as a big sister who gave them warmth, advice and confidence.
Lily Evans, like Sirius Black held a lot of pain within her and fought to be in control, not much different from James himself, coming to think of it, it was not much different from anyone who had suffered. Sirius numbed the pain by pursuing girls, searching for love to replace the denied love of his mother… another paradox as he did not allow himself to get attached for fear of being hurt again. This was the simple version of the psychology behind his friend's behaviour.
Lily on the other hand strove to be in control of her emotions by locking them away deep within herself. Pushing everything painful away to the back of her mind and focusing on her school work. James smiled at himself, she was so innocent, behind the mature stature she gave off she was a child, screaming to be noticed, praying to be loved. He did not know the cause of her suffering, it was perhaps her family… James couldn't know this, the only people Lily would speak to were either Siobhan or Michelle and James doubted that she let them in on much. Remus was probably another possible candidate but regarding the fact that Remus was a Marauder and therefore close to James, he also doubted that Lily would confide in Remus either.
Lily was strong, he had to give her that, she was a lot stronger than Sirius or any other person he knew, she hid it well… but he saw right through her. It maddened James to how ignorant Lily was, and she was extremely stubborn, for so long she had structured and composed herself into an environment she felt secure in. She lived in her own world and no one, absolutely no one could penetrate into it, she blocked it out, either genuinely not seeing things for what they were or otherwise it was the mind set she had built around herself that acknowledged everything but downright denied the truth, knowing that Lily would not be able to tolerate the it. This was perhaps the reason why she had never dated, it was common knowledge that Lily Evans was one of the most beautiful girls to attend Hogwarts. Boys flirted left right and centre with her and although they were cautious it was blatantly obvious. Lily simply took it as friendly gestures and innocently flirted back completely oblivious to what was being implied. This drove James completely and utterly nuts, he wanted to take out any guy that dared approach her, in his mind she was to remain on her sacred pedestal.
Then there was Remus… the mastermind, the intellect, the logical speaker, it was probably Remus more than anyone that kept James and Sirius at bay. At least, as much as at bay as they could be because both James and Sirius were known to go to extreme limits. Remus' motive was completely different, he strove to do well in school, to be the best at every subject just to prove himself to society. Of course, society didn't really know what was wrong with him that needed proving but it was a personal goal of Remus'. He shunned himself from his surroundings because he regarded himself as a lower being, but that's where society had put him anyway, and there again was the paradox Remus lived in.
James himself had problems… his memories were worst of all. The crux of his deeply buried depression… love. The green eyes, the red hair… it had haunted him for what seemed to be forever. Time and time again he had tried to push her out of his mind, taking other girls to banish her from his thoughts, continuously asking out the one girl who reminded him so much of his painful and forsaken love, over and over again he would ask her out knowing that she would outright deny him, wishing that her denial would put his guilt at ease, and rest his mind from the torment of having to relive his memories with each and every time he lay his eyes upon her… Lily Evans.
James sighed as he got out of his chair, heavy with slumber he headed towards his bed and lay down. Today had brought back many memories… it had been a year but the pain was so fresh as if it had happened yesterday. Gradually James fell into a deep dreamless sleep, though unknown to him his dreams were filled with white backgrounds full of throbbing pink hearts.
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