Looking Through Glass
Chapter 3: Silent Prayers part 2
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all associates belong solely to J.K Rowling and I will never own it, not even in my greatest dreams!!!
"All right, Lily - er - I mean, Evans. See you later at the prefects meeting and I'll be heading to the Great Hall…well…" James shrugged and walked away, leaving Lily to relax considerably.
A page from Lily Evan's magically altered diary (so that the words written in disappearing ink will sink between the pages and something insignificant and phony will replace the true diary entry)
September 4
Dear Diary,
It's been very hard, to say the least. I've been having nightmares when I thought I had shut them all out with the help of Vitersum, the potion that stops someone from dreaming. And with all my duty and responsibility as Head Girl this year - plus all that tension and annoyances that is James Potter - I am exhausted and weary.
Professor Slyvius has been giving me the eye for wasting so much of his precious ingredients just so I can stop my nightmares. But really, wasting a few drops of precious Merpeople blood are worth it to keep me sane, isn't it? But I am perplexed as why my nightmares have become more frequent and insisting. I cannot keep on thinking about that damn cliff and the deathly fall below where the waves would have surely licked me up into darkness and death…
No! I must not think of that particular moment. I have to be strong if I want to graduate valedictorian this year. This year is the most important year that I will have in Hogwarts and I cannot mess it up just because of a few nightmares keeping me awake at night.
Or a certain infuriating, four-eyed Potter fellow…
Ugh, here I go again. Why am I obsessing over that messy-haired prat? Why am I even thinking about James Potter?
Maybe…oh I don't know. I've always found something…sort of fascinating about James Potter. Not because he is good-looking but because there is something in him that is worth noticing. It may be his passion for Quidditch or his good humor or his natural kindness, despite his infamous reputation of being a prankster. Unlike the other guys here in Hogwarts, James Potter is half-decent to the plain-looking girls and average students around.
I must admit though, something in him has shifted. He doesn't wear that annoying, cocky grin on his face and he has hexed fewer students this year. Maybe because he is Head Boy. Or maybe because it is still the very start of a new school year. But something in James's walk clearly tells that he has changed somehow. I think James will not prank so many students this year, even if he is a prat. Why do I know that? I have no idea. It's been barely a week since the year started and he has pranked only the maximum of two people.
Fred Pudge, a Ravenclaw.
And of course, Severus Snape, a Slytherin.
As much as I try to act neutral about the Slytherin bunch, I can honestly say that Severus Snape is a slimy and gutless worm.
He is smart, I'm sure, but he is also evil and insulting. He calls me a mudblood and normally, I would just turn cool eyes on whoever calls me that but when Snape says it, I actually feel like a mudblood. Not something I want to experience.
But I really do have this weird sensation that James will decrease his meaningless pranks. He better. He is Head Boy after all.
But why am I wasting precious disappearing ink on someone like James Potter and Severus Snape? I should be writing about my schoolwork or my new duties as Head Girl. I have a busy day tomorrow and I pray that the Vitersum works completely tonight so I will have a good, dreamless sleep. Pray so silently that only someone who can carry out my wishes can hear them and possibly, quite hopefully, fulfill them.
Lily put down her flame-colored quill and watched passively as the ink slowly seeped into the paper as if the paper sucked it down. Then, with a slight shimmer, new paragraphs took the place of the original diary entry to dupe any anonymous reader who wasn't Lily Evans. She picked up the small, plain-looking diary and her quill and her special bottle of disappearing ink and walked over to her four-poster bed and quietly slipped between the silken sheets. Lily placed her quill and bottle of disappearing ink on the bedside table beside a worn out book Lily had borrowed from the library earlier.
Picking up her wand from the same little table, she tapped the tip against one of the intricately carved angels on the headboard. For a few moments, nothing happened. Then, slowly, softly, one of the tiny carved mouths opened wider and wider and wider until you could fit half of your body inside the magical cavern. Lily took her diary and placed it inside beside a medium-sized blue teddy bear.
Lily paused as she looked at the bear from the opening. The bear's mouth was titled into a smile of amusement and wryness. With a blink, she tapped the same angel whose lips were now forming a very large 'o' shape and then the mouth closed slowly until the whole disappeared and the engraved angel looked normal once more.
She had learned about the hiding place from the former Head Girl. It's been there since the first ever Head Girl and has been used by the succeeding line of Head Girl's as someplace where they could hide their prized treasures from prying eyes. Not even the Head Boy knew of it and certainly the professors had no idea of the hiding place. The Headmaster probably knows because Headmaster's just know everything. And the Head Girl's are forbidden to tell other people about the Angel Cave, as it is called.
Lily placed her wand back on the table and she lay on her great and soft bed, staring sleepily at nothing. Lily had already taken Vitersum and she was losing a sense of truthfulness and fantasy. True, Vitersum was very dangerous because wizards often found themselves permanently wondering what reality and fantasy is. But you only lose the sense of realism when you take Vitersum when you are awake. But to someone who drinks the potion when asleep, you will only have a dreamless slumber.
I'm going to sleep tonight, Lily thought with a small yawn as her eyes closed and her head lolled sideways, her cheek resting lightly on the feathery pillow. And forget about everything for a moment…
James took out his diary from its hideaway: underneath his mattress.
It wasn't exactly a distinctive place to hide something quite personal but James figures that his magically altered diary itself will prevent other persons from reading his journal.
The diary was something you didn't see everyday. There was a feral-looking jaw image on the front cover. James quickly touched the tip of the jaw and immediately, there was a dangerous growl emanating from the small book as the mouth pushed against the leather cover until it protruded and became a genuine mouth and the mouth opened its mouth wide, revealing very genuine and razor-sharp fangs.
James bravely placed his index finger on the quivering animal-lips and there was a slight sniffing sound as the enchanted diary distinguished James unique scent. Satisfied that it was its real owner, the jaws closed and retreated back to being just a plain picture against the leather cover. James grinned at his own ingenuity and opened his diary to the last journal entry he had written last night. The next page was clean and empty and James took out his wand.
"Accio quill," James said and pointed his wand to the general direction of his four-poster bed.
Something dark and pointy floated upwards and zoomed towards James. He agilely caught the soaring feathery quill without much effort and he leaned forward on his desk and began scribbling his most intimate and guarded thoughts onto the empty page of his enchanted diary.
September 4
Dear Diary,
Everyday, it is getting tougher to fight the desires within me. I am not used to getting denied what I want so badly but I guess I have to put up with it. My patience is wearing thin and one more great push, it will crumble like delicate glass. Lily is proving a much harder challenge than I thought. She has a big and very sturdy wall built around her so that no one will be able to hurt her. I suspect that she was badly hurt by someone very close to her. A family member, perhaps, since as I gather, Lily really has no friends. A real pity, because underneath all that ice and brood, is a cheerful and kind girl. I should get her to let her hair down - both literally and figuratively.
And everyday, Lily becomes even more beautiful.
Her hair shines an odd and fascinating red hue even when that tangled mass is restrained in a widow bun and I really long to wrap those locks around my fingers. Her green eyes are so brilliant and just green that I can drown in them for a long time but Lily would never allow that. Lily thinks she can hide that alluring figure of hers behind bulky and old school robes but even to the untrained eye, they can detect the slender curves of her petite body. Her skin is milky-white and is mostly unblemished, except for the wonderful sprinkle of freckles on the bridge of her small nose and cheeks.
But Lily only sees me as an arrogant prat who loves to pray silly pranks on other people. She can't see how much I have changed just because of her. No, but for her. Even my friends have noticed the not-so-subtle change in me. Padfoot even commented once that I didn't play the usual pranks that often anymore. He sort of liked and disliked the difference in my actions at the same time.
And sometimes, when Lily thinks that no one notices her, her eyes take on a glassy look in them and their emerald depths are filled with such utter terror, that by just looking - surreptitiously - at the horror in her eyes, the hairs on my arms and necks stand on an end. I promised myself that I will find out what haunts her eyes and dreams both day and night; despite how much she tries to repress it. I have discovered that she takes Vitersum every night ever since our fifth year. I had overheard Snape and Dumbledore talking about it in hushed voices about a week ago.
Now why would Lily take Vitersum?
While its cousin, Veritaserum, is the truth poison where you can tell no lie, Vitersum allows you to lie to yourself, convincing yourself whatever you want, even if it is a downright fib. Another work of Vitersum is that you have no dreams because one of the ingredients - the blood of the merpeople, I think - blocks your brain from showing subconscious images behind your closed eyelids when you sleep that we simply call dreams.
What could be so horrible that Lily wants to forget it at night? What are in her dreams that she wants so badly to disregard? Because the only reason I see for Lily to drink Vitersum as she falls asleep is to block her mind from dreaming. Lily is too smart not to know that when you take Vitersum whilst you are conscious, there is a ninety percent change of you losing your mind, confused at what is real and what is just imaginary. Yes, it must have been something so disturbing that Lily wants to forget about entirely but she can't. Obliviate-ing a particular memory in your brain is too complex and intricate for a witch-in-training to perform. Actually, most adult wizards find it very challenging as well.
Someday, I will find out what haunts Lily so much that she has to take Vitersum to forget it.
And someday…
I will not just complete that wish or I'll possibly jinx it. I'll just pray for it to happen secretly and maybe, just maybe, it'll come true.
Silently praying, of course. Can't have the bloody world know about my intentions!
I'm more afraid of Sirius finding out, actually.
Bloody freaky if he finds out, if you ask me.
A/N: So you know, this is my original plan for the part two. I didn't change anything. Well, I was supposed to add the other characters diary entries but since I haven't exactly introduced the other characters yet, why should I put their intimate thoughts already? Nah, better Lily and James only.
And personally, I think this part 2 of chapter 3 sucked. You've been anticipating for an update for so long and what do you get? This pathetic piece of writing. But hey, at least I got to elaborate on some of their feelings, right? Or did I? Whatever! Just review and I'll update really faster this time since exams are over. Yay! There is a god!
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reading the story leaving a review = makes me happy and update faster!